Sister Testimony ft Stephanie Rice | Good to Know

[Music] we excited we have to not record in our boys yeah to be very very careful careful into our accent no swishing into the accent I'm making no promises oh me add a little bit of [Music] flavor okay I right okay you too yeah hello and welcome back to the good to know podcast I am your host Court hickey and today I am so excited because we have our first ever guest on the podcast the best guest ever my sister Stephanie Rice hey everyone I'm Steph rice I'm so excited I'm so proud of coure for creating the podcast know God put it on your spirit maybe a year ago or a bit more and I'm just so proud of her obedience and I'm so grateful we get to record together so excited thank you um I was reminded today cuz obviously knew that Steph and I were going to be recording and when I initially was sitting down with like dreaming up what's this podcast going to be what are the topics I'm going to discuss all of those things and I started writing down a list of guests that I wanted to have on the podcast and at the time you weren't a Believer so you weren't on the list and then in obviously in the process which we'll go into today yeah you got saved and I remember as soon as that happened I was like oh my gosh she going to go on the list and like ex's on it of like you're going to be the first guest for sure and I just got so excited and now I here no how good is God the best oh and God's timing is always so beautiful I love that it's the best timing I love when you can sit in the space like the we're in now and see the testimony that built up to that like when you didn't put me on the list to kind of go from that moment in time to this moment in time and just see how much amazing work God has done in our family and in our lives individually abely it's so cool God's the best God's the best so we're going to share today a little bit about our upbringing as well um and just kind of what that looked like with God cuz we both had a time and then we're going to share a little bit about like our testimonies of how we both came to Faith and like almost what that looked like from the other's perspective as well with each other I think that would be really cool yeah it's so interl I feel like before we start we have to give people a little background right so I'm seven and a half years older than Court yeah um my parents divorced when I was like three or four and our mom so we had the same mom different dads our mom remarried to your dad and um obviously then had court and I grew up living with court kind of Monday to Friday so most of our upbringing was together um and then I would see my dads on the weekends so I feel like we've always grown up like we're technically half sisters but we're definitely sisters do you know now we're Sisters in Christ oh yeah but I um I feel like I and then I got really into swimming when you were still really young so a lot of and I got really into the Sims oh what got me into the Sims in my ad of life but um so a lot of our upbringing I guess like cuz I was older you were still in primary school mom was having to focus like so much time on me swimming you kind of really fell into that like support role supporting me to live like my dream and my goals like one of the things of supporting was I remember so many times when Mom was like caught were not allowed to have any chocolate or any dessert or any cookies in the house because Steph has her competition in 3 weeks and she can't eat that and I was like well that's not fair I don't have a competition I want to eat it right but court also used to eat like the entire packet of chicken crimpy and then put the box back in the cupboard oh like still like I have a bit of trauma just like frustration from that but no we grew up like super close I feel like we've always been really close um and although we got a lot closer probably when I graduated high school yeah when we were like we were both R ads there defitely yeah so I feel like this is really exciting cuz then obviously you found God four years later I found God and so I feel like we've gone through different seasons and I really want to like unpack a little bit of that today absolutely I feel like our hope is that people listening May relate to our story in some way or another and the experiences or emotions we both went through in finding Christ but then maybe the tension in not getting supported in that walk as well so yeah I'm excited so much so much so much and so I think I mentioned in my testimony video but like to go into it a little bit together we definitely grew up in a household that like went to church but we didn't know God or like there was no praying there was no reading of the Bible in the home there was none of that like my favorite memories from church is when we both didn't know the words and would sing Mushy Mushy the words to the songs were words to the songs and it was a Catholic Church too so it was like very of and the priest and very formal and like everyone has to be on their best behavior and court and I were like so boring that we have to be here and could never find the hymns and the words so I just remember one day at church like I'm looking at the print out like trying to find the song and the words and I look at court and she's like and I was like how do you know the like where where are you getting the words from and then I started listening and she's like mush mushy watermelon Mushy Mushy and I was like and I just pissed myself laughing but then the himn stopped and there were like everyone like sitting down and I still going and mom was like go quiet she was so angry at us yeah not very impressed we went on the best but that's basically our like upbringing Faith was just going to church definitely and I also feel I always had that vision of God as being like the big brother eye in the sky like if you do anything wrong there's going to be like he's always watching and he's going to judge you and so I was like o that doesn't feel very nice I don't like that I think mine was similar too and this feeling I think probably birthed from Mom like it was a lot of like we should go to church like it's the right thing to do like we should go like you know and so so then we'd go and feel like we were only just going to tick a box to kind of receive some kind of like favor or like or like we've you know ticked that off the to-do list like you know should be yeah we've done the right thing for another couple of weeks or whatever and so I just remember that was basically all I actually remember like I didn't really know God I didn't really understand any of his character I definitely felt it was a lot more uh trans trans actional like you do good things you get good things but you know you could never do anything wrong um and but I will say like when I was competing like at World Championships Olympics like whatever it was I always for some reason felt like I should pray before a competition cuz like in s you always wanted to go to a church didn't you yeah so like that's what I would do I would just find a church wherever we were competing like whether it was in Rome or um in China or wherever I would find a church and just go in and pray like I didn't like watch the service