#9 – Russell and Madison Leary

g'day guys nick and jack here from the unaffected coming up on today's episode we speak with russell and madison leary father and sister of alexa leary who sustained a brain injury when training for a triathlon keep listening while we talk to russell and madison about alexa's progress to date as well as the challenges the family has faced so far we also speak with them about the inspiration and motivation behind the move for lex movement and moving for those who can't [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] so [Music] g'day guys jack and nick from the unaffected where we bring to you the stories about how a loved one's disability or injury can impact those around them we are brought to you by australia's best boutique care agency care much australia jump online and check out their social media facebook and instagram for all your caring needs alex o'leary is a young triathlete from queensland's sunshine coast and fitness has been a big part of the leary's lives introduced to triathlons by dad russell she won the australian championships in both 2019 and 2020 and has competed on the international stage alexa was training on the sunshine coast in july this year when traveling at over 60 kilometers an hour she collided with another rider in the group and sustained devastating injuries including a traumatic brain injury described as a dedicated disciplined positive energy lex for the past three months has been facing her biggest challenge yet trying to overcome the lasting effects of her brain injury her family started a social media page originally intended to keep the extended network of family and friends easily updated on lex's progress but it has now gained an enormous following with over a hundred thousand followers including elite athletes from across the globe and everyday people inspired to get out and move for those who can't with us today we have alexa's father russell and sister madison so guys thank you for coming in and having a chat with us we know family's got a lot going on at the moment so i really appreciate you coming in thank you thanks for having us good to be here pleasure no worries okay so guys lots of us feel like we've got to know alexa over over the journey on online lots of videos lots of kind words being thrown around tell us a little bit about what she was like before the accident yeah absolutely i guess a lot of people are saying that at the moment that they really feel like they know lex um which is awesome and i love that that's the way that it's coming across online it's great to hear before the accident well lex is special she always has been um russ will probably go on to tell you that you know she's one of seven kids and she is out there crazy she's that kid that when she was younger you would take her to a cafe and we were banned from cafes she was adhd all over the place full of energy um and then as she got a little bit older mom and russ really tried to channel all that extra energy into i guess sport and triathlons and that sort of thing but she's always been out there bubbly chatty big personality um very competitive bit stubborn um i guess that's how i described lex what about euros oh fraction like the nickname benny and from bin laden the total terrorists yeah what were lex's aspirations with triathlons i think it was all over the place and i think you'd probably agree with that russell though she is so focused and such an incredible sports person um it does it has a ties and lows um you know there was times where she was so dedicated and so into training and then she would pull back a little bit she's often talked about wanting to be a part of a podiatrist and then you know these other bits and pieces she wanted to do but she would always come back to the triathlons wouldn't she yeah in the last 12 months she really committed and focused she said i want to get to the olympics you know i want to do the best so it was the first year in pros and she was she was starting to get up there with it it was a shame in australian titles in february she had a fall on the way to the race and she was really prepped and that probably then put it downhill a bit but she got to focus back up again i mean she's an amazing swimmer so at the world titles in the age groups she was the fastest female swimmer out of everybody in the world titles the age group so that probably should have been what she should have headed for but she didn't want that she wanted triathlons and she'd won the australian titles the last two years in a row yeah the that was the olympic distance which she won malula yep great athlete yeah and she actually won four australian schools gold medals in uh swimming so that was quite amazing too what about switzerland russ you know the second in the world titles which was um amazing especially on father's day to be there yeah right yeah could have turned attention to swimming and taking that as well i mean in switzerland she came out of the water first by a long long way yeah right it's a pretty encompassing sport to compete at that level i imagine it takes up a lot of your time did you manage a bit of a social life as well gosh a lot of your time hey we would look at it and it's you've got to be so dedicated to do that sort of thing because you're training three different sports really um and your diet needs to be on track and there's so much involved in it it takes a lot i think outside looking in you often think oh that's great but when you actually live with lex and see what it's like every day it's full-on um social life i mean she has a great boyfriend they obviously spend a lot of time together and i think after she left school she was finally starting to get a bit more of a balance happening uh but with lex i guess her triathlons did come first so a lot of the time you know when others are out partying and doing that sort of thing she was at home so that she could get up early and ride her bike or go to the pool and do a swim that makes sense she was she was full-time yeah so she had she worked two nights a week at f45 but the rest was morning and night training so she might go 5k in the pool in the morning 12k run in the afternoon 100k ride the next morning a 6k swim so she was dedicated probably 25 to 30 hours a week training it makes sense then that some of the most common words are disciplined and dedicated when right looking at people describing likes online absolutely she is which is i mean now looking at what's happened you know i'm so grateful that she has those qualities you know it's going to be what pushes her through um and helps her get through this absolutely i think belinda said it clear that she's been training for this all her life yeah well put i think yeah yeah it's like she's been in training right i saw the video from owen wright as well actually and i think he even alluded that that's going to help her that dedication she's got that fire that she's had for sure i mean what legend owen is and when owen was competing um in the surfing in the olympics that was literally a couple of days after the accident was very very close and a lot of people were already drawing comparisons between the two so then to have him reach out and do this video such an incredible thing to show lex and you know who knows she could you know end up in the paralympics the normal olympics we don't know absolutely and then for joe ingles to reach out and wear the wristband it's quite amazing people have reached out all the olympians it's amazing how many people do it off their own back i think that's the coolest um they don't expect anything in return and they're literally doing it from you know a place of compassion and kindness which is so nice to see lauren parker you see what she reached out was amazing yeah amazing support online we've seen that so nice and so overwhelming and not anything we ever initially expected yeah um so russ if you can you take us back to the day of the accident and well it was quite amazing i haven't been home for about 80 days i've been home probably three days so i chose on last saturday morning to make that decision and ride that ride again which is pretty tough and i hadn't trained for 12 weeks so it wasn't good either but to to ride down that hill i could see now why there was such a brain injury and all that because it was i was at 65k now and i had my brakes on so they would have been touching 75 car now so remember i was back off the bunch 10 minutes i seen the ambulance come past related nothing to do with the accident so when i come down over that hill and it was just see all the bike riders there and i got oh no it's not lex and when you got down there with the