remember that you you know that American TV show I was telling you about I made the biggest dick of myself on that show it was called Chelsea Lately now some of you all know this show it's it's and I don't want to diss the show cuz I was so excited to be on it but Chelsea Handler is a late night American talk show host and she had this show where people go on and they make fun of celebrities of the day right now they asked me to go on the show and I went yeah okay and they said but you got to be mean I went what so we've seen your act and you're not mean we need mean and I went oh I don't I'm not good at mean and I'm honestly not good at mean do you know what I mean like I if I try and do mean jokes I forget the jokes and I'm just a dick do you know I'll be a party and people are doing mean jokes and they'll go yeah what about the time you yeah and someone else will go yeah and then you did that thing and I'll be the one that goes yeah and then what about that time and they'll go oh Jesus Adam what are you thinking so here's the thing I turned up for this show and they said we want you to be mean and I went it's all right again I'm trying to impress the Americans I'm trying to do what the Americans want they said be mean and I went yeah I'll be mean so I turned up on the day and they said we need you to write jokes about Megan Fox I went I don't know who she is they went Megan I went her yep I'm I'm with you Megan Fox go on what do you want me to write they said well she's having trouble putting on weight write some jokes about that I went I don't care I don't I don't know really who she is and I don't care that she's having trouble putting on weight be mean went all right so I sat on my own and I wrote the meanest jokes I could possibly think of about this woman that I've never met and I've got no problem with okay just before the show producer comes in what do you got I went oh I've written the meanest [ __ ] ever about Megan Fox went good be as mean as you want Chelsea hates her I went you're on [ __ ] so I meaned it up even more now 2 minutes before I was due to go on the show all the other comedians gathered around and one of them just started going so you got any jokes on Megan Fox who Megan oh yes yes I do you me good man cuz we got nothing if they open with that you have to do your joke and save us all man otherwise it's just going to be awkward okay so Chelsea Handler walks out and again I do love her but sweet Jesus she walked hey Australia I've been here for seven days I haven't seen one black person yet you got Asians everywhere they all re me all right let's talk about Megan Fox who's got anything I went oh man I'm going to have to do my bit so this is what I said first thing on the show first up on American TV this is what I came out with all right Megan Fox is having trouble putting on weight now if you're a Hollywood actress you work out 8 hours a day you have your own dietician you drink nothing but mango Pips and guava juice you're not allowed to complain that you can't put on weight the only people allowed to complain about not being able to put on weight a cancer patients that was the response I got right at least thought Chelsea would go yeah you tell that [ __ ] boom she just went was your punchline the phrase cancer patients and I'm like yeah what isn't that what you want she was oh my god dude what are you going to do make a joke about hoca victims next and had I been thinking I would have gone actually good point they can complain about not being able to put on weight as well but I didn't I froze I just went I I don't know honestly I didn't say a word for the next 20 minutes mainly cuz no one talked to me just as the show is about to finish I think out of pity they went let's throw another question at this guy now they've been talking about Charlie Sheen cuz Charlie Sheen had just had his big Hollywood melt and they said us Americans we're embarrassed by Charlie Sheen what do you asses think of him and I thought say something positive come on be positive and I went uh this is what I tried to say we look at Charlie Shen the way you guys used to look at the crocodile hunter when he's one of your own yeah you're a little bit embarrassed but when he's from another country he's a hero but here's what I said we look at Charlie sh the way you guys used to look at the crocodile hunter and she just went oh the Dead Guy your two jokes tonight have been cancer patients and the dead guy he's not coming back on the show folks I'm not allowed back on the show I thought this is what you wanted even the night it went to air I thought you know what I'm going to watch this cuz maybe someone will tweet maybe someone will watch and go hey the guy was trying to make a joke no honest to God two minutes before the show went to air Chelsea Handler received this tweet dear Chelsea thinking of you tonight on this the second anniversary of your mother's death from cancer I know could only have gone worse if her father had been taken by a [Applause] stingray I spent two months trying to work out how that went so horribly wrong soul searching trying to work it out do you know who who put it into perspective for me of all people the Dalai llama honestly cuz 2 months after that happened I was asked to host a concert for the Dalai llama in Australia cuz when he TOS he loves a bit of Oz Rock so I met the Dal llama backstage at a gig honestly at a rock gig I'm behind the curtains just having a bit of a chat and then someone went Adam and I went what hello I'm like hello your Holiness I'm Adam hello I'll be hosting the show I know okay what do you say to the Del Lama I don't know where to go with this thankfully someone went all right guys we're on his Holiness took my hand and went let's do it I won't be out on stage holding hands with the deli llama we get out to this the microphone he sits down now this week during the week that this had happened an Australian journalist had tried to tell his Holiness a joke during an interview okay and it went like this mid interview he went so uh so the deli Lama walks into a pizza bar and the Del's like pizza bar and he's translated with oh Pizza Bar continue um Mel Lama walked into a pizza bar and said can you make me one with everything now that's not a bad joke if you speak English and you're not a Tibetan monk the delama honestly looked at him and went it is possible was so awkward I met the guy I met the journalist a couple of months later and went mate what were you thinking he honestly said mate my 12-year-old son told me to tell him that joke you just know he got home that night and his son went oh you did it Dad you [ __ ] so I walked up on stage his Holiness is sitting there I said your Holiness my name is Adam I'm a comedian I'm not a musician I a comedian but I promise I will not try to tell you a joke and he looked at his translator and his translator went comedian no joke and his Holiness looked at me and went I think I achieved Buddhist comedy Enlightenment cuz I made the deli Lama laugh by doing nothing he then got up took the microphone and he summed up what mistake I had made on Chelsea Lately he took the microphone looked at a room full of people and said I am simple Buddhist monk I do not know music I do not know comedy but I know this you have a microphone use it to say something the whole room just went and me I'm not kidding he did a comedy routine his Holiness the Daly Lama then said for example you should tell people about nonviolence not peace countries go to war for peace how can you fight for peace you cannot fight for nonviolence that is crazy seriously I expected him to go you what's your name where are you from try the tofu I'm here all week unless you're Chinese then I'm not here oh oh I'm dying up here it's okay I'll come [Applause] back