[Music] And then there were things like, we had
like um team building activities... but when you swim at a national centre,
when there's less than ten of you, um that's obviously quite difficult. If there's
one like - especially if there's people that you don't get on with - there's one athlete
that's been bullying me for quite a few years um... and just knows how to wind me up,
to the point where I can't cope anymore, and then obviously I ended up having to go at
this athlete and then it looks bad on me! And it's just - obviously it's frustrating,
so I'd rather avoid those situations um... [Caragh] Why are they doing that? [Tully]
I think, I think they want the team spirit, and I think they think that it's the way of
getting that... but obviously because they didn't know I was Autistic, they didn't realize how
detrimental to my mental health that's been - and it has - that was one of the biggest things for
years. I had so much anxiety... like sometimes um - there was this one occasion like that they
wanted us to go to one of the swimming flats, and I just wasn't comfortable, but they kept
pushing and pushing and pushing and saying "no you need to go", and I was like "well I don't feel
comfortable going", um and I ended up sitting - I got to outside the swimmers flats, um and the
athletes - um obviously I had to wait for them to get home - just walked past me and ignored
me... and I don't wanna be there anyway, so I literally was sat in a really bad like rainstorm
- typical Manchester, like chucking it down - like literally just really anxious and crying...
just sat in the street, like for hours. Um and I was just... that was kind of one of the turning
points- I was like "I can't be doing that again", um and I kind of became a bit more stern then -
that if someone's like "oh you need to go and do this forced social interaction", I was like "no".
But it's one of those which you're worried like... when it's, when you swim - especially when you
swim at a national centre - your coach is a GB coach, all the support staff are GB, so they
know what you're doing, and if you refuse to do something, it's always that worry - luckily
it doesn't happen now - but like previously, if you didn't want to do something they'd be like "oh
well you know we can take your funding off you"... um but because that's happened previously
- I know it wouldn't happen now - it's always in my head. [Caragh] Yeah absolutely.
[Tully] Unforgotten. So it's all - I always felt pressured like "oh well, um that'll mean
like I'm not adhere into the rules of ROAR, and I'm not doing this and I'm not doing
that..." and and it made me like super super anxious - to the point where that coupled
with other things, like my mental health was just really really bad, and I didn't
really know how to get through it um... [Music]