[Music] hello everyone my name is Adan Marshall Court I'm the coach chapter leader of the Washington DC chapter I quickly want to say we've had an amazing 2024 conference with some amazing guest speakers so so far hearing some captivating stories and listening to many Journeys that illuminate different paths experiences and insights that we may find Connection in I'm absolutely honored to to to introduce our final guest speak speaker of of the conference this individual has been an integral part of the community for 20 years fun fact at his first conference in in in Baltimore Maryland uh the keynote speaker there was then Senator Joe Biden in his spare time he enjoys living his best bro life in the gym he then enjoys going out and eating food that erases any said gym progress and he of course loves finding humor in everyday life I wanted to add one more note that I wanted to take take the moment to share about this in individual that I can confidently say that without him me myself and I'm sure many others would not be here um um today he's helped not only find find me on community but also opportunity connection and ultimately has shown me strengths that I did not know that I I possessed I I love him like a mentor a friend a Jim bro and ultimately a brother in this in this uming um family of ours for his 20th conference please help me give a large round of applause for Tim Flynn okay um so I would like to first thank a Aiden for making me cry prior to my speech even even so starting um for those of you who don't know me my name is Tim Flynn and this is my 20th year a part of the national stuttering Association I have only missed one conference in that time which was in Long Beach K kid C for fornia I tried my best to find old photos from it two 2004 but I only managed to find a single photos so let's all B Embrace ourselves and to take a a look okay so my first comment is good lord lord lord and my second comment is look at that t [Laughter] tie um uh part of me wanted to share a little bit about every conference that I have been to but as this 15minute timer in front of me stares in into my so soul I don't think I have time for for for food uh for forood before that nothing uh nothing quite says a stuttering conference like in a tense time PR PR pressure um that would take me about 45 seconds per conference and frankly just saying the location of every conference would take me longer than 45 seconds especially 2008 in par New Jersey it's interesting for me to look back over the years especially when preparing for this speech people people always ask me what was my favorite conference and the answer to that is most is most definitely the first time we went to Scottdale in 2009 for a for a variety of reasons be sure to find me at the banquet later and I'll go more into detail um next people tend to ask me what do I remember what do I remember what do I remember most about each conference and honestly before going down me Memory Lane in preparation for this speech I had a hard time REM remembering everything what I do remember though are the feelings across different moments in time within my own person personal stuttering journey and within my time here I'm here a part of the N essay excitement hope absolutely terrified those were my feelings when I when I went to my first conference in Baltimore May Maryland in 2004 it was a different time then and just to um and um and just to paint that picture even clear clear clearer I managed to find a first timer art article I I wrote for the an essay's Letting Go News letter which I don't even know if that is done and and and and anymore here is Ann as as an excert from that art to tile it was almost like I was watching it through a television screen dozens of people were walking back and forth laughing smiling and most of all stuttering I quickly came to as my surreal moment was interrupted by Russ Hicks Russ Russ pulled me and another first- timer James aside and and asked if we would be willing to help organize the chairs in the ballroom for the first timer ice breaker while Russ was talking I was completely blown away the first thing that entered my mind was who do this guy think he he is I mean one person with st stutter walks up to a total stranger and and ask them for for anything let alone a good two-minute conversation about who I was and where I was from there have been times where I have not even said Hello to friends who I've known for years because of my speech and here this guy is making it look like it's nothing at all St or not I think that was the first time that I realized that this conference was nothing ordinary and like nothing I had ever experienced before in my life now I managed to get through through through that with uh without crying so we're off to a pretty good start um for those of you who have for those of you who have heard um this story about my first conference several dozen times I apologize somewhere in the audience and by somewhere in the audience I mean sitting right in in front of me is the newly appointed board me member Andrew Bowers who is most likely signed to to him him so because he because he's heard my my stories more than anyone um for those of you un familiar with and Andrew here he is at this conference no come on C Clicker all right and and then here he is back in 2009 with me we have not changed what soever now while we're at it for those of you who are un familiar with the chair of the board Chad here here is here is here is Chad and and and me here at this cook conference and once again brace yourself here is me and Chad back in 2007 in at Atlanta let's quickly get that slide off of the screen um here is another egg here is another excerpt from the same article from it's 2004 one one part of the conference I really enjoyed was the music everyone has or everyone has something unique to say about themselves and when they can express it in a which they can't express in their own way one of the best ways I feel people can express themselves is through m music when I first saw the inspirational CD of Frankie Jones for sale at the conference I was pretty amazed I quickly purchased the CD but was unable to listen to it since I did not have my CD player with me and this is uh and this is what uh Frankie's album album look like I am not joking when I say that I listen to this non-stop the the entire first year during my uh first uh conference I took quite a lot of joy of forcing all all of my fluent friends to sing the L lyrics and and then while they were singing the lyrics I would always tell them to sing the lyrics the hard harder um just stutter wayy you saying and sing them which which was also extra funny for for for me because because most of us don't stutter win we we always sing but of course my friends did not know that at the um time um and for those of you who might be a little C if used hearing the term CD player this is a CD player all right it's really wild for me thinking about how