blood and everything and people everywhere i still didn't know it was her but you know then they come out and it was just horrendous 100 percent horrendous but you know i cleared it by going back there are no flowers she is alive and she will be strong and live on i think that's an important thing to remember now we're not talking about her as if she's she's not here she's still here she's still fighting she still lacks and that's right it's an important message to take out i think no doubt i think for people who don't know as well like this is a normal ride for lex to do this isn't a one-off that she did you know one day um she would ride her bike all the time it was very standard for her to get out and this one day in particular russ was riding the hill and it had been a goal for lex to stay with this really quick bunch and get to the top of the hill with them and when she got to the top of the hill before they started the descend she'd sent us a message and said dad i i stayed with the bunch i got to the top of the hill and he'd replied and said the universe is now working with you and then to think between that text message you know fast forward 15 minutes to what happened and the unfortunate accident it's just so crazy that then russ was behind her on the right and came in and normally i would turn back she said turn back dad and meet me the other way i thought i'll just keep writing but uh yeah unreal lauren parker's story she was injured writing as well wasn't she yeah she was out and she got a puncher yeah and uh unbelievable and paralyzed there and then but what a remarkable lady she is she is she's achieved so many great things so so so sad she got second but you know what that was a gold medal anyway it was she did well at the commonwealth games here on the gold coast that's right i'm sure she's got a lot of competition left in her oh yes madison how did you find out about the accent and what was your initial reaction so it was saturday morning about 7am when i got the first hint that something had happened and my older sister ashton had sent me well had sent all the kids a text message saying hey guys i don't want anybody to panic but lex has had a bit of an accident this morning uh dad's text called me and he sounds you know a bit concerned but nobody's stressed just yet don't call them i'll update you if i hear more and keeping in mind lex rides her bike often and she is a triathlete we're used to her coming off occasionally and injuring herself and every time we always overreact everybody assumes the worse you panic and i actually remember saying this day i'm not going to do that i'm not going to assume that the worst thing has happened and i got up and i went to the gym but then the text messages kept coming through and it was my auntie and she had heard from mum and slowly information was filtering through the family chat and i guess as you can imagine with seven kids in a chat one person hears one thing it blows up and it started escalating slowly in hindsight because they were obviously delayed in getting information too but then that was about 7 30 in the morning we didn't have any proper answers still probably not proper answers until about 3 a.m that night and i just remember i sat in the same spot and the worst phone call i got was from my sister ashton and she was bawling her eyes out down the phone and i was assuming the worst at this point um and i was stood up and i took the phone call and said what is it and she was saying to me it's her brain it's her brain and she could barely get the words out and at the same time mum was calling and i said i've got to go i could talk to mum and i just thought mum is always so rational and you know she should be she'll be a better person for me to get some information off and i i hung up on ash and i took the phone call from mom and yeah mum said they think it's her brain like and at that point we haven't even considered that you know we're going broken bones cool we'll deal with it no dramas and we never thought that it was actually going to be a brain injury and as soon as that information started filtering through everybody was starting to get really really worried i imagine this would have been disbelief at the same time that's right as we headed to the sunshine coast hospital with emergency the last thing we had in our thoughts were brain injury but then you know to be taken to that dark room and told you know she will be a vegetable and if she's lucky to make it to brisbane so that's what they told that's what they told russell in a nice you know doctor's terms but that she said a quality of life is gone she's got she's seriously brain injured and that's if she makes it to brisbane hospital that was the other tough thing to hear as well you know and then knowing mum and russ can't go in the helicopter to the brisbane hospital and she has to go alone and they have to drive you know that drive for us to the hospital not a lot of conversation all i did say though our lives have shown changed forever yeah yeah mum told me that russ looked at her at one point and said you know our lives have changed forever we've got seven kids the worst thing that we could do is come unstuck like we have to be a family unit we have to be united in this such a great thing to do at that time right and then i think apart from that a lot of silence hey yeah i can imagine nick's friend came on the podcast a few weeks ago and they had to drive from aubry back to newcastle following nick's accident and he said the same thing it was almost silenced the whole way not a lot to be certain crazy not to draw comparisons well he also said when nick got taken away by the ambulance they're all thinking oh he's had a concussion like he'll be right like tomorrow he's going to be fine it's just yeah mine just doesn't go there no yeah i suppose you can't comprehend you don't want to as well no no no and you think you know broken bones cool you know we know how to deal with that you know i'm broken like at one point we thought broken pelvis and we were even like oh god okay no worries we can still deal with that yeah like you said yeah other times you might have overreacted and you thought no stay calm but i tried yeah tried to and then i was like god this is the worst of the worst yeah and you never think you you know you watch the stories on tv but you never think it's our family yeah 100 as you would in your family yeah yeah absolutely yeah what was the prognosis in the first couple of days after so after the first i know you said that the doctors kind of said to expect lex to be vegetables when did that start evolving it it was the was four o'clock in the morning when the doctors rang and said we remove the scalp now or she will pass so we give this the consent to remove the scalp so then the next day they pulled us aside i remember was probably up as 10 that next morning and they said you know she has severe brain injuries don't expect her to walk or talk again and and have any real quality of life and that was still if she makes it if she makes it and you know that was you know in the next seven days that we went through that a couple of times and you've got to remember at this time as well it was pete covered um and so nobody's getting into the icu unit like you walk through royal brisbane now it feels like a very different place than what it did when we first walked through because i kid you not you're seeing doctors and nurses in there and that is it and the fact that we were getting two people for exemptions a day what we know now is that they were convinced she wasn't gonna make it and they were going okay well we'll let this family in to come and see lex uh because it could be the last time and what else i think came about was it was always you know two three four o'clock in the morning that these awful phone calls would come nothing during business hours um to do these operations on likes because you know she's up to seven you know seven operations on her brain and where was the family staying at that stage well we you know we just said get a couple of nights opposite the hospital i'm thinking i'll bring her home i booked them for four nights originally four nights in the first day and 81 days later was still there but we changed we stayed there right opposite the hospital because we had to be close in case any cap and very quickly and after that answer when she became more stable we just went further down the road and got a proper unit which we know will be there for the next probably six months who knows so big family seven seven siblings what has the impact on the family been like i think different for everybody and i think everybody copes