Family Life Radio // A Crown that Lasts // Demi Tebow

and I realized that I have to replace that word self with something that is fixed that is never changing that is always trustworthy and that is bigger than myself and essentially for me personally that is my faith in Jesus and my confidence that I get to have in God and so um I've had to go and remove the word self and replace it with God and say no I don't need self-confidence because I get to have full confidence in my maker in all the promises that he has made but all also in all of the promises that he has kept throughout [Music] eternity well welcome to the canle fritz and Friends Podcast where we help you live your life intentionally and grow closer to Jesus we're talking with Demi tibo she's an entrepreneur influencer and speaker who was Crown Miss Universe and uh Miss South South Africa as well in 2017 and she along with her husband Tim TBO you got some fur babies in the house right oh yeah we sure do I know Sally can relate to that a lot um we have three three big old dogs they are just as sweetest things and man do they just bring you so much joy I just you know my my Bernice every single morning the first thing he does is bring me my slippers and nobody told him to do that he just figured it out himself isn't that awesome oh my gosh that is awesome when they get to an age that they kind of know your habits and it's just so fun cuz it's like well we understand each other now and canle Fritz has a brand new dog baby oh go little Havanese dog andet it's adorable oh my gosh love this Stu how old are we out of puppy messy phase yet or no he turned one in June I feel like my dogs only grew up out of the puppy phase when they were four so got a let that be an encouragement to you canle oh no it's worth it though it's so worth it that's yeah well who who doesn't want to have a puppy for the rest of your life yeah exactly yeah well you've written the book a crown that lasts you are not your label and um one of the things I want to talk about in starting out here is that we share a little bit of commonality uh my family and yours uh you know when you were 10 you your beautiful sister uh FR was born with uh some health challenges your family walked through that journey and um she went to be with Jesus in 2019 our daughter was diagnosed with multiple disabilities uh Cal py she was diagnosed as profoundly deaf she had a a visual impairment um she's nonverbal and uh we had her for 21 years Demi and uh this past June uh this summer as she passed away so um I'm I'm right there with with you and I just want to know what what did your what did your sister teach you well um kle first thank you so much for sharing that um that just story of your daughter you know for my sister growing up with a a sister with severe special needs and multiple disabilities um was hard you know as a teenager I had we were 10 years apart and so um um as a teenager I had so many questions so many questions that were unanswered um so many questions that are still unanswered you know I look to the Lord as a Believer you know praying every single day that she would get healed praying that um she would not be in pain and you know physically that didn't necessarily take place and instead you know my sister's life I felt like the older she got the harder it became and it was really hard to see my parents feel like they weren't necessarily able to to do something to help her and that was really hard for me as a teenager to experience that and you know it it really rattled my faith in a big sense um canle Fritz in in so many so many ways and I got to an age where I realized you know what I can choose to question God and the purpose that he had for my little sister's life for the rest of my life or I can choose to trust him and I have to if I'm going to choose to trust him I'm going to have to go and change you know that that why question um to a where question and say Lord where are you in this show me where you are using fr's Life For Your Glory um and gang is actually so sweet my little sister was my and my husband's Matchmaker um Foundation yeah it's such a sweet story so I I grew up in South Africa I did not know football at all I still don't really know much don't don't tell anyone I know football coming up I just know know enough just to say go Gators okay so anyway anyway um I didn't know football at all so that means I didn't really know my husband's name I'd never heard of Tim TBO before um but I had heard of night to shine which is a worldwide prom for people with with special needs and disabilities just like my sister a worldwide celebration they're in every single state I know there's one in Arizona um so it's really our favorite night of the year and it's a night where um we roll out the red carpet and we Crown each and every honored guest the the king or the queen of the prom not just because we want them to know how loved and valued they are by us but um by the king of this universe and that in his eyes they are seen as absolute royalty and you know long story short I'd heard of night to shine I haven't heard of tempo but my sister got invited to attain night to shine which also takes place in South Africa and um I just knew about this night to shine guy that throws a celebration for people like my sister and I wanted to know more FR was never able to attend in person just because of her condition um but that's essentially what got Tim and I connected what got us talking and we haven't stopped talking since so here we are so I I joke and say Tim invited my little sister to prom and not me that is adorable my daughter has been able to attend one and so are you serious that's so amazing that is so well then you know just the joy that night of shine brings to people all over the world I think we have them in 725 locations