Jason Bateman | Senses Working Overtime with David Cross | Headgum

this is a headgum [Music] podcast uh i' like to offer you your choice couch or chair deal with this okay I will let's make changes I will um where no this is that's a host section and then this is uh first first guest uh and then when the second guest comes in I slide down to here right and I throw bombs yeah we put it we'll put a cactus there we put a cactus there in this chair for now um we have uh uh yeah Europe first and then we have uh Michelle Obama and crazy but Netanyahu now Jason I want to get your take on this whole such a booking isra hamus thing what's going on with that Israel and the dip the dip ofas uh yes going to focus do not disturb yeah we're already two minutes behind yes [ __ ] I want everybody to know uh that I was hard out of a hard out at 9:30 yeah what are you doing I can't tell you that why cuz I'm embarrassed uh oh you're Cameo you doing cameos do a series of cameos how about you wash that [ __ ] hat bro I have it just it's I know you're not keeping it unwashed for uh Superstition cuz you guys have not lost in 35 years yeah and I got to I have to say I'm very uh I'm disappointed as as I'm sure you are that we're not watching a Braves Andor Dodger game swep yeah two years in a row you're trash oh yeah two years in a row two years in a row we got swept two well well uh we didn't get swept but we won one game I'll chew it quietly no you just SW it yeah SW big baby um how are you kids how your daughters um they are great um Franny is uh 16 now and God damn it holy [ __ ] she's going to be 17 in that's crazy two weeks wow what are yours now um well one's dead uh it was boarded but um which one kind of hope it was which is kind of as as the other could be a girl could be a boy um hey man God's that's God's will yeah it's God's will we got nothing to do with it you know uh and then uh Marlo who's who's here and alive is uh she'll be seven in a couple months I brought her out remember when I brought her out she was like this we went to uh you picked me up I can't remember what I was doing here maybe arrested and um she was about one and a half maybe oneish back then and you you came to pick me up we were going to go to a Dodgers game and I brought her out kind of waved her at you and look what we did well what's that feeling you know you want to show it off uh to your very very very good close friends dear friends do you remember when we went to that um I mean we've gone to a lot of games together but the one where we were right behind the on Deck Circle uh the uh and it was they were playing the Cubs and I think it was a wild card game and uh I kept we were literally right behind the guys in every single player would come up I would just yell their name until they looked over and then when they looked over I go will you follow me on Twitter hobby hobby bias hobby hobby hobby hobby bias hob hobby hobby yeah well you know you can get away with a lot as long as you don't curse in when you're sitting up front I mean you can just have at it and they can't kick you out unless you curse like they're waiting for you to do a swear word and then they'll boot you uh I you talking about the uh in any Stadium I found if you're lucky enough to sit close enough where the players can hear you right right you can you can actually affect the game if you're smart as you are with the with the things that you might say to a player like hey don't worry about this situ how big this situation is it's just another game like don't worry about yeah you repeat the stakes to them um you can ask them if they inhale or exhale on their swing you know which could really wreck somebody you know that's a good I never thought of that uh it's it's Lefty unley and you know he throws a curveball first pitch% yesterday yeah that's pretty good you know it's good clean fun as we get old or find out some personal [ __ ] get get a a private detective if you know who the team you're playing and you know the situation um hire private detective to go through his trash dig up some dirt go hey who uh uh Yolanda Jimenez or something you still remember her right I mean it seemed like you had a pretty good three months with her you you're just facts it's public information well I mean it's now it's public information but uh publicly sourced you went through the trash well you didn't you hired somebody to do it so your hands are clean but what about our okay so this is going to air long after we're are we live right now we should get started by the way I'm serious about that hard out let's goad start I know you have there a slate coming in here or something is it a kid's birthday party or what are you doing yeah it is it's an early we got I want to know what is going is give you a hint let's just look at my pants and I want to I want to show you that there's stretch in these pants yeah I'm not not going to go wrestling are you are you rock climbing no it's going to be a golf game oh that's why that's nothing to be embarrassed about no it's at all why it's not football well you're you ever play football weight lifting uh in a movie yeah um I played a guy that wasn't great at football and the but also uh your uh stunt the stunt guy play guy did a lot of it I was the face man what what what movie were you did you played football in it was called Necessary Roughness um was the roughness necessary did you find that wasn't play on it was you had to yeah once you were in the seat you realized that the roughness was completely unnecessary did anybody ask for their money back when they found that out do you think I bet they did yeah like I was told I mean it's you're selling me a on roughness that is necessary it turns out it's completely unnecessary the money wasn't necessary for this kind of entertainment it was it was me for starters um there was uh this is pre pre or post uh Teen Wolf 2 oh everything's post team in the J Jason B that was it was 18 I did start when I was 10 but um so there was uh it was a football team made of a softy like me mhm Sinbad Scott pacula Kathy Ireland who else no wonder this thing tanked right I mean how I mean there's literally no reason to go no they can't win anything what it was uh what did the team what a terrible team who did they play Kathy Ireland was a place kicker no one tried to like make the audience believe she was going to be defensive Lin they'd still be uh at the top of the division if they were in the NFC South though I bet yes that's true it still be about 5 and two that with a very favorable schedule coming are you a football fan at all I am I I don't I mean I like the uh the Cowboys because when I was a little boy uh they were doing very well this is in the 70s so I do still have a place on my heart for them but in La we didn't have a team for a long time right right and that coincided with a period of my life where I enjoyed the gamble oh really so I I know about yeah oh I love to bet on football um and so I fell how much did you lose on on the time that the reason I no longer gamble I think it was like a $6,000 weekend or something I mean not in the world of of of gambling problems um that that