or go for service it was just but I find it interesting now being a Christian that I felt that sending up a prayer to God um like had some kind of Grace or help in a situation that there was like No Control like so many things could go wrong you know it's a two-minute race like so many variables I just felt this kind of peace that if I've sent up a prayer like it it will help or it could help go have things go well and I find now being a Christian that's so interesting that I felt in my spirit obviously some kind of like need to pray and be with God and have God's grace over a competition and and for him to help and protect me and like having done so well like now I look back and I think God was so good in those moments where I didn't really like have a full commitment to him but it was like the best I could at the time absolutely it's so interesting because even you hear of those stories of people when they're in a real um you know either like crap hits the fan moment where maybe they're in a hospital or there's someone either they love in a hospital or they're in a business opportunity where you know they get to make a pitch and this could make or break their career and you hear of people who maybe don't have faith and they're like Just prayed like I just called on God cuz it's like it's at the point now where it's actually out of my control so if it's real let's just hope that something happens it's so interesting that you had like the same thing going on as well yeah yeah yeah well I think when you want to do really well in something and like for me like you've trained a whole year for this one moment and so many things could go wrong so many variables it just felt like sending up a prayer felt like like okay like I know I've done everything I could do to make this work out like I think in my feelings and emotions if I didn't pray it always would have been in my mind like what if I didn't maybe because I didn't go to church and didn't pray that was the reason reason yeah so yeah really cool so interesting and also for anyone who doesn't know who's maybe been under a rock Steph is and it's so wild to that I don't think I've ever introduced like going do even know like the bio if you don't know you can I'll hand it to me and I'll yeah definitely I mean you can fill in any major PL but it's so cuz like we're sisters like and that's I think the really good thing is like was good at keeping you humble cuz we grew up together like I don't I never saw you as like oh my gosh this I was always like waa you made a huge achievement in your life but like you still really pissed me off the other night when you made a we did something so it's so funny but weird to say but Steph is an insanely talented athlete and almost like in a past life now yeah definitely a past life the 2008 Olympics were your like that was like your Pinnacle year of success where she won three Olympic gold medals and broke three Olympic world records and she had three races that she went to finals in so it was a 100% success which is is insane yeah so cool super cool yeah and it was really cool like all the um like obviously it was so great to achieve like my childhood dream but I came with so much like weight and responsibility of um now being like a publicly recognized person and being on the front page of newspapers and magazines and like going to the grocery store and like everybody knew who I was and it happened overnight so it was just like something that you think as a kid like oh be so cool to be like on the cover of like Dolly magazine or something back then but then when it all happened all really quickly like no one can prepare you for that and I feel like that weight of responsibility like really hit me quite quickly and I really struggled to manage like both the swimming career and the public career and I I definitely like had a lot of like I feel like I learned a lot of lessons through errors um but I feel like since becoming a Christian only sort of seven months ago now so like I finished my career at 24 I'm 35 so it's been like 10 years um yeah like God has just being kind of taking me back to all of these moments and just like talking to me about where he was in those moments and like where he showed up or where I had like a lot of like um like vulnerability for spirits to enter me that like were quite demonic or really um kind of like took a place and a foothold in me at certain times and work is done to clear it out like it's been really a really exciting journey to kind of reflect but be in this new season definitely I got reminded then I know it was probably like a year or so into my faith where it was you know you can be doing things in your faith which are so amazing and then you can almost feel like well I did that and you can take on some of the glory and it's something that you know you hear like it's in the Bible you hear it in church of like give Glory onto God God like it's for God's glory and I remember God just spoke to me so early on about how we as humans are not created to carry glory and like when we carry Glory it actually breaks us and I think when you see really successful people whether if it's in sport or especially people that we Elevate so like your actors your actresses models those people where they're a bit more in the linelight where they can receive more glory and then you can see them almost snap where they go down down really unhealthy paths whether it be drugs alcohol or just getting lost in who they are as yeah because they're not meant to carry that Glory like we're not created to and that's why God's God and why we're meant to you can receive it but it's almost like a bypass where it's like you reing it you put it straight back up onto him it's like that's not mine to carry God carries that glory and I just keep living in and through him agree so it's so cool cuz I imagine some of that healing would have been Happ happening as well on just the weight of what you had to carry cuz you didn't have anyone to pass it on to yeah and I think like that weight of responsibility for people that don't know God is like awesome when you're on the up it's all you like all your responsibility so you're like I did that that's all me I worked super hard like I'm this type of person but I feel like the minute it turns like negative or um challenging it's like I can't handle this like um who am I like I don't want to carry all this responsibility like it's all my fault like I haven't done a good job I I'm not good enough and I think that's like the beauty of God is like I think it's amazing to receive the gifts and the favor that God has for you but also just know like that was exactly because that was God like and you can just like enjoy it and receive it and be thankful but in the hard times you've got that companion and that support and that like best friend it's like I love you no matter what yeah the best God's so good oh God is so good um and so then we both we always kind of went on a similar Journey with a lot of things like we both went vegan for a hot hot hot minute like hot like being s seven years or something for yeah um and then we both got really into spirituality as well which was both of our like backgrounds before becoming Christians where