BEST OF KELLY: Unfiltered Moments with the Queen of Osbourne Sass Kelly Osbourne

I watched this documentary on Max which is like HBO Max yeah and uh oh are we filming yeah oh I'm so to tell us they've got no life experience they're at a top rate University and they think their [ __ ] don't stink and they think that they're totally entitled to give their opinion my God what what he just totally farted no how could you play the tape back run it [Music] back crazy hey but that's how it goes I need to go to a happier place I feel romantic don't half py just go to bed darling all right change the subject the best of Kelly Hold on here let's talk about Dad's Halloween costume do you remember your birthday party that was not a cost I don't think we can bring that up Mom why what go because of what no you opened the door and you had underpants on shoes socks and you were singing The Back Street Boys everybody and doing this yeah the dance yeah yeah loaded oh my God and that was the night the nanny crawled her hands and knees towards Dad saying I know you've always wanted me and I ripped the back of her head back and then we was that where she straddled him in bed yes and then we blocked her toilet up no we bled toilet remember and we we poured beans on her was the pedigree CH oh my God you were out for the she wasling you in bed let's contextualize was this oh please this was our last big party before we moved to America it was Kelly and I's joint birthday because Kelly's birthday is October 27th mine's November 8th and we often would do a joint Halloween themed birthday party we had a huge Marquee in the garden yeah we had fireworks we had sexy dances the mothers didn't like the danc all this no you were there there in body you were there in body in mind you were somewhere bouncing off the rings of Saturn um so you you were very good with the parents when they were coming to collect the children you were so nice being fa I'm being fous you would open the door in your underpants anded wasted singing Back Street boy songs and bringing in the parents to collect their kids it was fabulous and I can remember I know I am and I can remember the kids coming in the kitchen going mom he's singing B Street Boys please tell him to stop so then I was in charge of putting dad to bed I put dad to bed and then the nanny who will remain nameless oh for legal reasons who will remain nameless thanks Mom we're not going to and she crawled on her hands and knees towards dad and then got up sh loaded everyone gotted everybody was drunk I think the [ __ ] dogs got drunk at this party I wasn't no you weren't because you were trying to hold it all together and then she got on top of you and straddled you and said something along the lines of I know that you've always found me sexy and I grabbed her by the back of the head and pulled her back and I remember I was I had a red wig on I remember and I pulled her off and then she was so drunk she blacked out Dr blacked out then and then so we were like [ __ ] you you're you're dead to us so Jack and I got like the cling film put it over the toilet cuz we knew she was going to throw up so if she threw up it would come back on her and then that's not very nice then we got coffee grounds and poured it all over her opened dog food and poured it all over her like wet 1980s pedigree charm like disgusting disgusting stinky oh you wouldn't give it to your dog now B beans we did baked beans beans salt and pepper that we like crushed all through you so listen no hold on listen listen listen so he was out I mean justed out the next morning mom's like okay kids let's get ready and we all went to didn't there have we have have none of us been in that ever ever been in oh absolutely I've been worse but we're not talking about us right now we're telling a story can't talk about us we're telling a story but anyways we all went out for breakfast the next day thinking she'll be so embarrassed she won't be here when she get we when we get back we won't have to see her and we'll clean up the mess whatever and go she's gone we come back and she's only [ __ ] sat in the kitchen no I she left I thought she cleaned up and left she did she cleaned up and did a runner I promise you she was back no and then that was the last time and then said no I'll tell you when when we did ozfest at Milton King she turned up backstage yes she did she turned up backstage said [ __ ] off she came the security came for me and said one of your old nannies is here and she's brought her friends with her can she come back and see you and I'm like who the hell would that be so I went to the gate and it was her and she said oh I'm here with all my friends she said I won't I'll I'll be good yeah she said I promise I'll be good can I come in and I went to security out I turned my ass and left Blood In Blood Out that's it my favorite thing is going trickle treating with the kids yeah that just seeing them get so excited over their costumes and having them like the year that um Pearl was was was a gum ball machine and ended up looking like tekashi 69 and we're like what the hell have you come as a gumball machine yeah but she this wig on that you got her and she literally looked ex like she was like people were like oh is she tekashi 69 and we're like no she's a gumball machine yeah it was hilarious do you you know who tekashi 69 is yes he no I don't okay tekashi 69 Is Tashi or tekashi I don't Tashi he's this rapper from from New York he got in prison no he's not in prison keeps getting beaten up well he he got out of prison because he ratted on everyone and so he got out of prison and any he just gets his ass beat everywhere he goes like he just got beaten up in a gym and he's got this rainbow color hair and his te tats on the face tats on the face his teeth are all color like um all iced out he's got his hair is all multicolored yeah yeah oh my God that's how you are we're dressing him as teshi 69ine for Halloween way yes we are you no way no hey everyone Jack Osborne here and the Osborn's podcast is sponsored by better help I've always been intrigued by Jiu-Jitsu and I've been thinking about learning something new like creative writing as adults it's so easy to let that kind of curiosity slip away therapy can help you tap back into that sense of wonder and remind you that you're never too old to start learning something new therapy is not just about