Intro one third of the pop rock band busted in the Haiti they had four number ones won two Brit Awards and performed around the world but it was on tour that Matt Willis's addiction ran out of control today he's five years clean and recently released a tell-all documentary about his journey so talking about that his future plans and why he's making his mission to help others give a very warm welcome to Matt Willis [Applause] before we talk all about everything we're going to talk about I have to say she goes on and on about Annie Palmer all the time now you've been in EastEnders three times haven't you I have yeah yeah I was rollerblader number two it was Boy thrown out of nightclub I can't remember my characters now not bad Luke yes yes um I think we did get a different stuff [Applause] Reaction to his book it was a very very powerful piece um but your journey and your family's Journey really yeah um what was the reaction to it I mean it's been um if I'm honest I was terrified putting it out you know we saw so many different edits and and kind of different ways of doing it and I mean we went to so many places so many different centers and so many different kind of rehabs and kind of different things that people were using to help themselves but then whenever we put it in it kind of took away from what was the heart of the story which I think was the kind of miss talking point was the fact that it's not always just about the addict it's about the kind of ripple effect of of that on the people that love them you know I think that was kind of what what was the heart of the story in a way and through that we were able to kind of tell those those stories of what addiction is and what it's not and kind of you know through a bit more of an empathetic it's one thing you wanted to tell your story but then it's Emma's story too absolutely yeah yeah completely and she was um she was if I'm honest she was reluctant to to come on at the beginning I couldn't understand that yeah and there's something about kind of dredging up the past you know I mean in our relationship it's not that we didn't ever talk about that stuff but it was kind of that was then and this is now we move forward yeah and so it was kind of like Pandora's Box you don't want to go through life with wing mirrors exactly you know keep kind of keep kind of looking at the past but by doing that and kind of going through it it it was amazing for us like we've kind of come out of it so much stronger we've talked about so many things that we never have talked about and should have maybe you know and we'll definitely should have and it's um it's made us so much stronger it was also amazing for other people wasn't it because you've got a great reaction to it from the public didn't you yeah it's been um it's been kind of overwhelming the kind of reaction you know but I think that's the thing it's like for me I've I've I've learned the most in recovery from talking to other people who have gone through it and kind of learning their stories and kind of and relating to them getting kind of strength and Hope from different people and this was just a much larger scale that we got to do that on you know so um and I've been getting those messages through kind of people it's kind of like root my my husband's also Sophie's been 18 years so yeah amazing so it was very very powerful for us we were in tears at many points through it um but what I was struck by because it was very helpful to me going to alanon and this I was really struck by the fact that Emma had done this like on her own because as they say isn't it it's like look for the similarities not the differences in what other people and that's that can be so healing I was really I really wanted to know whether she whether she whether that's something now that she finds comfort in other meetings and sharing those no she hasn't it's hard she hasn't but we've um we've we've we've done um kind of couples counseling and things and it's going to be much more open and honest about things and the things that um that I do which I don't realize which still trigger her from those days you know I'm not drinking and using drugs anymore but I'm still it's all Behavior with me you know the white knuckling days exactly yeah so it's like and then and for her it's like um she was always scared to bring things up in case it kind of made me spiral you know what actually does the opposite because I'm at a point now where I'm just like I'm I'm let's put it on the table on the table I loved you're not on the eggshells anymore absolutely I love that you have this real quest to find out you know where did this ISM come from and you've now Podcast got a podcast I'm really excited to start listening to that yeah um with all sorts of people talking about addiction and mental health issues is that right yeah kind of lots of different issues I mean it's about for me because um through addiction really I kind of wanted to carry on these conversations I was having and um I had so many incredible insightful conversations with people a lot of them didn't unfortunately make the edit but then it was um I just wanted to carry that on and I'm so inquisitive about it I'm such a I'm I'm a nightmare I'm just researching and reading stuff all the time and I wanted to talk to these people and there's something about getting in a room um for a couple of hours and just going right let's find out everything and and there's something about that which opens the other person up as well yeah and then in turn like and open up and it kind of and it shows me more about myself it shows everyone more about them you know so there's lots of gifts very intimate as well yeah yeah it's a much Kids easier way to talk but tell me about your kids because you've got a 14 year old haven't you so you obviously would have been very aware of all of this how did you prepare her for all of it I mean that was a that was a worry for me because she's at an age now where I was like she's got to watch it you know and and she knows like Daddy doesn't drink you know and I've always kind of said things like it doesn't suit me or you know I'm not very good at that you know and those kind of things kind of brushing it off but then I was we watched it together me and Emma watched it with Isabel we kind of took off stairs we watched it together and it was um it was a beautiful amazing experience because obviously she knew much more than I thought she did yeah yeah and she and she asked the most incredible kind of intelligent questions and I think I think that's the thing with with the kids is that we kind of try to kind of shelter them from the bad stuff you know to kind of to protect them in some way but actually she was she was so ready for it and she kind of knew what to ask you know what she'll be in she'll be so in awe of what you do because it's not easy to be a person in a world where we have to apologize for not drinking you know and you know our daughters I I watched the pride in their dad so you've got all that you've got all that [Applause] stuffing with her Frankie I have yeah yeah I made it in a wheelie bin full of ice yeah so I I did one a few years ago and it was the most amazing experience I've I've had in a long time it was so incredible and we did like 100 kilometers um through up and down mountains and things with this amazing group of women who've all and and some men who've been affected by breast cancer in some way and um it's just there's something about walking and talking which is just the most beautiful experience and I was I feel really honored to be part of it because I kind of get to experience these conversations which I would normally have no place in yeah you know and I get to kind of be a part of them and people tell me things and I'm like wow this how are your feet at the end of it there absolutely yeah still God blessed and so that mindful experience you're going back out with busted yeah is there a little worry there because obviously rock and roll could you get me worried about that being a bit of a trigger it's been Troublesome for me in the past yeah a lot of people say to me you know like I was here at a time you know you go to The Barbers you'll get your haircut you know and it's kind of like but I feel really what does that mean well if you keep counting the bar with yourself so uh you know so you keep hearing these things and if you put yourself in dangerous situations it's dangerous you know but I'm really I'm really strong in my in what I want and what I don't want and what I'm willing to do and what I'm not willing to do and it's different this time because you've laid it all on the table haven't you yeah yeah there's no there's no hiding and and you know in a band it's a really weird relationship because you're not Brothers you're not your friends but you're not colleagues you're kind of this weird mismatch of all three and but at the root of it there's we love each other in some weird way that we never show you know so it's um but we do you know so they want me to be well and they want me to be happy and I want them to be well and happy and so there's certain parameters everyone's like what are you up to yeah all right all right all right exactly definitely respect and love yeah it's been lovely to have you yeah great he's really worth watching and on demand as there is the podcast uh Matt Willis everyone [Applause]