in 56 countries so if if you know someone with with with a form of special needs or disabilities please come and enjoy a night to shine we would love to have you we've got pictures of our daughter Abby in her wheelchair and she is decked out I mean she is dressed dressed up more than she's ever been in her life my my wife did her makeup her hair and it was oh I got to tell you was her do you remember her dress color yeah it was this white beautiful dress um it was oh yeah that's amazing to me because I I thought originally well Tim got this idea from you and your sister but no that's not it no night to shine had been going for gosh uh we just celebrated 10 years last year so um for 10 years at this point and we've just been married for over four years wow that's amazing that's awesome I love that what an incredible story and and what glue between you all is are the kids and all the difference that you've been able to make through a night to shine let alone your marriage included so you know Sally I always say one of the things that I I appreciate so much is Just the Lord's kindness and his goodness in our lives you know that he had given me such a sweet special gift through my sister and have broken my heart for people like my sister around the world um and long before Tim and I met um Tim's heart has been broken for people like my sister and the way that you know once we met we get to use our marriage as a vessel to live out our god-given purpose and that's something that that is you know truly the foundation of our marriage and our relationship and it's just so sweet of the Lord to have done that to have gone before us in such a such a kind way wow that is so so beautiful well I want to jump back to 2017 and we're going to be talking about the journey that led you there but I was fasinated to read that be receiving that crown really ended up becoming who you were to everyone in the public in fact you have a story about immediately your manager came to you and said to you yeah who are you yeah yeah that's right yeah you know you um it's man funny story I I won that Crown got placed on my head and I was whisked off to go and do you know media interviews and the first person that grabbed me was the the lady that was going to be my my manager for that year and she was awesome um and she grabbed me by the wrist and she goes who are you who are you and I go Demi my name is Demi hi nice to meet you too and you know she goes no no no who are you who are you and I go well I'm thinking to myself I'm wearing the crown I'm wearing a sash that says Miss Universe I maybe I should say my country's name you know cuz throughout the competition we were recognized by our countries on this our names to make it easier for everyone and I go oh H I'm Miss South Africa Miss South Africa and she goes no no who are you and it clicked and I was like oh I am Miss Universe and she's like great let's get to work Miss Universe and it was such a whirlwind year and you just jump right into working I mean I think we had something like over 20 International trips that year I got to be a spokesperson for so many organizations and and nonprofits who throughout that year um all around the world and different corners of the world which was incredible but you know Sally just as quickly as I got that title it also just as quickly got taken away from me you know I had to eventually give it back and listen Sally or uh you know you guys might be looking at me be like I have never worn a crown in my life and I'm also not planning on doing that but I think for everyone listening whether you've been imp pageant or not at some point in our our life we might find our ourselves in a place where we have rooted the essence of who we are in what we do and that was that moment for me and the night came where I had to give that crown back and where I just felt very empty where I felt lonely where I felt like I was just spiraling into a season that felt wasted um but I later realized that it wasn't necessarily a wasted season it was a waiting season oh yeah yeah we'll delve into that some more because it's fascinating to think and we all have our ideas especially as women what it might feel like to wear a crown but yet there are all kinds of things that cause us to think about who we are in other words what our purpose is and so um talk to us about finding the difference between self-confidence and God confidence because I I just love that whole concept because it's for me a major life reset yeah s that was really the thing that got me through that waiting season that felt like a wasted season um you know when you think of your identity uh it's made up of our life circumstances our life experiences the prizes the you know the good moments in our lives the bad moments the disappointing moments the the dreams the accolades ET all of those things life experiences end up forming our identity but the problem with that is when we root our identity in things that are temporary at some point or another it sends us spiraling into you know a roller coaster of emotions of comparison of not feeling like we are um enough like we feel like we are not valuable worthy um and just really questioning what our purpose is right that roller coaster every time there's a transition you hit this Obstacle of this roller coaster asking that well what now what's next question and throughout of throughout my life the moments where I have rooted that identity in um in things that are temporary it's usually when I've when I've also rooted my confidence in myself and confidence when you break it down just means to have full trust um so essentially I'm saying you know I have full trust in my myself well I don't know about you guys but more often than not I end up failing myself and in this waiting season I entered I realized