working through tough times it's about rediscovering your curiosity learning new coping skills and becoming the best version of yourself therapy can help you reconnect with that sense of wonder you had as a kid because your back to school era doesn't have to end after you've left school if you've ever thought about starting therapy better help makes it so easy it's all online which makes it super convenient flexible and fits right into your schedule ReDiscover your curiosity with betterhelp visit betterhelp.com osbornes today and get 10% off your first month that's betterhelp hp.com oorn hey everyone it's Jack Osborne here and if you're anything like me Summer's all about soaking up those warm sunny days but let's be real finding time to eat healthy when you're always on the go is not easy that's where Factor steps in and makes life so much simpler there's 35 different meals and over 60 add-ons to pick from each week there's always something new to try Factor's got everything from breakfast to dessert with premium ingredients like fet Monon shrimp and black and salmon it's like having a restaurant quality meal without any of the hassle no shopping no prepping no cooking and best of all there's like no cleaning up head to factom meals.com Osborne 50 and use code Osborne's 50 to get 50% off your first box and 20% off your next month that's code Osborne 50@ Factor meals.com Osborn 50 to get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next month while your subscription is active I do believe in ghost I do believe in the Paranormal I don't always believe believe it is the you know the the spirit or consciousness of a once living human I think it's could be a bunch of different things but I've always been one what do you think it could been with Mom with what happened I have chosen to believe it was some kind of dark attack why couldn't it be why and why are you now laughing sorry a dark attack like you said you think about it often what comes to mind when you think about it just just the fact that I don't know what happened I have no idea what happened no idea I go back and forth with it in the sense that when you're in it you're like seeing is believing Kelly's seen some [ __ ] like that but that's what I'm saying I go back and forth with it because when you're in it and you can't explain it and it's happening you're like it does that's exactly so there's something to it there's there's definitely something to it however because you wanted to be no Kelly was the biggest naysay ever she was making fun of us in Ghost Hunt until the two of you ran out the door of that house when that [ __ ] door opened when we said if you're here open that door and it just went and opened I was in the Octan house I was very scared yeah oh you both ran oh just did it again oh no I'm out let me here right now where the do I get out of here there's no way no did the crew run with you everybody ran yeah but that was the second time that that had happened yeah and then there was I think that the experience inside the hail House inheritage Square was very um it was really cool what about the flashlights in Virginia City that's true that's true an hour and a half it went on what we put flashlights down and we were saying you know if something's here turn the flashlights on and the flashlights were responding to our questions we'd be like hey hand yeah just like a little tiny like mag light and they would turn they would turn on and off when we would ask questions are you too scared to go upstairs I just turned on I need a friend to help me in this investigation have you ever gone into a house where you didn't feel at ease that you wanted to get out of Y it's called prison what about when we were in Nashville and that guy walked into my oh that's right I was asleep and the next thing I know I hear like the rustling the dogs barking oats going crazy no it was Polly it was just pre- oat it was poly and o no you didn't it was just po poly you she was going crazy and um the door opened and this guy is just standing over me in he climbed through the balcony right yeah he came I don't know how he ended up cuz we were in the penthouse of the hotel I don't know how he got onto the balcony and then came in the balcon door into my room but it scared the [ __ ] out of me did you say to him I I just kind of like got up from the bed and he looked at me because I was like is this a situation where I have to run so I kind of like was like am I going to hit him with the phone remember when we were in bed and then two people came into the bed when on the road and you said you woke up and said what the [ __ ] you doing in there sorry Kelly's near murder story so go on no and then he just left but did he but what did he say to you nothing he just looked at you like oh I'm in this girl's room now yeah and I'm like in my bed [ __ ] myself and then our security guy somehow managed to get him cuz I he shut the door I went straight for the phone and dialed out to let him know that somebody just tried to get in my room and then he caught him in the stairwell yeah police get him yeah and then and then Kelly I didn't want to press charges but the police still pressed charges I know I thought you Dro I thought you dropped the charges and he I think he didn't he no because in in um I I could be really wrong saying this but I believe in the state of Tennessee if you that would you could end up on the registered sex offenders list because you broke into a woman's oh [ __ ] something something like that yeah we should let's we'll we'll we'll find that out yeah Kell what's been going on with you oh um your life isn't that [ __ ] boring to where you're like oh literally I am sat there going I don't know what well I don't want to talk about like the fact that you got my soon to be wife a male stripper I know her [ __ ] Bachelorette let's talk about that for a second yeah yeah did you have a hando yes she did yeah I threw a little hen Knight for Ary Jack's fiance did a strip off stripple yes he put his dick in AR's face oh my God that's foul it wasn't a naked dick it was still a dick and can on Nike dick because he had a thong on did you see the video no I refused to watch the video okay good was he all lumpy and big no his name was Marcel he was quite fabulous and he was really funny and he kept his cowboy boots on the whole time and it made me laugh so much he must have been like