-Guys, we are moving on.
Here at "Late Night," every night I deliver
a monologue made up of jokes written
by a diverse team of writers. As a result, a lot of jokes
come across my desk that due to my being
a straight white male would be difficult
for me to deliver, but we don't think that should
stop you from enjoying them, so we'd like to share them
with you now in a segment called
"Jokes Seth Can't Tell." These are two of my writers,
Amber and Jenny. -I'm Black.
-And I'm gay. -And we're both women.
-And I'm not. So here's how this works. I'll read the setups
to these jokes, and Amber and Jenny
will read the punchlines. So here we go. According to a recent census, gay men tend to gravitate
to big cities. -While lesbians tend
to gravitate to the sale rack at L.L.Bean. -A Black Trump supporter
is suing a Republican group after claiming
they called him a slave. -Buddy, I got news. That's the nicest thing
they called you. -What's the worst thing
they called him? -The other Black guy's name. -During a recent game, Boston Red Sox player
Jarren Duran called a fan a gay slur. -Who does he think he is?
The Pope? -Jenny, do you think that
happens a lot at Fenway Park? -Uh, is the Pope Catholic? And also homophobic? -According to
the Department of Agriculture, there's been a surge
in the country's number of Black farmers. -And this time, it's by choice. -Amber!
-Hey. You think there's
a lot of Black farmers now? You should have seen the 1700s.
-Amber! -But the songs were fun. -A dog shelter in Las Vegas
is overcrowded with 465 dogs. -I'm sorry. I'm hearing that's
just some lesbian's house. -Okay, now -- Now, Jenny,
do you have a pet? -No.
I'm allergic to dogs and cats, so I can't date a woman
who has either. And that's why
I shall remain single forever. [ Laughter ] Sad because it's real. -[ Laughing ] -The Virginia African-American
Cultural Center is launching the second season
of their podcast about Black neighborhoods. -"That's my favorite podcast,"
said gentrifiers. -A new documentary
explores the rumor that Abraham Lincoln was gay. -It's called
"Gay-braham Lincoln." -Now, Jenny, do you really
think Abraham Lincoln was gay? -I will say this.
He definitely had a beard. -Ah. According to a new poll, 83% of Democrats have a
favorable view of Kamala Harris. -And I bet Joe Biden
must be rolling over in his -- What's that? He's fine?
Oh, good for him. -According to a recent study, lesbians live shorter lives
than straight women. -Because unlike straight women, at some point we all have
an orgasm so good we just die. -Now, do straight women
really live longer? -I mean, if you can call
being straight living. -A new museum in Charleston
specializes in Black genealogy. -It's called
the Thomas Jefferson Museum. -Amber!
-Thomas Jefferson is Black people's
"Where's Waldo?" If you look at your family tree
close enough, he's in there. -Hey, Seth, I have an idea. -I really don't think I should.
-Come on, just one. -I feel like they
already are really on edge and I don't want to do one.
-You should do it. -I don't --
They're very on edge. -I think they're gonna like it. -If you guys promise
I'll be okay. -They will love it.
-It's gonna go great. -Okay, great.
Thank you, guys. I trust you very much.
-Yeah. -This year, the US men's
Olympic swim team had its first Black coach. There were no survivors. -How dare you? -You told me it would be okay! -You should be ashamed
of yourself. -You wrote it
and you e-mailed it to me and you told me to say it! -I don't know what
you're talking about. -Black women and lesbians
are liars. ♪♪ We'll be right back
with Demi Moore.