[Music] I'm feeling anxiety and and stress and you know I'm scared I've told Jen that I love her and and let her know how I truly feel and she didn't say it back and I feel like I'm an options and that hurts I don't really know how she feels about me but it's something that I need and and I want that from [Music] her so I know what I need to do today I need to talk to Jen this is probably the end for me and it scares me to no end but I can't keep moving forward without getting this off of my [Music] chest hey hi good you what are you doing here I'm here to talk what sorry to surprise you sorry to surprise you [Music] hey hey what's up um what's wrong are you okay I'm not yeah I'm good I just I need you to I'm going have a tough convo and I need you to just be here with me on it okay okay um I have really cherished like everything that we've been through and I think that you've seen me throughout this whole experience put my heart on my sleeve and and I'm not going to lie to you right now I'm just in a weird head space with my feelings um how so you know I just I'm doubting a little bit of where your head's at right now um and I should have brought this up to you you know over overnights but I was just you know I've tried to prioritize you and I've tried not to put pressure on you and I know how difficult it is for you to be in your position but with me um you know I haven't been the priority in so many of my relationships and I've been that second and third option and I've felt like a safe bet you know before and you know I feel like I'm the safe option for you because you know I am the way I am and you know I I feel like I'm wanted here but I don't feel like I'm needed here and that scares me cuz I risk I've risked everything everything for you and my feelings my sanity I do feel like I I want to I want to get to the end but I don't know how to get there with you right now um and that's not for lack of feelings like I love you I really really do you know and and I want you to know that I do you know I've I've gone through a lot to be here and I've gone through a lot while I'm here and you know proposals are next week and I still don't know where your head's at and that scares the out of [Music] me I'm not as good with my words as you are and I'm not as good as expressing my feelings as you are and I know that that's not my strong suit and I want to be able to do better for you you and sorry that I wasn't reassuring you I don't know how to be and like I don't want him to feel like that I I want him to feel chosen I'm just not great at expressing myself and I'm not great at putting myself out there all the time I don't know how to be in a a healthy relationship I don't know how to be maybe what you need me to be and I and I and I want to do that for you and I want to feel like I can do that in the way that you do that for me every week after week and I don't know what I would do if I lost Ste at this point he's always so good at reading me and being there for me and I want to do that for him and fact that I wasn't able to read that he was feeling that way and that he I don't I don't know like he doesn't feel love for me it's like am I doing something wrong you fought so much for me being here and I can see that and I can feel that and I don't know what I would do if you weren't here I don't know what I would do if if if I didn't feel the love from you and if I if if it wasn't if we weren't together I don't know what I would do Devin I do love you you freaking idiot [Music] [Applause] and I love you I do and sometimes I just don't know how to be as amazing as you are I do love you Jen be you know I was down I was down and she immediately thought to pick me up I feel closer than ever to Jen and I'm feeling stronger than ever before feel like a new man I'm in love and know I feel that truly and elated is my only adjective that I could put on it I think I have what I need to keep [Applause] moving I love you love you too love you more M see you soon bye bye