the cowboy in Time Square Marcel the Shell marel will no he had a thong on like a underwear situation and it was like it literally looked like a arm coming out of his crotch area why why am I right now thinking of Bridesmaids when they're talking about the dick and they're just like it's just like a it was it it very much was like that and I have to say Ary is a really good sport because if it was me I think I would have headbutted somebody do you remember our joint birthday and you tried to get me an old stripper and and I literally nearly walked out of the party no we I got Daddy and she got mama said to me one one birthday she goes what do you want for your birthday I say get me a stripper she said I thought you was going to say [ __ ] off and she says okay I'm in his club and suddenly these two gin MC breath wrap around my face I'm going I can smell the [ __ ] armpits and I'm going what the [ __ ] is this and he's she's got this 300 [ __ ] stripper Hey listen there's some there's a flavor of ice cream for everyone out there [ __ ] you know but anyway the stripper from your birth my our joint birthday was uh just so people know Jack and I's birthdays are fall very close to each other so sometimes we do a joint celebration and our 20 my 21st your 20th MH we uh had a party in London and it it [ __ ] mental and it was uh chabs and slag themed yeah Amy win housee was there it was that was the first time I met her she's she's like I'm your sister's best me and I was like hi who are you cuz I didn't know who she was yet it wasn't like she was Amy [ __ ] wine housee yet and and I was like this girl's terrifying and you guys [ __ ] drank the bar dry I was there with like 10 of my friends who were just drinking beers and then afterwards you're like so we going to split that bartab and I'm like what it was like a 20,000 bartab and I'm like no I remember that night so well and do you remember the St the one that tied his Willie around his wrist yes know the time yeah but um the stripper that showed up for Jack she showed up and she had her daughter her daughter's daughter in the car and she was really really old and she had a moomoo on what's a m Mumu is like a it's like a tent dress like a shirt dress oh yeah and like think M Cass like a moomoo I used to wear them and um I'm wearing one right now this is a Momo one away one and I I felt so guilty we just paid her and sent her home yeah yeah that was the right thing to do but because I if if we would have uh if you actually would have utilized her Services I probably would not ever speak to you ever again I think I've decided what I want for Christmas here we go plastic surgery oh [ __ ] plastic surgery yeah Kelly don't don't St well I just think it's it's my time too early well what I'm pretty sure that you were no you were what how old were you when you first started your journey down the road of cosmetic surgery early 40s okay well Kelly's hello 39 can you [ __ ] believe it 39 nearly 40 40 is right around the corner I know I'm not like bummed out about it I'm excited because I feel like when you're 40 you get respected more you know what you know what weirds me out about as I get older is like you you start to kind of go oh wait like I'm at the halfway point or I'm I'm you know you kind of it just freaks me out a little bit like I'm like [ __ ] like it makes me feel like I haven't done enough yeah tell you what when you get for the engine get starts to get faster your speed gets it goes by so quickly and every 10 years after that picks up more speed and suddenly you're 75 and you go how the [ __ ] did I get here and then you start to go [ __ ] I ain't got that much time left yeah well it's that thing of like you can't waste don't don't waste a day yeah like that's why you always get bummed out at you when you're like just things that used things that used to bother you don't bother you when you you I I just want to be of a simple existence now I feel like Mom has earned the right to spend as much time as she wants in bed just saying sure but like go to bed at like 7 or 8 and stay in bed until well who's going to watch all the Tik Tok videos with her and stay up all night watching TV him a bit go to bed at like s or who's him uh Our Father who art you in heaven yeah Hallowed be thy name yeah I just I know it's weird getting old's weird getting like gray hair that's weird do you think you'll look like s one day oh yeah I'm not going to dye my hair I'm not going to do any of that isn't it weird how two things you're not going to dye your hair at all no got [ __ ] up what that hair doesn't stay the same color and that teeth you only get really one set cuz the first is just a joke so it's like one set of teeth I think it's because that somebody [ __ ] up with that didn't they recently figure out a way that your mouth can regrow a tooth yes I've read something that they've like they can they've cracked it to where they you you can regenerate teeth that save a lot of problems yeah but you all of a sudden you're going to see the dentist industry being like but we cannot allow it could you imagine that would be like my nightmare having to regrow a tooth anything to do with the dentist is still like do you know why I hate going to the dentist why it's not that I I I don't like I like I I actually go very regularly like I go two to three times a year for a cleaning I hate the upsell oh they're always trying to get you to do something oh my God the upsell at the dentist drives me nuts like oh well do you know that they don't do that to me well because I think they're just amazed that you're actually in the chair but what do you mean oh you need this do if you had this colored teeth or a Fang or something oh have you tried this night God have you tried invisaline have you oh have we got to do the deep cleaning on you well what's the deep cleaning it's an additional $1,200 and you're like to deep clean they use some kind of like Sonic thing above your gum L it's like some [ __ ] thing and I'm like I'd do it sure every couple years but like I I'm I like religiously brush my teeth no I if there's an option to go deeper and be cleaner I'm going to take it I wish oh my God that sounded so [ __ ] wrong yeah we're going to just gloss over that one I missed it please don't put that in putting that in don't only sound bite we're using from this they're going to just see a Tik Tok video there's