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Welcome, welcome, welcome
to "The Tonight Show." You're here! You're watching!
Thank you for watching! You guys,
I'm very excited about this. Kevin Hart
is on the show tonight! [ Cheers and applause ] I love Kevin, seriously. What better way
to kick off Halloween season than with a fun-size guest? Isn't that... [ Applause ] Speaking of kickoffs, the NFL season began tonight
with the back-to-back Super Bowl champion,
Kansas City Chiefs, taking on
the Baltimore Ravens. Yep, Chiefs quarterback
Patrick Mahomes is going for his fourth
Super Bowl. Yeah, his backup is on
the bench feeling forgotten. Then Kamala Harris
is like, "Hey, you never know when
you're gonna get the call, so just hang in there. It's -- You never know. You never know." What's great about tonight
is whether you're a Chiefs fan or Ravens fan
or a football fan in general, everyone will come together and
call in sick to work tomorrow. So that's all... [ Applause ] That's right.
Tonight's Chiefs-Ravens game was a great matchup,
and a certain global superstar singer
was in the crowd. Here's what the players
had to say about it. First, Jawaan Taylor said... And then Drue Tranquill said... Then Mecole Hardman said... [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] Then Ronnie Stanley said... Then Zay Flowers said... And then Creed Humphrey said... And finally,
Patrick Mahomes said... Interesting quotes. Just -- That's just quotes
from tonight. [ Applause ] Well, get this. I saw that
"The Wall Street Journal" said the New York Jets
could win it all this year. -Wow.
-Wow! That is huge, coming from
the ultimate football authority, "The Wall Street Journal." [ Laughter ] And listen to this. I heard that during
all NFL games this season, Applebee's will offer
50-cent boneless wings and a bucket of cocktails. [ Cheers and applause ] That explains
their new slogan... [ Laughter ] Cocktails served in a bucket? Yeah, it's for everyone
who thought the Dollarita was a little too classy. Well, switching gears
to some political news. ABC just released
the format and rules for next week's debate
between Vice President Harris and former President Trump. They flipped a coin that would
determine who would speak last, and Trump won the coin flip. Or, as Trump put it... [as Trump]
"I won the debate. Just one flip. I knew it!" Yep, ABC will air
the Trump/Harris debate, while Fox News will just
re-air the one with Biden. [ Laughter ] Well, get this.
A new study revealed that Saturday at 10:09 p.m. is the time that most people
around the world are having sex. Yep.
[ Laughter ] Some scientists cure diseases. Others do this study. [ Laughter ] And, finally, a man in Michigan
won a competition for chugging 24 ounces of ranch
in 10 seconds. Meanwhile, everyone in America who watched tonight's game
was like, "That's all?" We have a great show. Give it up for The Roots,
ladies and gentlemen! Come on! -♪ Up steps the one and only
in the flesh ♪ ♪ Cynically Sierra Leonian
fresh to death ♪ ♪ Big homie and them
reps the best ♪ ♪ You know me
from somewhere... ♪ -Oh, my goodness! Welcome to the show,
everybody. Thanks for sticking around
after the game. Before we start,
I just want to send a quick shout-out to everyone
at the "Today" show. I was there this morning to
promote my new children's book, "Five More Sleeps
'Til Halloween," and I just had the best time. They're so nice.
They're so professional. They're always taking care of me
over there at the "Today" show. But, man, oh, man, do you get that "Today" show
bump in books. 'Cause right now on Amazon I have the number-one
children's book. [ Cheers and applause ] Come on.
-Oh, oh, oh! -Thank you!
Thank you, "Today" show! -Ohh! -Thank you, "Today" show. Man, oh, man!
They're awesome over there. What a show we have
for you tonight. He is one of the biggest stars
in the world. He's currently
executive producing and starring
in the new limited series "Fight Night:
The Million Dollar Heist," which is out now on Peacock. Kevin Hart is here this evening! [ Cheers and applause ] -Come on.
-One of the funniest dudes. I absolutely love Kevin Hart. She is an entrepreneur, a best-selling author,
and talented artist. Her new album, "Infinite Icon,"
is out tonight at midnight. Paris Hilton is joining us! [ Cheers and applause ] I love Paris Hilton. And we got some great music. She was just named
the Country Icon recipient at this year's
People's Choice Country Awards. Miranda Lambert
is on the show tonight! [ Cheers and applause ] Come on, now.
That's what I'm talking about. Ooh!
-Ohh! [ Applause ] -Uh, I also want to mention --
be sure to tune in to NBC next Friday night,
September 13th, at 11:35. Uh, Friday the 13th.
-Ooh! -We're gonna be airing
something very special. It's called
The Cardigan Classic. It's a very intense golf match. Possibly the most intense
athletic contest to ever air on television.
-Really?! -It's gonna be me going
head-to-head against DJ Khaled. -Ooh.
-[ Laughter ] -This is real. Four holes, two guys,
one winner. And that winner
gets to take home the official championship
red cardigan sweater. -Ooh!
-The Cardigan Classic. -Classic.
-And guess what, Khaled! They're so confident
I'm gonna win, I'm hearing they only made
the sweater in my size. -Ooh!
-That's right. Youth large. So I'll see you next week
on the links. And you're gonna
get some of this. -[ Club strikes ball ]
-The Cardigan Classic. September 13th
at 11:35 Eastern on NBC. It's goin' down! [ Cheers and applause ] I don't know.
Guys, I apologize. I'm a -- I'm a little tired.
-Really?! I didn't get much sleep
last night. I had another nightmare. Or should I say a Tonightmare? [ Thunder crashes,
woman screams ] I was all alone,
lying on the cold floor. It was dark,
and all I could smell was the dank odor
of cleaning supplies. That's when I realized I was
locked in an old supply closet. As my eyes started to adjust
to the dimly lit room, I-I saw it r-right there
in the corner! A serial killer is trying
to hashtag the panda! Nah! I tried to get out,
but the door wouldn't budge! I screamed for help,
but all I could hear was heavy breathing behind me! I turned to look,
and it was the killer! She had a giant knife
and she said I was next. Unless -- Unless -- Unless I buy tickets to
Jimmy Fallon's Tonightmares, an immersive
haunted maze experience at Rockefeller Center. It's open September 20th
through Halloween. To get tickets, go to
JimmyFallonsTonightmares.com. It's gonna be fun. Stick around.
We'll be right back with Aaaaaah! [ Muzak plays ] ♪♪ -Woman: Stick around.
We'll be right back with more "Tonight Show." [ Cackling ] ♪♪ [ Cackling ]