Precious Cargo The Cinematic equivalent of a microwave dinner hastily assembled lacking flavor and ultimately forgettable allow me to distill this gem into a succinct mockery that even Bruce Willis might smirk at picture this a worldclass thief named Jack played by Mark Paul gasar struts around with the confidence of a man who's just discovered the secret to eternal life his team well they're like The Avengers if the aveng were a bunch of Misfits who met at a discount bar during happy hour but wait there's more enter Karen CLA Fanny Jack's ex-lover and F fital extraordinaire she shows up pregnant with Jack's child because apparently nothing says Family Planning like a billion dooll Heist now let's meet Eddie Bruce Willis The Crime Boss Eddie's got the Charisma of a damp sock and the fashion sense of a blindfolded toddler raing a thill store he's Furious because Karen botched a heist you see Karen tried to steal something valuable but it went sideways faster than a squirrel on a grease slide Eddie solution threaten Karen with a fate worse than death making her watch cats on repeat but Karen's no pushover she enlists Jack to help her steal a cargo of rare precious gems because nothing says revenge like a sparkly necklace right the plot thickens like a cheap soup as a Le AG is shift faster than a politician's promises during an election year Jack Karen and Eddie face off in a showdown that's less epic battle and more Awkward Family Reunion think of it as a dysfunctional Thanksgiving dinner complete with passive aggressive comments and a side of betrayal now let's dissect the film's originality or lack thereof imagine a blender filled with leftover bits from other movies blend in some Reservoir dogs sprinkle a dash of Pulp Fiction and voila you've got Precious Cargo it's like the filmmakers raided Tarantino's recycling bin and thought why not serve this reheated stew to unsuspecting viewers the dialogue as colorful as a black and white TV the violence bloodier than a tomato at a Gallagher show but hey at least they didn't steal the dance scene from Pulp Fiction or did they I lost track and let's not forget the romantics supp plot Jack's sweet veterinarian girlfriend Yes you heard that right is blissfully unaware of his criminal escapades she's probably too busy saving puppies and wondering why her boyfriend's always covered in mysterious stains but fear not when one of Jack's gang members gets injured she steps into playet because nothing says true love like stitching up a bullet wound in a dimly lit Garage in summary Precious Cargo is like that awkward High School reunion where everyone pretends they're doing great but you secretly know they're selling essential oils on Facebook it's forgettable formulaic and about as thrilling as watching paint dry on a rainy day so my dear viewer save your time and invest it in something more rewarding like alphabetizing your sock drawer or teaching your cat to play ches you'll thank me later 12 by the way if you ever need a plot twist for your YouTube channel consider having your English Learners reenact this movie it's the ultimate test of their vocabulary how many synonyms for mediocre can you find