an option to go deeper and cleaner I'm in I meant for my mouth in like cleaning yes Kelly for your [Music] mouth do you remember the stripper for the end of our first party I I think it's probably C and saucer it's probably illegal for us to share those stor and saucer out of her old funny YY I oh we got one for for assistance I don't like like this I got one for my old I'm like looking for help from my team I'm like listen you [ __ ] brought up the stripper because you brought the stripper I did myself I remember getting one for for for old Tony when he used to work for me yeah and he's chick bent over [ __ ] flies come out shut the [ __ ] up there was two flies whizzing around her ass and he went and kissed her ass afterward no I hate this I no the Flies didn't come out of her eyes they did they smelt they smelt and came from nowhere you know when you've got was her name was buzy buzy you know when you've got fruit in a kitchen and suddenly flies appear that was like over and buy buy I can't do this please yeah has anyone ever drugged you yeah me Fair Play No Honestly though like when you didn't know it oh only mean well no but like did someone ever like drop you a Mickey or like no wow they didn't know that many was friends I accidentally drank a drink that I didn't know had been laced with um LSD and it was like a LSD once you start having bad trips it was [ __ ] horrible and I will never do it again but I kept looking at Omar and his skin was glowing like gold and he got really upset with me but that's just Omar Omar's a beautiful golden god he is a golden God and he uh was glowing like gold and then I was obsessed with things and sizes and shapes and all this stuff and I kept looking at his nose and I kept looking at my foot and I'd look at his nose and I'd look at my foot and then I figured out that my big dough was the same size as his nostril and while he was asleep I put my toe into his nose and he went [ __ ] nuts at me would Kelly ever consider singing with aie again I would love to see this happen absolutely got a right song yeah and but I will say I was saying this before that the only problem we have is that sometimes when Dad and I were singing together when we were doing changes we would get really emotional and start crying and not be able to get through the song so that is something that is is watching the basement tapes when You' seen a lot of your yourself like doing music and touring and promoting and in the studio has that made you have you have you had it definitely made me miss it okay have you thought about maybe getting getting back in the game I've definitely thought about it I've definitely thought about what my life would have been like if I didn't stop it's definitely a regret yeah will I do anything about that regret I don't know how come you how come you did decide to to stop she was a rebel drugs were you busy I mean cuz I busy was a big part of it because you were doing so much TV at the time I I was doing so much TV I was doing so much touring and so much publicity and so many interviews and I wanted to go out and have fun can you hear my trousers in the microphone yeah I can I don't have headphones on but I can hear what are you wearing are you wearing like what the [ __ ] thank you my PBC trousers I've just realized that they're not the most appropriate thing to wear on a podcast what what inspired PVC Tuesdays or Wednesday is it Tuesday or Wednesday Tuesday doesn't matter what day of the week it is if you feel fuzzy fuzzy I wouldn't describe those as fuzzy feeling it oh we we're drifting again we're drifting but there are certain like pieces of art items of cloes clothing accessories that when I see them or I touch them they make my heartbeat faster because I think they're so beautiful and you can really appreciate the way that the craftsmanship that went into it the how long it must have taken someone to make and all of that I find really interesting a jacket is not just a jacket it's it's more than that and that's why I like it so much but and that's also why I like shopping so much yeah beautifully made things there's shopping and shopping you are a pretty prolific Shopper man I've never known anyone to do the damage that you can do in like a 10 minutes you're pretty good though yourself I was taught very well by I remember one time I was sat at your computer or your house in London in the kitchen you know the one that was right off the kitchen and I was like do an email and I looked and I saw a receipt from Chanel and it was for £66,000 from Chanel yes pounds and I looked at I looked at it and you bought everything like you everything you got you bought B multiples of in all the different colors yeah but like Inc Incubus and System of a Down were like baby Bands then yeah they were like they had just been signed they just they were like our big brothers Incubus were yeah yeah great guys we had so much well I mean speaking of that no one realizes but Incubus played on your very first song yeah it um it was m and Jose played all the instruments on Papa Don't Preach and helped me do my very first single yeah it's a little and what single got you a number one well and what single got you a number one okay what's refra what single got us number one changes there you go that was great it was such fun in those days it was so different it was great was that bag full of poop on the bus that was one of my friends and she had this whole thing where she's like if I hold it I'm going to get sick and then throw up and I can't throw up and we I was like you're not going to throw up from not [ __ ] you're fine and she had this whole panic attack so we ended up having to like a full-blown panic attack because she needed to [ __ ] and so we put a a a bin bag inside the toilet on the bus and just so everyone knows is that the number one rule of the road is that you cannot poo on the tour bus you unless it's a specific toilet which this one wasn't this was not and so she sh in the bag and then we wrapped it up and then somehow it kind of became a sick [ __ ] up game where the bus driver ended up getting almost slapped around the head with this bag of [ __ ] and he went insane our bus he St he stopped the bus on the freeway didn't no you threw it onto somebody's wind screen no that was the that was not it was not [ __ ] on someone's wi screen it was it was the um the pasta no the salad dressing that