Break the Silence (Hawaii) [1984]

this program was produced through facilities provided by Oceanic Cable Community programming [Music] Honolulu [Music] I feel good because he's laughing and smiling again I want him to grow up healthy I want him to have a normal life he'll have to go to a new school and he's going to have to make new friends but at least he's safe now and I don't have to worry [Music] mom try get out of fish food so let come well not now okay boy come on Mom no I am busy you go come on you go okay go how are you feeling now well I really do feel a lot better uh I feel much more relaxed I plan to do new things in life you know do things I wasn't allowed to do you know things he didn't allowed me to anyway I I'm still [Music] young Auntie what you doing wait I help you well the thing is it's not over you know I I still got to file for divorce and you know that's going to be hard and I can't get any okay you know I can't get any Financial financial assistance cuz I'm still married to him someone you make sure you drink all then huh how about you you want some okay and um you know I got to find a new place to live and find a new job and you know that's going to be hard cuz well I know he's still looking for me so um I'm getting one of those what do you call them restraining orders protective orders that means um you know the police can arrest him if he tries to make contact with me and make trouble so you know I still got these things to think about but I can't tell you how much better it makes me feel when did you know that he was going to become violent whenever he was drunk I mean he didn't hit me every time he was drunk but you know when he would start to pick on me for little things you know when I couldn't do anything right I knew it was coming when he yelled at me and every time he yelled at me I I couldn't answer you know I I was so afraid that I just couldn't answer him and and then there was always that silence then he would hit me when I wanted to scream and yell sometimes I couldn't you know the neighbors would hear us my whole life was surrounded by that silence you know hiding my shame and K from others I had to tell someone now that you out of there what do you think his problem is I don't know what his problem was I think it has to do with his attitude you know he has that kind of bossy attitude you know it wasn't like I was his wife anymore it was more like I was his personal property you know sex was my duty and he'd expect it every time whenever he felt like it and that was usually every night and I think it has to do with his friends you know every time after work you know they go out drinking come home late and you know they were beating their wives too you know he'd even tell me those kind of stories him and his friends they're all locked up into that Macho trip you know the I'm the king kind of attitude when my daddy came home from work he was really Dr he was really drk and and he started arguing and fighting with my mother and I was afraid that I just wanted to call the police so financially were you guys okay I mean was money part of the problem um no um money was not the problem you know we weren't poor or anything like that you know he had a steady job with the state and so we were okay financially in fact he was very proud of himself you know that he could provide us with things and take care of us but I think the problem was he just expected too much in [Music] return I never thought this would happen I never thought he'd be the type to hit me whenever he did he cry and say he was sorry promised to change and I always believed him I wanted our marriage to really work but I stopped loving this guy Al long time ago the last time he knocked me out [Music] unconscious I never was hit so hard that I was knocked unconscious I can't remember what happened at first but when I opened my eyes I felt dizzy and my stomach felt kind of sick then I saw my boy face know I saw the fear in his eyes too many times before I thought for the sake of my son I really needed [Music] help [Music] she had bruises on her eyes and she had a black eye and she had bruises on her legs too and what else and to and Shad a big bump on her back why uh why didn't you call your family why don't you get help from them my family didn't know anything I hid it from them because you know I didn't want anything to happen know my husband has a gun somewhere in the house and you know it would have just meant more violence you know something could have happened besides my brothers have guns too I was confused I was ashamed but you know you know because I stayed home all the time I watched TV a lot you know like Donnie Hugh and stuff and I saw these programs about spouse abuse in children so I knew there was help and that there were others like me but I I couldn't bring myself to call for help you know I was ashamed of myself and I couldn't admit to anyone that I had these problems well I started noticing how it was affecting him um he couldn't smile and you know every time I held him he just seemed to be at a distance you know he was afraid of everything then I started getting calls from his teacher and she said that he would start crying in class for no reason and and that she'd like to help if she could and I told her I lied I I told her that he was probably ill that day that God you know I felt so selfish I I felt like a lousy mother a sick person I mean how could I help my son when I couldn't even help myself you know there was just so much violence in his life I called my girlfriend we were friends since high school I don't want to say who she is but she's the one that helped me through and the thing is she didn't have to get involved she was really desperate I mean she really needed help what am I going to do say no I guess a lot of people feel that way though and I can understand why people don't want to get involved but I would have felt horrible if something awful had happened to her and I had made no attempt to help her you know I mostly listened um she really need need somebody to talk to and I just tried to comfort her and just tried to be a good friend she needed to open up and share her problem with somebody that really cared what what did you do for her did you uh I just made some phone calls for her and got her from some information from certain agencies and because she was too embarrassed to to call them for herself but I didn't mind calling I mean I felt someone had to do it and but the main thing that I told her was that if she needed help at any time or she needed somebody to take her to someplace safe or something that she should call me right away when she was ready and I would be there I felt so much better you know just talking to her she gave me confidence courage she was the one that made me realize that if I were to get away from my husband you know I'd have to find a place that he didn't know about at first I couldn't think of any place it seemed like after I got married I just lost track of my friends you know either they went to the mainland or joined the service and then I remembered my auntie you know she's not really my auntie but uh she and my mom were good friends they used to work at the Academy together a long time ago so I called her Okay g you mind talking to us no no I not talk no no I shame thank you oh yeah she used to babysit me a long time ago when I was small and um I hadn't seen her like in 15 years yeah Auntie uh yeah 15 years about that yeah so I knew he never met her and um I knew that this place would be safe because I couldn't even find this place so I knew he didn't either I knew it was coming I was afraid I knew if I didn't leave I wouldn't be able to survive the weekend so that FR Friday I got up and thought to myself this is it I'm getting out of here I made breakfast for him and we didn't talk at all and there was that silence again I thought he was going to hit me he didn't though he just finished his breakfast and had another beer and went to work that was the last time I saw him and that was about 3 weeks ago my child is safe and that's all I care about right now you know when you're in a situation like that you try to solve your problems in that state of mind and you can't you know it's it's impossible because like when the situation really gets dangerous you just don't have the time to you know sort things out you got to get out and get [Music] help I really don't know he probably went insane or something you know scream his head off throw things around the house punch the walls I don't know how he felt and you know I don't really care I mean he's out of my life and I just don't care [Music] anymore what do you think he's going going to say about all this about you uh talking about this well he'll probably get really angry when he finds out that I'm talking about him um he'll go and tell all his friends that I was good for nothing and that I deserved it you know nobody deserves what he did to me how do you feel about your husband now and about him sometimes I feel for him but I think it's more pity you know not love I'm afraid of being alone but I want the kind of love without the fear and violence you know for me and my child it's definitely affected my attitude towards men I mean I won't be able to relax around men for for a while no I'm I'm I don't love him I'm afraid of him I don't like him before I used to put my son in the car and just drive and I used to think a lot about leaving my husband and it seemed like my son could sense this because he'd start crying for his dad and and I always felt so selfish you know how could I just break away take my son and just leave now he just doesn't want another father Mommy we can eat like starving from [Music] Pig I don't mind helping her because I know God will bless me and will give me many more years unlucky because when I finally decided to get help I found friends you know I found people who cared I really do feel a lot better in fact I can't even believe I'm talking about it you know I finally broke the silence and God help my child is [Music] safe [Music] la [Music] this program is a dramatic presentation based on actual case histories of Family Violence in Hawaii thousands of people in Hawaii are assaulted by their own family members or loved ones the exact number is unknown many are unaccounted for by police [Music] [Music] [Music] Call 567 6420 on Hawaii call 959 [Music] 5825 [Music] la [Music] [Music] [Music] o [Music] n