and no it's not in a bad way it's like it's just a reality you know if I have to say no or yes on all those things maybe because I started so late in my life to want it to be in this career it was more like a lucky thing let's see if I can fool everyone you know I feel like the worst that could happen if I say no or yes to something is that you know it's going to be bad and whatever we're not doing a a brain surgery to anyone we're not ruining their lives so I take it as a gift the opportunity or I or I invent the opportunity thinking what is the worst of it could happen if they don't like me they don't like me if they like me they like me