Do You Still Love Me do you still love me daddy the little boy asked of
course i do are you sure daddy the man looked down at his son five years old he thought my firstborn
and he doesn't know if i love him he stooped down until his eyes were on a level with the child's i
do love you he said slowly i have always loved you i always will love you even if i should have to go
away or even if you should do something terribly naughty i would still love you do you understand
will you remember that yes the little boy said then with lowered eyes he added but i am naughty i
mean because i'm not coming with you today the man sighed he stood up making sure to smile before he
spoke that's not naughty i understand that i can see you next week next week for sure right right
the boy said he stood quietly watching as the man opened the car door and climbed in then before the
door could shut he flung himself onto his father's lap for a moment the man's face brightened change
your mind but the little boy had not kiss me Goodbye Daddy goodbye daddy he begged again again as the car
moved away from the curb the child ran after it goodbye he shouted the car picked up speed the
little boy chased it all the way down the block goodbye he cried goodbye daddy goodbye jimmy
darren drove on that high wistful little voice rang in his ears all the way home he still heard
it as he turned the key in his apartment door his wife came running out of the kitchen hi there you
too she said then she stopped she looked at her husband where is little jimmy jimmy darren bit his
lip he didn't want to come he said his friend joey invited him to spend the afternoon and stay for
supper he said to me i want to go if you don't mind just like an adult i want to go if you don't
mind so i told him i didn't mind i let him go oh darling his wife said softly not again yes it
was even worse than last time last time when i Evie Have I Lost A Son said well at least get in the car and come for a
ride with me he came even though he was wondering if i really would let him out this time he must
have seen how disappointed i was he kept asking me if i still loved him he kept wanting me to kiss
him evie have i lost him of course not she said gently all that was to show you that he loves you
yes jimmy said he loves me and so he feels guilty because on a sunny saturday he wants to play with
another child instead of spending the day with me he loves me and i love him and so at five years
old my son has to start feeling guilty he looks so sad i can't take it the poor kid evie nodded
and poor you she said next time you tell him the heck with joey i'm your father i only have
one day a week with you and you're coming with me she looked at her husband now you go wash your
hands and we'll have lunch darling she said it's all ready he nodded he left the room but he didn't
go down the hill to the bathroom instead he opened a partly closed door and walked into a quiet sunny
room there in a crib slept his other son christian his second-born the child of his second marriage
at the sound of footsteps the sleeping baby awoke he saw his father's face in cooed with the light
holding out his arms to be picked up the man swung him out of the crib and held him tight god he
thought let this child at least always smile for me let me be able to make the world safe and happy
for him let him never be afraid holding christian in his arms he went to his lunch it hasn't been
easy for jimmy darren to see his two sons growing up in different homes but then he never expected
that it would be several years ago when he and gloria were slowly coming toward divorce jimmy
had cried out in anguish i know my marriage is over but what if my wife gets married again how
will i stand it if my son calls a mother man daddy all too soon he learned that he would have to
bear just that it began with an unexpected bad A Bad Break break just after jimmy and gloria were divorced
jimmy estudio ordered him to europe to film an important picture they told him he would have to
be gone at least six months six work filled months up until that time jimmy and gloria had tried
to protect little jimmy from the fail force of their split during the first days of their
separation jimmy had gone home every morning in order to be there when his son woke up later
to accustom the two-year-old to being without his father gloria had taken him east for a long visit
with her family but he knew that even if gloria reminded little jimmy about his father every
day that he was in europe showed him his picture read him his letters daddy would soon become a
meaningless word and it wasn't even likely that gloria would be doing that she would be trying to
forget not remember she would want to build a new life for herself not live in the ashes of an old
discarded one and this was easily understandable gloria would remarry and her life would go on
and little jimmy would have a brand new daddy A New Daddy it was a dismal situation but jimmy
tried to look at the bright side the new movie would be good for his career and
europe would be a wonderful place for a honeymoon he was engaged to evie norland then and
decided to marry her in new york before leaving that way they could go together and he would be
able to meet her family in denmark he knew that she was thrilled about their plans and he didn't
want to spoil her pleasure but he had to talk to her he had to tell her what was troubling him
so deeply he had to explain about his son evie he's going to forget me little jimmy's going to
forget me he's so young how can he remember me if i'm gone all that time and when i come back
when i come back i'll be just some friendly stranger who visits him once a week he'll never
really get to know me again to know his own father he will jimmy evie said even though a child
forgets a little memory always remains it will awaken when you return he will still be
your son she smiled at him sadly and jimmy there is nothing you can do about it you have