had oil in it and didn't they call the police yes and I said I I had nothing to do with it cuz I was like guys I don't think you should do that and Nick cor came out and dealt with it right yeah so I remember cuz you saw us running down the freeway no oh they were on the plane it wasn't we had two buses was the time when the we were on a bus you were on another when Dad was on a bus and he saw us running away from the bus driver because he said he was going to whoop us with his belt it was we had our own bus no adult supervision so you had fun did you we had a great [ __ ] time it was the best [ __ ] summer up bus was janky an old it was a [ __ ] eagle from the70s no it it wasn't that old it was it wasn't that old it had a bit really think Mom would have put us in an old shitty bus no I wouldn't excuse me I remember this bus it was really old but it had a redo and that's why you took it okay I don't remember it being that I remember it being almost had a redo and then as time went on it was the kid's bus and then Amy's bus because she wanted nothing to do with us so she had her own bus and then we had the crazy kid bus and as time went on there was less and less and less supervision until there was just no adult on the bus and then Big Dave and then we had Big Dave and then it got too got too crazy not having adult supervision so Mom pulled in Big Dave I remember one of the very remember one of the very last like fist fights you and I had Jack it was so bad you beat the [ __ ] out of me you pulled a chunk of my hair out like it was like a foot like a baseball siiz chunk of my hair I'm not fighting with it we just talking about a fight we had you two can [ __ ] talk nostrils are [ __ ] flaring ing here we we are going to start this episode off with a bit of housekeeping housekeeping housekeeping this is the interrupt button Kelly I'm handing it to you when you are interrupted or if anyone gets interrupted okay that's what has to happen now so you guys get prepared to get buzzed because you interrupt me every time I open my mouth we certainly did have some fun we [ __ ] did although I would never let my daughters have the kind of fun we have no I would I when Mom was like I'll send him to military mom was talking about the other question where she was like you I can remember I can remember Frid Frid you broke it hit it again fuing remember on Friday night he still being in bed and that [ __ ] slide whatever machine and it was that Ary thing whatever yeah he I got Sydney little cowboy boots and a cowboy hat and he put them on to meet Dolly and Dolly was so amazing they always say don't meet your Idols but I say don't meet your Idols unless it's Dolly Parton because she does not disappoint no she's amazing she's just an amazing woman and I I was literally in awe of her and I learned so many things in that 20 2 4 hours that I want to start doing that she does she was responsible for mile getting s yeah she's Miley's Fairy Godmother that's what they say talking M she was she good on you gry's last oh my God her body looked just like she looked so let me tell you something she did the best live performance of the evening she's got an edge she's sexy she's got it all going on and I think that she really stole it for me I thought I watched her she did good she she was good oh she was phenomenal she was sassy you know she was just really good she goes at the end um when her song flowers one song of the year um she was saying she hoped there wasn't people that she forgot to thank she says but one thing I did forget was my underwear she looked great and it she wrote it herself she yeah she did that's great really good well done well done y Miley one um it was I have to say like going back to Dolly cuz we have to I learned so much about what she does and how she lives her life that I want to I want to start doing she gets up at 3 o'clock in the morning that's too early for me but I'm definitely going to start getting up earlier and she does her meditation and her routine does some songwriting every single day I I prefer to go to bed earlier and get up earlier me too me too oh no I prefer to go to bed you're night I'm a night out oh you're you sleep all day and awake all night that's great I think that's the way you're a vampire mom mhm it was so cool and they were so nice to me and it was and Nashville is great I love Nashville Nashville friendly nice gave me Faith in what nille what Nashville nville oh it gave me Faith in mankind again because everybody has manners there and everybody was so nice and they called me ma' and it was just like I had the best time wait did you what you on film at Studios right yeah Dolly's got her own Studios which is a a TV studio a recording studio it like she's got theme park as well she got Dollywood do you know that Dolly Parton has the biggest brand in the entire world brand of she's got cake mix she's got I mean there's the doggy clothing and my favorite part of the uh was her husband there um I didn't see him no but he apparently he was um but anyway when um I feel can I just say I'm at a tennis match [Laughter] Kelly any plans for your birthday absolutely none could you put your birthday hat on there yes will put your little birthday hat on happy birthday to you if I can get it on there you go oh it's so cute happy birthday um yeah I'm what am I doing well is the last year of my 30s it's like that terrifying was Jolly something Jolly it wasn't Dom Jolly hold on we're talking about Kelly's birthday I'm still talking that [ __ ] go name my team and I are all going to dinner tomorrow and then what do you want to accomplish in your last year of last year 39 probably I might no have another baby no I'm going to do that when in my 40s why wait why wait because I want a baby in the house for as long as possible have two babies you don't want to wait do it now just knock it out trust just do it just do it it's much easier having because here's the here's the thing here's what I will tell you it's better to have him closer in in age because you're going to like get used to like a whole routine with like Sid is like a toddler and is a you know is being a like a little young dude and then all of a sudden you're going to have you're going to inject a baby and it's going to throw it on the head and it's just a lot so if you just kind of go all right he's still a baby I'll have another baby while he's a