that's a pretty pretty shallow bottom yeah um but uh it still scared me enough to uh to get the hell out um but I did I managed to fall in love with any team that had a favorable spread so um I I was quite the [ __ ] um and remain uh remain so I I I I I can fall in love with any team any weekend I I guess that's I'm in a pick them League now you know where I just spent 100 bucks at the beginning of the year like our pathetic F Fantasy Baseball League uh which what did you come in third this year no dude it was uh it wasn't as bad as two years ago where I was doing quite well until the last 3 or 4 weeks and then just epic epic slide but uh you consistently disciplined and attentive you know to be we get a lot of we get a lot of owners in in this crap League that I run uh they're just dead beats you my friend you're a busy man you're a family man and yet you still find some time God bless you I love it I mean uh I mean it a little to the consternation of my wife sometimes where I'll get up I'll even set my alarm sometimes to if I round the trade deadline too you know yeah I used to do that um but yeah when was the last time you won uh back when I set my alarm clock to get Mark Prior off the waiver line coming coming out of Triple A wow this going back um but you do a uh just to let everybody know Jason is the commissioner of it 20 years now a loose use of the word um it's probably 20 years or something we've been doing this league uh and uh Jason's graded it we started by the way we started when this this has started this we're in the podcast right now we're potting yeah we're we're we're PC casting huh yeah this is fun can we uh there's people over there casy guys can we uh can you try to um we going to call patent or or not patent but uh copyright copyright uh PC casting yeah and we'll put it onir so get get on that now um we know we have some folks in Washington D team yeah um what is but hold on a what are we doing what are we doing here say when do you have a [ __ ] podcast uh What's this called it's a good question it's uh where is it it's right there sens sensitive working headgum no senses working overtime with David Cross yeah look at that nice sketch too who did that um I should uh I don't know his name off hand I'm sorry Dimitri shic yes shastovich uh uh we'll cut it in later a great great grandson of the uh famous shaov yeah um sense is working overtime yes I remember I remember there was a um my favorite thing I smelt touched ate and poked yeah at some point um well I as I said in the cover letter which you didn't read uh did but anytime that you see a different color for dear Jason and then the rest of the thing is is is in Black it's like oh this this is what he sent everybody yeah it's called a cover letter you know there last time I saw a cover letter was on the top sheet of the Arrested Development script did was it did you ever did you ever did you ever get the script for arested I'm sure you did or was it just sides or anyway when they sent me the script you tell about the pilot the pilot the cover letter said dear David dear Scratch Out Jason um anyone who is looking for a nice dressing room hair makeup um lights marks on the floor this job is not for you this is going to be basically news gathering this is a a mockumentary um we're going for something they were basically saying to the agents don't send us any of your candy ass Diva actors this is going to be something that's we're going to go for something different here I just remember reading that going oh they're never going to see me for this I'm I'm like a sitcom guy and they're going for something kind of cool and subversive and no frills and uh they need they need folks like David Cross people with I came to it later I came I came a little later in the process I I think you had been you had been set Jeffrey and Jessica were set uh uh the kids were set um was Arnett in yet no cuz they wanted me to look at job oh yeah and also U which I had no handle on I had no would have been so much better and and also Buster too they uh what if you played all three you could have done that Mitch bar would have loved that just one mustache and then you've reveal that it's the same it's the same guy doing a big mustache that you could pull off turn upside down and make it into a beard for the other character right and it's like like a Threes Company like oh uh my twin brother is in the other room I'll go get them hello I'm the twin uh yeah I I uh now I have to ask you cuz cuz everyone asks me and this is the most straight I'm straight I have to I'm straight and I don't color my hair uh so you switched it up one of those two questions so what made you go straight yeah it just wasn't working out it it hurt yeah yeah physically or emotionally emotionally okay sometimes physically well I don't think love making is crass sorry well it really depends on what what half of the equation you're going to be David right top or bottom listen or middle are you middle a middle podcast Jason bait's a middle Jason meet baitman um uh oh yes so I have to ask you um so Jason yes David any more arrested developments oh gosh have I had a dollar um yes oh yes we have uh season seven right over they didn't work out those Seasons um no you know what it wouldn't it actually wouldn't surprise first of all no one's asked me that in a long time I have been asked that after I mean he used to get it literally all the time there the first thing when's the movie yeah yeah so I have to ask cuz everyone wants to know and but even after Jessica passed I still get asked that I'm like how are we going to do it without Lucille what it would be and get a little angry get a little it would be less than half the show without her um however I wouldn't be surprised if we got a call saying really no well yeah but like in sort of like couldn't you see Mitch calling and saying Hey listen you ever seen the Michael apted thing seven up 14 up 20 you know and well what if we did that like that's a pretty good impression actually it does sound like that but couldn't you see him getting excited and I could see us getting excited about the idea of like oh yeah we we'll just revisit it every 7 10 20 years and whoever's still alive gets to come in and that that is actually who they put whoever's still alive or not canceled you can't be canceled either we just keep going until we run out of folks well you know we I think it was actually God who who had this idea somebody had a really great idea um we were starting to do the press for the last season which you know was a bit of a debacle but um somebody had the idea of doing it uh animated an animated arrested with the same characters and you know that would be fun that would be fun and and I think people would like it I think the trick with the with uh not to give a real answer um but you've done animated stuff I've done animated stuff and what I didn't realize but then did is that you know you you know you do you record the dialogue and then a year later an animator will push out the drawing that matches your your reading and you hope that the combination between facial expression and the line reading is the cocktail