N'Kay: The Debate! Podcast Live Stream -S2E9

UCB welcome to nkp POD live present the debate Paris versus Trump please welcome to the stage Allison [Applause] Reese amazing yes wow thank you all so much for being here they've installed a a day in the green room toilet and I'm afraid of it all right thank you all for being here and welcome to okay I am Alison ree I'm the Muppet Master behind comea um and this is a very special show this is our first Venture into doing our podcast live but I also want to thank all of you for doing something that people have not done in history you saw something online and you said I like that enough to go to it in person so give it up for yourselves thank you for being here uh we have a fan [ __ ] tastic show for you tonight we have guy Brandon moderating our debate yes we have Dylan Adler doing stand up we have Lauren Walker doing stand up he's got es from the NK pod squad um yes yes and of course we have CA here uh facing off against Donald Trump who uh I don't know if you've been following but our Trump got Co yesterday not the real one you know and that and that's what sucks um but luckily we have a very sweet very talented friend and Chris cafero and he is our Trump for the evening give it up for CHR really good show ahead but first you know what we're going to do first we're going to reset the teleprompter first uh let's get into some news jokes beloved Russian spy whale uh Vladimir was found dead under mysterious circumstances the Russian army would have let the Spy whale live but it was said said that the Army has no tolerance for when a nail whale goes narwhal and empty Boeing Starliner is set to return next week while its crew stays in space which makes it the safest flight anyone will ever have on a Boeing a federal judge ruled that Donald Trump and his campaign must stop using the Sam and Dave song hold on I'm coming hold on I'm coming is also what Trump said says when someone interrupts him while he's looking in the mirror hold on I'm coming it's a really good impression right it's like the best one um NASA has decided to keep uh two astronauts in space until February I know uh after nixing their return on that troubled Boeing capsule and it's expected to be the most expensive Hallmark romcom of all time handing out food and drinks from an ice cream truck is now off limits for marijuana businesses in Ohio keeping the high in [Music] Ohio do you want to fight me I think that [ __ ] wants to fight me laughing what an [ __ ] I know her uh Venezuelan president Nicholas Maduro decreed Christmas will start on October 1st skipping over Halloween said goth girls oh God whatever Trump says he wants to make ibf treatments paid for by the government or insurance companies if he's elected and someone should really tell him that ibf does not stand for infinitely vast Fat Burger the con artist and known fraudster anad Del whose real name is anur is going to compete on Dancing With the Stars and in unrelated news Dancing with the Stars has declared bankruptcy after someone drained the show's entire budget to buy Channel bag and 5,000 Aston Martin you guys want to fight me H bid and bleeding guilty to federal tax fraud charges marking the first time in history the President's child could bunk in jail with a former president we all hope right uh in a press conference while standing next to his lawyers Trump said I'm disappointed in my legal Talent yeah at least he says it standing next to you said Eric Trump a Hello Kitty cafe opened at Universal CityWalk they'll be selling sweet treat and not what I thought [ __ ] that's right I'm a pervert let's keep this show going you guys those were the jokes I am just so so excited for our first guest we're so lucky to have him here uh you've seen him on The Late Late Show you guys give it up for Dylan ad I am Eileen Chang I'm happy to here do you my no that's that's I'm Joel booster I'm here you guys before I start my stud I want to get a gay of the room Make Some Noise if you are queer I'm not but I support you [ __ ] just keep fighting down [ __ ] no I'm gay obviously I'm gay and I have an identical gay twin brother I know my mom's uterus is a dual Lea concert know what happened our sonogram we were like why do they look evil my um you know our favorite movie growing up was The Parent Trap you Remember The Parent Trap yes important twin media important but then we learned Lindsay Lohan was just one girl our culture is not your costume lindsy this is Twin face [ __ ] now we're stuck with the Property Brothers [ __ ] you know but uh you know you know my brother he was always way more High achieving Than Me growing up like he was literally the principle OBO player to the San Francisco U Tiffany Orchestra and I gave myself jet awards from my own hands I had to go to the dermatologist 14 times not an exaggeration to get them Frozen off because I couldn't stop giving myself new Wars so my brother was like getting accepted into juliard into and and my mom mom was driving me to appointments like stop