be very easy for me and I've had a lot of people say to me why don't you just go cry in a corner for a little bit honestly a lot of people would like to see me crying in a corner which I've done a lot of people would like to see me still there why do you think that is do you think that's just more I think it's how people would see themselves if they've gone through it but they haven't gone through it and at the end of the day you don't really want that if I'm there that means I'm where he was and no one wants that for each other we should have want that for each other and something that I'm really grateful from God is that even in my lowest lows which I would I would attest this to being something that's the lowest you can experience I've never been that low and so with that it only makes me have more empathy for Stephen yeah because I don't know what that is like I don't know that feeling that you had to be in sure but I'm also grateful that I don't know that you know but it's interesting that people want to see you soow because you don't want that that's not something we should want for each other we should want each other to experience things but get ourselves out of it