to make the picture he went of course and evie A New Life went with him when he got there he worked hard
he spent his free time with evie and her family he became very sure of his future with her they
made plans for their return to the united states but even in the excitement of planning a new life
he did not forget his son at toy stores in a dozen cities he carefully chose gifts reminding himself
each time that little jimmy was growing older and maybe lonelier month by month the toys would bring
him joy finally it was over he had been away not for six months but for nine months when his plane
landed in new york the first thing he did was find a telephone booth and break a 10 bill into a vast
assortment of quarters and nickels and dimes he placed a person-to-person call to jimmy darren jr
in los angeles hello jimmy he said this is daddy i'm in new york there was silence at the other end
jimmy he said jimmy can you hear me this is your daddy who the little boy said daddy jimmy repeated
patiently making his voice as loud and clear as This is Your Daddy possible this is your daddy the child's voice was
baffled now daddy daddy daddy who jimmy laughed it was a game obviously he turned to smile at evie's
anxious face watching him through the glass door daddy jimmy he said playing along with the game
there was a long silence then jimmy darren heard his son's voice raised in bewilderment speaking
to his mother hey mommy little jimmy demanded do i have another daddy in the hot cramped
phone booth jimmy darren's heart missed a beat another daddy as clearly as if he had spoken
them aloud he heard the words from the past how will i stand it if my son calls a mother man
daddy stop it he told himself sternly you should have expected it you knew gloria was getting
married he leaned his head against the glass he told himself to grow up he told himself to be
glad for his son's sake that instead of grieving over an absent father the child had found comfort
in a new one he tried to calm himself but when he A New One emerged from the booth he couldn't keep his voice
from trembling his hands from shaking evie evie have i lost my son despite her warm assurances
he was to ask that question many times more but happily when he returned to california
his reunion with little jimmy was a success the child now mentally boasting that he did too
remember daddy jimmy but there were so many ways in which gloria's new husband barry had replaced
him as a father there was the day the two jimmies went walking together and little jimmy pointed
to a cross-top building and remarked that's a church yes it is jimmy agreed then he took the
opportunity to ask the question that had been bothering him for weeks jimmy do you ever go to
church he wasn't sure what answer he was expecting but he couldn't help being startled when he heard
his son say no i go to temple with daddy berry on saturdays sometimes talking it over with
evie later jimmy said it isn't that i mind as long as he has some faith some religion i
don't mind that he's jewish instead of catholic after all gloria is jewish and so is barry and
so it's natural it's probably better that little jimmy is brought up in their faith but but what
darling evie prompted jimmy sighed i just wish i'd been consulted about it that's all when
evie gave birth to christian jimmy was jubilant and happily little jimmy's reaction to
his new half-brother didn't pose a problem from the first time he was brought over to
see christian he was fascinated with him before the baby could hold a toy little jimmy
had brought him a dozen of his own as soon as the baby could sit up he spent the lighted hours
rolling balls toward him retrieving the ones christian missed and starting all over again for
some reason he never tired of this game you see evie told jimmy in some ways it is good that
little jimmy does not live with you he's not jealous he doesn't feel the christian is a threat
to him that said his mind somewhat at ease about little jimmy but what about christian christian
must never go through what little jimmy suffered Christian he must never feel deserted jimmy felt so strongly
about this he had trouble letting the baby out of his sight even for a few hours to go to the
studio to go for a drive even to go to the store when christian was three months old jimmy
had to go east on a business trip even though their friends and doctors assured them that
christian wouldn't even notice they were gone if you were left in competent hands jimmy couldn't
do it instead he and evie bundled christian onto a cross-country train for two days and three
nights they huddled in a compartment with him struggling to get bottles warmed and food prepared
nervously tucking him into a berth at night spending a three-hour stop over in a chicago
hotel room they finally arrived at their destination exhausted but if we left him and
he didn't know me when we got back jimmy said like little jimmy and evie understanding not
at her head then gradually jimmy began to relax it became easier for him to accept the realities
of his very complex relationships with both his Conclusion children both his loves one day he delightedly
discovered the little jimmy had amassed a complete collection of his recordings and played them
at home on his junior-sized jukebox do you see evie told him even when you're not with him he
thinks of you and hears your voice today there are still problems for jimmy darren dallas there
always will be he will probably always feel the bitter sweetness of joy and sorrow when he hears
little jimmy telling a total stranger that he is so lucky to have two daddies but he no longer
feels the need to ask constantly evie have i lost a son he knows now that human relationships
do not necessarily depend on the number of hours spent together and he knows that he need not
struggle to hold his firstborn son because the tie that binds them cannot be broken it adapts to
all situations changing and changeless it is love photo play magazine april 1962 you