touching yourself I'm paying out of pocket we were very different you know like um but I'm from the Bay Area originally yes I'm it's Asia I'm from Asia Asians are from two places the bay in Asia prove me wrong so you know my growing up I I love the high school I went to and um it was very diverse and Soph from year of high school we actually changed our mascot to to reflect the diversity of our student body so we went from James the cougar to Elgato the cat but that just translates to the cat the cat and our school chant was the cat the cat the cat the cat put kitty kitty theat biota hard to memorize not to brag I Reon performed in Hazard Kentucky population 500 oh my God you're jealous jealous no it was scary I am basically I was literally performing for people in the audience who just got off their shift at the coal mines Target demo like okay so basically like after the show it went really rough and so after the show I was like let's get out of here guys let's get out of here a coal miner was walking towards me and this is how the interaction what [ __ ] I love your s I'm like get Co get com get coer this is beautiful this is the representation we needed all along like I have black lung and monkey pox like I mean that but more gays in less gays in media more in the minds right more gays in the minds it's the new MOS right send gaze to the mind I you know I didn't realize in every small town in America there are queer people like I didn't I went to we went to Arkansas and um I was doing Icebreaker bingo at the beginning of the show to break up the tension and B I was like okay cross it off if you own a full set of tools one woman Rose her hand like sorry what qualifies as a full set of tools a lesbian stood up like if you have to ask you don't have a full set of tools Bingo bang bang I was like oh like a beautiful you know I um we our last stop was Memphis Tennessee and um there is a comic on the lineup who sounded like this your local comic you sounded like this and I'm like you know what this accent does not imply bigotry and I need to unlearn my Coastal Elite bias because I came to the South thinking that I would change them but they're changing me you know um so it was my like e Pray Love moment so basically like we we were having a lovely conversation he was like oh you're mehis you got to go to you know graceand I'm like oh my God I should and he's like you know you kind of look like Asian Elvis I'm like oh my [Music] God and then he was like no more like oh hound dog oh hound dog I was like okay okay that's what he did at me I don't even know if I'm allowed to do that boys at you don't cancel me cancel him all right send him to the mind all right so basically like I you know I have a boyfriend and I'm in love sound like a brag but it's it's it's a brag no no no sorry I have a boyfriend um and what being in love what it's done for me it's humanized straight love does this make sense it is human I'm like is this what Jim and Pam feel wow love is Love Is Love This is beautiful you know there are things that straight couples did that I did not understand I didn't understand the straight guy impulse to whip out a guitar and sing at your girlfriend there's no combination of words I can put on the back of a postcard so I'm like ah you know now that I'm in love I have caught myself doing that but the gay version looks very different it's more like What a Girl Wants What a girl needs my boyfriend's like the all cop is like get off the piano sir you are a Bann from Charan Westfield for Life buzz kill um we're two [ __ ] but we fall into this boyfriend girlfriend Dynamic sometimes like I surprised him in a car ride to to Disneyland and like the whole car ride he was like don't touch me I'm like okay um we get to Disneyland I'm like baby oh my God we're in Disneyland there's a burger place you want a burger and he was like when have you ever seen me a [ __ ] Burger Dyan no hole for you tonight I'm like babe come back all right I'm sorry about that the final thing I'm going to say I was recently doing a show HED by a very kind well-intentioned white woman and before I went on stage she was like I'm so sorry I have to um I didn't get your um I I I don't know how to pronounce your name is it pronounced Dion I'm like now it is [ __ ] donon Dion is my never City ship name yes I'm Dion I'm now on thank you Kelsey I've actually I've been donon thank you so much give it up for I know beard and oakle sitting on the back of your head you drive a huge truck for absolutely no reason and you quietly love when people call you big do brother your manh holes aren't just filthy they're a health hazard you're more than a man you're a mega guy maybe he's SP with it maybe it's magaline make girl magaline is a makeup it's alpha male enhancement H embarrassing blemishes reduced lines and Contour to the Gods like a real Trump alpha male who says that you have to look like a beta cck while you take away the RS of lgbts and women in fact let's take a page out of their books while they're down