man I have to find something that allows me to have a stable lasting identity an identity that's not going to go onto a roller coaster of emotions every time I hit a road bump um and I realized that I have to replace that word self with something that is f fed that is never changing that is always trustworthy and that is bigger than myself and essentially for me personally that is my faith in Jesus and my confidence that I get to have in God and so um I've had to go and remove the word self and replace it with God and say no I don't need self-confidence because I get to have full confidence in my maker in all the promises that he has made but also in all of the promises that he has kept throughout eternity how did this I mean get you to realizing so the identity identity is one thing but how about finding your purpose I think so many times we feel like our purpose is something so far-fetched something extravagant something Grand something out of the ordinary and I think that's a mistake that we can make a lot of times I think maybe sometimes that can be rooted in a little bit of pridefulness I think for me that has been the case um where in fact I think a lot of times our purpose can be directly correlated to the gifts to the um skills and to the relationships that we've already been blessed with that's good how do you know believing this affects guys as well what advice can you share with you know young people or who are trying to fit in with others how can they find that belonging yeah fitting in is um can also be a associated with fear you know um the fear of not fitting in the fear of feeling like we are not enough and man I think Tim Keller wrote it so well he said it so well he you know he said um I'm going to butcher this quote now but belonging is to be fully known and fully loved and that is a lot like being loved by God you know when we when we try to fit in we bend and break so much by the time we fit in we're not necessarily even ourselves anymore but belonging means that we are loved that we are known and loved regardless regardless of our good regardless of our bad but let's not make a mistake belonging doesn't mean that you're um belonging to a group of people that's just going to uh just say yeah you're great you're awesome no they're going to also choose your best interest and act on your be on on that behalf and tell you when you are not your best when there is more potential that you are not reaching because those are the people that truly love you that care for you that have your best interest at heart and that truly want the best for you again the the book is crown that last it's a a demi TBO and and shattering that perception that we have um you know of the world's highest achievements accomplishments and things like that um it's never really going to satisfy you know Demi I think about um as little girl growing up I think it's pretty common to think about what would it be like to be chosen really we're thinking about to wear a crown but I think at the base of it all it's the fact that you're chosen for something like that tell me about that pageant world and growing up in it and uh is it just all makeup and gowns and fun I mean a lot of it for sure yes there was so much fun in it Sally I am such a girly girl I love a good good makeup good pretty dress ball gowns and you know I think as a little girl having grown up watching the Miss South Africa pageant which is where I grew up um I was so enticed by the by the pretty ball gowns and the Dias and all the the princessy things but as I matured and Grew Older I realized that the thing that Drew me to former Miss South Africa's former winners wasn't necessarily the pretty glit and glamour of it all but it was the type of women that the winners were they were women that were leaders in their communities they were women that um inspired others they were women that served as a voice for people that might not have been able to speak out for themselves and I realized as a As I Grew Older probably in my teenage years not that I wanted to become a Miss South Africa but that I wanted to become a Miss South Africa type of woman and it's somebody that you know to the extent of what I just described to you and that's kind of how I tried to to mimic former South Africa Growing Up by trying to be a leader in my community by serving on you know whatever uh committees or or teams I could even as a teenager that really inspired me oh I love that I love how your book is arranged and walking us through the process but especially working through the weight I think that we're very impatient people yeah and so I was really intrigued by that and what you've learned through waiting seasons of your life I it's probably one of my favorite chapters in the book and in this chapter I really unpack that waiting season that we touched on a little bit earlier and you know I I mentioned earlier that it felt like such a wasted season it just felt like time was ticking and nothing good was happening and there was definitely a big portion of that season where I was just sitting on my couch waiting for the next opportunity waiting for the next thing uh I you know Sally I actually wrote In the book a story of how shortly after I handed back my title I pretended to be my own assistant I created a separate email account and just to divert people from asking me the what's next question because I like such a failure for not having had you know that all figured out my next plan my next strategy at 23 years old you know I felt like such a failure and right now I just want to go back and like give that Demi a little bit of a hug and just say it's okay you have to have it all figured out there is a perfect plan and purpose um but the thing that I learned through that season is that we can wait God's way and I think a part