Vice Presidential Debate, Slaptail Style 2020, Episode 32

slack tail Squad [Music] assemble My Sweet Dick it's [Music] mic all right ladies and gentlemen this is the slap tail Squad and welcome back to our second night of our debate tonight it is with our VPS we are bringing this debate to you again from our respective homes being that we are in this pandemic so let's begin with introducing our candidates we have the vice president candidate councilman Skyler he is known for wearing pajamas more often than most Walmart shoppers his brain is filled with random knowledge about movies Spider-Man and is often cunning with words has an exceptionally good vocabulary he's basically an old man in a young person's body always drives to speed limit and his car even smells like an old man ladies and Gentlemen please welcome councilman Skyler hello hello thank you for that thrilling introduction it was very accurate and we have the vice president candidate RJ vice president candidate RJ following in his domestic Father's Footsteps the Rons although RJ most often times is able to distinguish his left foot from his right he is also an martial a martial artist he is frequently called upon by the police as an expert Auto consultant to solve local autor related crimes and he is also best known for sometimes having a 12-sided dice in his pocket ladies and Gentlemen please welcome vice president candidate RJ well that was nice councilman Skyler you gave him a faster a CL than what he gave you so kennabates we will start with the very first question that the I think that the question it comes down to we have to take we have to talk about the difference between hypothetic and facts I personally have not seen a well I have seen a woodchuck before but I've not seen a woodchuck chuck any certain amount of wood and I feel like the wording of this question is a little bit derivative to the fact where it's so absurd of a hypothetical that giving a logical answer feels a little bit beneath what my pay raise is so if I if I had to go with anything I would say that I would first need to see proof that woodchucks do in fact do as their name says which is chuck wood and I think that until we see something resembling that in any way shape or form I cannot give a definitive truthful factual answer on how much I think how much would a woodchuck could if it would chuck could chuck would thank you thank you councilman candidate RJ you have one minute and 30 seconds to respond I've seen many wood Chucks uh in many in my lifetime very nice very beautiful uh and I've seen so many Chuck masses amounts of wood best wood have ever seen them Chuck in a lifetime many lifetimes and the fact that if they can Chuck that much wood we'd have to go over to our scientist very very smart scientist smartest scientist I've ever seen to see how much they're actually chucking now it always depends on what kind of wood they're chucking because the wood chuck that chucks wood doesn't always Chuck the same type of wood that a woodchuck is also chucking wood let's say two blocks over you never know it could be illegal types of wood criminals the criminal woodchucks they're illegal they got here legally and we need to get rid of those wood Chucks immediately because they're chucking all sorts of wrong types of wood now this isn't the same type of wood that you'd wake up with no this is the wood that comes down to the The Bare Bones of our infrastructure this is what's holding us up we need to make sure that this is the legal type of wood and how much they're getting is within the legal limits that's all I have to say councilman Skyler you will have 30 seconds for your rebuttal your time begins now I think that one of the things we need to pay attention to is infrastructure and building the country back up not on the backs of woodchucks necessarily but on the backs of the people that are here that want to come here our immigrants our people in these Sanctuary cities that need work and they want to work and we need to stop putting so much focus on how much wood can a wood chuck chuck if our immigrants and our people who are already here are looking for work looking for wood to Chuck themselves that they don't need their jobs taken by some tiny furry [ __ ] so I think that this is thank you councilman Skyler thank you candidate RJ you will have 30 seconds for your final response all right listen here you little [ __ ] those things come out of nowhere and they'll take all your wood they'll take your wood even from down there below the belt they'll take your pallets they'll take your trees they'll take your wife that's right your wife and they'll take your kids that's right that woodchuck is a Karen and she took the damn kids she's gotten her Chrysler minivan and she's down the street wanting to talk to the damn woodchuck manager we got to stop these guys immediately thank you candidate RJ thank you moving on to our next question councilman RJ you will respond to this first if the these two Superheroes Were to stand face to face and toe totoe for their Final Duel who will come out on top Batman or Spider-Man candidate RJ you have one minute and 30 seconds for your statement well seeing as Batman has a result of mommy and daddy issues and abandonment issues uh it's safe to say that Spider-Man may come out on top because well one the new kids in the block and Batman's an old fat fart the simple reasoning and the more complicated reasoning is that Spider-Man has some tech that Batman does have doesn't have I should say now Batman does have some tech that Spider-Man doesn't have however Spider-Man has the technology that is more let's say up to date and Batman's back in God knows when I mean hell he probably probably gets around with a horse and a buggy damn Amish Batman that's all I got to say for that one okay councilman you have one minute and 30 seconds to take your stance I think it all comes down to which