it's actually cool that JD wears eyeliner and inspiring that Trump wears Foundation we have foundation for all skinn types from juliani vampir pasty white to Matt Gates Botox bronze and of course Donald T orange Foundation this is non hypocritical cool alpha male [ __ ] okay I never did dragon College this is Alpha mail makeup yeah maybe he's born with that maybe it's mag my God I'm clumping son of a [ __ ] oh my God oh God on my goddamn fingers I got to go Bowen after this [ __ ] all right how come nobody [ __ ] told me the door was open come on how are you guys doing tonight cool who are you all right I'm done uh that was me trying crowd work didn't like it zero out of 10 I don't recommend I don't know why or how standups do it stupid bad I don't know you I don't need to um my life is full Taylor is it Taylor don't answer me okay for you all right that we're doing real it's good what we're doing here tonight I hope you all feel patriotic what are we doing guys um thank you for being here I am so [ __ ] stoked for our next comic uh they're incredible they're an inspiration uh you guys I'm going to need to hear you get so [ __ ] loud for Lauren [Applause] Walker okay uh what's up everybody hey what's up how you doing um cool I am Lauren um and my friend told me that I look like a divorc dad with no kids I was like oh okay he was like don't worry about it don't worry about it cuz you uh you got a reader's ass and scienti tits he like are you insulting me what's going on here uh no the reason I look like this is because I'm not binary and um I don't really know what that means but what I've been taking it to mean is uh I should do what men get to do with impunity you know like you know how men just get to be dirty because they can't figure out soap or whatever want be like that be like that I like I don't I don't want to clean up my house before guests come over anymore it's time my loved ones see how I really live when my mom comes over and she goes to the bathroom I want to hear an audible gas okay because because she sees sprinkled on the floor like confetti on my Angry disen body pews she sees in the trash can getting choked out by my bloody discarded pads or my my hopes and dreams and then and in the toilet she sees the wo what's up cord in the toilet she sees the the explosive remnants of the red velvet churs that I had literally eat seconds before having to empty my ass out into that person where my mother now stands in absolute shock and I want her to see that and I want her to think to herself this is not how I raised my daughter to host a guest you know the these floors should be Immaculate the queen should want to eat off of these what what the hell is going on here do I know this [ __ ] at all and that's exactly where I want her because in that space there's room for conversation the gr us to get to know each other there's room for me to finally come out to her and tell her that I'm nonbinary to which she will say what's that like extra game and I say I I honestly don't know I think so I maybe uh I am a lesbian you may have guessed that yay you may have guessed that from my swager and my uh big swinging [Laughter] [Applause] clitch that's what it sounds like when I jump Double Dutch in slow motion I am a lesbian but uh I've been listening to a lot of Meg stallion lately and and she got me thinking maybe I want to be straight again cuz boy does she make heterosexuality sound fun you know she makes me uh kind of want to get D down you know what I'm say she kind of makes me wonder why throw this [ __ ] back on a [ __ ] you [Laughter] know okay all right not going to try anything with anyone here tonight but um but in general I am open to it friends I am open to it uh y'all we're getting to the part of my set where I have not memorized bits so I'm going to get my notes out we're going to we're going to do some some new stuff you guys ready fun fun fun how much time I got no one w't tell me okay um y'all uh when I take my shirt off uh my my my nipples they look cockey uh it looks like they're doing a real [ __ ] up impression of Forest Whitaker and it's not right because that man didn't do nothing to my titties my titties are just being mean is being my tit being real [ __ ] you know what I'm saying that's the end of that one now we're moving on to another bit that is incomplete uh sometimes I'll be talking the TV alone and and I think man I wish somebody else was here but I don't really wish anyone else was here you know I I just wish someone else was there so that I looked a little less crazy and I think that's interesting because it's the other person being there that would make me crazy you know what I'm saying it's kind of like it's kind of like if a tree falls in the forest and nobody's there to see it talking to the TV alone should that tree go to the hospital it's a real question we don't know all right nobody's taking me so I'm I'm I'm okay I'm okay I'm say I'm okay uh y'all I don't [ __ ] where I eat but I [ __ ] where I eat I eat in bed all the time