we were like power of the universe manifesting crystals Angel cards all of the stuff all of the thing oh I'm so sorry God so sorry we didn't know what was the correct thing um and so then I got saved and then like we were living together at the time as well when this happened and I because it was also during Co so there wasn't like in the beginning there was no church I wasn't going to church I was very much doing it a bit more priv privately like did you know okay yeah cool like yeah I was very that time for me it was really beautiful cuz it was genuinely me and God and like I didn't have anyone else didn't know anyone else so it was a lot of just learning from him and being formed by him and his word which was really beautiful then churches opened up again started going to church which is when you probably clocked like huh that's a little bit different yeah I don't know if we were living together then no I don't I think that we had moved like out of that place somewhere else I know you had said a couple of times like oh I'll be at church so like can catch up with you after kind of thing and I wasn't like oh that's weird but it was like oh okay enjoy see you yeah I'm not going yeah exactly um so yeah yeah and I guess like what was going through your mind when that was happening cuz again we' come from like a similar belief system and then I started changing and I know like a bit later on we definitely had like a conversation about it I think when I was getting baptized where we probably that was probably the first time we that was a real convo yeah it was a real real convo yeah it was really it was intense I was praying a lot during the conversation for the I could imagine you were yeah you handled it with such Grace but um my recollection of you finding faith and and just that Journey from spirituality into God I think I think the greatest gift is that we've always known that there is a God yeah like we've always had faith I think like when we were kids it was sort of like going to church it was like we sort of know but there's no relationship there's no understanding and then I think we both went through like challenging times so for me when I finished swimming I went through this like identity kind of crisis of like who am I now what am I good at like I don't know who I am without swimming and without all of the recognition and people were always like are you still swimming and I was like No And they're like what do you do now I'm like I don't know like I just didn't know who I was um and that's when I found like spirituality and I feel like it found me in a season where I needed faith in something Y and so I just clung like so tightly onto it because like I just needed hope um and like went Deep dive like I'm the type of person that just goes hard into whatever it is that I've like decided that I'm going to go into and I think like from my side and I'm interested in yours I feel like there's been a couple of times where I've followed you and a couple of times where you've followed me so one of us is sort of like initiated like veganism and then I was really against it and then maybe a year later I was all for it and then with spirituality I think I found it first and I was talking to you about it and then you were into it and so then we were gungho when you found God and I remember only the conversation where we sat down and you were about to get baptized so you've probably been Christian like a year or something yeah yeah probably like 10 months at this point in time and I was just like I am not about it like I was really still in that spiritual mindset of like all responsibility is on you so like you can manifest like you can do this like you just need to do it better yeah you obviously aren't doing it better well enough and I kind of felt like faith for me just had so many mixed messages in and around it and I I I feel like there's a lot of people that relate to that feeling so like I felt it was a bit of a cop out in one hand I thought like h because is like you new this new thing that you're into um I was really against it for the reasons like I was just very ignorant like I didn't understand and didn't want to know the difference between um Christian and Catholic and all the different denominations so I wound it all up in the same box of like this is just who God is and like for me the biggest thing I couldn't get behind was a lot of the stuff that goes on in some of those churches in America or whatever where priests are like you know doing awful things to young boys and I just couldn't get behind supporting you knowing that that's sort of what you were supporting yeah and I didn't have the interest to understand the difference so I think I just sat in this place of like that's a hard no from me and it wouldn't have mattered what you said it was just going to be a no Y and I I remember the convers cuz I was I was so against it I really hated the combo I didn't want to be there I didn't want to be in it and you as always just handled it with real like Grace like you don't get fired up you don't get angry like you kind of allow people to like I feel like you really listened and did your best to like answer my questions in a calm way and I'm not like that so I I like on reflection I'm like that would have been a really unenjoyable experience for you on the other side and I think like I guess from my side now being Christian I feel like and I'm so interested to hear your perspective but I feel that sometimes you're tested in your faith like I feel that that was probably a part of your journey is like I'm your sister I'm super close with you and I was fully against it and I feel like it could have been one of those moments where God was like how committed are you to this like to me to knowing me when people around you aren't supporting the journey I don't know what it was like for you yeah and I think it's also like I'm reminded of the scripture where it's like Jesus is talking about like I'm going to turn like father against son and mother against daughter like I'm not here to bring peace I'm here to divide like me coming is actually going to create division in society and I remember I think cuz that by that point in time I was planted in a church which I was so grateful for and I remember I would just meet all these people and you know when you meet them they're like what's your story and I'm like I got saved during Co like I'm just coming by myself got some really amazing friends and they would be like what about your parents and I'm like no um they're like do you have siblings I'm like yeah I have a sister do she have faith and I'm like no like no she's not a Christian and I remember people would always just say like that's so tough and I think yes it is tough and there was definitely moments where I was like would hear my friends talk about you know like oh I was praying for my sister the other day or like something happened and I was telling my mom and then my mom prayed over it and I was like that's so beautiful and I really wish I had that and I don't but again I know God just gave me these friends that are incredible and then these older people in the church that whenever I shared with them they would be like I'm praying for you and I'm