really differently as well like i think my older sister ashton initially her coping mechanism was i'm just gonna pour my heart and soul into work and she took a lot of tried to take a lot of stress off for us and that's what she wanted to do then you probably look at what i did and i think i never have used social media as an outlet at all but all of a sudden i found myself sharing photos of likes and videos of lex and that was my coping mechanism because it was like this is how i'm going to remember you and this is what you'll be like again one day and i think that probably jumping ahead but that's even why i was so keen to you know push move for lex and create this move for lex was because for me it was the best way that i could cope and then georgia wanted to get involved and she wanted to feel close to the family because she's stuck in melbourne so she's creating these shirts and then all of us sort of cope that way but then you've got two younger boys as well so max and jack both still live at home and all of a sudden they go from having you know their sister and their mum and their dad in the house to just max was in the house because jack was away on school camp when this all happened you know it's really tough and i think it's hard to really know how it's affecting them now they do a great job and they're so good with lex like they go sit with her they're so patient um and i couldn't be more proud of them but i think you know it's got to hurt and it's got to be hard you think your last few years at school and then all of a sudden that's all turned upside down and nothing's normal anymore and you know that there's no end date for this to be normal ever again it's tough and have the siblings pulled together oh for sure in the biggest way like i think that and that's what ashton says as well she know she's one to go rally the troops is what she says like you know someone goes bad she'll rally everybody um and bless her she does um so yeah absolutely like i would say that we're a close family anyway but how can you go through something like this and not draw strength from each other and mom and russ lead from the top with such you know positivity and strength uh it's admirable because i don't think i could do it um you know it's a real credit to both of them that they keep it together because i'll never forget the day where the phone you know we were still on edge when the phone would ring and the phone would ring and i would have to leave the room i'd have to wait to get third party information off them because i couldn't stand hearing it from the doctors and nurses so constantly being on the front line of signing off on lex's life taking the phone calls from the surgeon i mean i don't know how you go through something like that it's a tough key i suppose with when you talk about my siblings hardest was the day that we actually left max was in his room we're all shattered and crying and he locked himself in his room but it was quite amazing the next day when joe ingles he'd read about the accident and his good mate with matt rogers who i know very well he rings matt and says do you know this family and matt said yes and he just stood by max all through the olympics quite amazing so that was i think max's god on the way through that got him through that real hard two weeks oh 100 like max and jack both love basketball and they love sport and they they're so involved in sport so to have somebody like joe reach out to them um especially max he was so stoked and it was like this happy thing that he could focus on and he'd be like you know joe sent me a message um and you know it was something good i think that he could look at and be happy about that wasn't lex he did say to me he said did you set this up then which i didn't which is you know to joe ingles's credit and joe even contacts us today he sent me an email yesterday still asking how the family is amazing that's awesome it's yeah it's amazing but that's what something he always mentions with the aussie spirit of everyone getting around each other you know i think he's over in america still isn't yeah yeah reach out to the family like that is one amazing human being yeah yeah and remember the day that he had gone online all by himself and ordered a bunch of the lex merch and georgia like screenshotted it and sent it through to the chat max was like oh my god i think with the siblings pulling together as well it's so easy as you get older and your life becomes busy and as you said you're always saying never mind never our family is not going to happen to us so it's easy to always assume there's gonna be another time to reach out to your siblings and give them a hug and stuff so when this stuff happens it's a real shock to the system and sometimes it's that puts everything into perspective real quick yeah i mean we live life on edge anyway as a family so you definitely do jumping off the roof i've got to calm down a bit but but you know we do see life differently now and and you know our whole family has bonded together and that's why we'll get through it and plus the support of every other person you know the move for lex everybody you know the things that we have done i could i could set up a florist i could set up a corner store and gym shop people love watching gym clothes and it's just unbelievable it's just you know we can't thank people enough it's awesome these days i think social media gets a bit of a negative rap sometimes with the ways that some people choose to use it but then you see something like this and the amount of how a massive people can be pulled together to provide support to each other it's it's so nice yeah and you know when we first created the page move for lex i remember thinking cool we'll probably have max 500 people who follow it we like close friends and family and a great way for us to not have to be on the phone all the time updating people perfect and then it was doing that thing where it flashes by the hundreds going up and i just remember thinking what like i remember looking at it being like what is happening like we didn't post it anywhere we didn't do anything and then as soon as it was you know on a current affair and this and that and these big pages with massive following started sharing it all off their own back they wanted to they would write the most beautiful things and it just grew so quickly i think we're at 117 000 now which is massive that's amazing yeah massive so the page has been a great support um madison what's your personal support network been like and how have you used those people to get you through these tough times yeah i feel like i'm very fortunate i mean even take everything away i feel like family is enough because they've been so great and so supportive i have a great partner as well who i mean how do you really support somebody who is through something like this it's tough and i you know feel for him sometimes being on the other side of it because it is roller coaster i have great friends as well which is awesome i have excellent staff who work for me who you know especially in the early days just alleviated any stress that they possibly could to make our lives easier and i'm so grateful for that um so i feel like i've been very lucky the gyms that i've got behind it you know people offering free memberships because it's great for mental you know your mental to get in there and you know get moving and that's what it's all about like the kindness that comes behind it but then i think my biggest thing that helps is i love being on the move flex page and reading what everybody sends in my favorite was even in the early days when people would send in their favorite lex memories and i spent hours just opening these messages and people would say the first time they met her or how they remember her or the smallest interaction they may have had and i know that almost sounds weird that that was helpful for me but i swear it's what got me through those first couple of days and weeks and yeah i feel really grateful for the people who have been there working with a lot of people who've had spinal injuries and traumatic injuries the common theme that they all say is the difference a big deciding factor in a good outcome and about outcome personally and mentally is the support network you have it really makes or breaks the situation it's not going to make the physical side that much easier about how you deal with it it's yeah so much the love and support there's no doubt about that oh honestly and i'm just so grateful for the people who you know do that for the girls in melbourne or do that for you know the boys mum's off kitchen duties all together at the moment there's