iteration of the character where going to decide on if we are talking about 60s Batman versus 60s Spider-Man both are a lot more tame I will argue in favor of Batman who has no individual superpowers but no matter what iteration you're taking from Batman is much older much wiser than Spider-Man he's got a lot more training Spider-Man mostly relies on just doing things by experience and learning on the job and Batman has figured out how to defeat many more powerful people than Spider-Man so for that reason I will have to go with Batman on this this almost assuredly loaded question thank you we'll follow up with you councilman Skyler do you believe that a woman can defeat either of these superheroes just a a normal woman whatever your definition is of a woman this is a curveball I was not expecting this type of questioning do I think a let's see I just need to run out the clock do I think a woman could be Spider-Man or Batman in the sense of women could be uh something that makes them consider giving up fighting sure a woman could be considered quote unquote a weakness or love could be considered quote unquote their weakness so if you wanted to go that way um yes both have been defeated in the past by women thank you no further comment okay kened RJ you will have one minute for your rebuttal well seeing as it is our definition of a woman who would defeat Batman let's say no I think Batman would probably kick her ass back to the curb the simple reasoning is that we don't know if this woman is skilled and let's say she's not she's got a purse her name's Becky she just got a Starbucks and she's a basic white [ __ ] you think you're GNA take on a 200 pound probably Kevlar layered person that's in a bat suit is probably horny as hell and has a belt full of utilities utilities that he's probably never touched in let's say 30 years uh he's probably pulled out let's say hypothetically a batarang and taken out her Starbucks well one that's a sad kind of moment because I like Starbucks uh two he's probably much stronger than her that's all I got to say thank you Council men thank you candidate RJ you briefly just spoke about horniness candidate RJ do you and your party support butt plugs with with the subject of butt plugs our um our team cannot describe how spectacularly erect we are about butt plugs because not only can they be used for for Prosthetics and add-ins for programs let's say to neurology they could also solve people that don't give a [ __ ] don't give a [ __ ] just stick a bu plug in there don't need to give a [ __ ] ever again there you go it solves all problems and it makes a woman much happier councilman Skyler you have one minute and 30 seconds for your response well you know philosophy when it comes to these types of things is if it's making somebody else happy and it's not hurting anybody else sure go along with it if my candidate here one of the few things maybe we agree upon is that butt plugs are a sustainable industry I imagine as more butts need to be plugged the industry shall grow the economy will flourish from the production of these and like I said it's just one of probably one of the very few things we will agree on that I think probably maybe we should up the production of them I don't know how many we're producing now um but as our population grows and as we take over more of the earth I would say it's probably a safe bet speaking of reproduction neither of you asked to be born however there comes a day that you are required to take care of yourself and your parents will inform you that you are no longer their responsibility do you think this is right do you think that this is fair councilman Skyler we will start with you 1 minute and 30 seconds yes on the con the way the question is word it is very precise and I think very accurate um nobody does ask to be born but we are still put here on this weird floating Rock in the middle of nowhere and we have to be subjected to a very odd form of capitalism and at some point in this cold desolate world we live in I think it is okay for your parents to say that they are no longer responsible for you because it's good training for what is yet to come in your hopefully long life that you will experience more disappointment and downturn so I think it's actually a positive thing because it will prepare you for more rejection and failure and responsibility that needs to be taken cidate R.J your response 1 minute and 30 seconds I believe it is f I feel that it is 100% right that the parents should say hey we we love you and all but [ __ ] you get out and that's a good way because sometimes you just got to tell your kid [ __ ] you get out of my house take the $50 and take an extra tree fit and get the hell out of my house it's good start it's a good start you got to start the kid off somewhere give him the car let him wreck it let him probably get his arm broken he'll learn it's it's a learning process that is how we move on in life from birth to death and probably Beyond while we're on the subject of your parents what did they teach you about digging in your nose kenned RJ we will start with you one minute for your response well the one thing that I've learned about digging in my nose is that you can find very interesting things up there I actually found an eraser from third grade I haven't seen until just now about uh 5 minutes before we got into this uh debate I was always looking for it always wonder why I had trouble breathing it smelled like rubber but now I know and now I can use that eraser again it didn't even dry up that's the best part probably a pencil in there too you never know councilman your response one minute I think this is a great showing of where our parties differ and where our presidential candidates differ because I am on the complete opposite end of the spectrum I was always taught that if you have something in your nose do not just pick it directly with your finger go get