of that is understanding that as Believers we are co- laborers with God he always shows up he always does his job but we are also called to show up and do our part and do our job and um I write a whole chapter about this in the book about how I work through that season and how I wish I had worked through that season the things that I have learned now post that season um that I wish I had applied because by no means did I have a perfect road map you know otherwise I wouldn't have ended up in that season in the first place probably um but two practical things that I did Sally was one I in in days that were hard for me days that I felt lonely I would go and and serve someone I would go and volunteer at you know um a a soup kitchen or a just I lived in New York city so there was so many things that were accessible to me or I would go and volunteer with a nonprofit organization or I would um you know there were even times where I got to go on a mission trip and what what that does it removes the pressure off of yourself and puts the focus onto somebody else you know in that waiting season maybe you're waiting for your breakthrough but perhaps someone else is waiting on you to show up for the and that is just one way how I feel like that waiting season can still have so much significance by going and serving someone else I love that concept don't you canle Fritz maybe somebody is waiting on you to show up that's good that's really good that takes your focus off of you yes I love that exactly you know uh life is super unpredictable you know right now I'm on the radio this is what I do for a living but that could change in a second I mean I could be let go here I could be you something could happen I could become disabled or I can't talk I don't know how do you and your your identity can be wrapped up in that how do you get your focus more on God than other sources of comfort or things that you think or you hold on to in life Kangle for I think it's so easy to root our identity and our worth and and things that are tangible you know things that are right in front of us the crown I was wearing you know the maybe the prizes you have on your your wall I don't know that the things that are tangible that's right in front of us I think that's probably just the easiest thing to gravitate towards and you know like we spoke about earlier I had to realize well those things can change in the you know in a snap in the blink of an eye they're not Eternal um but the Bible teaches us that there are certain things that will last for all eternity in first Corin thians 9:25 Paul writes to the Church of Corinth and he he says you know hey guys like let's not Chase perishable crowns let's go and Chase crowns that will last for all of eternity and what Paul is referring to there is um actually the isian games it's a big rival to the Olympic Games back in the day I know we all just have we all just had Olympic fever with all of our athletes doing so great um but um what he's referring to is these athletes that would go and sacrifice their whole whole lives to go and compete at these isian games and all they would win was a crown made up of celery Pine or olive tree leaves depending on the SE right so talk about a perishable Crown you know Kangle FR my crown was not perishable is made up of Diamonds and Pearls yet here I am and I'm not wearing it so you know so ironic it's definitely a verse that inspired the title of my book a crown that lasts um because I chase a crown that didn't last just like like those athletes um there's two things that do last it's God's word and it's his people and when we chase after things that can have an impact on eternity I think that can Inspire an identity that is eternal too um your book is organized into four parts dig plant grow and flourish and in the grow segment you share a story that as women we all think about we all all worry about and I don't think we're ever free of it but you actually faced this situation tell us about it yeah as um I believe that you're referring to the the incident where I was carjacked at gun gunpoint in my home country South Africa yes um you know growing up in South Africa unfortunately violence especially against women and children was something that we you know at least heard about on a daily basis and that was definitely something that was always top of mind um so much so that my dad had sent me on numerous safety driving courses self-defense workshops you name it um throughout throughout my life good on him wow yeah for sure and you I could change all the tires on my car and record speed before I was ever even allowed to drive a vehicle um and one day Hop was 5 in the afternoon I was stuck at a red traffic light we call them robots in South Africa red robot and the next moment my vehicle got surrounded by multiple men and some of them were armed and I had a gun pointing right to my head well um to make a long story short I I managed to create a window of opportunity to get out of that situation and I I write actually the whole story pretty extensively in in one of the chapters in The Grow section in my book um I managed to escape that situation and I ran up that Avenue and I was knocking on car window after car window after car window with nobody stopping nobody would let me into their vehicles nobody would help me nobody would take me to Safety in fact people were quite literally shoe me away and that was probably the most dramatic part of that whole story was being in such desperate need people could hear what I was saying they could see the terror in my eyes and they chose to do nothing about it um a young girl she was 19 years old eventually pulled over her little car old little beat up car and and she led me into it she took me to safety and I'm so thankful for her for getting me to a safe space that