like this rotation and noosa of people delivering food and the boys love it because they never loved mom's cooking anyway sorry mama if you're listening we can edit that out f45 have a food train running you know it's it's just unbelievable and the best is that you can really tell when it generally comes from people just wanting to do the right thing you know there's no motive there's no nothing it's just people with big hearts and it makes you want to go out there and you think god i've got to go out there and you know give back and pay it forward yeah and a lot of people have said this to russ that all the good karma you're getting is because of like the lifetime of what you've put back into people and the messages that come through the move flex page he doesn't even get to see half of them but they're people saying you know he did this for me all this happened to him like this happened to me and he helped me through it and that's why i feel you know what you put out is what you get back that's what i've taught you yeah i think it's such an underrated thing just being a good person yeah these days it's just like people if you're a good person other people and hope it obviously never gets to this stage but the people want to help you when something bad happens in your life such an understated thing that everyone out there should just go out of your way a little bit to help the person next year and it'll come back around a bit of compassion bitter kindness and that's one thing even with the shirts that russ is wearing at the moment on the back of them lex's slogan like her um instagram bio was be kind always and so that's something that we've really ran with through everything that we've been doing because i mean it's so true it's great simple but yeah effective message right it is so easy too it doesn't have to be like a big grand gesture just like smiling at a stranger as you walk past them and yeah weird look sometimes but people have learned to take too much you know everyone wants to take for themselves instead of giving out i've always taught these guys you know go and do someone something special a special deed don't say nothing to him don't tell anyone absolutely don't even post it every brag about it just go do it absolutely so russell being the father of the family you're often looked at to try to be you know the the rock of the family have you felt like you've had to put on a brave face or have you had your support support system something you can open up to ah just look having the everybody the family hold together it's been the best thing like you imagine if one of two of them fell over and then we've got to try and pick them up yeah then being solid and strong because remember we've got business hot um resorts and the daughters run them so they've been amazing at what they've done there so that's taken the pressure off me there a few coronas a night that takes the pressure off also having belinda strong and solid and to watch her and we support each other in a big way so it's yeah this time stick down it kills me and still does you know so but you've got to be strong because if i fall everyone crumbles and you know but so and i would watch that instagram page and people what they say and it sort of just gives that warm fuzzy feeling that you've got to keep going here and alexa feels it there's no doubt about that so no it's look just the love and care from everybody is what keeps me going yeah it's something we've had on with previous i know ryan our last episode he suffered a spinal cord injury and spoke about the time following that it's just a team effort you know if one person one person can't hold everyone together and yeah like you said if other chips fall down it's too much to try to pick up them at the same time you're trying to support the person going through it yeah a real team effort and it seems like with you guys that's definitely the case as well as everyone following the page getting around your center messages people reaching out a real team effort and that's why one alex has felt it like you said and able to get get through it all and you guys will be able to stay strong so the essence of this podcast is how a loved one or someone that you care about disability or accident affects the people around them what has been the hardest part about alexa's accident for you both i think there's been a lot of things obviously that were hard you constantly reflect on what it was like beforehand i think is a big thing and you think oh gosh like you try not to spread the small stuff and you it changes i think your perspective on everything moving forward about you know not to take things for granted and not to get angry about things that don't matter they're not you know it's not a real issue that we're dealing with i think back to the night before the accident i remember now i always think about that night we went out for dinner i remember sitting there and now i think about it i thought wow that's the last time that i really didn't have a problem in my life you know and it's only really now when something bad happens that you get that clarity um so i think also the other thing that i really feel for is i do feel for the younger boys i feel sad for them and it's tough because i remember what i was like at that age and to have everything change when you're so young i think is really tough um i'm worried about what it's going to be like going forward you know there's so many things that you think about but then i try to remind myself you know we've got to stay present you could take one day at a time and this great surgeon in the brisbane hospital his name was george and he was amazing and i remember he said to me you know there's going to be ups and downs and it's going to be like a roller coaster but you can't get too far ahead of yourself you can't let a bad day you know change your perspective you need to just be in the moment be grateful for what's there like right now and i think about it all the time the way he said it to me and i'm like that is so true you know we're grateful that we've got lex we've got this far she's doing awesome at the moment um you know we're a united family front you know it you know there's a lot to be thankful for at the minute our house was like a revolving door for children because it's right in the middle of noosa there and you know to go home and there's it's quiet there's no one around it's quite crazy so we want lex back and get the real revolving door moving again you might be closing the door you'll have a few visitors yes i think so she's got a long line of people wanting to come see her that's for sure it's something you touched on then it's a change of perspective that your family now has and it's something that's come up every episode we've done is you know the people that have been through traumatic experiences and every one of them said you know i realize all those little things i used to worry about just don't matter anymore and i really hope it's something that people listening to this can really take away is don't wait for something hopefully it never happens but don't wait for something traumatic to happen in your life to make it click and go all that other [ __ ] doesn't matter absolutely people just you know slow down appreciate the little things stop worrying about those things that just do not matter and just enjoy your life a bit more 100 it's only a bad day not a bad life i think you've always been good at that though russ like russ has always lived his life like that he used to say to us you know don't die with a dance left in you and he'd have 27 different sayings that pretty much meant that um so i feel like a lot of us tried to take that on for me but you're just that but i think for the rest of the family yeah absolutely now it's very different you even said you know russ used to get angry at max because he wouldn't wash the car he's like i don't give a crap about the car anymore it's all good and i know my life's always been you know every day's a grand final and for years and years i've sent the kids texas every morning motivational taxes to um get them fired up you know i'll target one of them that they won't know i'm targeting them about their life at the moment whether it's a boyfriend whatever but now one daughter said the other days it's quite crazy now you're sending them out to hundreds of thousands of people so in a big way just i love this note russ forever has sent to the group chat a positive message and it got so hyped up that even in some of my last jobs nine o'clock in the morning everybody would tune in on the phone to listen to russ's message of the day like i'm talking people loved it and