Look, I had a thought
the other day that scared me. I thought about the fact that my kids
are eventually gonna have a stepdad. That's kind of scary to me.
I'm gonna tell you why. I start thinking to myself like, "What if
I can't physically beat the stepdad?" ‘Cause I know I'm not gonna like the guy. Small problems
are gonna become big problems. So in my mind, shit will happen. Like, one day I call the house
and in the background, I hear, "I said, 'Put the dishes in the sink." But in my mind, what I heard was, "You
and your dad can suck my dick in the sink." I gotta fight. I gotta fucking fight now. Because I've thought about it. I wanna be prepared for this day,
if it ever happens. So right now,
I'm currently taking self-defense class. All right, this is no bullshit.
This is not a joke. It's the wrong time to mess with me.
I know a lot of shit. My teacher just taught me
how to take a gun out of somebody's hand. Like, if somebody
points a gun at me like this, I'm trained to grab your wrist, bend it,
take the gun, point it right back at you. No bullshit. I do it all the time in class. I'm the best. It's at a point where I had a conversation
with my friends, I said, "Look, dude, if we out and somebody
pulls a gun out, let me handle it, okay? "I'm the only one here
that's trained for this type of combat." He was like, "You sure?"
I said, "Trust me, I'm sure." Here's how funny life is. We're walking out of the club, right?
I'm a little tipsy. I get to the car,
this guy comes from behind the car. He'd ducked down, he had a gun. He was like, "Everybody get naked.
Run that shit, bitch. Get naked. Run it." All my friends got scared
and started getting naked. I was calm.
I'm standing there, I'm looking at him. I'm even laughing a little bit,
‘cause in my mind, I'm like, "You don't even know
what I'm trained to do." Right? That's what I'm thinking, right? So he got mad, he says, "You think it's a game, little nigga?
Run that shit, bitch. Get naked. Run it." And it scared me, because my teacher only taught me to take guns
from people holding it like this. He had it like this. I've never seen that. We never worked on that in class. So I didn't know what to do. So I got naked. I did exactly what he said. I got naked. My friends were like, "Do something." I was like, "I can't. He's a killer.
He's the real deal. This guy's the real deal." I got security after that. Actually, that's a lie. That's a lie.
I didn't get security after that. I tried to hire my friend,
Wayne, as my security guard. Reason why is because
Wayne was big as shit. So I was like, "Why would
I fucking pay somebody else "when I can give you that extra money? "You ain't got to fight nobody, just look like
you would if something were to happen." He's like, "All right, I'll do it." I said, "Done. You're hired.
You're my security guard." Here's why Wayne got fired.
Let me tell you why. We were at a club, right?
This guy pulls out a gun, shoots it in the air. "Fuck all these bitches!" I got scared. "Wayne, what should we do?" With a straight face,
Wayne said, "Play dead." I said, "What? What'd you say?" He wouldn't answer me back
‘cause he was in character. He said... "Wayne! "Wayne! Wayne!" He gonna go,
"You better shut up before you get shot." What the fuck? After that, I hired this guy named Steve. Now, Steve was the real deal, people.
Let me tell you why. Steve made me feel like a star. We went places, Steve moved the crowd. "Everybody move! Move! "Watch out, Mr. Hart's coming through." I never had to look behind me.
Steve always had my back. Steve got fired, because we was
at a club one day, I'm at VIP section, right? VIP is separated from the dance floor
by a velvet rope. I'm standing behind a velvet rope. I say, "Steve,
I've got to go to the bathroom." The guy operating the velvet rope moves it. Me and Steve walk to the bathroom.
I use it, I get done, we come back. The guy operating the velvet rope
was talking. That's fine, I'm patient.
I'll wait till he's done. Steve felt like I shouldn't have to wait. Steve decided to pick me up
and place me over the goddamn rope. Let me tell you something, people. I've never felt more like a bitch in my life. I was like, "Steve, no, don't do this, please." My back leg came up. "Look at me.
Look what you're making me do. "Stop, Steve. You're fucking fired, man." After that, I hired these two ex-cops
turned security guards. Now, these guys were very professional. My problem with them
was that they were too professional. Like, their level of security was
way too advanced for my level of celebrity. Like, I don't know who
they thought I thought I was. I don't know where the miscommunication
came, but it was too much. Like, we go to Applebee's. True story. Fucking Applebee's, okay? There's a empty booth.
I go slide in the booth. That's how I slide in the booth.
I love Applebee's. Applebee's, Applebee's, Applebee's. So I'm in the booth, right? I'm sitting next to the window. He goes, "Kevin, switch seats with me. "l don't want you
sitting next to the window." I said, "Why not?" He said, "There might be a sniper outside." "Looking for who? "Ain't no sniper looking for me
at no fucking Applebee's. No. "I'm not at the sniper level in my career.
I'm not there yet. "Like, you probably gotta worry
about a dude putting his dick on the glass. "That's my level.
I'm at the dick-on-the-glass level. "That's my level." Like.