2020 it's all a blur a bit I finally got naturally pregnant so all these little beautiful babies that are here in this front row today um came about by IVF but um I found myself pregnant naturally for the first time I didn't think it could happen for me so we were very excited we learned that we were having a baby boy and about you know I I started having complications pretty early on but thought that maybe I could get stronger My Placenta could grow stronger I ended up having a placental abup ion and was bleeding out essentially but felt no pain it was very we it was an odd unique experience because I always imagined if you were losing a baby you would feel some sort of cramping or pain and I just remember going to the hospital and really feeling like things were going to be okay I have videos from that day that if I'm so inclined to ever go look back at I don't choose to yet but um there was so much hope for like we didn't really feel like anything was going to go wrong but things turned bad very quickly um I needed blood transfusion after blood transfusion I remember feeling so lucky that I had the care that I had and the ability to make decisions with my doctor we ended up you know having an abortion and it's so weird to say because I didn't realize that yeah excuse me I didn't realize that until the Dos decision when John and I were talking about it in bed one day and I was talking about it from a place of I feel so bad for people for other people for them um that anyone's everever had to go through that and and they they're not able to make a choice about their own body and he was like well you had an abortion I was like what I had no idea that language wasn't used in in the room that I was in it was never said by my doctor it was never said by anyone around me so I just assumed that I had miscarried I didn't even realize and I I honestly felt so ignorant for not having known that for so many years um that I didn't know it was happening to my own body but I think that word is so scary to people it's so taboo to talk about and so I think by you speaking out about it by being here and all of us speaking out about it and knowing that millions of women around the world make this decision for themselves and hearing stories from your clinic hearing that so many women come in there and it's not a place of sadness all the time it's not a place where people are feeling at their darkest points or anything like the world wants you to think some people go in there with so much hope and so much sorry and so much excitement because they know that they have a future and maybe there are so many people like Manda and I that wanted our baby so badly and it's okay what happened to us is okay but we can't let this happen to other people we cannot let people not have this choice