it's true so many people love the little sayings that you put at the end of them but we've been getting those our whole life service is such a such a difficult time it's obvious what tools have you both used to to stay strong and so positive it's just you've got to stay mentally strong with it because you know you're going to deal it's like a war that it's you know there's going to be a fight every day and if you're not ready for that fight and you know you'll fold so i think your mind and as i said we talked before your family yeah just you just got to stay powerful in your brain and and back each other so if i watch belinda in there and i don't know how some stages she she held a hand when you know we didn't know whether she was here or gone and you know you've got to hold her hand and you know it's it's that joint togetherness you know that the family and will the boyfriend he's been absolutely amazing for 19 to sit bedside crazy i think for me russ is right you've got to stay mentally strong but i think to stay mentally strong and this comes back to what we're trying to do like physical activity has been massive like to get in the gym even when you don't want to go especially in the early days it was like oh that's the last thing i feel like doing but then when you start forcing yourself to go you feel better it helps you mentally get through it and you know get through what you're about to go through um and i think that that is even one of the things that we're trying to push with move for lex you know you get out and you move even if you don't feel like it because we're so lucky that we actually can so what you're just going to say i don't feel like doing it today i think about lex every single day she would be out running if she could she'd be swimming if she could so like let's get out and do it and then mentally i think that helps you with your clarity you know everything absolutely i feel like exercise is life's so full of stresses these days and your gauge is filling up from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to sleep and i feel like each morning exercise is my my way of emptying that gauge so i can take on all the stresses for the day ahead otherwise otherwise that gauge is gonna bust pretty quickly absolutely and i think that that's exactly what we're trying to say to people you know we've our whole family's always been quite fit we've always exercised a lot but then to watch somebody have that taken away from them it makes you grateful that you can do that so instead of being like oh i have to go to the gym today i'm like no i'm pumped i can i can actually go and do that that's great and it's going to make me feel so much better afterwards definitely nick's next mate was telling us the story yeah i just love making my mates feel guilty i was on the phone to my mate one day and he was walking up a hill he was aw he feels so steep i was like i'd love to be able to walk up the hill mate exactly take absolutely it's a quick perspective change of like yep okay you're so right i can get up this hill and nick you're right like putting a bit of humor back into this these tragedies that's what you have to do yeah you know if we just all-state stayed and sad and my mother you just wouldn't get there yeah that's so true though like we said even in the early days when you'd go see lex the only thing you'd want to do when you sat by a bed would sit there and be cry because it's terrible but we were only like two in a you know two in a day to see her and we used to say okay you're not allowed to cry at all you're going in there you're going in the higher energy she doesn't want you sitting next to her bed crying that's the last thing she's gonna want and i remember the first day i was going in it was rust and i actually and we're at the lift waiting for the lift to come to take us up to a room and he was like okay you're ready for this and it's like yep and he was like don't you cry and i was like okay you're so right because it's not about me and it's not about you this is about her that's not what she wants we're gonna have to go on their high energy for two hours to give her the best of what we possibly can um because otherwise it's not we're not good to it well that's again going back to the what this podcast is about the way that others around are affected and the way it impacts the person with the disability and i know i mean every family's different but i know through my experience through hospital following my accident like we are already a family just a pretty light-hearted and make a lot of jokes and the way that they i heard a story i was laying in bed once and my brothers put a cookie on my head and made me use my like face muscles to work it down to my mouth just dumb stuff like that that just you know keep it light-hearted it's it's happened there's no point like looking back it's just you got to get on with it you got to try to stay as positive as you can and and move on if hume is something that might help with that at the times than it can then then you've got to use it absolutely just take the positive from the negative and exactly right yeah yeah taking it back to alexa how's she going now and what's her good days and her bad days look like look it's been such an up and down roller coaster so to get her out of icu to actually get her medically stable was huge so we you know in my cu we didn't know that she was gonna live or die that's how it was so to get her back down into the neuro ward but then because the brain wasn't draining the fluid we had the ups and downs so should they put the tube in she come up the tuba go out they'd test whether the fluid would drain she'd go down up and down up and down and when they finally got a stable and they realized they had to put the shunt in and the shunt is the thing that goes in your head that pumps the fluid from the brain out and it's there for life so they held off for a long time to do that to try and not let her have it but once that went in straight away the glow come back on her face you know she was happy again and since that she has been quite amazing so she now is in rehab at the baru which is one of the most amazing places we've heard about the nurses are unbelievable she's advanced they reckon they're more in five days and they've seen people ever advanced in months so she is keen now she's probably got the sport head back in and saying i want this and the only way out of here is to train and that's what i'm going to do she still doesn't you know her mind's not there she's in there she talks to us in riddles and bits of conversations and repeats things and doesn't know her memory and all that but all of a sudden she'll come out and say what happened in the bike accident and we go what so no right now she we feel she's on a on the way up in the rehab and she will just keep going forward leaps and bounds and she's got the smile back and the kill and the grunt backing her again she does she's smiling again which is like so nice and she did a bit of a walk by herself which was amazing but her short-term memory is not great you can it feels like a goldfish sometimes you can be in a room and then you get up and leave and you come back because you went to the bathroom and she's like oh my gosh maddie and i'm like i've been here for hours but cool which is funny but then things that she does say i'm like that has to be drawing on you know past experiences that you know about and the other day one of the girls had her on the phone she could list all of her siblings in age order from oldest to youngest which is massive so part of me feels like you know some of her is remembering old stuff but maybe the new stuff is just not quite there yet because you asked her what i had she had for lunch and my favorites when she had like chicken and she's like ah sandwich but she still doesn't know they ask her every day where are you she says i don't know yeah so it's but but that will that's going to take time for the brain to reroute and you know over time that will come back i think so like especially with how far we've come like she couldn't say anything or communicate at all and then you know you get a slight sentence out of her she did tell paige though that she was just having a quick break because she broke her ankle and she'd be back soon that was one of my personal favorites she also asked um her partner will this was a great one she said to will oh have you been with anybody else since i've been here he said no she said oh good because neither have i was like i didn't think you had but you've been here good to know clear that up so she's got a little personality in there um you know she's so funny bless her