praying for your family for strength and like good on you for being here and like pursuing God the way that you are because that's hard and I was like oh and then I think the more I sat back and reflected I was like yeah like it's not easy it's not a walk in the park it's definitely challenging and yeah that conversation was definitely I think very confronting and it was a challenging conversation but I also know I was so grateful for it because you hadn't asked anything up to that point and I feel like I'd sensed in my spirit you were you were curious and you wanted to question things as to why I now believed this but it hadn't ever come up and so I was just grateful that it was like okay now the communication's open on this one we're going to address the fact the fact that I am a Christian and we'll hash it out a little bit and I remember the thing that and I honestly think it's something that you can't you can do your best to try and express it to someone the like having like being saved being a Christian following Christ it's a relationship at the absolute Forefront and I remember telling that to you like it's a relation like I know we grew up in that religion where it's a lot of the rules and I'm like God doesn't even like religion because religion can divide his people whereas he calls us as a church to be one and to be whole and not to be divided against each other and I was like I know that you have that perspective but that's not what it is like if I was in that 100% slap me around the face and be like you're in a cult get out not healthy but I was like it's a relationship and he's healed me so much and like has done so much for me and I just want you to understand that but again I think it's also like it's never on us to save anyone like God always saves and so you can always I guess try and explain it or express it in a way where people might see something from a different lens but it's only God that does it in the end you can like walk people up to the door but they have to really like go through open it and commit and have their own relationship otherwise it's just shortlived yeah definitely but I remember I finished that conversation with you and I remember just thanking God and I was like God I really hope I said all the right things and that um I know like you were definitely challenging me a lot cuz that you were even had that stand point of you know you used to be spiritual where it's like you believe everything and like it's the universe and it's expansive and now you're just like this one thing and I'm like yeah like the Bible says it's a narrow path like not everyone what's it yeah um and yeah I just think it actually gave me hope and it was one of those confronting conversations which I think as a Christian you have to have yeah and need to like what you were saying with the the testing of your faith is it's it's what are you going to stand on when people reject you when people like call you out or decide that they don't want to actually have anything to do with you not that that happened with us but where you you're pushed in and where it's like well I could just not and keep the comfort of these people or the security of whatever it is or is it I know I'm going to trust God and I remember something that my friend said to me is that they were like cour you were just pursuing God so much with your whole heart and they're like you just need to trust that your sister's going to see that and like through the way that you live your life God's going to show himself to your sister through that and you have to keep pursuing God and I was like okay that I can do yeah like it's not your responsibility definitely and then I know as well cuz you probably came to like some games I think that we did maybe with everyone yeah so Court like obviously formed a lot of friends from the church and you would hang out whether it was like I'm not sure if you were doing life group then but definitely like just social weekend hangouts or birthdays with like you know the 14 you know friends from church that would come so I was always like um I guess like spending time with you and and and everybody else and I think what really helped helped me so much is because I also felt like everybody that was Christian which was basically religious for me at the time was like the goody two shoes at school yeah like it was the girl yeah or the one that was like nerdy burger and like um just you know teachers pet like never did anything wrong it was just really sweet and really kind and I was like I ain't her like so I can't relate like I'm not going to fit in like I think it was this constant like I just already know I'm not going to fit into a group of people that like love and worship god um and so I think what was really helpful for me was actually meeting your friends and being like a like I remember being like a like I could get around a couple of those girls like they're similar they're a bit fun they're a bit cheeky and I was like I actually could see myself like enjoying spending time with them uhhuh and that was really eye opening for me because I really felt like I just wouldn't who I was didn't fit into the mold of who you had to be to like know God and have faith and be religious like cuz it was that's all I knew was my experience of school like faith and then our faith at church and I was just like like all I remember was the girls at at um at church like Church growing up that would wear the robe and walk down the aisle with the cross and like just stand there and read a few scriptures and I was like well I'm definitely not ever doing that yeah like there's no way 100% so I just thought that was the girl yeah and I I was like yeah but like I've had a bit of fun I go out party have drinks like I'm not her and so really felt that was super helpful for me and then Court invited me to couple of the like women's nights that you had at your church like just I guess like opportunities to invite people in the broader community that don't know God or have a relationship with God that would just gain something out of like a night like that and I have and you have too always been into personal development like I feel like spirituality and personal development coincided for me so whether it was like Tony Robin seminars that we went to or like reading books on like success formulas leadership like I was all about that so at that time that you invited me to a couple of the women's events and things at the church I was open to going because I was open to personal development so I remember being like if I'm going to hear from some great like women leaders like that have had some successful careers or businesses or whatever it is that they're doing like I would I'll go to that like of course like sure it sounds good I've got nothing on kind of thing and I think that helped me to just I remember walking into your church for the first time and being like oh this voice is like this is like this is cool like 100% because again the only chur I had gone to I feel like the Christmas um production was the first thing that you came to maybe maybe but that wasn't a good experience of church because it was such a non-church run event was more like to a concert whereas I know going to