John what what is it like being so cute that um you should be eaten is it hard knowing that you should be eating that because you're so cute you were looking fantastic my love thank you so much as a celebrity would you like [ __ ] with a regular person just walking [ __ ] with anyone who seems like a nice uh genuine person uh yeah [Music] that's an interesting question there is no backstory I just like to salute um and I guess it became a thing hey hey hey Kate McKinnon yeah bubbly.com mine has infiltrated either the government of North Korea or an alien invasion and their government she's worn their outfits and she's worked herself like a Manchurian Candidate into the highest levels of leadership and taken them down from the inside can I see the furniture oh [ __ ] okay she is missing one shoe because they took it from her okay it wasn't without struggle Margo oh okay geez Louise this was months and she lost the back of her pants in a fire okay so but she went straight from that to the time cover shoot I've been called a prophet I've been called a wizard I've been called a guru I've been called um I have never used an emoji I do not know how to use an emoji nor do I know what emojis I would use I do sometimes make a smiley face out of a colon and a parenthesis I guess I'm behind the times my fondest wish is to live as Nick Offerman oh okay so you want to be a woodworker I am a cool dude my name is Rachel I'm looking like a cool dude that I am I wouldn't be caught dead in a ferris wheel I said no to them for reasons that I won't get into now I'm kayak Barbie where does all the money go only two percent two percent for snacks can we maximize that no it would be the apocalypse there's so many filmmakers especially writer directors fall down is because they so loved their scripts and their words and Temple Allison Allison Allison the dog catcher what which one [Music] damn Karina the gymnast which one okay what was Bonnie's Ark did you scream I was driving all right I've got a question for Bette Midler I saw Hello Dolly last night how the heck does she do it enough already we loved you bet you were great but my goodness you should be relaxing put your feet up he misunderstood the assignment I actually spoke with bent um two days ago and she was saying the same thing to me you could have stopped at Hocus Pocus and we would have all been so stated so you can bring it on because I've memorized the film and I like to quote the dialogue along with the movie I'm also I can't believe we haven't done this before oh no oh no no no no no no no [Music] stop it no no no no no no no no no no no no I'm gonna scar your back again you saw my glitter hair Barbie you [ __ ] I'd use my invisibility to audit a bunch of adult education courses to learn new skills yeah yeah the point is it's time for a paradigm shift ah I'm sorry it's just um it's important to remember that at the end of the day we're all going to die I have a store I have a story that I thought was spooky but my colleagues um when I told it to them were very non-plussed and so I don't think it counts so no but it's still one of my favorite stories I think will you please tell us please tell it Kate both parts you didn't think it was worth anything so no I was riveted well it's not that no do you want to tell yours [Laughter] free but not creepy [Applause] do not let this man into the office going with Dr Barbie because I need some stuff checked out when I was a get this me and this uh this other guy in my class formed a duo called The Ghost Hunters Club okay and um he ate markers and I was me we were a couple of prizes and there was this pipe sticking out of the wall of my Elementary School an empty pipe and we wondered what would happen if we put a stick inside of it okay nothing happened but then then I [ __ ] you not this can I say that the stick began to vibrate and it pulled inside of the pipe and disappeared I swear I couldn't make this up because it's too dumb to make up stick disappeared was it a rat that pulled it inside why would a rat pull on a stick I think it was some sort of gnome character and so I still don't believe in ghosts but gnomes jury's out to me this is this is the hardest evidence of the three of us that I have of the Paranormal so so tell tell them what happened to that club anyway we disbanded after that because we got spooked and we thought yeah we went on to form the honeysuckle eaters Club um and that later disbanded because there were pesticides on the honey I once Zoo after hours I wanted to restore frescoes ships sailed on that boys you know the Sistine Chapel ceiling yeah you too we're going to own all the world's water 100 percent of all water sources that's the only way this company is going to survive excuse me can we have lunch please can we stop and eat we never eat have you noticed that I bought two orbital sanders all these um two orbital sanders well you need one a flat and and a detailer okay this guy obviously never touched a piece of wood in his line [Applause] so Allen yes that tracks why am I Ken laughs [Laughter] I'm sorry um and do you have any New Year's resolutions you can share with us um um gosh I mean other than taking my multivitamin there's not much I can think of just work harder work smarter and um that's it I won't even say go to the gym more because I know I won't do it so I'm not going to hold myself to that on camera it will be I will never do that so you have gotten reviews that Dane you've obviously seen homeless people on the street that I have and have you ever talked to almost yes all kinds of things [Music] my buddy cross hangs out in front of the Morton Williams sometimes I buy him fruit um and he asks me about college and I tell them about college sometimes he carries my groceries for me oh my God keep playing man sending us really positive messages and it started to really fuel us okay so your character is all into Science and Technology how cool was it to work um with all the new gadgets it was the best here's why when I was your age I used to take apart VCRs and radios and stuff and I loved seeing the circuit boards and so we got on the set and it was just covered in all these circuit boards and it was so cool to be around all that stuff that I used to love when I was a kid it's happening to me I think this is how you win this game look I've learned to embrace the fact that I'm actually Hufflepuff but I didn't think I would be Hufflepuff I'm proud of it now but at least do not sleep I can sum up my life with this bumper sticker happens gone fishing [Laughter] wow this is some sandwich girl okay so her superpower she always has a sandwich in her bag to give to someone who needs food but the problem is she also looks like a flasher so she goes up to someone and she's like hey you want something I got something for you and they're like they run away and she's like no it's a sandwich and they're like we don't believe you and she's like wow so they just stay full of sandwiches and they rot and then she smells bad which compounds the problem [Music] what do you mean one can track one Spike roots on one's phone how would one do that how would I find the last thing that I Googled I know [Music] you can favorite a photo on your phone huh I don't have stuff oh did I mention that I am actually from the past I traveled here from 1845 this morning so that's why I'm so behind on all this stuff it was a busy morning I know we're not your typical award show host you you look at your typical award show host and you go I know who that is instead you have ended up with us a gay woman and a Pakistani man or as Hollywood thinks of us a straight woman and her I.T guy I do remember when I texted you about it and I was like are you around to talk and you sent me a picture of your cat in the bathtub and you said I'm very busy and you're like just kidding I have nothing but time it seems like we're really overdoing it on the child abuse material I thought of doing that but how would they would they bring their tools to my house thank you so much my goodness and that's the presentation no it's not no it's not thought you had me beat there I became a regular at my local hardware store I was getting tarps and I was getting polyurethane and all the rollers she's a secret she bought us in she bought a soldering kit she bought a soldering kit and she made an alarm system shooting yes well I well I didn't do that I used I soldered when I was a kid and I wanted a refresher you got back in touch with your sensitive soldering side and it's exciting for our sons too I have a seven-year-old son he's also a cat to think of him playing with with women action figures and just growing up not not thinking of that difference is it means so much to me [Music] I'll play with them he goes to the box he uh somehow fits his very large body inside of it and he sits there okay and he loves it mm-hmm 17 pound cat I know I need to put him on a diet don't get on my back about this too hi cooking his strips from the faucet I have to facilitate his drips or else he doesn't drink enough anyway he will only drink from the faucet if I turn it on for him in the middle of the night his usual sounds are like um and then when I put him in the bath it was like laughs I would I would I would take the form of some kind of tabby cat and I would go uh live with Kate and I would know a kind of pampering that I have never experienced you should see the inappropriate pictures she sends me with her cat what's the new dining room table and I decided he's not going on the dining room table and one time I said get off and then I started crying so now he goes on the dining room table because I can't say no explain what's he's doing here oh he he made himself a home what is what does that did he if he made that his woodworking is far superior to yours shut up I will I bought that on Etsy I'll have you know oh did you buy it for him no I bought it as a as a delicate serving tray and he just co-opted it he said I'm gonna that's my bed