something i found so amazing i saw on the um on the instagram page was i think she was at a time when she still couldn't speak that much but with the music she could sing along yeah that was just nuts that was unbelievable amazing that was a real big breaking point i think for us because part of her was remembering the lyrics to these songs and the songs that we were playing were songs that she'd been obsessed with and you know listen to a lot but listen to it once and then she would know the words she would barely stuff it up um which was so great because we were like part of her brain must be remembering there's something in there that's yeah yeah firing yeah i do admit i would listen to the climb a few times that night you and me both and that dumbfounded the doctors also no she couldn't speak to us but she could sing yeah yeah wild hey so brains just nuts are so much right and that's the thing that is so much unknown that's exactly right there's you know when i didn't know anything about brains you think okay well the doctors know and there's this and there's that but when you really get in there they can't tell you anything lex could have the exact same accident as the person next to her and that other person could get up and walk and tell you everything or they might pass away they have no understanding of why the same thing can happen a personality and person be and they can end up totally different the video of her was it today her walk in the short distance that looks so good the physio is stoked about that this early on absolutely that video but that's it because being now five days at peru that just shows how quickly she's advanced there because that's the other thing and that's one thing that we're really trying to push with move for lex and why we do want to raise money for the hospital the physios come around the hospital and you're lucky if you get you know 20 30 minutes whereas in beru she's getting hours a day of rehab so it would have been awesome to start that sooner but they just can't because they just don't have the resources as well now with the pressure in her brain being consistently low and not having any of those spikes hopefully that's given things time to to start the healing and yes stop yelling so much you know you think that we were on a good wicket and then it'd be you know two steps forward and ten back um so it's nice to feel like okay that feels like some of that's coming to an end and hopefully we can just move along in the right direction so when you see these little wins from lex i mean obviously it'd make you incredibly proud and happy but what what does it do for the family and and do for you guys would you want me to start crying seriously it was like in the early days i would sit at the bottom of the bed because i just couldn't look and you know i'd be there and i'd pinch her leg her right leg that hard thinking please say ulch and it was four weeks on and she went ulch and i went oh what a victory you know that there is actually feeling in there just the simple things you know the simple things in life to see them now you know just to smile and oh the first time i walked into the room and she said hi maddie and i thought oh my gosh she knows exactly who i am like that was massive and i just thought okay well great if she knows who i am we can you know i can we can deal with anything else but the family group chat runs hot we have this chat and any good news anybody gets or anytime somebody facetimes her and they get an update um it goes straight in there so i feel like we update each other as much as possible but the other thing i think as well for people looking on is a lot of time the instagram account is her highlight reel so a lot of the times you know you see all her good achievements but we don't necessarily you know show all the the backward steps that we go through as well and that would help you through the tough times as well wouldn't it 100 and it's like if she's done it once she can do it again i think that that was a big thing when the right side of the body wasn't moving at all and we had the fear that it would never move again and then it did start moving but we went 10 steps backwards with the brain swelling and it stopped moving and i think all of us just thought okay well it's done it before so once we sort it out surely it's going to do it again and little things like that would definitely help and obviously you have an end goal where you want to get to and you want to which you want to get as good as possible but just to take that time along the way just to celebrate those little wins unbelievable sure i think we get and i've said this before but i feel like you get so greedy like i remember at the start it was if she just lives all good and then it was if she just like wakes up or good and if she's just not a vegetable or good and i feel like we've done these things constantly and now we're at the point of if she can just walk and talk and remember us and do it you know they're all good but it reminds you you know there was a point where the only thing we cared about was if you just live um so i think that really makes you sort of reflect on how far you've come and how many boxes we actually have to it absolutely from what you've said from the sound of lex the the background she's had in the the fighter and the train and the athlete that she is that would be within her as well just keep pushing in the next thing pushing the next thing don't be satisfied with where she is oh and that's what the doctor said because you know if she wasn't young and fit she would not be here you know they still can't work out how she survived from the accident side to the ambulance you know she went on life support from the ambulance for 11 days and that was a miracle that day when they actually pulled the tube out and the person next daughter had the tube pulled out at the same time and alexa was probably not meant to live and the guy next door died like it's just you know it's quite blunt and brutal in there it is isn't it like i see you as a place i pray i never have to go back into i'd never really been in one before and you walk through there and you just think gosh what happened to all of you to end up here like people are just in the worst ways you got people covered in burns and you know all these bad things happening but then the other thing that happened to us as well is all her neighbors i guess the people next to it they're all leaving and they're being moved on towards and at one stage it felt like we were never leaving it just felt like we're here forever and we're never progressing and it was just so nice when the day finally came and you know we were moving yeah it's not a nice place to be no oh my gosh no you wouldn't wish it upon anybody how does a alexa comprehend all the little wins along the way does she understand the significance of them does she get emotional about them i don't know if she understands the significance of them but i feel like when we're there it's like chia squad on um there's a couple of videos where she you know she's up and walking and there's all these people going god likes go lex and she even starts saying yeah go lex like um and it's like okay well do you realize how cool this is um and i think that her and russ have a really special relationship in you know he'll really try edgar on to you know move that hand or do this and when she does you can see that she's pumped with herself um so i feel like part of her must recognize it's a good thing and i feel like um she keeps saying to us you know i can now move this side and i can move this leg so i can go home so something in that brain of hers must be thinking if i can move both my hands and i can move my legs that's sort of the ticket to me getting out of here so she's got a you know sort of realize so touch on a little bit about the move for lex page and the the movement of moving so for those who can't it seems to be such a positive thing to come out of it such a negative situation has that momentum surprised you and what are the plans moving forward with it or in the biggest way it surprised us for sure i mean like i said initially it was just so people would sort of not really message us we could uploa update everybody in one place and the idea one of my girlfriends actually messaged me and said you know you and i have been saying every day since the accident you know i'm going to go to the gym because lex can't and i'm going to do this because lex can't you know she's like what if we put that online and we start hashtagging move for lex and it will just encourage people it's like a long weekend because i would just encourage people over