that women's event it was it was was really like walking into this you know kind of like dark big Convention Center kind of thing with like really great lighting and Stage production and like I was like oh this is like a this is like an event like with great music and I remember the worship being something that I'd never experienced before like cuz we just sng hyms yeah so singing worship and really being like oh this is like got a good energy about it and the preachers were like normal guys in like normal clothes that looked like normal people and you know shared their sermon and message in a way that had their stories in it and parts of it I could relate to I think it what I really loved about going to church with you that first time was it just Stripped Away a lot of the formality of religion that I thought it was yeah and that really helped me because Catholic Church it was like the robes and the Very formal R events and the boring hymns and stuff sit and stand I remember stand sit again yeah and I remember the whole time being really tired like just being like I can't wait till this is over I'm so tired this is so boring and going to yeah like um your church I just really felt like oh this is like this is cool for church yeah 100% And I think it was really nice for me to walk a bit of that Journey with you and just be exposed to it and understand that there could be something different than what I had my box kind of of of of religion definitely definitely and I think I know I always say like it's so important to have a Godly Community around you because I know there was times where it was like you would come to church and I'd see you doing praise and worship and you would like almost have your hands up and I was like oh my gosh she's going to like give my life to God and then it didn't happen I'd be like oh come on she's so close and I remember I had friends who you know like one of them shared a prophecy they were like Steph's going to be a Christian and this was like years before you became a Christian and they were like God's shown me that she's got all these bricks up around her she's got a really big wo around her but God's slowly taking those bricks down and he's going to shake it yeah and she will become a Christian and I was like okay I can cling on to that promise and I can keep praying into that and I'm just going to keep inviting and keep showing up and keep loving you and I'm just going to leave it in God's court because it's his thing to do but I remember that was such a special especially that conference that you came to like it was so special just to have you there and invite you into it cuz again we've grown up in Catholic church together experiencing that and finding it quite boring and it was really beautiful to have you come and just experience like what had become the main thing in my life the thing that I like love and worship and to see you like enjoy it for what it was and not come and be like oh this is a bit weird or this is a bit much like that you just appreciated and was like oh wow like I really enjoyed that message I found that really interesting like that was so I think there was a couple of great like stages that God unfolded for me like meeting your community outside of the church so I already felt comfortable with a couple of the people there like going and then already having that like hey Kell hey natal good to see you again not feeling like I don't know anybody here and I think one of the biggest bricks that like God has had to pull down from me is my view of people's perception of me so like knowing that people can look at me and go oh that's Steph rice um I really felt this like I'm hyper conscious of what I do and where I go and what it looks like because of the journey I've walked before where I've been damaged in those environments so I really felt this like if I'm going to walk into a church and people see me and and know me and go oh she's in church like what does that mean that was a really big thing I feel like I had to walk through because the first couple of times I went to church like I really wanted like I kept my head down like I wanted to sit somewhere like not obvious like I I was sort of like I want to experience this on my own without like all the other noise and um yeah really I think because I'm like if I go to something I'll go and I'll be into it like and I always took something from it but yeah I feel my walk um from when you found Faith to when I found Faith like 4 years later or 3 years later it was just a really like intimate interesting Journey to go on what I love so much and I um I think that this is really cool something that I feel I've learned through my relationship with God that I think is really special is that growing up like everything was surrounded by my goals and my life and me kind of you know like my swimming my success and you always fell second to that and so there was just a lot of like attention like how's Steph going like you know people come over the house and how's Steph going with her swimming whens her competition and and then um oh what's caught up to like it was always kind of like a second kind of thing and I think it's so special that God knew that and let you walk the walk with him first so it would be your thing and it was your glory that you get to kind of receive and enjoy that I found it after you like it's something that is yours you know what I mean like you L that and that's your thing and and I love that my story is my sister became a Christian about four years before me and she was the one that led me in I love that you have something like do you know what I mean cuz I have I have my thing and I love that you have your thing cuz I feel like that is so much of God's kindness so cute but so much of God's kindness to be like caught I know you've taken a back seat for all these years like I want you to walk this walk first and I want you to receive the like joy and fulfillment of being the one to like walk other people through like I love that that was yours yeah I mean it's God like yeah he's our father he knows our hearts he knows where our hurts are as well and he just loves to meet you so intimately and heal and it's in all of the small things as well like that like he could have like he's God he can do whatever plan he wants he could have easily saved you first to be like she's got a platform she's got whatever like let's get the gospel out there yet he was like no no I'm going to take time and go to this daughter first and like through that it's going to heal and create and then my pl's going to unfold and then we're going to go from there and I'm excited to see what the from there is but God so cool is the best yeah and I love that you know when I speak now like at events and churches who would have ever thought like come on like it's still a bit laughable for me yeah like when I'm asked to speak at churches I'm like really wow God you are so hilarious God has such a sense of humor but I love that part of that you know when they want me to share my testimony you are such a pivotal part of my testimony and I love God's hand in that AB so special it's the best the best stories yeah always so good always so good so then yeah we kind of journeyed along