I just watched the new Crow movie the Remake wasn't a remake they just kept the two main characters names and that was it nothing else is the same I hated it I hated everything about it I think it's worse than the Borderlands movie not technically technically it's better than the Borderlands movie but this one hurts more because the crow was my childhood I used to dress up as the crow every Halloween and this was a slap in the face so this is a spoiler warning cuz I'm I'm going to dive somewhat deep into it so let's just get started with Eric's backstory takes 35 minutes and the whole backstory between Eric and Shelly I don't even like calling them Eric and shell feels like blasphemy there's no Sarah in this at all they kind of try to replace her with a different character but it's an adult so it didn't make sense and it was n her at all they just had another character in and she dies almost immediately not supposed to be Sarah I'm just saying the the the character where Sarah was supposed to be they put in a different character and of course it shows skarsgard's ass Eric's ass because every movie with a fit male has to show the male's ass is the only bare thing you see that is the only nude scene in this movie is skarsgard's ass and it feels like Master cheeks all over again where I really checked out of this movie was when the villain I wasn't even sure was the villain until he said centuries I've been here what I mean okay I guess he's got powers but I boring villain boring villain the tone and acting is all wrong interactions are bad the action is bad the Gunplay is bad CGI is really bad like I'd rather be watching spawn it was a better movie and I think the CGI was more Charming at least cuz the the brutal scenes like there's a part where he shoves a sword into a guy's face like like that and it looks awful it looks awful I mean it's fun I guess it was a fun fun little thing to do but it kind of was just didn't belong in the movie it feels like they were trying to go for a John Wick Punisher type movie instead of what the crow was supposed to be and Eric barely speaks but when he does Shell Shell Shell Shell oh God speaking of Shelly Shell's mouth and voice bother the hell out of me she doesn't ever close her lips and this isn't being racist she just like is doing the duck face like thinking it's cute the whole time and she's Whispering seductively the entire time and it's it got it got old immediately I don't remember which character said it I think it was Eric he says anywhere is better than this [ __ ] place I agree I felt that so hard I did not want to be watching this movie and what really showed me what this movie was who this movie was made for it was made for the people who made the movie as the only people it was made for they they made fun of angsty teens and the fact that angsty teens like movies like The Crow so it is definitely self-aware and that makes me think that that that it was bad on purpose that they didn't try on purpose this movie feels like it was filmed in a public bathroom and the tattoos on Eric are the scribbles on the wall and just when it seems like it's turning around it stops whenever Eric becomes the crow the first time it happens twice whenever he be becomes the Pro by the way that scene sucks uh except for the part where he gets his makeup he gets the makeup and it looks cool until he wakes up in the bath where he died and it's not there anymore why instead he uses tattoo ink which is perfectly fitting because it's trashy and his tattoos were trashy this movie is trashy the crossroads is boring and the guy talks with his teeth he he like he talks like this like he's trying to be a death he's trying to I think it it feels like he's trying to portray that he is actually a skeleton I don't know that that's the only thing that I could think of that why he would talk like that like a skull would be talking and it's dumb really dumb and he cries throughout the whole movie until the final fight scene which lasts for like five minutes and it was awful and open and it was bright the lighting was really bright and it was just the it was the end of Kill Bill they tried to make the end of Kill Bill and it was just not as good as the end of Kill Bill you know the scene where she just is one lady fighting everybody with a sword that that's what that's what they tried to do and it was just not very it was not very good there was an opera happening it was cutting in and out of the Opera in the fight scene and it just was lame I didn't like it I didn't like this movie I actually hated it I'm going to give it a one I'm giving it a one out of 10 no I'm going to give it a 0. five out of 10 because the fight scenes were cool but the CGI takes you out of it and the lighting takes you out of it and this hurt this hurt me to watch three out of 10 don't go watch this movie don't pay for this movie don't even watch it for free on streaming because you're going to give them ad Revenue oh and the ending was just trash it was just trash cuz there was no fight a dude apparently wanted Eric to show up there so he can steal his secret death power which by the way he got again because he realized that Shelly was possessed by the devil at one point which was the guy that he's trying to go kill so they were like oh you're love is not pure you don't get to be the crow anymore and then he makes a really stupid deal out of nowhere where he's like my soul for hers which cool but like why would why would you go there immediately why not negotiate a little bit anyway the end well he try dude tries to steal the crow powers and uh the the love and the memories that Eric have basically make him win win against this villain and he saves the day and he leaves the the villain guy I don't even know his name I don't even know name I did I had to think about what Eric's name was because I forgot that it was Eric from the original the crow I didn't know his name for the first half of the movie then I realized oh yeah this is a remake it's it's going to be Eric they get to this Crossroads leaves dude there he gets sucked into the pool by some tentacles or whatever and then Shelly comes up out of the water and Shelly is revived at the point where they were killed But Eric is not so that really doesn't make make any sense so we went back in time now does is that guy stopped now is he dead I don't understand the way time works apparently in this movie and Eric's just dead he's just dead I I guess he's going to hell but it doesn't really ever say it he just kind of walks off into the distance at The Crossroads Place bad movie Bad movie I don't I just I don't want to think about it anymore no more bad movies I'll probably watch every bad movie