*Party sounds of captions coming back for 2024* I know! It's so cool they decided to throw us a pizza party for our Week 1 thrashings. Yeah and if we hadn't missed out on a quarter and a half, Bush ball would have had us pushing triple digiits! And Brady Cook only threw for one touchdown. Nothing crazy. Very demure. Very mindful. Attention everyone! I think I got my swagger back! *group cheer sounds that the motorcycle parking is finally being used again* So then our quarterback would throw the ball to the wide receiver who would..get this...catch the ball. Continue running, and sometimes, end up in the end zone for a touchdown! Is that what y'all have been doing this whole time and nobody told me!? It was a nice little tune game. Even Arch got in on the action. Hey, Alabama! Thanks for sending ole Issaiah Bond over. We're gonna take real good care of him. Issaiah who? Doesn't ring a bell. We're a Ryan Williams team now. 4 plus 2 equals 6, baby! *laughter of their leading receiver not even being old enough to vote* Well it's a good thing Quinn Ewers looks like Joe Montana on the field Because he is no Daniel Day Lewis in that Fansville Commercial I will tell you that. Nico Iamaleva. *not even close pronunciation that is still closer than every SEC Network studio analyst attempts at it* EEE-Uh-maw-lay-ah-va Huh. It's ok. You used to not being able to pronounce Tua's name either but y'all got real good at that. Ok! He’s a 99 speed wide receiver in College Football 25. He's like the fastest guy in the game. So he must have balled out against Old Dominion Well, Old Dominion has like 4 lock down NFL cornerbacks. Like 4 or 5. 6. ...five..or six.. But yeah when we start those SEC games it will get way easier. Third down conversion. Terrible. Offensive line. Terrible. Second and Third string receivers. Terrible. So you beat an opponent by 48 points and all you can focus on is the negative? Yeah? You've got SEC in ya, buddy. Y'all! An amazing job on Week 1! I know we were playing some lower caliber teams but the offensive output shown by each one of you was amazing! Yeah! Crushed em! Like totally. Crushed em. Like so hard. We got some prize money to give out! In a week of high flying offenses, there was one offense who flew the highest. Scoring 76 points. Get on up here, Ole Miss! And that was with Juice Kiffin still on injured reserve! Once we get him back..whew! Next. Anybody who got the shutout, gets a t-shirt! *T-shirt cannon sounds of complete and total over reactions to non-power 4 meaningless blow outs* Awe. Extra large. *more t-shirt cannon sounds of Hope about to make some house calls for these fans* You didn't shut em out? Plus they had to get to that ACC lawsuit deposition so I tried to end it quick. Finally, we have an award for beating a team so bad their opponent agreed to ten minute quarters in the second half. Auburn! I didn't even know you could do that. Neither did I! I offered 8 minute quarters but they were like...naw. Next up, we have a... *Elevator ding sounds of Auburn fans remembering who that new Vandy qb is from last year* *Funk song that encourages a cane walk slower than Vandy's two year stadium construction that ALDOT could have finished faster* It's not possible...and yet.. *funk song continues and raises questions of is Vandy actually good or is SMU going to win the ACC by default* He did it! *cheers of SEC teams that are actually happy for the little guy because you can't hate a team who plays away games at home* The gang's all here! I think we might be missing a few. Huh? Who? I'm not following. Oh. That's the guy you use on fourth and short with the game on the line! No! Absolutely not! And all this "Throwing the ball" talk you've been around Texas and Oklahoma too much. All this hamby pamby Big 12 offense isn't going to work in the SEC. Oh just SHUT UP ALREADY! Oh. And who is that!? Oh. Him? I dunno. He's just sorta been following me around. What are you doing? Huh? What are you doing? Nothing. Me? Just hanging around. *late night vacuum sounds of LSU being glad we finished shooting this at 8pm and only having this non-game specific part for their team because yikes on that final USC drive. Who saved me a piece of pizza? I hate Sunday night games.