-Good evening. I'm Seth Meyers. This is "Late Night."
We hope you're doing well. And now, if you don't mind,
we're gonna get to the news. Vice President Kamala Harris and former President Trump
faced off tonight in their first and only
scheduled presidential debate. And if it went anything
like the last one, that's probably
why you're still awake. [ Laughter ] That's right. Vice President Kamala Harris
faced off tonight with former President Trump in
her first presidential debate, while Trump was still hoping Biden would show up. [ Laughter ] Ahead of tonight's debate, Vice President Kamala Harris
reportedly prepared by debating an adviser
playing former President Trump wearing a boxy suit. So, thanks to David Byrne
for his service to our country. [ Laughter ] [As Trump]
You may find yourself... [ Laughter ] ...living in a shotgun shack,
it's true. Where's my beautiful car? [ Laughter ] [Normal voice]
According to ABC News, candidates were not allowed
to interact with their staff during commercial breaks in
tonight's presidential debate. Said Trump, "Oh, it's like
4 a.m. there anyway." [ Laughter ] In a new interview, former Republican presidential
candidate Nikki Haley defended her support
of former President Trump and said, "We can either vote
based on style or we can vote on substance." Alright, no one's voting for him
on style. He looks like he's wearing two
sky dancers from a used-car lot. [ Laughter ] Former first lady Melania
Trump announced last week that she will release
her first memoir. And there's something
familiar about it. [ Laughter ] It'll come to me. The Taliban recently released a new 114-page
manifesto of laws, including a ban
on women's voices in public. "But there's some bad stuff
in there, too," said JD Vance. [ Laughter ] In a new interview,
film director Ron Howard, who directed
the movie adaptation of Ohio Senator JD Vance's
memoir "Hillbilly Elegy," said he does not support former
President Trump, adding, "Also, could you describe me as 'Apollo 13' director
instead?" [ Laughter ] Done, like, a lot of movies. Residents of several
New Jersey towns have reportedly complained
that they can smell a foul odor that is reminiscent
of cat urine, as opposed to what it
usually smells like -- human urine. [ Laughter ] What's that? The audience is asking for one
more joke on this news story? [ Cheers and applause ]
I'm done. I'm done. Okay. -That's right. New Jersey residents
are complaining that they can smell a foul odor that is reminiscent
of cat urine, which sanitation officials
assured them was just Staten Island
marking its territory. [ Laughter ] And that was a monologue. We're off and running,
everybody.