they too on it sometimes aren't they have you ever been on holiday and your and your card has been blocked by the bank you ever had this I was on holiday I rang up the bank I said my car's been blocked yes Mr Manford we reason to believe your card is currently been used in Spain yeah it was up to about 8 minutes ago pal yeah and now I've got two little girls crying cuz they can only look at ice cream so we sort this out sorry Mr Manford but you never rang to tell us you were going on holiday I said you're not my dad I to tell you anything hey use that car to put the ticket shoot your [ __ ] brain this one woman R me up she said I it's uh it's Karen from Barky is that Mr Manford I said it is yeah she said can I ask you a couple of questions about your account I said f away she said before I do that I just need to ask you a couple security questions and verify who you are said You Rang me Cara you R me I know that I just need to verify it is Mr manord I'm speaking to I said how do I know you're Karen from barle say come an idiot what's your day of birth Karen hey what's your mother's made a name what was your first car what was your first pet call what's your best friend's surname Karen is it what you wearing don't answer that last one Karen I'm only Messing Karen she's gone I am terrible at complaining I'm so bad at it I want complain to this company I got to the end of the phone call and I ended it in the worst possible way I got to I went you know what forget it I'll speak to someone later on in the week and knows what they're doing yeah all fine yeah thanks for your help mate yeah nothing that's what that's been yeah fine all right fine okay all right bye love you so I stick to email now when I'm complaining but even that comes for with its own problems I wrote this email once to this company right I got to the end massive email I'm on my phone writing this email I got to the end regards Jason Manford send now I didn't realize this at the time but often your phone as you all know your phone changes some words doesn't it and sometimes it makes you sound clever sometimes it makes you out to be a [ __ ] sometimes my surname gets changed to another word uh if you've not used it before so maybe some of you have used the text oh we got Jason Manford tonight does anyone know what my surname gets turned to Mango mangoes that's right mangoes I have no idea massive email massive complaint dead serious regards Jason mangoes s i show me brother is pissing himself laugh I said I can't believe I put mangoes instead of Manford he said that's the least of you worries you put rard instead of regards as well that's not getting a reply is it retards Jason mangoes the ultimate first world problem I think is this right just imagine this picture this scene you've all been there you've had a long day at work and you get to the end of the day so tired so tired you get home and maybe you make like should go for a drink you're like oh I don't really want to but you do and then suddenly it's half one you think how's this happened you got to be up at 6 you have done this you go upstairs with your heavy legs and your heavier eyes and you open your bedroom door and you turn the light on and only then do you realize and remember you stripped the bed that morning didn't you it's the same reaction as coming home and finding someone dead it's the same same same sense of loss no why I can't do a do now I'm not going to init me I struggle in the day if I'm honest we could just sleep on the bare mattress I'm not an animal I don't even know what some of those stains are on that mattress how does dribble go that color I'm not even eaten any what since I was 12 pillar's ruined oh it's nasty that it nasty I think that first world problem coming home and finding no beding on your bed I think that so bad even if you met someone in the third world and told them they understand like it's that well I've not got a bed but if you had one that'd be right [ __ ] H so now before the show uh I ask you guys to write down your own first world problems and uh and I've got them here uh obviously I can't read them all out I've had to forward to them mon to the police uh there's some proper Nutters in this room okay let's have a little look through some of these if you hear your name do give yourself uh a cheer that's always that's always good um some people are just horrible as well that's what I like Richard old people being allowed to go to the supermarket on a weekend nasty get horrible well my boy boyfriend has a poo and doesn't clean the toilet he claims I'll come back and piss it off [Applause] later this is a sweet one when I share chocolate or sweets and people accept inside it makes me hate [Laughter] them uh Adam corner on row H seat 21 Adam says when people squeeze the toothpaste sh from the top s finally someone dealing with the issues my friend good lad uh walking into a spider's web and turning into a ninja is that you what's your name my love what's your name Stacy Stacy right you're wandering along just cuz some people don't get it that's all walking along St and you walk into a spider's web Stace and then you turn into a ninja let's have a look one yes Stacey love it love it love it for that play oh this made me laugh breastfeeding your child in public and forgetting to put your tip back [Applause] in I love it who wrote that where are you you on the end in there God bless you right stand up what no it's a 15 it's a 15 certificate we don't want any of that this is a classy one waking up with a random and can't find your knickers lovely [Applause] lovely I love Liverpool I really do I who rot that one you sir I love it