the long weekend to get out and move it's like yeah that is so true and you know that's what we've been doing as a friendship group and as a family so why not put it out there but i never well none of us ever expected that so many people jump on board and get involved and it just started you know it just started rolling people just started doing it and then we thought well that's great and very early on we identified that you know what happened to lex is terrible but bad things happen to a lot of people and there's a lot of people who get their movement taken away from them you know so we should celebrate the fact that we can do that we should be grateful for the fact that we can um you know it should be something that we're proud of that we can actually go out and do it so i think that's a lot of where mufilex came from then we had so many amazing people raising money and they kept trying to give it to us and russ was like well i just don't think that we should take it i feel like we should do something better with it and it just took us a while to pinpoint exactly what way we wanted to put that like where we wanted to put that money but the foundation have been amazing and russ has been doing a lot of work with them and probably because i've sat in that hospital bed hospital for you know 70 odd days so i see what's missing i see what they need there's not enough equipment there's not enough wheelchairs you know and it's even like the there's people in there that their families can't afford to fly to see them they can't afford to stay so imagine how are they going to repair themselves with no love and support so this move for lex now that money is going to be called i we see you that will help them fly the people out see their children see their loved ones you know so accommodation like there's so many costs that are involved in it and you just can't even comprehend like how does a mum and dad who go to work full-time and don't live anywhere near the hospital possibly support somebody who goes through something like this like what resources do they get what's available for them and the reality is is there's not a lot and that's where this it's amazing these people who put together this icu we see you plan which will actually mean that if this does well when this unfortunately does happen to another family and they're in this situation there's a support there for them you know it will alleviate some of the stress because you're already under such emotional stress the last thing you want is you know financial stress and everything else that comes with it so if this can help one other family then amazing and it's also like when they they what they came to me first about it they're quite amazed at move for lex i said look i i love to donate but sometimes you think is it all administration costs and all that so with this the money to the hospital there are no administration costs the clear money that goes in is spent exactly on the people and this the equipment that's needed so we know that there's i think there's 110 20 000 be raised already it's quite crazy that that money will be directly spent on what is needed in there you know for a simple one with alexa when her scalp was taken off the bed rails are all metal now if she moved her head and hit her brain on that she's back in icu i went and bought some pool noodles and taped them to the bed because they used to have them on there not pool noodles but proper professional ones but they wore out and they never replaced them so that sort of thing is so needed i mean people without scalps and they hit a metal bar so it's just simple things the tvs don't work you know you've got to wait for a wheelchair russ runs around and fixes everybody's tvs for them because they stop working he thinks well what are you going to look at today so alex is an initial and all the way through she got so many flowers well i just walk around the wards and give them to the people who had nothing or no one in there and they think they'd won tetsalotto you know so it's giving back to the world what you give is what you get it'd be nice to see you know some one-on-one care available as well there was this one incident we had with lexi where unfortunately she pulled one of the tubes out of her head which meant that there was brain fluid going everywhere there was blood on the pillow and she was left unattended for like 40 minutes yet did this much damage and if they had have had resources to have a one-on-one nurse like she needed at that time we would have avoided one of those setbacks so it's like okay the next person sits in that bed let's not put them through anything extra that they don't have to such an amazing amazing initiative and idea and i think as you said with people often worry about the administration cost whatever that be and some people might be hesitant to donate because of that reason so they think i'm not going to donate it's going to go to the administrators and all that but knowing that i'm just encourage people to get out there and donate as much as you can you know where it's going you know how needed it is that was a really important thing i think to russ was that we just don't want to have anything like that we don't want to tell people to put their money somewhere and it's not going to end up where you say it's going to um so that was a big one and it's something that yeah you probably would never have even considered had you not unfortunately ended up in this situation and but there's plenty of people who've been through it before and they haven't had the means or the motivation to do what you guys are doing so well done that's a really amazing effort you guys are good doing and if the move for lex can then help the next person like alexa you know let's move for john who can't move and there's so many facets to this alexa i hope can come and start to run that and help people from what she's been through i think that's another big thing too it's like well when lex gets out of this she's gonna need i mean we know what she's like she's full of energy she's gonna need somewhere to channel all of that too and if we can make this something that she can take over and she can talk about her story and there's you know a platform there for her to help other people then what an excellent thing to be able to give her it's such a selfless thing too i think because obviously with alexi you'd think there's going to be ongoing costs to go and the family could have easily gone yep we'll take that money we'll use it for alexa we can do that and to turn around and go nut we're worried about the next families coming through the next family need to worry about it that's just yeah but it just feels so good for us to know that we can help out this bad situation we can help others yeah does alexa um understand the support of all the followers because i saw her reaction to the 101 000 i think it was back then it was that's where i'm her one of her favorite saying uh famous sayings what the heckers came from because we were showing her and all those people are following you and she tries to zoom in on the number um it's one thing that's really crazy about lex i know she can't do a lot of things at the moment but she can navigate her way around instagram pretty good um she keeps telling me she can't read though but she could see the number and she would try and zoom in on it and she kept saying to me wow wow so i don't know how much of that she actually comprehends but i tell you what she loves watching the stories the ones that we put on the actual highlight when people go out and they move she sits there and she'll watch that from start to finish especially people who say move for lex or they're out and it's like beautiful outside and they're my favorite ones to repost because i know how much she loves watching those that's awesome so what are the months ahead look like for lex and the family rehab we possibly would be able to take her out at weekends so that's you know let's say the next six to eight weeks she'll be in rehab there and then then they say that they'll put they hire a house and you go in and you try and rehabilitate it back to normal life but we're going to sort of try and see whether we can get it back to noosa whether it's out of the sunshine coast rehab unit so it's it's a lot i think it'll be a long road ahead of us um which we always knew would be the case i think also we try and not get too ahead of ourselves focus on you know what's ahead of us right now because for a couple of reasons it can change so quickly but also she can progress quicker than what we're expecting or she might not it's so hard to know what that's going to look like but