baby so I'm just dealing with two babies better definitely yeah well anyways I also I don't really care about my birthday anymore because I have Sydney's birthday to plan and it's his first birthday a week less than a week after mine yay and two days before mine now I got to get out of jail free card for my birthday for the rest of my life so I've been planning his birthday party and we did the last birthday cuz you're you're you're Scrooge you [ __ ] hate Christmas [ __ ] but if you forget dad on Christmas he remembers he does but yeah I've been planning baby Sydney's birthday and who are the performers um the H the beat buds yeah I know those guys yeah yeah the beat Buds and um we have and instead of doing the animals this year I I did something that I think they're going to like more what is it I have a slime station oh you can make your own so I'm I think that they'll be excited for that the first thing that all the parents asked me when I told them that I was planning Sydney's birthday party was is there going to be a b and that wasn't funny oh I tell you what else I forgot to talk about what I got new teeth oh let's see fabulous my uh from being pregnant I lost all the enamel on my teeth do do so it's not like veneers but it kind of is it's it's called a lens and they put lenses over my front teeth so you can see through your teeth no it's you read the paper like this no it's like this new they look really good and by the way I was reading comments about you yesterday uh actually Kelly has not had any plastic surgery I know why am I not allowed to just look good and osbornes don't lie about [ __ ] like that cuz it's no big deal but it just so happen she hasn't okay we can talk about what I want done if you want but would you just okay so when I turn my neck sometimes I think it's looking like one of those necks that eventually will look like a vagina neck I don't want a vagina neck so what the [ __ ] is a vagina neck like where it oh [ __ ] so I don't I don't want that and I feel like it's starting okay so I I send you pictures of it all the time and you say stop sending me these pictures but that is the one thing that I'd want to do and then sometimes I look in the mirror and I'm like the ponytail lift that people do oh you're going to be one of those hold no but I I don't I won't do that because a I'm scared B I couldn't handle the pain for what what for a facelift oh you don't need a [ __ ] facelift but you know what I'm saying like if I was going to do something I would do the ponytail lift I'm 40 years old now well this year I think that's also something mom that people can't get their head around is that they see me as a child I'm not allowed to be an adult woman woman I'm not allowed to be a woman and I'm not allowed to be pretty and I don't know why you're not pretty beautiful thank you D yes I agree with that but it's like people they just [ __ ] on it every single time everybody I don't look I know I look good last night so I don't care but it it's it's interesting they don't let Khloe Kardashian be pretty either even though she looks great now and she had an amazing glow up and I glow up yeah that's what they call it Mom oh and you're still friendly with them I I mean they're so polite and nice and that when we see each other out it's always like a high catch up how are you doing but we don't I our path don't really cross that much I thought you I thought you were friendly with Kim Kim yeah Kim's lovely I love Kim I really do I think that she's a nice person and she was always really really nice to me I'll never forget when I was struggling with my weight one time and she offered to take me to the gym and help me and I just thought that was like she didn't have to do that I didn't know that yeah and she she was we were in Mr Char's eating dinner and she was so lovely to me I'd have eaten more but she were and you just don't forget things like that everybody has something I have a lot of the alphabet I think that I I qualify for every letter if you're going to go through it in well I'm at a professional being nuts yeah I suppose that's true you found a way when I was when I was young we we never went to therapy or Psychiatry or anti-depressants I mean the the one thing about anti-depressants it kills your sex drive instantly when you oh for [ __ ] sake no I'm telling you it's a part of what you know you go on an anti-depression and most of them have a bad re your sex Dr goes is that specifically for men or men and women I think it's for both men and women um but it it's not guaranteed it's just a possible side effect no it's guaranteed say okay Dad's basically saying I took anti-depressants and it took my sex drive away everyone British every one that I've ever taken has just killed it uh when you guys were growing up what like if someone went crazy or had any kind of mental health issue what was the St what how did that work you didn't hear you didn't hear anything about it they just were like whis dis electric shock treatment a lot of electric Shar treatment and a lot of La wasn't for [ __ ] sake it wasn't uh disgust wasn't disgust no people didn't talk about it to their friends or you know distant relatives but it was I mean there were so many mental homes look how many mental homes there were here that are closed down look at this house look at what men used to do to women oh my God I am no longer talking in this [ __ ] podcast no longer talking I [ __ ] give up if you could talk through the medium of mine it would uh I I actually give up every single week every time I open up my mouth one of you usually you I love you you're my favorite but you are talking over me they gave me a [ __ ] button so that I could press it when you guys start talking over me and it doesn't work knock knock I'm not falling through US knock knock oh here we go who's there interrupting cow oh [ __ ] I don't interrupt you I let you see okay let's just do the you first no pineapple on Pizza yeah delicious combination or a culinary crime oh yeah okay I can do that I wouldn't but I like got a German we have toast we bring a pineapple and toast and cheese and some of the like square of cheese and St that's kind of like what the pizza would taste like I I think it's a culinary crime see I I'm not I like I like the fact it's unusual i i al said to your mom it would be great if they had a new new taste a new food yeah it's kind of