that up until then we as individuals have always been in control of right right like you can say love you or I hate you with a different look on your face and it's either going to be funny or dramatic like there's a there's a there's a two hands clapping there and with animation you're you're at the at the the mercy of whatever this animator is going to put on your face and and so it's a tough thing you just hope that the the the comedic recipe is landed it sounds like uh you did some animation that didn't really work out for you sounds like sound on theator came to this excuse later after the finished product why is this not working um no actually Jason you know on the voice of the caramel or caramel Eminem right you guys know that just the caramel just the caramel right I'm the voice of the caramel Eminem uh anybody cares to no one that's amazing he's the mute one uhhuh uh yeah he witnessed a uh caramela Eminem went through uh the Iraq War and witnessed some terrible things and stopped talking after that it's a there's a whole backstory I gave him yeah and now he's taking mushrooms for treatment yeah um yeah no I I just but but I I would you know Mitch did an animated show called sit down shut up that I did a voice in for a while did you do any of that no no um and he was very he picked a great animator for that so I he would probably be great about getting an animator for it but I just thought it was a cool way to do it uh that we could all still do but you know cuz we had there were several issues with uh we won't go into with the with the you're talking about your deal yes um your perk package uh yeah I mean you can call it whatever you want it's just lotion right I mean that's that's a pretty simple ask just uh yeah have a gallon of lotion on stand standby and you know and and it's I I understand it can be difficult when we're shooting up in the where were we in the see see me no that is that where the up in the desert kind of the mountains whatever sand Demus or near Magic Mountain is that what we're talking about wherever we were for like three it was like an hour and you know hour and 40 minutes was very hot it was hot Dusty no amenities and I just you know if you got a air drop it or whatever lotion right you can't be drying up I can't be drying up I mean this is this is the money right here we look over here you do actually you do actually look pretty good thank you I uh you know we're not we're not 30 anymore uh no I'm not even close I'm almost I'm 54 you're older than me but not by much no I'll be 60 soon in a couple of years no no uh next year I'm 59 what are we doing for 60 I'm 59 and a half I am I as of a couple weeks ago I think I think I want more s to to keep saying I'm like on the senate floor like listen to me I'm 79 and2 years old um David what are we doing for 60 you know you got to kind of blow it out at 50 60 70 yeah I don't I'm I'm calling Amber we're going to no no no Amber I've is I've given strict instructions that's what that's why that's where you get surprise parties from I don't I I I wouldn't I don't like that idea well you'll be tied down and gags so you I I threw Amber an epic her 40th birthday was uh a couple months ago and I threw her an epic surprise party even though she knew I was throwing her a party I still managed to surprise her yeah how on the the level of it so she thought we were going to some another dinner party and it ended up being she wouldn't let me uh she was real shitty about not letting me just she was so for months I mean I'm talking actually a year a year before it she's like hey so you're going to do something special right like that kind of [ __ ] and like as I as we were getting closer like she's sending me names like um hey I know you haven't met her but uh if you were to do something you should well call just make sure that you know blah blah is somebody you know some feminist author she you know whatever and um and I had rent I had to move the space so I had a I had a big space this is in Brooklyn right and uh initi and I had this the whole thing was supposed to be levels of surprises right so it started there's this um around the corner from us this kind of fancy high tea place and I was like oh she'll like that so I had the her like a 330 there was a uh for her to go there and three friends surprising her oh cool friends who lived there then half an hour into that four more friends from out of town were going to show up she'd be like what you pulled off a surprise and she'd think it'd be over and then yes and then there was like a dinner thing uh and then I was like oh we're going to go to this place and she kept the list that she would send me was and she's a very very sociable person uh unlike myself like she has a million friends my wife has all the friends I have none the friends why don't you go out go call Sid call John you know call Shannon go out was like H watch the game have a glass of wine yeah eat peanut butter pretzels and uh and she's always out and everything and um and she has a million friends and she the it got so big that we had to move I was already on like a rooftop thing at the W Hotel in uh in Williamsburg and there were so many people I had to move it to this larger space and I kept every new person was like another $100 for catering and [ __ ] it was and she and she walked in and she thought she was going to this like kind of uh you know a banquet room not a banquet room but like a private dining room somewhere and uh with like 35 people or something and there were uh I don't know 100 plus uh from all over the country uh people had come in from England as well and just it was great and and DJ Quest love DJ um yeah he's a friend he djed our wedding uh Upstate New York yeah W was there a theme David um just like uh oh you married the most awesome husband in the world was kind of the unspoken theme come with something nice to say about David yeah and you know we had uh uh a friend of ours kind of helped me with this and uh we had photos that were on you know Montage photos from when you know through her life and all that stuff you didn't send out a thing and make everyone do some freaking video for her right like that drives me nuts I think it's the laziest thing someone can do it's like hey so don't say anything but you know I'm going to do this thing for Jim and just just send me just a one minute video of saying whatever it's like it's it's no work for the mate it's just a ton of work for all the friends to send this video and then you make like a just no no video for Jason's birthday scrap the uh email to Jason and get on those emails get make sure they're not sent see if you can unsend um I I it's so common I feel and so uh so lazy I I just and then I've just come up with a real shitty kind of no well can I well I think it might be fun for the person though I I I get I get what you're saying it's an easy thing for the you know it's not like blowing 40 Grand on a [ __ ] dumbass birthday party in Brooklyn where you got to pay for cheese that's going to get thrown away or or remembering that really sweet thing she said she wanted eight months ago and you secretly got it and you sat on