some tissue get a Kleenex then put that between your finger and your nose and pick it like a civilized human being one of the things that my opponent here is trying to say is that and no wonder he's brain damaged he's got an eraser shoved in his nose for the past nine years one of the things we have to get rid of is how we raise our kids is reflective of us and I think that one of the biggest things we've got going on is we need to teach these kids below the poverty line not to stick erasers up there knows and I think that is something that we will have to take a great look at and possibly add to our proposition for the green new deal thank you councilman Skyler kenned RJ your rebuttal 30 seconds begins now you think the eracer is bad you should have seen where I put the butt plug oh that thing was there for about three years too I could safely say I didn't give too much of a [ __ ] it's also safe to say that uh I really had to fart but put a kid put an eraser your kids knows today and see the truth thank you kandidate RJ Council MERS your final response you have 15 seconds uh thank you for the enlightening story about your struggles and your trials and tribulations um I just wanted to say while I do not agree with what has just been said uh I definitely feel dis disgusted by your actions thank you thank you counil in a previous debate your parties answered questions as it pertains to Bob movements since we are on the topic of our anus and you have an opportunity to weigh in infants are wiped with a moist toet if you will of some sort why do we stop using them after infancy and is this a healthy choice candidate RJ we will start with you well I believe that the reason why we stop using these towelettes that are really soft is for multiple reasons one being that we're running out low on cash and prostitutions not really much of a profitable way especially when you've got a kid now and you just got to start using things you find around the house like for example a Meer plastic bag and maybe that cardboard box that came in the mail two days ago even though it was on your parents uh your neighbor's doorstep and you took it anyways had some weird stuff in it you sold it on eBay for more Drug Money but in the end you just put it on your baby's ass comes in Skyler your response I think we have to look at what even is the philosophy behind wiping in the first place and to get from you know the plastic bag or the package once we start recognizing more why we wi I think the percentage of if I to quote off the top of my head a completely factual statistic I think the amount of people that don't wipe in the United States of America is as high as 37% so if we could even we need to be talking less about making wiping more comfortable we need to make wiping more accessible for others and we need we need to delve into these statistics figure out who these people are why they aren't wiping how we can punish them the most severely because they're ruining the underwear industry and I think we need to figure out then from there how we can make it a better process but it's the same as literacy why are you going to give kids harder books if their classmate is not even able to read Judy Moody in the Not Bummer Summer thank you thank you councilman B candidate RJ your rebuttal 30 seconds my simple response would be uh you don't need to wipe if you still got that butt plug in and I say I start a movement saying butt plugs for all for America butt plugs for America 2021 that is how I'm G to start my campaign and that's how we're gonna end it butt plugs for America because [ __ ] you up the ass candidate RJ is that possible if there's a butt plug up there is it possible that there's a butt plug up there up where is it possible to get [ __ ] in the ass if there's a butt plug up there anything's possible if you're horny enough just like anything's a dildo if you're brave enough moving on to our next question if you're happy and you know it clap your hands how many times would you clap with everything that we are experiencing we will start with councilman Skyler on the subject of Clapping Your Hands I'm not really sure who decided that the most the best way to describe how happy you are is through a series of claps um I think we could trace this all the way back to probably Medieval Times back when things were not going so well uh plenty of dead people in the streets a plague raging kind of like how we have now no comment on that for now um and I think what we need to do is make our main priority switching away from displaying happiness as a series of claps because as you have asked to answer the question uh I would probably give zero to half of a clap I would give a oneand one-handed clap like that and it's not very loud it's not very enthusiastic and frankly everything is terrible um so I think what we need to do is maybe switch lanes and say if you're happy and you know it smile do something that makes a lot more sense than clapping your own hands that you need to be washing thank you candidate RJ you have 1 minute and 30 seconds to respond candidate skar how high are you how the [ __ ] do you do half a clap do you just slap the air because I know my dad does that all the time when he's trying to block a punch but for [ __ ] sake how high are you I mean holy [ __ ] I I have no words you are stoned like a [ __ ] and I respect that moving on to our next question and this will go directly to you kenned RJ our aliens real are Indians real aliens aliens oh what's the difference uh I'm gonna hear back from my lawyer about that one but yes there there is a possibility that and we have theories proof and hypothesis about alien life existing not only on this planet but others that are possibly in the solar system or in this universe and the fact that the government's trying to hush on it is kind of suspicious they may be harboring those juicy ilien booties that we've been trying to