The Handmaid's Tale Chapter 43

foreign chapter 43 three bodies hang there even with the white sacks over their heads looking curiously stretched like chickens strung up by the necks in a meat shop window like birds with their wings clipped like flightless birds rectangles it's hard to take your eyes off them beneath the hems of the dress is the feet dangle two pairs of red shoes one pair of blue if it weren't for the ropes and the sacks it could be a kind of dance a ballet cut by flash camera midair they looked a range they look like Showbiz it must have been Aunt Lydia who put the blue one in the middle today's salvaging is now concluded Aunt Lydia announces into the mic but we turn to listen listen to her watch her she has always known how to space her pauses a ripple runs over us a stir something else perhaps is going to happen but you may stand up and form a circle she smiles down upon us generous magnificent she's about to give us something bestow orderly now she's talking to us to the handmaids some of the wives are leaving now some of the daughters most of them stay but they stay behind out of the way they watch merely they are not part of the circle two Guardians have moved forward and are coiling up the thick rope getting it out of the way others move the cushions we're Milling around now on the grass space in front of the stage some jockeying for position at the front next to the center many pushing just as hard to work their way to the Middle where they will be shielded it's a mistake to hang back to obviously in any group like this it stamps you as lukewarm locking in Zeal there's an energy building here a murmur a Tremor of Readiness and anger the body's tense the eyes are brighter as if aiming I don't want to be at the front or at the bike either I'm not sure what's coming though I sense it won't be anything I want to see up close but of Clint has a hold of my arm she tugs me with her and now we're in the second line with only a thin hedge of bodies in front of us I don't want to see yet I don't pull back either I've heard rumors which I only have believed despite everything I already know I say to myself they wouldn't go that far you know the rules of particulation Aunt Lydia says you will wait until I blow the whistle after that what you do is up to you until I blow the whistle again understood a noise comes from Among Us a formless ascent well then says Aunt Lydia she nods two Guardians not the same ones that have taken away the Rope come forward now from behind the stage between them they have carry half drag a third man he too is in a guardian's uniform but he has no hat on and the uniform is dirty and torn his fate is cut and bruised deep British Brown bruises the flesh is swollen and knobby stumbled with unshaven beard this doesn't look like a face but like an unknown vegetable a mangled bulb or Turbo something that's grown wrong even from where I stand I can smell him he smells of and vomit his hair is blonde and falls over his face spiky with what dried sweat I stared at him with revulsion he looks drunk he looks like a drug that's been in a fight why have they brought a drunk in here this man says Aunt Lydia has been convicted of rape her voice trembles with rage a kind of Triumph he was once a guardian he has disgraced his uniform he has abused his position of trust his partner in viciousness has already been shot the penalty for rape as you know is death Deuteronomy 22 verses 23 to 29 I might add that this crime involved two of you and took place at gunpoint it was so brutal I will not offend your ears with any details except to say that one woman was pregnant and the baby died a Psy goes up from us despite myself I feel my hands clench it is too much this violation the baby too after what we go through it's true there is a blood lust I want to tear gouge Rend we just forward our heads turn from side to side iron rostral's flare sniffing death we look at one another seeing the hatred shooting was too good the man's head swivels groggly around has even hurt her aren't Lydia Waits a moment that she gives a little smile and raises her whistle to her lips we hear it shrill and silver an echo from a volleyball game of long ago the two Guardians let go the third man's arm and step back he staggers is he drugged and falls to his knees his eyes are shriveled up inside the puffy flesh of his eyes his face as if the light is too bright for him they've kept him in the darkness he raises one hand to his cheek as though the filofi is still there all of this happens quickly but it seems to be slowly nobody moves forward the women are looking at him with horror as if he's half dead rat dragging itself across the kitchen floor he's screwing around at us the circle of red woman one corner of his mouth moves up incredible a smile I try to look inside him inside the trash face see what he must really look like I think he's about 30. it isn't Luke but it could have been I know that it could be Nick I know that whatever he's done I can't touch him he says something it comes out thick as if his throat is bruised his tongue huge in his mouth but I hear it anyway he says I didn't there's a search forward like a crowd at a rock concert in the former time when the doors opened that urgency coming like a wave through us the air is bright with adrenaline we are permitted anything and this is freedom and my body also I'm reeling red spreads everywhere but before that tide of cloth and bodies hits him off Glenn is shoving through the woman in front of us propelling herself with her elbows left and right and running towards him she pushes him down sideways then kicks his head viciously one two three times sharp painful Jabs with the foot well aimed now there are sounds gasps a low noise like growling yells and the red bodies tumble forward and I can no longer see he's obscured by arms fists feet a high screams come from somewhere like horse and Terror I keep back try to stay on my feet something hits me from behind I stagger when I regain my balance I look around I see the wives and daughters leaning forward in their chairs the ons on the platform gazing down with interest they must have a bad review better view from up there he has become an it often is back beside me her face is tight expressionless I saw what you did I say to her now I'm beginning to feel again shock outrage nausea barbarism why did you do that you I thought you don't look at me she says they're watching I don't care I say my voice is rising I can't help it get a control of yourself she says she pretends to brush me off my arm and shoulder bring your face close to my ear don't be stupid he wasn't a rapist at all he was a political he was one of ours I knocked him out put him out of his misery don't you know what they're doing to him one of ours I think a guardian It seems impossible Aunt Lydia blows her whistle again but they don't stop at once the two Guardians move in pulling them off from what's left some lie on the grass where they've been hit or kicked by accident some have fainted they struggle away and twos and threes or by themselves they seem dazed you will find your partners and reform your line Aunt Lydia says into the mic if you pay attention to her a woman comes towards us walking as if she's feeling her way with her feet in the dark Janine there's a smear of blood across her cheek and more of it on the white of her headdress she's smiling a bright diminutive smile her eyes have come loose hi there she says how are you doing she's holding something tightly in her right hand it's a clump of blonde hair she gives a small giggle Janine I say but she lets go totally now she's in free fall she's in withdrawal you have a nice day she says and walks on past us towards the gate I look after her easy out is what I think I don't even feel sorry for her although I should I feel angry I'm not proud of myself for this or for any of it but then that's the point my hands smell of warm tar I want to go back to the house and up the bathroom and scrub and scrub with the harsh soap and the pumice to get every trace of the smell off my skin the smell makes me feel sick but also I'm hungry this is monstrous but nevertheless it's true death makes me hungry maybe it's because I've been emptied or maybe it's the body's way of seeing to it that I remain alive continue to repeat its Bedrock prayer I am I am I am still I want to go to bed make love right now I think of the word relish I could eat a horse