especially when I'm depressed and y'all I I do [ __ ] where I eat too when I'm very sick I'm currently getting over the flu I can't tell you how many times I [ __ ] in my bed I've [ __ ] so many times in my bed uh I'm going to try something out and then get out of your hair here uh okay here we go here we go here we go there's so much cord on this mic I think it's ridiculous I can double dge with this cord all right you want to hear my labia okay um here we go here we go quiet down quiet down we're getting Ser I am young white and free right no I'm not I'm just trying out some positive affirmations uh my real ones go like this they go like this uh I am I'm black I'm gay and I'm enslaved by the capitalist system I'm black yeah that's the best response I'm black I'm gay and I am ens slave hey hey I'm black I'm gay and I am enslave hey hey I'm black I'm gay and I am enslave your turn I'm [Applause] black [Music] [Applause] right good all right I'm okay proud of that white old man I say he Ain say a word he's not black he's not gay nor is he Enslaved the capitalist system but you capitalizing off that you he owns all of us uh that's my time thank you so much every in this election we each face a question what kind of country do we want to live in country spelled c o u n t r y or country spelled c u n t r y there are some people who are big man babies who don't know how to take an L who choose to se chaos and fear but not us like Californian great Kendrick Omar said they not like us we choose something different we choose to be hilarious when there's video evidence of their presidential candidate hitting on his own daughter we just say to that that's not okay to point out when they stir up violence become overly concerned with a person's genitals when they [ __ ] a couch we say that's weird we choose a future free from the creepy weirdies trying to enact a nationwide cosplay of a handmaid's tale a future with a president who has the ability to do the douy and says funny [ __ ] that won't make you feel like [ __ ] a future where you're proud of your country because you can't smell Kamala without M make America laugh [Music] [Applause] again ladies and gentlemen put your hands together for yay [Applause] [Music] BR good evening I am Fox news's senior queer living correspondent guy brandom the moderator of this first and only debate between KLA Harris and former president Donald Trump we're coming to you from the Upright Citizens Brigade theater in Los Angeles California this improvised debate is 100% real and full of hard-hitting questions for the candidates to help you the American people decide your vote this coming November so please without any further Ado Also let's hold all Applause until you feel like applauding okay please welcome the 45th president of the United States and convicted felon and Republican nominee Donald John Trump a liar a liar liar you guys could applaud just a little just a little thank you thank you Mr Trump please take your seat and now welcome the sitting Vice President of the United States and Democratic nominee KLA Harris [Applause] it could have been better y'all could have been louder she's right to establish some ground rules for this debate um we would like to Simply establish that there is no cross talking we are not able to turn off your microphone when you are not speaking um but just don't um point two after your opponent answers you will receive 30 seconds for rebuttals and I want a good clean fight so let's get to it you guys want to shake hands no thank you okay the first question is for former president Trump well maybe we should shake hands just you know to have some decorum you know let's be adult we'll be adults about it we'll shake hands just real quick okay okay like right fine fine by it's clean it's cleaner than you'll ever know it's most clean hand and all the all the shut the [ __ ] up all right fine [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] that's how you started [Music] theate the first question is for former president Trump thank you both for being here but Mr Trump you won the coin TOS backstage because you said if you hadn't won you would quote sick Putin on my little Fanny let start with an issue that voters say is at the top of their concern gun control there are more guns than people in this country what else should there be more of than people in this country well first of all I want to thank you PT Barnum for having me you're a great showman so am I I know a great showman when I see one and it's nice to be here at the used to be theater that's what I they used to be because it used to be funny and then they went well it's not not so funny anymore anyway what was the question I already forgot the question what should there be more of in this country than people what should there be more of oh gun control that's what it was yes so nobody cares about guns really if you think about it if you look at the polls nobody's talking about this nobody cares about the guns and we don't need to we don't need to