interesting when you when you start doing things like that no I didn't go hell Over Heels about it but it even was an interesting thing I I don't know I just no I one thing I think should be banned of pizza he [ __ ] anchovies a [ __ ] hating anov who wants to eat a hairy fish I know know this guys I love [ __ ] an oh God my dad used to fck I think they're disgusting I think they think they smell like a cat's ass I smell like an old CL M Dad please oh no it's definitely [ __ ] ass couldn't do it also can I just say about pineapple I don't like pineapple because it makes the roof of my mouth it itch yeah does me makes me [ __ ] itch and um I I don't like the way men talk about pineapples and drinking pineapple juice men talk about you should love this one one because it is sex talk because all kids go around saying like yeah I've been drinking my pineapple juice come suck my dick because it's supposed to make your um semen taste like pineapple oh [ __ ] off [ __ ] off what a of this is what people say Mom this is what people say I'm trying to think of like any stand I mean I had a really great New Year's with Amy win housee one year yeah it was really fun at the uh short was it the arms no we started at the hly but we ended up uh getting her and I got a room at the doorchester and then we got kicked out of the doorchester and went to the Hilton oh cuz it's right next door I know I know and it was a really why did you get kicked out of the doorchester Kelly I'm not saying I think you can the statue limitations is over because we trashed the room a oh nice nice not intentionally like I'm going to break this it was that we had a party in there and it just got got destroyed destroyed would that classify as one of the why does it smell like [ __ ] what I don't know there's probably a dog that has [ __ ] are you sniffing if you [ __ ] no I'm smelling my perfume have you Dad that was you I hav what St I swear I would claim that is it the underwear from the woman that we so what are we talking about now New Years what about resolutions then I think they're just a giant let down oh please I do like to I do like to stop and think about things that I do in 2003 that I don't 2023 that I don't want to do necessarily in 2024 that's something that I like I do little like what like a little inventory of myself and like behaviors and see if I if there's things that I need to work on more can I give you something for a New Year's resolution oh here we go oh Jesus just answer an email I'm really good I'm trying just answer an email you know it's not the way to get hold of me every third email just every third one I don't see them and Kelly's so right now my son doesn't have a double barreled last name but after lots of uh eye openening conversations and some couples therapy he has seen the light and he we are going to legally change our son's name to have both of our last names well he see well it's in in his his F I know we both we both made our child so they should have both of our last names yeah not one is more important than the other but you have to remember Sid comes from a really traditional English family like my father's name was John Mike Thomas his father was John it's a very dated thing it's a very very mentality don't even get me started mom because it goes It goes Sid Sid's dad then Sid and now our son but Sid told me that his grandfather had the same name but he didn't his grandfather's name was Fred Fred so why is my son the fourth my son should be the third oh but the first the second the third the fourth what a load of bollocks cuz your child is an individual ual it's not the third of anything it drives crazy and it is the the only like we don't fight but that is the only thing that we have had like an all out like fight over we're all individual and the thing is you look at a child you what is that child what what name suits that child I don't like to name a child for it born but I love Sid's name don't get me wrong I love my baby's name now he is a Sydney no Sydney is a great name Sydney I don't mind the name that it's that he has his name Sid I don't mind that they have the same middle name I just mind you would I think I think it's kind of crazy that the person who who grew that child inside the didn't have a say you know I had literally no say and the other thing that that got me is that I feel that it was more about pleasing his family than it was about pleasing me I'm his partner have my baby yeah welcome back thank you I just got back from Atlanta where I was filming a secret project and secret um I'm really really excited about it it was so much fun to film and I just had the best time and I took baby and it was it was really awesome she set up a playground in the car park Swings N yards did they did they do that for you or did yeah so I set up a little outside of my trailer I set up a playground I got the swing off of um uh Amazon and then the foam for floor like the padding and set up a whole area for him and it was he loved it he had his little playground area and then he had a different one inside my trailer and fun really good I must say he's happy to see everybody when he comes here he's so happy yeah he's a happy baby he's a happy soul and I think that's like the nicest compliment anybody can ever give you is that your child is happy happy yeah it is it's better than your child being mental moving it was good to see everybody on my birthday thank you for all the gifts and things you wait did you try out the pillow yes was it good I don't know what you do with it to be honest with well you you just use it as has a pillow in the B that's what I did was it comfortable not it was it's a pillow I thought it was going to be some life-changing B experience no it's oh maybe I'm doing it wrong did you have the one the one pillow behind your knees and then the big one behind your back no I was trying to make a full post a bed the B um the duve got a little heavy when it got wet okay what about this one this one I have such a strong opinion on the Tooth Fairy is it encouraging imagination or setting unrealistic expectations oh stop it it's fantasy I think it's so important to have these things as children I don't you know innocence innocence it's you know it's excitement it's traditional it's it's a game you play in and I and people say this about Santa Claus too I'm not teaching my son or my daughter about Santa Claus