The Apple Keynote Was Crazy

hello hello hello where is this Apple event being streamed I must find it today's event is going to be all about using AI to sell you the Apple iPhone 16 I believe it is they're going to try to make the case and we're going to find out if it's good or not that AI is worth upgrading for cuz the upgrade cycle is slowed down people no longer buy yearly upgrades the way they used to they often just wait till it their phone runs out or dies or breaks it's like an interesting Bell weather on whether not they'll be able to make additional money from AI cuz the thing is you have to not just like sell the normal M iPhones you have to sell more because of all the money you spent on the AI upgrade so that that's the idea if Apple can do that then it's a decent sign and if they can't then it's a bad sign and starting now oh my god let's go okay we're here Apple's stunning headquarters Tim Cook holy [ __ ] good morning T did you say he's coming out for years artificial intelligence machine learning have been essal in delivering powerful new personal intelligence system let's start with Apple watch Apple watch has deeply impacted the lives of millions of people around the world and it's helped save countless lives along the way I receive messages every day from users telling me how Apple watch makes their lives better in ways both big and small they messaged the CEO people used to DM not DM they would send emails to like Jensen nvidia.com and be like hey this thing doesn't work and he would get those emails and sometimes he would read them and sometimes he would forward them to the head of that department with just a question mark and be like hm and then everyone have to drop everything and focus on fixing that one problem and for the first time on Apple watch you can play media like music or podcasts directly through the speaker it's great for when you don't have your airpods handy speaker comining two layers into one and the metal back for great performance of course inside series 10 is custom Apple silicon which Powers all the incredible capabilities of every Apple watch plus it enables crash detection and fall detection which uses machine learning to identify the motion signatures and impact forces that occur during slips trips and falls the new photo face uses machine learning learning to identify score and curate the best photos from your library somebody dick Pig put on their phone intelligence Powers many of the health they're not going to say the word AI is is a dead buzz word or hurting buzz word they're say apple intelligence day and night features for yourth always Apple watch can remind you to take your medications and alert you to loud environments that could impact your hearing every sh these irregular so much about like taking your meds froms it's like all for like 78y old people about to die the that can apple prod it's like a life aler and now it includes the intelligent new features of watch OS 11 and it looks fantastic colorway Ultra is the Ultimate Sports and Adventure watch with powerful capabilities for runners cyclists swimmers hikers and athletes what about Gamers the real athletes Apple watch Ultra 2 starts pretty silent preorder starting today back to Tim back to Tim these are the most beautiful and capable watches we've ever created now let's talk about airpods we're excited to bring active noise cancellation to this airpods design for the first time I think noise cancellation is such an incredible microphon power of the H2 chip seeing all the outside noise creates the exact opposite sound waves countes and to make it easier to engage with those nearby while wearing airpods conversation awareness will help to seamlessly lower your media volume when you start talking to someone I want to do the opposite I want whenever anyone speaks to me it turns on noise cancellation immediately bring you're done I wanted to turn on music louder as we talk next with an exceptionally crafted over-the-ear design there's airpods Max featuring the highest Fidelity sound quality and amazing active noise camp the person that has these a college DM sit kind of byself you put them on you say you're really into music people don't understand music the way you do people your age don't even understand full albums and like they only listen to [ __ ] Tik toks I want to know who's that person hearing is an essential part of how so many of us communicate and experience the people and the world around us but hearing laws can significantly affect these important experiences and relationships impact your quality of life there are all kinds of sounds that can be concerning in daily life I know St used to drum without ear plugs in and now he's half deaf sometimes you talk to St he like Point Blank can't hear you he probably needs protection is is like longm Asen to muscle into the healths on learnings from the Apple hearing study developed using large pods Pro will have a clinical grade overthe counter hearing aid feature we're adding this mild to moderate mom we're here to celebrate you proud be I mean this works and I get it I get it it's just very funny like during your son's speech about your happy birthday to like a pop in your air cuz it looks like you're like off putting in a podcast I mean like I said airpods are phenomenally successful now let's talk about iPhone Apple intelligence will supercharge these experiences and so many more the next generation of iPhone has been designed for Apple intelligence from the ground up yeah and here it is okay here we go the main show how is generative AI making the iPhone better I want to know iPhone 16 now has has the customizable action button allowing you to perform a variety of functions with just a press crazy they're going back to as a powerful tool for intelligence A8 is built using second generation 3 nanometer technology this 3 nanometer technology has even smaller transistors only tsmc in China I'm sorry in Taiwan wow lat generation Taiwan can make the 3 nanom Performance and apple is the biggest client so they to buy up all the slots for it like almost no one else can get 3 nanom cuz all of The Foundry spot is taken by what would it take for you to switch the iPhone bro I I had a sponsor buy me an iPhone cuz their app only worked on iPhone they bought me a brand new iPhone I used it for a week I didn't like it and I canceled the sponsorship and returned the iPhone I there's nothing and there's nothing wrong with it it's just I'm used to my own thing I have my own way to do it private Cloud compute maintains the privacy and security of your iPhone while giving you access to generative models much larger only use your data for our own models and our own advertising and that is the app with apple silicon when you draw on private Cloud compute your data is never stored or shared with apple it's used only to fulfill your requests I mean if true good definitely but I like this cuz this is a real they're trying to really stand out from what Microsoft did Microsoft was first to first to announce these AI features and they put out that thing about like um you know how co-pilot will take a screenshot of your desktop every second every frame so you could scroll back in time and and everyone was like wait that's creepy yeah recall and it was like they they had they had to stop it they had to recall recall cuz everyone freaked out and Apple's like they they always they follow fast they don't come first with the idea they they they follow fast and they try to fix