afternoon but more more importantly I'm thankful for what she taught me she taught me how we can all use what we have right here right now where we've been planted to have an impact on somebody else's life and she also taught me to never underestimate the ripple effect of goodness that can come from your simple Act of obedience you know her simple Act of obedience of saying I can help you here I this is all I have I just have this beat up little old car but you can get in it that has led to me you know that incident has served as a catalyst to me learning about the evils that women face all around the world um it started in South Africa but it has transpired to me being able to be a voice for women that can't speak up for themselves to be an advocate for victims of human trafficking and child exploitation around the world um and today I'm sitting here as a board member of various organizations that serve survivors of human trafficking and it's truly one of the greatest honors of my life well good on you and good on that young young lady who stood up for you or sat there and leaned over and opened a door for you when nobody else would that's amazing yeah you know um Demi you and your husband are well you were Miss Universe Tim TBO obviously was in the NFL and uh still on TV and uh you know with SEC network and um well known and everything like that how do you it maybe someone listening right now well gosh they are them I'm not them how can I make an impact where I am how what would you say to that person yeah I would say you know once again don't underestimate the ripple effect of goodness that can come from your simple Act of obedience um I look at the story of Ruth and iomi in the Bible where um you know Ruth went through such a hard time she lost so many of the men in her life um you know was faced with this decision while do I stay in my hometown and just do the culturally appropriate Thing by staying here and I could possibly make a new life for myself here or do I accompany my mother-in-law Naomi back to her hometown which cry would have been like a very frowned upon thing to do and you know go and accompany her go and stay with her go and provide for her and that's essentially what Ruth did she went and she did what she thought was the right thing in that moment she ended up picking up scraps out of I believe you know Fields barley fields perhaps and essentially there was so much blessing that came from that look at at Ruth's lineage at this point where she was end up being the um future great grandmother of the you know of the she was the great- grandmother of the Future King David and essentially formed a part of Jesus Christ's lineage the the blessing that came from her saying I'm going to accompany my my mother-in-law I'm going to do the right thing here and ju once again you know I think we can so often feel like we're supposed to do something extravagant Grand Out Of Reach In order to have impact but it can start by just planting one little little small seed right here right now right in front of us so powerful so much um in this book to be really literally lifechanging and so I'm going to speedread all the way to the end to the flourish section of the book because what caught me were the words presence over Perfection yeah and I thought Sally wof here you go this this is what you need to hear talk to me about the importance of presence over Perfection I think I open one of those chapters with um telling about shortly after my husband and I got married one of our like first marital fights was you know me trying to be perfect and Tim being like it doesn't need to be perfect just be present and that just really hit I you know my husband's the baby of five so he grew up in a in a big family I grew up as an only child for the first 10 years of my life and you know my sister was my dad and my stepmom's daughter so we lived far away so we really were just a small family for the most part and any visit from friends or family was like a big occasion unlik how Tim was used to and so we just had people over at our home which felt like all the time the whole day every day and eventually I was like Tim I am tired of like cleaning the house and making sure it's perfect and you know this feels like a full-time job and he just looked at me and he was like Tami you don't have to be perfect just be present people appreciate that so much more and this is the moment don't miss this moment right in front of you you know and that was just so impactful to me one of the best lessons that uh my husband probably could have ever taught me and now you know I was trying to just get rid of all the dog hair making sure the was spotless well Sally now I have a sign up at the front door that says welcome I hope you like dog hair and believe me I it when I say it so if you I need that yeah I ne oh my goodness we have a Dalmatian and her little hair is like needles so if you don't like dog hair don't come to our home with with wearing black pants because you will leave with half of Paris on you the dog oh that's adorable y I've got the same problem here but we love them don't we oh we do I'll take the dog here any day now yeah well thank you for that whole idea of presence over Perfection I needed that along with everything else that's in your book it's just really an amazing look into your life that really re is reflected in all of our Lives thank you Sally I appreciate that well uh a crown that lasts you are not your label uh Demi TBO and and how can people get more information about you if they're interested oh anywhere on social media any social media platforms my website deo.com super easy so hope to see you guys there awesome well thank you so much for your time appreciate it thank you guys this was so fun and go give your puppies a big old hug and kiss from me