- I think there's a stigma around taking any, like
antidepressants, right? Especially as athletes, because we're told, you
know, "To push through,," and, you know, as a swimmer,
I'm racing the clock and I push my body so
hard every single day, multiple times a day that I just remember thinking, "Why can't I just get through this?" [rhythmic music] I've competed in five Paralympic Games and after every Paralympics, from the time that I was 12 years old, there's always that post blues, right? It's just this feeling of, "What next?" And you're on such a high, and then all of a sudden, it
comes just crashing, right? And you're not in your routine anymore, and you just don't even know what to do. And for me, after Tokyo, you
know, I had success, right? I won three Gold Medals,
two Silver, and a Bronze, but I was out of my routine and I was just struggling, and didn't even know what to do or how to keep moving forward. And I really, really struggled
because it wasn't me, right? I didn't feel like myself, you know, bubbly, happy, just
full of life, I normally am, and I just remember really struggling. And I had never been that type of person to not wanna get outta bed or to not wanna get my nails done, or just things that brought me joy, and it wasn't getting better. I just realized that I
couldn't do it on my own, and I think there's so much power in being vulnerable, right? And I think, you know, my whole life, I've had to be so vulnerable
with being an amputee or being an athlete. I didn't know how to be
vulnerable with my mental health. And I just really thought,
"Okay, what do I do?" My two little sisters have really struggled
with their mental health, so they had been on
antidepressants for a little bit. And I think for me,
when I decided to do it, it was scary, right? It was really scary, and just, you know, I remember thinking, "It
wasn't that big of a deal," but when it came time to
have to take them every day, it was really, really a challenge, just thinking that, "Wow,
I feel like a failure." if I have a therapist that
I've talked to for seven years, and, you know, I always say the same thing sometimes over and over again, but just this idea that, you know, it's okay to not be okay, and it doesn't really define you, and there is so much
power in being vulnerable. And it took them for a little
bit, for just what was needed, and I just knew that I wanted
to get back to feeling like me and getting back into a routine, and that's kind of why I took them. And I think there's a stigma around taking any, like, antidepressants, right? Especially as athletes, because we're told, you
know, "To push through," and, you know, as a swimmer,
I'm racing the clock and I push my body so
hard every single day, multiple times a day that I just remember thinking, "Why can't I just get through this? Like, why do I feel so off?" Like, what am I doing wrong?" And that was probably the hardest part is just that I couldn't work
through it for some reason. And I'm like, "I have
overcome every single obstacle that's ever come my way, right? I was adopted from Russia,
born without my legs, became a Paralympic Champion three times when I was 12 years old." And I just remember thinking,
"I can't get through this?" And it was just so bizarre. I think it's important
to get rid of that stigma because I think more people are
hurting than we know, right? And I think everyone has
their own internal battles. It's been really, really important to have those conversations, and I think it's like
a ripple effect, right? When you are able to
talk with your teammates and, you know, our teammates, we can relate to each other so well with being part of Team USA or being in an elite atmosphere. I think the reception
that I got just when, you know, I started being vocal about it, was really positive, right? And I mean, I wouldn't
probably have been able to take antidepressants if it wasn't
for a few of my teammates who were on them as well. And I think just, again,
getting rid of that stigma that, you know, there's
something wrong with you, or "Wow, you're so weak or you couldn't do it on your own?" Like I think we have to start
getting rid of that stigma, and it's okay to not
always have it together. It's okay to not always be super positive, that it's actually really human
and normal to have bad days, and to be sometimes negative, and to just to go through a tough season, and I think we just have to
continue to normalize it. [gentle music]