control the guns we need to control the bullets it's like the movie The Matrix where Neo Dodges the bullets that's what we need to do he was he was the one the chosen one I am the chosen one I am Neo except the directors of that movie they became women and I can't I can't support that but anyway I think we need more golf courses than people if I'm being honest and I make beautiful golf that's time Mr Trump that's time sure uh Miss Harris you're rebuttle vice president Harris y'all heard him right I'm not just having like a fever look we need more Sweet Treats in this country we need more cake I feel like everyone will calm the hell down if our blood sugar is just a little bit more than what it is okay and that's it U no vice president Harris vice president Harris people have frequently criticize you for not being clear enough about your policies for expressing a great deal of joy and laughing a lot how would you get America closer to having more sweet treats than people right so the first thing I would do so I have a really good recipe okay okay so what you do is you get a little you get a tin right and it's got many it's for many muffins but you're not going to make muffins really you're not going to make muffins what you're going to do you're going to get a cup and a half of brown sugar then you're going to get a cup of regular sugar or as I call it white sugar controversial but it's okay my husband's white my running mate is white I'm not white at all and then you get some Reese's Peanut Butter Cups some flour you put it all in um it's not a circle no it's not a plate uh-huh in the pan bow bow it's a bunt it's called a bunt I [ __ ] forgot he was here I'm not going anywhere um vice president Harris that's time that's time we'll move on to your next question that was really excited for that Reese's Peanut Butter Cup cobbler you were making for US vice president Aris currently um the the key swing state of Pennsylvania is tied 4747 um undecided voters currently undecided voters will be deciding in that in so many states what would you say to convince as get undecided voters to vote for you right first I I would say hi I'm not your mom but I could be for 4 years if you're sexist and the next thing I would say is you're undecided H it sounds like you're decided it also sounds like you might be dumb but you know what if you're undecided or if you are dumb I'mma take care of you okay it's going to be okay I got Tim Walls on my side and he's a palatable white man he's like if Steve Nash was from the [Laughter] Midwest what I just want to say that as a representative of Fox News I entirely impartial in this situation but as a member of the media Elite would you say that you have our back vice president Harris would you say that you have our back I have your back I have have your shoulder blades right I got your head shoulders knees and toes and that's a whole body that's a whole body and I got I got you vice president that's time that's time um former president Trump you're autal how would you convince undecided voters to vote for you listen there's no such thing as an undecided voter they don't exist they've all decided they decided they're going to vote for me just like Bobby Kennedy Jr came to my side great guy boo no no no don't do [Laughter] [Applause] that BBY let me tell you Bobby's a great man you know ever since I got shot he's treating me like I'm his daddy I don't know I don't know I don't know what it is but nobody's undecided and if you are undecided you need to decide that that the decision has already been made and we're going to make America great again uh Mr Trump that's time that's time oh Mr jump just I going move my chair down there cuz I was standing Downstream on this well the next question is for you the next question nobody could see my face to talk about a rebuttal it was say the next question is for you so you should remain at the podium but before I ask the next official question I must ask Mr President U are you on OIC what are we doing here because it really it's a different vibe than I've been getting for from you on the television yeah you look really good thank you thank you now appreciate that very much you see I'm on the same diet as my terrific vice president JD Vance he's telling me what to eat he I don't know if you noticed he's gotten very slim and so he's a very handsome man he's got those beautiful blue eyes have you seen his blue eyes most beautiful blue eyes and the Chisel jaw the Supple lips all right let's move along to the actual question Mr President if you are not elected president in November how will you continue to support and care for this country if I don't win Well here here's the deal there's no way I don't win I've already won the the election at this point is is already just a formality because I've already won and everybody already knows that I've won and and if I don't win by some Chance by some chance then you won't have a country so there's no country to support you see this the only way she wins as if she's a