and then you obviously found God yeah so um I yeah so obviously like I'd gone to some of the um events that the church had put on I feel you had invited me to church a number of times that I'd been struggling like I just I was in like down patches or feeling a bit lost or feeling um really defeated with work and opportunities and I think that that part of my spirit since being a kid going to family church or praying before competitions that part of me was always there that like when you're down like I'm not afraid to let people know that I'm down or um seek help like that's I'm help me I'm I'm down you're hot on your sleep a lot yeah and I think like that's where you were like why don't you come to church this weekend and I always felt like you know what I just know that that would probably help and if at this point I actually just need like I I'm open to anything that would help me so I think that um you had done a really good job of inviting me and I I felt safe enough and comfortable enough to go and I remember always leaving church whether it was after just a normal service or Christmas event or one of those those women's empowerment you know nights I always left feeling better yeah whether it was the faith in the room whether it was the message kind of left me with something curious to kind of or God just was in my heart there being like lifting some of the weight off me and um I always left feeling feeling better so I feel that then I was more receptive each time to like going more or being more um open and um but I love that God's testimony of like walking me to the door of getting saved was so public and so um big so like I had done sis earlier that year but I feel like the the um the part of my testimony really starts like kind of a year before I got saved where I had um a lot of brand endorsement deals I had three brand endorsement deals like all lined up basically ready to get signed like we gone through the full negotiation they were like hey contract's ready for you to sign stage and within the space of 3 days all three of them pulled out of the deals and it was a Year's worth of salary that basically was taken from me within 3 days and fully outside of my control like it wasn't like something had happened or there was also no explanation as to why they decided to not go ahead after saying yes so many times so I I really felt super defeated like I was just like what the heck is going on like I feel like I don't know God or I don't know Universe like if you're trying to direct me down a different path like I don't know what to do and I really struggled for like a solid six weeks of just being really lost really confused really frustrated really defeated and really needing work and I remember one night just praying a prayer I did not say the word God but I prayed really hot like it was a very intentional like you know what I really need help and I really need a specific amount of money and I really need it now and literally two days later my agent called me and was like hey got this opportunity to do SAS and it's for this amount of money the exact amount of money that I had prayed that I needed and I was like done sounds awesome I'm in and that was like going to be 6 months away so that time I decided to go to university do my MBA like diversify my skills and I felt like I was on the right path like walking the right walk like kind of doing what I felt the universe was calling me to do and then did SAS trained super hard so hard and then like got onto the show day four of a 10-day course and dislocated my shoulder and had to get pulled out of the course and I remember being like again something outside of my control has come in and taken away an opportunity that I knew I would have succeeded at or being great at or it's prevented me from like that next step forward or like receiving any kind of favor whether it was like finances or opportunities or platforms and I was just so broken and it's it was just this like I actually have no faith left like I have like people would present an opportunity and I was like no it's probably not going to work like that was just my very first thought like and so I feel like the injury was the injury but it was the breaking of my faith through that experience that I just had no hope left in me like I just felt like nothing's working out like I just like is this my story now and so like was the lowest I've ever felt when I was over there in Jordan finishing the show came back and kind of just slipped into like back into uni back into that kind of day to day like not really thinking about it not really processing it but feeling still very uneasy and having no work and no opportunities and no finances and then um when the show aired 6 months later it's like it just unveiled all the trauma that I hadn't processed but now with this loud microphone of like the whole nation kind of watching it and watching me break like on TV and I think just hear hearing all of it and I just like it it just really broke me down to like this bare stripped level of like I am not okay like I actually am was the first time I've really felt like scared for myself like I can't coach myself out of this mentally like no personal development is getting me out of this hole like I just knew that and um I was scared before you yeah I felt really like and I've never felt scared before like so not scared that I would harm myself but scared like just for me I don't know how to describe it and I remember having to do like back to back to back interviews that one day and I was so broken and so emotional and I like picked up the phone tried to put on like the Persona and you know and just get through the interview without crying and like hang up the phone I'd have three minutes before I'd have to call the next interview and just crying like uncontrollably and it was like a really awful day I came back that night I'd spoken to you and I was like I am really struggling I'm a bit worried for myself I don't really know what to do and you spoke to me that night and and were like oh you know I'm I'm away but I can come you know see you tomorrow and whatever and I'm pretty sure that was the night that we spoke and you were like um can I pray for you and I was like oh like yeah that would be great thinking you're going to hang up the phone and like send up a prayer in your private private SE of your bedroom or something so I was like oh that would be great cuz I remember this cuz I remember we were on the phone and we were talking and I was like I could like I could feel how down you were and I was like I'm going to pray for you I'm going to pray for you and I was like you're going to have to ask her if you can pray and so I'm like okay I'll I'll ask and I remember I was so nervous to do that and I remember as I was doing that I'm like I know you think that I'm going to hang up the phone and then pray but like no no no I'm praying right like you're going to listen to me praying yeah and it was the greatest gift you could have given me I'm so like proud of your courage to that moment because I remember being like yeah that would be really great like and then you were like okay father God I thank you for Stephanie and how much you love her and I was just like and