the mistakes that other tech companies make to appeal to a broader audience so it's smart it's smart marketing they're like hey we don't do any of that though sometimes the best way to get your point across isn't with words it's with emoji and you'll be able to create new Emoji simply by typing a description giving you the perfect response for your group thread the of generative imagination run custom new Emoji if you can't make Mario smoking weed I'm sticking to Gro next iPhone holds so many of your photos and apple intelligence will give you brand new ways to relive Precious Memories just describe it by typing something like shaie dancing in a red dress and apple intelligence will find it for you now let's talk about how Apple Intelligence on iPhone 16 will help you prioritize and focus on your most essential communication instead of seeing the first couple lines of your emails you'll see summaries that convey the most useful information your notifications will be summarized too damn once this hits apple and it's broadly used we are truly in a situation where everyone emails I'll be written by Ai and then not even read but read the summary that's written by AI it's it's actual the end of human direct contact it will always be through an AI middleman with more features rolling out in the months to come we're starting with us English in most regions around the world We'll add localized English for Australia Canada New Zealand South Africa and the UK so the main engl the real English first and then everyone else Europeans thanks for watching you guys can come in right after us here English the language comes from America it'll obviously be us first and then all of the people who kind of copied it from us can get their little o bra and a boot you know suppose you're out for a stroll and you stumble upon a restaurant you haven't been to before just click and hold the camera control and point your iPhone boom your iPhone instantly pulls up restaurant hours ratings and quick options to check out the menu or make a reservation and then there's that cute little puppy you see at the park what kind of dog is that click or let's say there's somebody you want to stalk just click it'll give you their home address it'll show you their social media and if you're studying notes from your college lecture and get stuck on a particular concept just use the camera control to ask chat GPT for guidance people just busting their iPhone out in the middle of a test every answer they admit it I mean they've already admitted it Apple was not fast enough on the AI train and couldn't get something to compete with chat jbt so they did a big partnership and they're going to Brand everything as Apple intelligence but it's a lot of it's just chat jpt like API nothing nothing about this is bad this is all fine but you know this was supposed to be the event that really showed why more than any other generation you need to upgrade and I'm not seeing that yet the whole point is that upgrades are slowing down people are are spending longer with their old phones I'm not necessarily seeing anything yet makes we see watching a 48 mapel Fusion camera thinner better camera 100% but that's every that's every generation okay does iPhone do this already when when is a camera just going to have a button that makes you hot what they it's going to come out and say that like hey your photo you don't look good in photos we're going to make you look good in photos you just you're going to press the button and then everyone that in a photo you're going to look good that built-in face tune yeah exactly just so you can Sam's like does our amazing silicon also benefits world class gaming we pair the powerful performance and efficiency a Gamers wake up that's us updated the main logic board also added a thermal substructure to A8 also Hardware accelerated R this is racing kind of crazy we got on the phone now I remember in 2018 when we announced R tracing RTX Gamescom was like [ __ ] we're incredibly excited to introduce the Next Generation leading game from 10cent on honor of Kings world yes the latest in 10 cents honor of Kings world yes it's always funny to me when Apple talking about gaming like culturally hates gaming they're only finally talking about it and doing it they have always hated it internally they don't care but it's soig so we gave iPhone 16 an even bigger battery which together with the Energy Efficiency the advanced power management of iOS 18 out the I Bo in battery life with emergency SOS live video you can share a live video feed or photos with participating 911 dispatchers visual context can help them 911 your life and enable prompt medical triage on big part of the presentation is like you con danger here in America you die toay connected it does feel like cyber where they have the medical care package it's like trauma team yeah exactly traum team satellite holy jimoji it's so funny that we spend $600 billion dollar on AI and the most important consumer feature for everybody is going to be the ability to put a cowboy hat on a shrimp emoji that is going to be the most broad-based impact of AI on most people's lives in the near term iPhone 16 is amazing and because it's been designed to take full advantage of Apple intelligence it's more powerful and useful than ever let's talk about our Pro Models these products introduce our most cuttingedge Technologies iPhone 16 Pro is built from the ground up for Apple intelligence oh yeah if you record a meeting Apple intelligence will generate a summary from the transcript and when it's time to update everyone on the latest status you'll be able to use it to help rewrite your note secret recording meetings to get notes you're arguing with your so and you record the whole thing to get AI summary so you can use their words against them later photographer people are people in their real life are going to do some crazy [ __ ] with their Vision AI summary of recording we're also enabling spatial audio capture during video recording for a more immersive experience when listening with airpods or watching your spatial videos on Apple Vis or even your home first Apple Vision Pro mention new studio quality mics and you spent $3,000 you're feeling good now cuz they haven't forgot about you what a remark day of announcements about products that continue to make a profound impact on all of our Lives not all featuring our biggest display I'm also excited about a new generation of iPhone built from the ground up to deliver Apple intelligence breakthrough capabili with the Breakthrough capabilities of Apple intelligence the biggest thing will talk about Fusion cam the AI Emoji Apple stock slumps during long awaited event small drop nothing drastic but I think people expected more at least the Wall Street expected more like I said they're looking for a really big upgrade cycle they need like not just to do a normal amount of upgrades but like 20% more would be the goal like a big a big big upgrade cycle and I don't feel like that that pitch did it but I could be wrong you never know with people I feel like AI Emoji could go viral and then suddenly everyone feels like they have fomo if they don't have it I guess fine it was a classic apple presentation thinner more powerful better camera I didn't see anything that was like dumb crazy though everyone go buy your new iPhone go buy your new iatch go buy your new airpods make sure that you get the latest and greatest model or you're poor or you're broke or you're European [Music]