it and you wrapped it nice and you just like you saved it wrapped it nice well I mean just like you know remembering like that she would probably love that instead of can you do both oh you made all my friends to the you know I don't think people see I don't think women see it that way I know that's here we go get ready to get the calls sexist social media um you tell us what else you think women like and what they don't like okay um I think women I find I this is just my experience and what I've observed in life but women be shopping I find I find that women be shopping but but you're still listening you're just it's important for you to listen right that's what they say listening and learning yeah that's what they say uh and when I when I got married I was like I'm going to I'm going to be a better listener and I'm going to be more emotionally um uh uh available and uh but then I was like ah you know I thought about it and I was going to do it but you doing a bit but I will say I I can I I I qualify someone that was around before and around after and um she she did push you in in a good direction oh she did yes uh that is true I I uh well as your as Amanda did for you you know um oh yeah and I remember you yeah you and I did have some time before Amanda well Hank oh Hank that was now I later named a dog that my dog Hank who is now passed yeah did you ever meet Hank I did I the the French Bulldog yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I had a little um and I think Hank the tank came from uh wasn't that what will farell called himself in in uh uh old school I I never saw that I don't know but uh M's funny but so pre back in the early early days early days days uh oh this wasn't a prompt for you to like go ahead and just like let your listeners know what a [ __ ] wipe out I was well I'll tell you what I'll tell you what you were take this however you want uh you were a lot more fun yeah no I know so you were you were CRA I mean you I I would uh I'd put you up there in the top level top 10 of uh just messes but good fun messes not for you and for those who loved you but uh to hang out with because I'm I can go there easily still do sometimes M much less now but uh but yeah you were a fun you weren't like you were fun trouble you weren't like I don't remember drinking because I was sad I remember drinking because I was in a great mood and let's take this 10 to a 12 yes that's which is how I am too it's more hedonist than for sure there was wasn't there something about climbing a light pole light I do it was somewhere here in in Silver Lake too I think I I got up on uh managed to climb up a a like a a big a tall one yeah like a like a red light thing no it was a street it was a a light on the sidewalk at some didn't my wasn't there was I climbing up to get my belt had I thrown my belt up there or something oh wait you know about I know if we ever gave it to you holy [ __ ] do you know will and I so I had the belt and will we hid it we had it in one of our dressing rooms and we were going to like gift wrapid or something the belt from my pants the belt from yeah what other belt well a conveyor belt you know how you always travel with a conveyor belt right well I thought you were talking about the one for masturbation that you show me that you use oh the SNM thing the self asfixiation one no yeah yeah yeah no that's uh well you don't call it a belt in the biz you call it a lover yeah um you got to really get hip yourself to the lingo um yeah your belt that yes I think we threw it up somewhere you threw it up somewhere and then you had to go get it uh but at some point you forgot you got it and then forgot it so I brought it to will was like oh Jason and I were we had a [ __ ] epic night and blah blah blah and we the joke was going to be we were going to give it to you like a year later and I think we forgot it's probably still in one of those star wagons somewh double Banger over there 20th huh it's next to the T can of tuna fish I left up high in his closet waiting for it to create a sank months later uh I probably told you this but uh one of the greatest pranks ever uh it was simple it wasn't you know clever but it was I was doing a movie with uh J Moore and Dennis ly and Jay and Dennis were like uh like frenemies adversarial uh it was all about standup and stuff and then Jay went to Dennis's trailer and took a [ __ ] and then uh closed all the windows and turned the heat blast the I was like wow that's pretty great yeah that's pretty great yeah it all comes down to how long you can keep that room hot I think well you do it the night before the middle of the summer in La it's not going to cool down much not great um how how are you dealing with the homeless situation out here it's tough it's tough yeah um any ideas uh I do have a couple yeah um yeah we just um put a put a uh fun together and buy them uh all homes that's would fix it you're right I I honestly I was walking down uh I was actually coming back from here CU I want I came here yesterday just to make myself familiar with it and the area and how long of a walk it would be and uh um hang on you were scouting out your commute to make sure you weren't late this is what you do the day before [ __ ] uh yeah you know is that funny to you well there's apps now where you can kind of educate your drive time oh I walked this is a it turned out to be 2.2 miles I press a little button it's a little picture of a dude mid stride you hit that button and it'll tell you how long it'll take for you to watch and who and who's that that's a picture of like Jerry West is the guy three call backs for that for that shoot my Silhouette was not lean enough who is it uh they can't find him oh really he's still walking he's still do you remember um he's passed now but the guy the the guy who was the picture for the cross qu signed yes he's dead yeah what yeah yeah no way that was Billy B right I thought Billy bardy died um good luck with that reference um no do you remember the it was a real guy and he was around here Silver Lake uh Los FES Echo Park but he would uh just have shorts on no shirt and uh like long athletic socks and he would have a paper newspaper and he walked super the fastest Walker I've ever seen and there when he died there was actually an obituary but he was like a town character guy this doesn't he just walk in shorts and socks newspaper he had had had newspaper but you know how you can fold it didn't he folded it like uh in a in a quarter right guy and he would sit there and he would walk up and down Sunset Boulevard uh he died like like seven eight years ago and there was a literally a thing an obituary and he was a doctor or uh he was a retired some something doctor attorney or something like that and he would haul I mean it was comical he was hauling ass with looking at this paper like that was like weird like he's mentally but do you think he might have had a mental issue David is that what you about to say uh yeah M but I mean uh uh and maybe that's what he did to clear his head or something but he'd be there every morning he was well informed I I don't know how you can re I never saw him Turn the Page