in a perfect world i think that we would love to see her finish her time in peru be able to come home they do like this 10-week program where you have to still check in with peru because obviously they need the beds back there they've only got just over 20 beds so they need to move people on as quick as possible but if we could do that from home and set home up as her base so that she can be back with her brothers and her parents and you know harvey the dog i think that that would be ideal and i think she'll come the furthest going back to our own environment you're familiar yeah surroundings yeah yeah the noosa tries coming up isn't it it is coming up any chance of a weekend release for a visit there or that'd be great because that was going to going to be her first nurse to try pro race she's won the 16 to 19 year old 19 year olds nusa tried two or three times and so they're going to do something special for her yeah move to alex and yeah we're talking with them at the moment about a bit uh they do this race like pre-race on the friday and lex always kills it because it's a big swim that they do and they want to rename it actually and do you know move flex and name it you know something along those lines which would be amazing i think in a perfect world gosh we'd love to have her there on day leave but you just don't know if that's going to be over stimulating for a brain or what that might look like but absolutely and you know what if not this year there's always next year what other immediate uh functional goals for lex at the moment she's walking really well but are there any small functional tasks that she's specifically working towards i think if she can get that right leg moving properly it still does move with a bit of unfortunately almost like a limp and same with the hand it doesn't move perfectly on command so she's gonna need to keep working on that also just identifying basic objects is a real struggle for her at the moment so to go okay that's a hair brush that's a toothbrush um that doesn't really exist for her so whether or not it's a full relearn to understand what those things are or whether or not it's you know part of her brain is going to reprogram and she is going to remember that we don't know um but that's probably true learning to brush her hair brush brush her teeth you know she's really got to start life all over again yeah yeah which is tough and then i think just being able to have a proper conversation with her would be great you know you get a sentence here and words here but to be able to actually sit and chat would be so nice like i can't wait for that day is uh the green headgear here to stage ready to throw that away it's a souvenir don't worry and the mitt i love it because i had madison across the top of it so i was like like some on your head if you had to sum up the biggest life lesson that you have both taken from the experience what would you say that would be for me personally it's don't stress the small stuff and just be happy every day until you know we really didn't have a problem 84 days ago did we no problem so like you know you should live like that so i think that's my biggest thing what about your us it's like every day is a grand final you got to treat it that way don't die with a dance left in you and don't sweat the small stuff because how many people do and i think through move for lex and all these people are starting to realize come on loosen up a bit yeah yeah let's move for legs such a good message to get out there i think as we spoke about earlier yeah it's okay to i always get worried now because a few people pulled me up about always trying to say stop worrying about what you've lost thing about what you've still got it's okay to have those sad moments and think about what you have lost but you still have to be grateful for what you still do have and usually if you look hard enough there's so much to be grateful for yeah i've said before the best advice i was ever given in rehab was let yourself have the bad days because without it you can't have the good days and so true like yeah as jack said you gotta have those bad times you can't be up all the time but just yeah enjoy the enjoy the good times yeah and finally if there's someone listen to this that's going through something similar or a monumental challenge what advice do you have for them don't give up and there's always somebody out there who is there for you who you know wants to help who will lend a hand sense of community is amazing and people are amazing i think i've really learned that going through this is you know people are so quick to not want to chat to their neighbors or not want to talk to anybody but there is a beautiful people in the world who are willing to go out of their way to help you so never feel alone um there's definitely somebody out there and don't give up you know tomorrow is a new day try again i've always had a couple of sayings of um you're only ever as sad as you're you're only as happy as you sat as child so you know what when she's down i'm down and when she's up i'm up but it does take a community to bring up a child and to watch this world community come behind this it's quite amazing so you've got to reach out yeah i've got my phone number ring me i'll tell you how to get through it yeah you love doing that right for a lot of people it's yeah if i could have ranked parents going through what i was going through and just asked a question you know but now but i think the biggest turnaround for us was a guy called reese in there that he was in the same he's now physio at the hospital he was in the same icu unit as bed as alexa he was in the same neuro waters alexa he had the same brain damage as alexa he came in on probably week four when i was probably down and out thinking where are we going here and he gave us all this faith because he was the same his right arm never moved for six months so daily he would come down and check in on us so that sort of supports out there and you've got to use that support and believe in that support yeah it's okay to lean on people when you need to i think and i'm not a good taker but i've learnt now to take that advice and take and listen to these people you have to be the worst taker i've ever met people send gifts and he wants to re-gift them to somebody who needs them more and i'm like russ this came for you i'll rewrap them on christmas day and just hand them back out he's the worst person to buy a gift for i tell you oh awesome guys thank you so much for coming in we know lisa said the family's got so much going on but we appreciate you taking the time to come in and help spread the message and help it yeah actually educate people out there and give an update on lex and thanks so much for giving us the time and nick you're an inspiration to this world yourself and what you've done amazing thank you very much absolutely thank you so much for having us and jack thank you very much you look like a rockstar you're okay awesome thanks very much guys thank you thank you guys and our next guest on the podcast is tegan mckinnon wife of former nrl player alex mckinnon alex sustained a spinal cord injury in a dangerous tackle while playing for the newcastle knights in 2014 resulting in him now being classed as a c5 quadriplegic with complete paralysis from the chest down and partial paralysis in his arms tegan is coming on to share the incredible journey the two have been on including the early days following such a high profile injury becoming parents of three beautiful children and we explore the ways in which she has stayed so strong during the hard times so look forward to listening to that as always guys beyondblue have given us the green light to offer their support if any of our podcasts including today's bring up any negative emotions and you feel like you may need some support please contact beyondblue on 1300 to 4636 or go online to beyondblue.org.edu and navigate their website to the online chat check on each other and remember it ain't weak to speak such an important message and also guys uh check out our social media pages we have our instagram the unaffected underscore podcast you can find links on there to all our other socials including where to listen on apple podcasts on spotify youtube tiktok you can also check out our facebook page to search the unaffected podcast or if you need to reach out by email it is the unaffected pod at gmail.com so reach out let us know if you think there's anyone we should have on here any questions for any past or upcoming guests and just help us spread our message out there thanks guys [Music] ah [Music] 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