cheetah cheetah pumpkin eer and I don't like pumpkin I don't like the pumpkin spice laes so no uh but Al probably I'll move to Venezuela thank you vice president Harris you're a btal um wow yeah so I agree you look really good thank you and I think it's so brave that you moved the diaper from your ass to your ear uh you know you you do look good Donald your hair it's real shiny do you not you don't shower it's panene shut up you know what was your question if if not elected yes how will you continue to support this country right from Venezuela I think all right uh the next question is for you vice president right the question is what exactly is brass tax and how do you intend to get down to it but it possible vice president Harris if you could uh for the first half of your answer deliver it as though you were speaking to a bunch of uh soccer bombs in oair Wisconsin and then for the second half deliver it as though you were speaking to the members of the Alpha Kappa Alpha sorority in Atlanta [Laughter] Georgia I don't know what any of that is but it sounded like you said two you said white women twice no no apparently I'm more familiar with the alpha cap ality than you are well I'm half where is my where is my apple green and salmon pink not here I have no idea no I well yeah I I said U uh wom you want me to say it white then say it black yes like the cookie so a brass TX okay that's when you hear music and it doesn't follow a rhythm and it's just kind of going and you're like I could dance to this but then they switch it up right and now you want the second half and now I would like the second half this is [ __ ] up hey look we're just going to get down to it a brass TX it's [Laughter] jazz is that what you wanted yes I would have preferred if you had held up some albums and talked about your father your relationship with your father a little bit more but I satisfied I I haven't watched those videos so um Mr Trump you're a btle you're a btle do the same rules apply as far as oh dear God no so here's the deal with brass T first of all I love South Africa a great country it's a great country yeah um hundreds of years of a partage but gays could get married there before the United States so let's keep that laughing in check just a little yeah seriously it's not it's not and and by the way a partti under when I'm president it will be a full TI No it's true and here's here's the deal with the brass stack she wants the brass TX she wants the tax brass and copper and silver I like the gold tax because I like gold everything I have is gold I love golden grams I love golden toilets Mr President I love the golden well I don't love the golden ghost they're they're past that Prime although I'd [ __ ] blanch let's be H we' all we would all I mean let's be honest she had a hell of a rap um this Mr President that's time that's time okay uh Mr President the next question is for you uh Mr President the National Association of black journalists uh you question the vice president's race and you have more recently um been questioning her intellect um would you do an impression of the vice president this is a question that was given to me when I asked the vice president to do it two ways the vice president was not prepared for that and so I apologized to the vice president but they [ __ ] wrote this one so don't blame me you can blame me but you know first of all it's such a nasty question and it reminds me really of of the the black journalist meeting that I went to why you say it like that black that's how it's pronounced no you said it with like a caps the beginning what black oh my God so anyway as you saw she does two different things first she's the Wisconsin White then she's the Kea keppa kma so here's the deal I'm not going to do an impression okay cuz I know a trap when it's set for me this is your way of getting me to do drag you want me no no no no you want me to act like a woman and wear makeup which I would never do you want to make up right now absolutely not you know what what's terrible is these people they they want drag they want them to teach your children they want them to feed your children they want your children to be drag and I'm not going to lie Mr President that's time that's time uh Madame vice president it's time for your rebuttal and if you do have a plan for uh drag cafeteria ladies in this country I'd like to hear more about drag cafeteria ladies yes okay I see it now it's a bunch of drag queens yes right and they're all the recess AIDS uhhuh so they're the ones you go to too yeah when you have a problem and they just roast the [ __ ] out of a bunch of seven-year-olds what is our hairnet policy going to be no hair nets a lot of hair extra hair NOS all right um and Madam vice president you're autal will you do an impression of the 45th president of the United States all right give me a second [Laughter] [Applause] and that's that was from Jurassic Park that was uncanny vice president that was uncanny Round of Applause um we're we're just past the halfway