uh I don't know how you can read and walk that fast and then also avoid you know people and human [ __ ] that is on the sidewalk here imagine how much longer he would have lived uh had he lived during the age of the daily you know he just listen to the news you know he'd still be walking head up eyes up faster yeah avoiding traffic yeah I wonder if he's one of those guys who's he's kind of like a lite that way like he doesn't isn't interested in an ear pod no he'd much rather read it doesn't trust it yeah I don't even know how you physically do that it's great time for a commercial break guys right we run a spot real quick spot David Cross here uh uh thanks to our sponsor Stakes the greatest St that's one of my favorite things about about uh when you listen to like Sean Hannity and Mark lvin and those those kind of right-wing guys and I I don't listen to AM radio unless I'm here in LA and then I listen to it a lot I do yeah I'm um when I'm driving around and stuff but uh uh those guys will be on their shows and they'll be yelling and screaming about you know somebody in the government and they're you know they're lying to you they're Hypocrites they're just lying out of their teeth uh and they when they go seamlessly into their like and they're just lying to you non-stop folks I have the best sleep of my night uh last night I got a magic fingers mattress and the good Folks at Omaha steaks best steak I've ever eaten they were right into it well they're dealing you can't trust these people they'll lie to your face folks have you ever had half and half but want said this isn't creamy enough well the good Folks at acres farms are uhhuh yeah he's got a pliable audience um so let's talk about uh politics thank you by the way for coming on the podcast today absolutely what is your feeling about the future are you bullish are you uh little pessimistic what what how do you think things are going to go over the next six to 12 months oh boy that that uh well let me give you two answers one is the the larger overview and it's uh and I'm being serious here it's I am by Nature a pessimistic cynical person but since I had a kid I not proactively but have found myself and and now I've embraced it in being optimistic and finding uh the good in things that I didn't necessarily see before you don't get exhausted by that effort in that your your good picture gets tarnished at some point I mean but it always uh yes and no but uh I can't afford I don't want to raise a kid and and and be that cynical and pessimistic uh at least around her or or for it even to come out in ways that I'm not even realizing and I and she and all her friends and the kids at school are just uh I mean I I love watching those kids I love the innocence and the the that they're not [ __ ] and they haven't you know some of them uh including my daughter might turn into that I don't know but right now they're awesome as a as as a parent I find myself sort of trying to find the right moment to start to condition them that it's not all unicorns and rainbows like at some point you want them to have some sort of coping mechanism for the realities of not everybody gets a trophy not everybody's bright not everybody has an ethic or moral compass etc etc but like when is that like as soon as they're smart enough to intellectualize or do you give them a little time with that brain uh that's a great question I I'm sure everybody has their own intuitive feeling of when that is we when she was still uh a fetus we we put airpods on her ears and we uh we she would listen to The Daily and um and uh so she came out pretty hot um no because something that we couldn't uh we couldn't fix we couldn't figure out uh cuz once you go in there you can't go back in there and uh um teeth they it it switched over to uh to the uh smartless uh podcast and oh and now everything is just you can't get a serious thing it's all silly [ __ ] you know and then and and she has spent and she's only uh you know six going on seven but uh uh for her in her entire life even before she was speaking some of her first words were she cannot figure out whether she wants a Hyundai or a GMC Sierra and it's an issue it's a big issue and uh well one's professional grade and one one is just you know it's your journey you know um it's uh it's how do you pick between a journey that is yours mhm or something that is absolute professional grade it's it's when you put it that way it's really tricky right and I would just I think there's something about who's giving me this information is that person trustworthy the messenger yeah the messenger and I'll uh um that's why Sean's there because when when you fall in the gap between me and will Arnette there is the the the fertile land and his voice is quite different oh yeah oh yeah yours is uh you know thing and it's uh it's almost like a blanket sure you know uh not wet not no not a wet blanket warm it's like one of those uh careful uh it's like one of those fart capture blankets that they have it is those are comfortable the fart blankets well you don't it's not it's to soak up your fart yeah that's a real thing blanket thick enough to mask all real that's a real thing that they that is available that I would I'm going to tell Amanda she might want to look into uh it is that's a real thing and then you know we sleep we sleep we have we have we have two duvet I don't know you that I'm being serious here I I want you and Amber to try this it's it's I wouldn't call it a marriage saver like the DVR but uh this is this is a good thing the DVR saved her marriage well a good portion of it you know hey babe you want to go out Friday night uhuh can't big big game what do you mean well Dodgers are playing big game well can't you just tape it babe no the T it doesn't work but with the DVR it's super now yeah great let's go wherever you want to go Friday night I don't care but then you spend the entire night going uh uh could you turn that TV off please or I'm it exactly everybody can you turn your phones off for me thank you um but two duvet okay um which for the Philistines out there is uh just a a big warm top cover I think I think people know what it do well some of them don't you know you know it's like what's crew to say well it's a veggie plate you talked to your buddy who was uh running for governor over there and uh what was his name Dr Oz right remember him remember the trouble your pal got into with that my pal yeah um so uh to duvet if you if you're a light sleeper like me when your partner turns over right as you do a thousand times that duvet gets pulled off of you or just even just slides across your but it'll wake you up you have two duvet that way you you're you're wrapped in your thing and if she's going to roll around and do whatever she does with her kicking and her twisting and her godamn you know you're you're still sleeping you're fine do you understand what I'm saying David I think can I suggest instead of two duvet a divorce uh well therapy marriage counseling yeah we're doing that too okay um did the guy say or the woman go can I tell you two duvet um no I well here's the thing I I became a light sleeper I was never a