I'm like you [ __ ] R your body with crystals and put oils all over yourself thinking that that's going to [ __ ] heal you from some [ __ ] or protect you from evilness but you won't let your child believe in [ __ ] Santa Claus what the [ __ ] is wrong with you did you okay so I'll go on I was I was going to say that I'm out of the one place where I don't think AI belongs is in music because that's what makes music so special there's a short amount of time that you have in your life and that is that you can make music and your music is your art your talent your sound you can change meant to be your creation yeah it's your creation and when a computer is now doing that for you it it takes away all of it and I I think it's wrong but then again if you see in movies I think it's awesome because you get to bring back people who are no longer here but what about people in the music game that are not but they're not alive how the [ __ ] do you know that that is what they wanted to say but it's just like a it's it's a I don't know I feel like if there like God forbid anything ever happened to you and somebody put out an AI Aussie album it would be so hard to listen to and so um I have heard I have heard a track didn't you play yeah did you hear the track that I played it was the AI Aussie track have you heard the AI Aussie one of him bring singing Britney Spears no I had Shia Twain I saw the um the Britney Spears one it's really good well I'm cringing at all of this you guys are nuts what's your biggest fashion fuxa do you think what's my biggest fashion F power but you look back on it and you're like why did I do that oh platform boots [ __ ] you know I look at some of the old Stu what the [ __ ] what I think but I think they look so cool in the pictures oh I think you look so cool for Carnival boots what about you Mom I think in the 80s the hair like this and it was very big and the big shoulder pad chicken and chips in the basket that's what we lived off in the 80s I think my biggest fashion faux par was when I shaved my head because I looked like a genderless baby that was a bit fat I mean when then in your tattoos and and then I tattooed my head just you know really to really rub it in really rub it in and really prove the point more we go more we oh no it's it going the worse you'd get so he i k if you if you saw us going [ __ ] you know you going have three chest on your head that's what I'm saying I'm saying about Sid well let's hope he doesn't Rebel oh he's going to every kid does go on but yeah I do think my uh shaved head was and at the time I thought I looked sool look that bad I thought I so cool but I got used to it after the war but I did look like a genderless baby another thing that's really important is because of AI now it's really important to have a very secret safe word that you have with your family yeah because AI really good point it's it's something that like we have in our family I feel like you we all should have one because when a safe word because what they do is they get your voice and they will call your parents and pretend that they've kidnapped you and extort you for money but if you have a safe word so or whatever it may be like watermelon yeah um if that safe word isn't said or you can't get that word out of them then you know that it's fake yeah yeah you do like a yeah it's just a security word yeah exactly very yeah I think yeah that's a really good point yeah I never even thought of that what so do you want for Christmas come clean at the car wash okay so one is the chaparell jacket which is like how much is that $8,000 okay which I don't think I'm going to get what is it so if you get her that jacket get me the Drone and the binoculars right okay I wanted to get you the binoculars no I wanted to get you the disty thing thing youve got to make get it all out if you if everybody I'll buy the B and you get four sets of B I'd be back in like this have the go I do I do see with them them Thermal but yeah I've got night visions but it's not the same no thermal is a game changer yeah it's all the rage now night visions can I like what we want your jacket and and then a new BGA what's that like a place where you buy like meat like a deli no it's a handbag what what what a wait a Boda BGA do you have a specific make what what it's going to be different one no we have the we have it all Jack lch oh yeah I have it all on here so wait what's so a bag is that okay and then what else there's these boots that I love are they made for walking no no Mom hates them they're ridiculous boots oh are you getting the big robber cartoon boots no I hate those um it's they these boots that Louis Vuitton made and they're meant to make your legs look like doll legs it's it's it's a black shoe with a white sock and then flesh it looks like a prosthetic leg and that's what magic legs yes I want [ __ ] magic legs they are amazing and Magic because and I haven't seen anybody wear you don't have to shave your legs legs no there these I will have magic Bo these boots look like prosthetic legs and Kelly wants them what the [ __ ] would anybody want to fake legs look boots looking like fake legs I don't know I think they're so cool Cas you were a pirate but but what what do they I'm explaining if you could imagine picture sure they are ridiculous they're not listen mom you don't understand fashion is is in the eye of prothetic leg that episode we did about the robots and [ __ ] AI yeah can you imagine what they're going to have us all dress like I saw somebody last night having a boxing match with a robot yeah that's going to go well until they put can you imagine when the robots get their Union together oh it's right the robot Union no punching us anymore you ready dad oh [ __ ] hold on and then they're going to that's the boot that's boot what the let me see I think they're so cool so so it does look like a prosthetic Lego it does that's it I think they're so cool but that's not somebody with a pair of socks and shoes on that's but why not just get a sock and a shoe and wear it and wear a skirt what because it doesn't look a cool okay so a boot that looks like a leg Yeah it's like leg lamp it's leg lamp from A Christmas Story literally one leg lamp y oh my God so so if you buy so when you wear them out you can put a lamp on the yeah Kelly wants leg lamp discover more shows and exclusive series at Osborne Medi house.com