point of of uh the debate uh do either of you need electrolytes or water or anything diet joke all right I'm going to abolish the electrolyt um next question is for you vice president Harris vice president Harris you and your let's be honest adorable husband Doug live on the west side of Los Angeles if you become president of the United States it will truly [ __ ] up the 405 on a regular basis why is the traffic in Los Angeles so terrible and how would you make Transportation more efficient well have you seen who frame Roger Rabbit I am a journalist I'm quite familiar yeah so what we would do okay is we would open up Toontown again uhhuh and we would undo what GM did and reput rails in and really what we need you know never send a republican to do a twinx job okay and that's why we have Pete Buddha so we're going to open up Toontown and let Pete have at it do whatever the [ __ ] he's been up to I just to fact check real time uh a 45-year-old gay man no matter how 5 aen Elfin is not a twink anymore thank you very much uh that secretary done twank see we have the opportunity to learn every day and I'm no exception Twan thank thank you thank you madam vice president that's your time um former president Trump what would you do to improve traffic in Los Angeles California first of all I don't know what a twonk is um it's what probably one of these pronouns Eric on a good day okay now I see that now oh actually you guys aren't going to get this but Madison cawthorne the terrible Nazi republican from North Carolina at the endri yes in a wheelchair hot okay keep going that much I cannot condemn but as far as traffic goes you see Kam Cala Kamala she destroyed this city the the Democrat run cities are riddled with traffic none of the red cities have traffic I don't know if you noticed this they should call them the green cities because they go so generally because they don't have economies well that's you know what listen I thought you were with Fox News I'm a little confused PT okay I don't appreciate it but listen if everybody just flew a helicopter this wouldn't be a problem we can do this and we can do it and we're going to do it and we've done it and it's already been done and it's and it's doing and it's been D it's a beautiful Point um uh Mr President president if you are reelected president after a term of not being president for the first time since the 19th century um what would a second Trump term look like well I'll tell you exactly what a second Trump term would look like it's going to look smoking hot the second Trump America's going to have big fake tities and blonde hair blonde hair and new teeth and it's going to be really tight we're going to keep it tight because you know they don't keep it tight anymore and it's really sad that's time that's time um a question for uh vice president Harris vice president Harris first of all would you like to reut that he described a woman yes but like would you like to redescribe her butt would you like to rebut that all right I would love to rebut that can I get a Beat all nope all right Madam vice president Madam vice president who should play you in a movie and why oh Zena Zena every day oh I'm sorry no her or um what the [ __ ] her name Jennifer Beal one of them oh yes Jennifer Beals yeah not Jessica I like I like Jennifer hey hey you don't [ __ ] imply I don't know who who Jennifer Beals is okay I don't [ __ ] apply I don't know who Jennifer beels is okay like like I didn't watch all of the the LW like I didn't [ __ ] watch uh uh flash dance like I didn't pretend to be Jennifer Beals when I was in like third grade wow okay s so far I know I'm quite old is she related to Jessica Beals I'm just curious the next question is we've only got a couple of questions left I guess um Mr Trump would you like to rebut who should play uh vice president Harris in a movie I always rebutt because the first butt is Never As Good so who should play Cala in the movie which no one would see by the way I think it should be Sydney Sweeney because she has something about her I don't know what it is but they draw the eye and they are Bountiful which is a new word I learned recently Mr Trump Mr Trump yes Gabe baram thank you what an imaginative rendering of my name Mr Trump yes sir what is your favorite Amendment and do you know what an amendment is yes I know what an amendment is it's one of it's a great word it's one of my favorite words it has the word men in it twice that's a really good point you know every now and then I have a good B you see my favorite amendment is is the fifth because it lets me not get in trouble because I don't like to tattle tail on myself but I also like the first amendment it's great because it's got the free the freedoms you know but I read the Bible and and thank you Mr Trump thank you Mr Trump um vice president Harris what is your favorite Amendment and why Amendment a n [Laughter] e n m e n wait T Amendment vice president Harris you are a lifelong prosecutor it's the first you okay why cuz I want to just say [ __ ] I want to be able to talk [ __ ] be on my [ __ ] do that [ __ ] and work that [ __ ] and work that [ __ ] vice president Harris only two questions left only two questions left uh or two more questions for each of you uh first vice president Harris if you could pivot away from coconuts what other tropical fruit would you like to become obsessed with it's controversial tropical fruits trop tropical fruits we are restricting tropical fruits God you know bananas can I ask why cuz that [ __ ] is [Music] bananas I'm sorry that's time that's time do we have time for I I vice president Harris do we have time for one final question for each of you or are we just done I don't know what the [ __ ] that was but I do want to share what I have been drawing if that's okay with you before we get to the last question okay I do have something I want to show you with if it's it doesn't exist that's so that's what I've been doing up here I have my little pen and that's what I drew for you all you see it's coconuts it took a long time the shading and then I have Doug cuz he he's cute right he's adorable and then cool s all right can can I ask one final question of each of you one final running mate related question of each of you sure all right first vice president Harris the country is obsessed with your VP picks dad energy if Tim Walls was a TV dad which TV dad would he be o I don't know they're all kind of Republican right oh Phil from Modern Family why why I don't know look at that face you look at that like yeah I bet you would get into some H Jinks but I forgive it he's built like a cam from Modern Family thank you very much doesn't mean that his personality can't be Phil all right that's fair he can be a Phil son and a cam rising and a clear Moon because we all need a little backbone um Mr President can you say one nice thing about your running mate Ohio Senator JD Vance only one first of all just to answer the last question I would be Archie Bunker because she gets to say the nword and everybody loves it no no yes he does I've SE it but let me tell you something about JD Vance I told you about his lips and how simple they were earlier he has a tight waist he keeps it tight and he has a wet wet mouth that he uses to share the message of the magga movement and he's a great man and he's a great I'm sorry I was told there would be no cross be even though your m is supposed to be your mic is supposed to be off uh vice president Harris but I believe did you just speculate that former president Trump and Ohio Senator JD Vance have [ __ ] Well yeah if the [ __ ] couches they got to be [ __ ] each other also you're about to [ __ ] that microphone like oh my God excuse break a too I don't appreciate that sick okay listen I just want to be very clear J and I because I've only been with him when he's awake and that's not my thing all right all right that's time we we only have time for brief concluding comments from the vice president and president Madam vice president you would go first all right so y'all have been awake for this whole thing and you saw that right like I'm not going crazy that's like the guy [ __ ] look I don't want to be [ __ ] I don't want this country to get [ __ ] unless we're [ __ ] you know what I mean so come November and I hope you come November the double on Tandra she got it Hey Taylor look when you're coming in November I hope you come fora Mr President your closing remarks thank you first of all it was a really disgusting display what a a filthy mouth a nasty mouth it's very Unbecoming so I don't need to tell you to vote for me because I'm going to be a great president for everybody including women we're going to be great for women we're going to be great for Reproductive Rights even women without babies I love women who can't have babies I named my son after them [Laughter] Baron so I love them and they love me but listen if you want to save your country then you need to ride with Trump and we're going to make America mag again M Maga m m on November 4th thank [Applause] you this concludes the very real and very accurate debate between vice president con Harris and former president Donald Trump all your voter questions have been thoroughly answered and choosing a president will come incredibly easy this November I have been your moderator gay Barnum thank you and good night okay okay okay thank you guys all for coming thank you for participating um I'm Alison Reese that was Chris cero and Guy brought him give up for them oh my God this has been the NK POD live our first live show you just saw a debate I hope you know where your vote is going and if you don't uh you can scan this QR code here see if you're registered to vote and if you're not you should [ __ ] do that now and I've made it easy uh right thank you so much to the NK pod squad thank you Chrissy thank you Bol thank you to UCB and their lovely house staff um I don't think you have to tip anyone but if you want to throw me a couple bucks I I'll that'll be nice Taylor I love you night [Applause]