light sleeper until my daughter was born and then I and I still I wake up one I mean I wake up easily and uh um but I also uh my wife and I she's from Southern California I'm not so we have different uh temperature yeah like her her her realm of comfort is about 12° outside of that 12° on either side she's either too hot or too cold um and I feel bad for uh for people who are born and raised here uh with their inability to function outside yeah uh actually I feel I don't feel bad for them I feel bad for their Partners who have to deal with that you know when anything's below 60 it's freezing and if it's above 75 it's boiling and and uh so I I you're going to be a dream when she hits menopause you're just going to be about the best partner you can imagine are you [ __ ] kiding you're what you're hot again I'll be long gone there's a there's a there's a large gap in our age agap deal oh God you'll just be dead we haven't moved on to some little Starlet no no no no uh no I would I would I'm I'm very happy in our marriage you know it's uh uh We've made news today no it's good I mean she's she's it's going to be good not the greatest uh the greatest Tobias line ever how are things going good good it's going to be good I think I improvise that it's pretty good with a full body lean on it's going to be good that was our first that was our first uh scene together yeah and then I remember I remember finishing that scene and going over to uh Mitch herwitz our boss at I said cuz you you had clearly done a take on the character that no one could imagine you're David Cross for Christ's sake and and so uh I finished that that scene with you the first time I'd seen you do the character I'm playing you know somebody you know so straight it's just boring boring to watch um but here you are doing this incredible take on him but it was just so through me I was like oh [ __ ] how am are we in the same show I remember pulling Mitch her was side going hey can I talk to your I said hey so with him yeah no this guy um he seems great but is this what you had in mind is this e he doing what you wanted CA I mean I can I can adjust for sure I can get in his show but does he need to come to my or are we good I he's like oh no it's great this is good I said okay yeah here we go take two and I actually had the same note on Horrible Bosses I remember after doing the the table read I've told I think I've told both these stories before I apologize but after hearing uh I'd never seen Charlie Day do his thing on on uh Always Sunny in Philadelphia sedus you know it can do a million different things sketch comedy but I remember after the table read for that I remember pulling the director aside and saying hey so should I go into their movie or should they come into mine how do we he's like no they go okay I'm just going to tell you I'm going to play this character in a way where I can't believe I'm still friends with these guys mhm is that cool with you he's like sure can I see it I'm like here it comes so I just played the whole film who directed it uh Seth Gordon okay uh just furious that I was still friends with a couple of n poops like this and it worked um and I think I did the same thing for rest development like but it it was sort of written in the show that my character was just outraged that he was surrounded by such you're frustrated constantly you you're babysitting you're and and the incompetence uh around you that you're surrounded by and but it made it really made those moments where like when you say I just blew myself and then I could just just stare at you and just blink a couple times just fascinated and how you just don't understand what you just said and what's that line to say like have you ever just recorded what you say just for a day you have one of those little tape recorders to buas H but it when you're when your character would you know find the strength to go you know [ __ ] these people I'm moving George Michael let's get out it and then it made it m made it it gave it so much uh it grounded it and made it so uh there's like this empathy and uh right and somewhat relatable like okay there at least there's somebody from Earth in with these martians and then it yeah because it wasn't just the family but the you know a waiter or a doctor or a lawyer or you know like oh yeah what about Ian remember as the doctor just could never it he super literal yeah yeah he he what was he saying he's all left he's left hand remember when yeah yeah yeah uh uh Busters um he left his hand or lost his hand anyway um um we should do we should do the animated version we should get that going today I thought I thought that was a good idea um Jason you only have strong 11 minutes left 11 minutes left let's finish strong here um we seriously should roll at some point CU this be a very short episode rehearsal has been incredible I think we're at well we're just setting the cameras yeah um uh we're going to end with a question from Marlo I have her give me questions for every guest and we'll get to that I want to make sure cuz Jason's got to leave um he's got to get to the golf course he's got to get to a golf course um what and what do you do you get do you pre-order your own arold you have that wa Palmer waiting for me in the golf cart when I get there that's the way it works in golf and you're and this is what are you raising money for well it a lot of it is for um charity okay you want to be a little more specific they they're pretty discreet actually no they they don't want to be showy about it at all but um they need it so I got to get there and who and you're who are you playing with Troy Aman Troy and uh Lil yachty and uh who's on your team who's on and Sinbad and Sinbad oh that's good you've maintained a yeah relationship with them after all never left each other you never what never left each other after that Oh I thought you said you never liked each other no I did not say that it sounded like that okay so you want to just run that back get some get AI get an AI thing and have him say that um now Jason um what the Capricorn okay there you go Capricorn uh that's your favorite movie Capricorn one is Capricorn one yeah yeah now what did you think of Capricorn 3 uh is about three times as good as the first one really yeah is that and is that kind of that's how I felt about Jaws 3D cuz Jaws was great Jaws 2 jaws 3D holy this time it's personal that was the tagline Jaws 3 for real the tagline was I remember this I think it was this one's going to hurt that was uh seven um Jaws three I'm not making this up you can go look at it this time it's p the J the shark was taking it took something personally from the last he you know the last two movies it was I think it was the mom or something and I think he was upset about the deal structure you knew this one was going to be quite profitable right um and Ja 3D has some of my favorite extra acting too when there you know there's like an aquarium underground tube there's a scene did you ever see it you're talking about the Georgia Aquarium the under the underground tube I love I love the Georgia Aquarium that's one of my all-time favorite places um I'll be going back