chase for eons and I just want to clap those cheeks come on they have to exist thank you councilman Skyler you have one minutes and 30 seconds to respond I think what we need to focus on is yes more than probability would show aliens do exist but I think we need to focus on more what kind of supernatural creatures do already exist on our planet that we are neglecting we need to talk about plans to defend the Bigfoot we need to talk about plans to defend elves gnomes fairies I'm talking a whole new deal where we go through we need to create basically a new system like our national park preservation but for Supernatural entities and if we want to get that done great maybe somewhere down the line we could add aliens to this list but for now I think we're focusing too little on our effect on the environment and what that means for our neglected creatures here Ked RJ you have 30 seconds to respond with all those creatures that you've mentioned it is it is a good idea to protect them and I agree with you on that however for a different reason my reasoning is that Bigfoot elves and possibly Skin Walkers are quite tasty and are great when you barbecue them so the fact that we have to preserve them and up their numbers means that the food production in this country will surge through the roof than thank you K AR councilman Skyler you have 30 seconds to respond I think we don't have any problem right now with our food production as far as everything goes we're looking at a lot more alternatives for meat which are being proven to have a lot of good effects and not that I I haven't seen any side effects coming from those that are bad we've started to get back up on our chicken nugget production which I think is great and that's going to be something that we should really look forward to and overall I think we need to focus on Alternatives skewing away from these animals that we need protected thank you con Skyler thank you Bigfoot nuggets with such companies such as ship door Dash GrubHub now in effect do you believe that this will make a mass number of Americans lazy we will start with councilman Skyler you have one minute for your statement I think as far as the American people go giving them what they want when they want it is a very good method of ensuring happiness especially in this particularly difficult time um to be quite Frank the American people already are lazy um take a couple of people in the audience most likely they're going to be overweight probably get through a couple of TV shows a month and I think perfectly fine with that the thing we need to be focusing on is not our Americans too lazy but how can we make them the healthiest lazy people possible so maybe set timers on Netflix to pause take a walk every hour once the app is shut down tells you you need to take a break um include more vegetables in your door Dash orders basically Americans aren't going to change we need to give them small change that will barely affect them so they don't know thank you cman Skyler candidate RJ you have one minute for your response it's it's not a matter of the fact that Americans will get lazier is the fact that we will become bigger our laziness will not change we are already as lazy as can be we can sit on our ass and say we need a break from sitting on our ass and just lean back further as I see it we may become the size of a two ton SUV that is what Americans are going for and that is Peak male performance right there thank you Ked RJ councilman Skyler you will have 30 seconds to respond I think that what we need to focus on is how can we find a nice medium sir I think what we need to focus on is that we can find a nice happy medium where you know maybe a one- ton SUV is as high as we can get and we still have you know room to improve so if something really did go wrong like how it has been going this year we still have a little bit of wiggle room so we need to find a nice happy medium where we don't have to deal with um getting too big but staying active thank you cman thank you kid RJ you will have 30 seconds for your final response I believe that two ton is the way to go one ton you are being you're you're skinny you're very skinny you're frail and you need to put meat on those bones two tons that's a safe spot right there that way nobody can oh and here's another Ben it nobody can kidnap you they can't put a two-ton SUV in a two ton SUV because that right there is just a car wreck and even better so it's easier to put the butt plug in don't forget that don't forget that butt plugs for America 2021 it's how it's going to be moving on to our next question rumor has it that both of your presidential running mates have made statements that when Bugs Bunny dressed as a girl in cartoons that they could understand why Elmer fud found him attractive how do you respond to these rumors we will start with kandidate RJ you will have one minute for your response well due to an anonymous uh video online that has been copyrighted by Warner Brothers it is confirmed that Bugs Bunny is in fact a serial rapist and has violated him multiple times and now it is being theorized that he is also what is known as a trap saying as he D dresses as a female but is in reality a male and possibly has a bigger schlong than him which is by far the scariest [ __ ] I've ever seen imagine being [ __ ] by a bunny schlong cons Skyler you have one minute to respond I think it's interesting that we go this route we need to everybody's you know Different Strokes for different folks people's attractiveness is not really for us to gaw at or gauge really especially in this conversation of you know males dressing as females females dressing as males but I think what we really need to focus on is who is plotting these episodes who is drawing Bugs Bunny as a woman how it is allowed in front of how they just completely put it out there in the public and I think what just really need to focus on