every word you spoke you spoke about the Yoke and carrying the Yol and I remember you saying a few things like it's too heavy for her she can't carry it anymore um you know like give like let her you know release that you know load to you and that weight and let her have a good sleep and let her this and I remember going to bed that night and having a better sleep than I had the past couple of nights like I felt like I could rest a little bit and I felt like something's happening felt like something was moving and then I woke up feeling like a little bit better but still really like devastated and then I spoke to you the next day for like 3 hours on the phone and I was then a bit like okay so like what what's God's like what what what is this thing about God like what what does how is God In This Moment like talk to me I'm going to listen I remember you asked me you were like so what what would your faith say to me right now and I remember just being on the receiving and being like God like I think this is almost it like can't give me the words tell me what to say like you were so open and I think sometimes God allows us get to that place where it's like you're the only thing left right I've actually exhausted every single other option so what would you have me do yeah and that's exactly the feeling like God spoke to me Court spoke to me about God and stuff for about 3 and a half hours I still felt low but I felt like I was like a little bit getting a little bit better like 2% better and that was for me like at least I'm tracking in the right direction so I was very scared to go further down the other way and um and I think you'd said to me like do you want to come to church this weekend it was still going to be a couple of days away and I was like yeah I think that would be really nice um and uh I remember just being really open like at that point and I think as you mentioned um it was like I knew that what I was doing wasn't working that was what I knew for sure so the spirituality the personal development it's not working I also couldn't read another book about Law of Attraction and do it any differently to somehow magically have it work like it was it wasn't working and it was just like all right well I just know I have to give something else a go and this feels like all what's in front of me right now it wasn't like I was like God's the answer I was kind of like all right well I'll give this a go yeah and I'll commit to it and so went to church that weekend um and also on that cuz it was we went Sunday night and I had been in buber okay that weekend and I remember I drove back from buber that night to Brisbane which was like the five six hour drive I can't remember off the top of my head but I remember I was EX and I think sometimes this is what happens with your faith especially when it comes to sharing the gospel and like sharing with God is like it's not always easy and sometimes you have to make yourself really uncomfortable and really stretch yourself for it and I remember I just knew I was like you need to be in the house of God like I know that you and your spirit and your soul needs this right now and I was like but I just really want to go to bed and I was like court it's actually not an option and I remember I was like jump under the shower quickly and like try and freshen up get dressed and go and pick her up and take her to church because that's what she needs right now and like you promised her as well you said you would take if you would have backed out on me it would have broken me even further CU I was holding on to it to be something that would really help me and that's the enemy getting in there like let's not bring her into church um went to church I don't remember the message at all I just remember the call to salvation and being like it's me I'm giving this a go and I remember we had a really beautiful moment at church that night and then I remember having the whole next week just being like cool guess I'm Christian now um feeling like there should be some miraculous thing that happens and just being like okay like just go about my normal life still this is so random um cuz it's such a big like thing for me and I remember being really self conscious to like tell friends or definitely not going to be sharing this publicly like not even probably going to tell family like just keep it to myself like you'll just know and then that's it m and the whole week I was really wrestling with like that tension of like I knew that I'd lost so much work already so the thought of then like being public about my faith made me feel like I would lose even more work or people would be very critical and so so um I was like I just definitely keep it as private as possible going to church the next week as now a Christian and like that I'll never forget they got to the call to Salvation and instead of always having that beautiful moment where all eyes closed and heads are bowed they were like this week I just feel that we should all keep our eyes open and we should all look around the room at the people that are giving their life to God and I knew instantly it was God's invitation like he was speaking directly to me like if you want to do this we have to do this together loud and proud full and complete like you can't compartmentalize me into certain categories of your life and I just knew I had to say yes and so I said Yes again to the call and that felt like now we're one team like it's you and me not my private life and you you know and I know that God is so good that if I had said no then that would have unfolded later and I would have had another opportunity but I just felt because I was so broken I was so open so anything God asked of me I was like we're doing it guess we're doing that too guess we're picking up our life now and moving to Dubai guess we're finding a new church I guess we're like speaking publicly now on Instagram about faith and I feel that God has really honored and blessed like every um every time he's like called me to something more which is scary that's stretching is really scary cuz you can see the risk but I just know when it's God it's only going to be good like this is scary to go through this tunnel like but I know that God only turns things into something even better than before so if he calling you to something it's like it's going to be good it has to be good like there's no other option and I feel like that's why my faith Journey has been so accelerated cuz I've been super obedient and so surrendered yes so surrendered and I've had such amazing support around me so everybody in my life now is basically Christian and so I think that's a testimony of God's like protection for me too is the fact that you walked that walk and had four years under your belt before me so you've been such a great like Mentor through faith like cuz you're further ahead than me so there's so many times that I was like what does this mean what do you do how do you read the Bible what was the process and like I had that access all the time to like Fast tracking my faith yeah yeah so cool so cool God's so good God is so good yeah and I think it's so true when he calls you to something it's only goodness cuz he is good like he will never call you