down uh there for Thanksgiving we go to all my family most of my family still in Atlanta and go back there every year for Thanksgiving and always go to the aquarium take Marlo I love it give Uncle Jerry's hat back you might want to wash it before you return it well I have washed it I've washed it you might want to try a a uh soap yeah I keep washing it in um it's a Native American thing where you wash it in dirt and crease it's a goes back it's like I want to say rapo who does you're going to get a lot of emails on look up the uh Indian uh the might be cre might be cre um okay oh [ __ ] I forgot stay right there yeah oh I forgot about this should I play a little music how's that lower back pops good um I got you this uh speaking of dirty hat here I got this hat for you turning it looking at it hey Los Angeles 50 years tops this is very good all right good Mitchell and Ness is it uh 7 and A2 is that right I think it is yeah cuz when you were no no it's a little tight but as soon as I get rid of my Danny Tero hair you know you're uh you've got a big head your e is swollen as soon as I get knocked down a peg this is going to fit great um damn it well where do we get oh I need a bigger cuz I like this you know what I asked him I was guessing cuz uh uh you don't know this but I flew out here I know you're a light sleeper but I measured your head uh I do you remember the you you overslept one day that was because I had put a bunch of Advil PM in your in your steak and uh and so then it was it was so I could come in and measure head and which I did and I had the calipers and everything and then couldn't get all the way under for fear of waking me up and that's why we've got a bad so I guessed on the fraction yeah I knew it was Seven Something uh and then I asked the lady when I got the Hat I was like can I return this um if his head is grown since I measured it and uh and she said no but also I don't work here and this isn't a hat store and I was like oh she said but if you want to ring up that ball gag then you I think that g over there is who you want to talk to all right you've painted a good picture this was on your scout uh when you were scouting your your your commute to work the other day just walking up and down sunset here yeah you first of all you say that like it's crazy but that's only CU you don't walk I like to walk and I I'm right around the corner from where I was last time I was here you picked me up we went right by Dodger Stadium yeah and uh and I walked cuz I had time I have a day I'm in the middle of a tour I'm at the about to end this tour 74 show something like that were you playing here in Los Angeles I mean I did a while ago where was the phone call was or a text or an email oh you know what that's right I'm supposed to text and phone every single person I know in La sound like your mom right now right why didn't you tell me you were on letter men what does it matter oh my God my mom all the time like and little stuff like it's your fault it's but it's like the you know why didn't you tell me uh not even like a bigger thing like just you know whatever uh or just a petulent sort of like congrats on such and such like something you may have mentioned on a talk show they just like just drop it I didn't know well she does she doesn't get you know she gets a a little whiny but not like shitty but she'll she'll it'll be more like um I didn't know you did an ad for the Old Spaghetti Factory and um that's certain stuff you try to keep quiet yeah yeah uh I didn't know you you're on you have an only fans um well I just learned what that was the other day oh yeah somebody tried to walk me through that right you just learned about that the other day what a [ __ ] on my kid No One Believes you on my kids's life I've I've never gone on that site there's a difference between going on the site and being aware of what it is well at some point you you don't know anything till you know it and some what yeah true you don't know anything till you know it right you don't you're not you're not born with a with a base of knowledge you sound like an eight-year-old trying to get out of something you don't you know you don't know anything till you know it right that's what you said dad you said that one time well you don't know the red light is for stop and the green light's for go unless somebody tells you that right you could assume that the green means stop or red means go and but that's not what somebody told me now I know for the rest of my life red means stop cuz someone told me that only fans somebody told me this is a porn site for amateurs maybe uh as as as I know it it's uh or wait no I'm confusing that with uh only fans red gum red red tube no red tube is porn right right is in that amateurs oh I don't know I don't know I'm just in like now I'm in a I'm in a uh uh Eastern block Ste no Eastern block Granny's someone who's selling a a goat and some rugs is really gets you going yeah but with like you know uh cleavage um no uh uh only fans is like you can because I've seen so many stories of like cops or teachers who had are trying to supplement their income who have an only only fans account and then but it's like I don't think it's porn I think it's it's like nudity right yeah I don't think it's porn it's like naked pictures no so it's just still pictures I think oh I don't know maybe video too but you know what it's a you sign up you get uh uh Casey uhhuh it's too late I think you've already exposed that you kind of know the apparatus oh I I do know what only fans is I'm not live in America in the in 2023 so yes got an invite email yes oh I have an account do you yeah so then how does it work is it there there stills or is there a video that you could you could pay a little extra for video uh I think it's something like that and it and because there was it literally a story two days ago about a a teacher uh no a uh somebody was running for office a democrat in Virginia I'm not kidding who like was supplementing her income as a teacher with an only fans account and then uh something like that I'm probably conflating a couple St still viable candidate it was like a someone the running for officer in office and her husband had like a joint only fans and she got in trouble and she's a Democrat too and it's her just showing naked shots of herself or is she engaged in some sort of sexual act you can pull it up let's pull it up great here we go actually it's 9:30 oh okay sorry Jason you got to go well isn't that convenient David we were so close to Amber's only fans page um trying to Market that on your podcast pathetic you money let's not leave money on the table as they say right um how many years good good years L left sorry how many good years left does Amber have all right well you know we were talking about the other day how many Christmases do we have left yeah you know before uh before the Jews take over and and do away with Christmas all right um I feel like I'm cutting you off short we haven't talked about my favorite smells tastes touches yeah yeah we'll get to that uh we'll do a wait I'm starting to think that cover letter might have been a bit no this is the premise