much time has passed I I went from feeling excitement hopeful and terrified to feeling empowered motivated transformed I fin I finally felt heard for the first time most of my life I felt like I was an extrovert trapped in an introvert's body and I started to question a lot of things most of all my thoughts about myself what is what if striving for fluency inhibits my ability to commune inade you see like most of the people in the room today I wanted to be treated like everybody else but it also terrified me at the same time sure treat me the S same but I'm not going to make that phone call when other people are in the room and I'm most definitely not going to going to order food for a full car of people as we drive through through through through through the drive through through through I spent most of my childhood and a significant po portion of adulthood thinking about what others thought of me waiting in anticipation for for for for for when I will stutter and and what will the listener's reaction be not just what not just what will their reaction be but but what will my reaction be to their re re re reaction how should I re re react I started to question this do others care or do I only think that they care I discovered that most pipid uh pipid uh pipid people and obviously there are exceptions to this don't care ve very very much I started to pay attention differently not to the people who had those in intents and sometimes in embarrassing over the top reaction but those who had no R reaction I would actually get upset if people did not have a a r a reaction like what are you are you doing don't you see that I'm just stuttering why is this affecting you it's certainly paralyzing to me I started to realize that stuttering is so misunderstood that when someone mimics stuttering they don't realize they're making fun of stuttering how many of you have had somebody imitate the way that you talk and then you tell them that you stutter and then they say something something like oh oh oh oh no I was just pointing out that you quote un unquote Miss spb spoke conflicted role model impostor after a while I went from being a first timer to attending my 10th conference and earning the Oldtimer badge I graduated college grad school I became a speech pathologist which which uh which is wild for me to think about because I vividly remember being a freshman in college and having the the thought how can I help somebody else if if I can't help me I also remember going to a freshman level Speech Pathology class just to try it out it was SBA 105 I walked and sat down the professor came in and said welcome to introduction to public speaking so I said nope got up left I want to know part of that going from that to being an Oldtimer met the world to to to me people looked up to me my role in the community started to change with that my feeling became a bit more complicated I suddenly started to feel pressure to be a certain way to appear confident com comfortable in letting my stutter as much as I can people would say to me Tim is totally at peace and and he doesn't care at all about his stuttering I wish I could be like that I started to fear letting people know that I that I still struggle some at times I was my full self at conferences but I found myself AV voting more in the real world uh outside of the conference and having the thought oh it's okay it's only a couple months until the N SAA conference so I can R read charge I then started to feel guilt and shame for feeling that way that I was somehow misrepresenting myself and I was an impostor when when within my own to community those old feelings from my childhood of that I somehow don't be be along somehow managed to creep their way in into something that I hold so dear I I I had to remind myself don't believe everything I think I am who who who I am and I love myself it took me a very long time to feel that way and I'm still working on it the best advice I can give to any one of you is to not believe every thought you have about yourself challenge that self talk challenge that selft talk those inner thoughts and feelings that are swirling around in inside every one of us stuttering is okay struggle is okay and struggling while stuttering is okay too no matter where you are on your stuttering Jud Jud Journey give yourself permission to be imper perfect you are not only good good enough but you are also your authentic self strive for all authenticity and give yourself permission to feel how you you feel sometimes those feelings are going to be messy and that's okay too it dawned on me that maybe I am an impostor but not in the way I think I am I'm not an impostor at the conference maybe I'm an impostor in the real world this is the real me right here right now and here we are at present day family imperfect home people always ask me why do I keep coming back what is this organiz what has this organization given to me and honestly it's given me everything it gave me permission to be who I am to be who I always was I have never laughed harder or cried more than at this c conference literally just a couple days ago on on a night I was laughing so hard that my face started to to to hurt those are the moments I cherish the emotes the moments where I'm laughing while stuttering doing those two things simultaneously used to be completely foreign to me um along the same lines if if you haven't had an opportunity to go out to eat yet with a large group of people who stutter I strongly recommend doing so one of my favorite things about these conf conferences and you things bring me more joy than than than than scaring a waiter or waitress have to to to to to death while waiting on a table of people who's just stutter my goal for myself is simple be my full self no matter no no matter if I am at this conference or back in the fluent world I am me I can be me I can be me anywhere and so can you this is unfortunately the last day of the conference a lot of first timr have had a similar experience as I did back in B back in Baltimore in 2004 not not not so much with a CD player or forcing fluent people to sing my stuttering Anthem but you you know still um there are still people here though who who may not feel the same way there are there are people here who who who may have spent a large part of the conference in their rooms who may not have felt the immense release of weight off of their sh shoulders yet and guess what that's okay too what I can tell you is that you are the youngest you will ever be and the earliest you can make a change in your life is right now stutter big stutter proud if you are not ready for that change yet guess what that's okay it's okay to stumble along your journey with stuttering you do not you you you you you you do not walk that Journey alone you walk with all of uh uh us if you need help I will be there to help you along the way we can stumble to Gig together pick each other up and keep going I love you all to thank you w