into a position where you're going to be harmed or like made worse off than what you were like he may put you leave you in situations to stretch your faith and to grow your faith but it's with goodness on the end of it he doesn't leave you in that it's like ha no Enjoy like he's just so good and when you're in the faith and you can see the plans like what we were talking before about at the beginning of like being full circle and being here where you're like wow like look at what God has done and it's like that just keeps happening in your life in your faith of looking back on like I'm actually now walking in the promises of what he gave me all that time ago and like for me it's like I'm walking in the promise of I have my sister who's also now my sister in Christ who we can record a podcast about faith together like that is insane if you had have told me that 2 years ago I would have been like really like when this sure about that sure definitely not sure about that I also think like one thing I feel like I'm not sure if there's any like new Christians listening um like I've been Christian now for about seven months maybe eight months and a lot of people like I think one of the challenges I've run up against is this like oh you're a new Christian you're a new Christian as almost like um I've sort of pigeon hold you into like your understanding of Christ at like a deep level because you're a new like Christian and I think like one of the things that I would really love to impart to like people listening is that it's not about time like it's not about how long you've been a Christian or how many times you've turned up to church or read the word or whatever I feel like it's about your like wholehearted openness to God and then the obedience to whatever God is calling you to I feel my faith Journey has been so deep and so fast tracked because I've really listened to like each one of those calls and as soon as I felt like God has called me to something like I've acted on it right then and there it's not like I've waited 3 months and come back to it and God's asked me again and I think that that kind of like you can see it in a career sense like people that have been in a job for 10 years that feel like I know heaps because I've been in this job for 10 years and there's obviously a level of experience in that but somebody can turn up and do the job in a year and be better than the person and it's not about being better I'm just trying to use that as an example of like your depth of understanding or your relationship of God and I really feel God has been speaking to me a lot about time time is such a human made um construct and God is above time he's not bound by time either so I feel it's really easy to kind of um when you're asking God for a blessing safe finances to feel like okay if I want that amount of blessing of financial goodness that's going to take x amount of time for it to show up in my life cuz I only get paid this much a month or whatever your salary is or whatever that looks like but I feel God has been like I can turn things around like that like things can happen overnight things like he is a god of like Supernatural and miracles and good favor and I feel that God has really been putting on my spirit this this feeling of like don't let your mind be bound by time like anything is possible and just have faith in me and my character and I can make good things happen and then you hear testimonies of people that are like oh I just received this like this check or this opportunity or this travel for free and you think wow like that is God and I love how God kind of can show up when you have that faith and that yes definitely I think as well I just got as well like that Readiness for God and I think I know it talks about it in the Bible and like The Virgins the 10 virgins and it's like talking about jesus' return and you know some of them are ready and prepared they have the oil and the lamp and then there's five that don't they're not ready they don't have the oil and so then they don't get into the party and like Jesus is saying like make sure you're ready cuz you don't know when I'm going to return so it's always being ready for Jesus for the return but it's also being ready for whatever he calls you to because like if you're God the father and you're like I need someone to go and start this business to go and move to this place to go and tell this person to go and do this like I'm going to the people who are ready I'm going to be like that one I know them I know that they're ready I know that they're going to respond this one I will tap on your shoulder and like I'm going to tap on your shoulder a few times and you're finally going to get it and you're going to get ready but it's like when it's the big things as well I'd be going to the ones who are ready I'm going to be like you know I need someone to do like there's no time to muck around there's no like go yeah and is someone who's there like yes yeah ex and just like surrender that living in obedience and like doing what you're prom it's that scripture that um God doesn't call the qualified he qualifies the C and I feel that it always comes to me in that sense of um like it's so easy to feel like I'm not I'm not like ready for that or like that's above my skill set or what I know I'm capable of and I feel that that's that confidence I always have to go back to like God I know that you would only put me in situations that I'm ready for and I know you will Grace and anoint me with whatever I need in order to do that I'm going to be obedient I feel that God like like he will want the people that are like I'm going to go I'm going to follow you so I'm scared yeah but let's go absolutely yeah oh thank you so much for sharing this has been such a beautiful conversation I loved it I loved it too it's blessed me so much and I'm sure it's going to bless everyone who listens to this so excited so a good so good thank you for coming thank you for sharing and I just want to honor you for where you're at and for the boldness and the courageous that you've had in your faith in everything that God has called you to it has honestly been building my faith just to watch you and the way that you love God and that you care for what he puts in front of you and the love that you have for other people it's been one of the biggest blessings in my life to just watch you as you've been transformed in this last season oh thank you so sweet I've Loved walking this journey with you and I've loved our tough conversations our beautiful conversations I think above everything I love that we get to walk this walk together now and share it together and Inspire each other along and pull each other up when we need that sister in Christ to be like absolutely what you're doing but then also be there as each other's biggest cheerleaders and I'm so excited to see what God does next in your life absolutely so good well thank you so much for listening I just pray that you have an amazing week ahead and would you go out and be the reason why people believe in God this week would you be a blessing into other people's lives and would you be blessed as you go we will see you next fortnite bye bye so cute so ni so nice such a conversation