but as I said it's it's just a jumping off point to have a conversation all these first uh uh Test episodes that will never air um have been with friends that I can easily have a conversation with that I enjoy talking to because when I was uh approached about doing a podcast I they wanted a hook and I said I don't know can I just talk to people I'm good at that I've been doing it pretty much for you know since I was three and they said no it's good you got to have a hook and it took me about a month and a half two months I came up with this hook but I said as I said in the cover letter this is if we don't get to it we don't get to it it's just let's have we don't get to it that means we've had a satisfying conversation it's a good sign if you don't get good sign and the hook is just for just just for clarification you will it like basically break glass moment you will ask them what's their favorite thing what's the loudest thing you've ever heard what's the the and that's sold to whoever was financing the podcast you're like I got it it's a podcast nobody gives a [ __ ] amen right I don't know does anybody time to listen to a podcast I I don't I don't uh I I listen to the The Rabbit Hole uh and I listen to serial those are the only two podcasts Rabbit Hole uh it was about going down it was about um uh the uh the algorithm radicalizing people oh really it's great it's [ __ ] it's great now where are you listening to this on your long commute or or when you're scouting um your commute when you're walking around I don't Noe uh when I'm on set I have teeny little earbuds and when you're not doing your lines and the other person's doing their lines when I'm off camera yeah I'm uh I'm listening to uh uh I just cooking stuff stew and soups yeah um now listen I know you have uh I know you have to get drinking so uh for charity yeah um raising money for Hamas well it's they they said you raised the money and God bless them let's hope it goes somewhere good it's less important what they spend it on it's more important that we earn it and raise it that's a good that's a good slogan uh here's a question from uh Marlo for Jason baitman do weeds provide air for you I believe they do they're little tiny trees and trees provide air for us right so maybe the weeds are there to provide air for the smaller people like Marlo that sweet little angel she's breathing weeds she's breathing weeds just like her daddy does you know he lights those up and he inhales them deep and then he sees pretty colors I think well what am I putting in the weed that's making me see pretty colors well weed doesn't make you depends well if if it's if it's if it's just hemp probably not but if if it's the weed I think we're talking about you can see some colors wow I mean it's 2023 I don't you sound like sorry Hooch Hooch is booze right right yes yeah um it's been a while Black Betty or uh what are those uh speed whizzes um some uh dust croppers whipits uh well that's a real thing yeah um we did whippets together I think we did I think so yeah I think we did isn't that how Paul Lyn died is it really I think he did I think he he I don't I don't know about that can we we can probably go but how do you die from whippets what does it do to many too much too much all at once but not over time right I don't think you no I think it's it's going to have to be one session too many and like one of like blue velvet masks thing yeah yeah gas mask uh Jason thank you so much for doing this this is a pleasure and always good to see you and uh my pleasure I mean I love it this is uh when when when can we enjoy this podcast uh probably not till January I think we're we're going to bank a bunch uh you know I've been still on tour I end the tour ends on uh Saturday here it must be here no it ends in uh no I'm here in between so I was going to I was in Boise two nights ago uh recorded the CD and then uh was going to go to San Louis aiso uh and I canceled that show and now so here the name uh you couldn't get past it I don't I don't like the Spanish yeah no it's uh the words get uh they fumbled in my mouth um and then I go to Great Santa Cruz or St Cruz why can't you say St Cruz that's the last show s St Diego what's the you know it's America um and the last show is in Tucson on Saturday so I go Santa Cruz uh Santa Fe and Tucson and then I'm done it's 74 shows total and uh I go back home I'll be doing more of these back in New York I just started trying to you know on the days off and then I'll really be able to bank a bunch of them uh go to London going to do some in London and then uh I'll have a bunch ready to go and then we can and then I'll you know yeah so probably January um should we make this the first episode for sure that's probably really more than Bob Odenkirk that's probably no [ __ ] bob really oh Bob I think I get a bump if this is the first episode uh pretty sure it's on the back page I think is is all right so we'll we'll make Bob the first episode then yeah anyway Jason thank you give my best to Bob you haven't even tape that one and you're just assuming it's going to be better oh we taped it it was Tip Top pretty go it was did he give you longer than 60 Minutes uh yes [ __ ] well he's not charitable no he was playing he was playing Cricket for uh himself he was raising money for himself like playing Cricket a big Cricket fundraiser yeah yeah you just don't hear about him anymore yeah um yeah for a good reason nobody cares about it um here here yeah Oh India Pakistan Australia huge but you recorded this episode in South Africa right M uhuh yep J Berg have you ever been to Johannesburg I haven't it's w it's rough it is far it's far for us it's not far them they were around the corner but oh man it's a weird it's a strange weird place man it's weird different than Cape Town I haven't been to Cape Town uh but yes it is different I think it's uh because they that's where Soto is and uh and it's like they I know we we did this drive around uh but it's you know and I went to the apartheid Museum which is brutal and one's one's a tough Tough City and the other one Johannesburg is the one where you will see uh upper class and upper middle class uh because there's no there's no real sense of middle class there but uh um you'll see these nice houses but not crazy Mansions or whatever with all just gated and armed guards it's [ __ ] nuts it's weird yeah yeah yeah for um you know not like a big mansion just it's it's it's interesting nice people we met nice people but uh I guess we do live in a nice place right well we have money love it or leave it h right there's a lot of not not nice places though run for speaker in the house you think by the time the sah will have a speaker I doubt it yeah um yeah somebody what a clown show man it's crazy it's been enjoyable if it wasn't so uh heartbreak heartbreaking hurtful yeah but it ain't Joe Berg no it's no no Johannesburg we don't um but we will become like Johannesburg that's what I'm saying yeah I think we'll be gone by then yeah and will still be around though yeah well that's on her then they're not coming with all right thank you so much love you David that was a headgum podcast