is can we get more wholesome content in front of these children I think our public broadcasting definitely needs more funding along with our US Postal serve maybe we could come up with a USPS streaming service just for kids thank you thank you speaking of intelligence what's more important being good-looking or being smart we will start with C Skyler well the benefit of doing this debate is that you can clearly see my face so this question is a no-brainer for me I already am not in the looks department so this is an easy one where going with being smart is the correct Choice um I've started growing facial hair I just don't care how about how much I look anymore it's fine so spending day in and day out learning bettering my mind mind and trying to forget just how God awful my body is I think we need to focus more on brains thank you kened RJ one minute for your response it has to be a mixture of both because for what I see in a woman I would like to see a woman that's nice and curvy good ass okay breasts not too big not too small and overall really cute but I don't want her dumbb as a box of rocks that's just not fun and on the same on the same token I want someone who's intelligent but I don't want a fat chick I mean Christ how the hell are you gonna haul that every time she gets in your car it's a new suspension that are new tires holy [ __ ] just that's it you're done you're not going anywhere you're had a red light [ __ ] councilman Skyler you have 30 seconds for your final response I think the way that the my opponent here is talking is definitely indicative of America's climate today we've got the incident last week with the governor almost being kidnapped and now we've got some Mustachio long-haired son of a [ __ ] talking about he doesn't want any fat chicks and I think what we need to focus on now is protection of these women no matter what they look like granted I don't like from neck beard sir I have not interrupted you and your pedal stash this entire time so you want to go that you little [ __ ] huh thank you cman Skyler kid RJ you will have 30 seconds for your final response all right you little [ __ ] you better listen here you listen to here good I can grow more ficial hair on my mustache then you can grow on your damn neck beard you fat [ __ ] with a Getty image background with a green screen I don't need a green screen and I don't need to hide my looks and I don't need to brag about growing facial hair hell I shaved today long story short [ __ ] you thank you and we will move to our final question tell us your feeling about zoo animals and living and them being bred in captivity we will start with kandidate RJ some of these animals unfortunately cannot survive in the wilderness I'm try I cannot think of any on the top of my head however there are few so few in numbers that they will be destroyed and utterly raped by Nature if they were released into the wild again and for them being in captivity they are protected they are car cared for and they live longer than their usual life expectancy thank you councilman Skyler you have one minute for your response well the interesting thing about this question is that I do agree with my candidate on this subject animals in captivity a lot of the time they're unless they're being Brides specifically for preservation of species a lot of the time their rescues maybe will not be able to survive in the current environment that their species is used to and frankly I don't think we have much room to talk when we turn our entire lives into a zoo everything is on display now everybody is always talking about where they are what they're doing there's no privacy so anybody could peer right through that metaphorical cage and it's just looking back at you I think we need to focus more on privacy in the home sectors and in the public spaces and I think that that's just something that we need to focus on more while also giving our funding to the animals in the zoo who could not be actually as animalistic here as my opponent thank you thank you councilman thank you so your final statement that you can deliver why should we vote for you and your president you will have 45 seconds to deliver your response we will start with councilman Skyler I think if you're looking for a nice mix of candidates for outrageously obnoxious and a little more thinking before speaking let's be honest you're voting for the president the vice president is just some [ __ ] who's tagged along that you cannot pick so I will go ahead and say that if you are looking for a strong Steady Hand you should vote for the president me I could give a [ __ ] if you vote for me because nobody votes for just the vice president alone thank you candidate RJ why should we vote for you and your president instead of the opposing side you have 45 seconds for your response I stick with what I said before and I'll say it again butt plugs for America 2021 this is the most important thing are you tired of being [ __ ] in the ass without consent in this damn country well now you can do it with consent with butt plugs for America 2021 trust me it's a pain in the ass to get there but once it's in it's in Lube or not you're shoving that thing in like a Chinese hooker in a Vietnamese parade well there you have it ladies and gentlemen our second night of our debate with the VPS councilman Skyler and candidate the RJ thank you so much tune in for our next great debate and we don't have the bee man or the roner to talk about random [ __ ] I know that we used to talk about like stars and stripe coffee and yeah uh for this episode I think we just need to close on a good note which is we should be proud to live in a country where my opponent and I can go at each other's throats for 40 minutes and at the end of the day just go back to doing literally nothing just like an American should lazy as [ __ ] with a butt plug in the ass Deuces Brock on [Music] goodbye my sweet