I was thinking I might do a course or something you know like open University of course what in um history politics sociology psychology I I don't know I just thought why not learn something you know keep learning why do people stop at this age is it is it because they think they know everything I sometimes think I barely know anything oh you know stuff jul I've always you know of you yeah I mean I know I know I know things but and when when something like what happened to me happens and everything in front of you just gets erased you know it it sort of it forces you to imagine you know a different yeah sort of well I know I mean it's strange you know in the police you know you're encouraged to S take retirement in your 50s and you know you're supposed to be winding down when actually you're still sort of why can't we be winding up true so um you say you're at the prison today you said where he is yeah I thought um well it was put to me today I might go and see him go and see him well I'm not saying I will it's just you know my new job now it's about trying to imagine you know a different um well it's about it's about prevention Rehabilitation that's Rehabilitation him well no not necessarily him just well technically yeah you know I mean God what's prison for if it's not for rehabilitation it's to punish people is it it's to stop dangerous people from be being of course it is it's just I mean it's like what you were saying you know it's about knowing what you don't know and you know my no job it's about trying to understand why it's about you know the the cracks that people like that fall through and then trying to to understand I mean he's a psychopath who killed my husband in do you not remember how yes I How Gary was taken from us and what you're you're thinking to go in and pting him on the arms and there there like he like he's the victim no that's not what I'm look I wish I hadn't said anything I'm sorry that's not what I'm doing I'm sorry I think I'm going to I'm going to have to go oh Julie no come on no I'm sorry it's not it's not you it's just I've got a lot of stuff rattling around in me Ed and I just don't think I can do well come on at Le let me take you no no no please don't don't feel bad and I I know that I'm overreacting and I know I'm going to be embarrassed in the morning but thank you Ian I'm sorry thank you oh