🅷🅾🆃 Newhart Full Movie 2024 💥🔥 Another Saturday Night 🔥💥 🅱🅴🆂🆃 Western TV

[Music] aahah [Music] [Music] [Music] mail call right here here I am it's for dick oh fud why do we even bother having a mailbox it's a status thing boy dick that's some rooster it's it's a hand George are you sure it looks more like a rooster okay it's a rooster you want it wow thanks look Joanna an original unsigned deck nice rooster oh honey listen to this the the Brookville Academy wants me to speak at their commencement ceremonies next Saturday well that's wonderful I don't believe I've ever heard of the Brookville Academy and listen to their their motto educating tomorrow's leaders not not followers mind you leaders why would they want you to speak you're not important Stephanie I'm a successful author and talk show host yeah maybe somebody lost a bet I ho lden and loud and counterpart hello Stephanie Michael so that's some Bag you've got there Michael it's for you it's a it's all the little momentos you given me through the years I figured you'd want them back now that we were apart sville number one lover I didn't give you that right I I bought it for myself it was on sale well it would be silly for you to keep these things after all we mean nothing to each other anymore right right Michael guess who's going to speak at the Brookville Academy's commitment [Laughter] ceremonies I I I am [Applause] hi I'm Larry this is my brother uh-oh Daryl I think we may have wandered in on some smooth Boys in action but uh what can I do for you guys we've come to remind you about our dinner party this Saturday also to tell you to dress casual although Daryl does have strong feelings about people who wear coola watch to dinner oh Larry I'm sorry we can't make it this Saturday dick has a speaking engagement as I recall when we made these dinner plans 4 months ago you promised to be there we should have known you were just slipping us the old rubber posum come on Daryl guys guys wait uh what what what if Joanna went alone what I guess that would be okay I don't think so Daryl even though Miss Joanna will be coming unescorted she's still a married [Music] woman Larry you know I'd love to go but dick needs me at the graduation to look on adoringly as he speaks hey Jojo what what if I go with you I don't have a life and the unemployment office said I should never turn down a free meal what do you say Miss Joanna we'll be serving most of your favorite vertebrates then how could I say no great darl why don't you watch TV so I can discuss the dinner menu they may have food allergies we don't want their throats to swell shut you know lar I do seem to have a slight reaction to jumbo shrimp although regular shrimp doesn't affect me and clams well don't get me started actually that was just a clever Roose so I could explain my desperate need for company see even though my brothers are more fun than a barrel of Jan Murray's they're just not deep thinkers they'd rather spend their time making teeth mosaics than discussing anything of relevance kids today you know if if they're not watching MTV they're they're making tooth art uh guys would uh would you like me to turn that TV on for you [Applause] [Music] oh joh do you find this inspiring as you leave these HED halls and go forth I don't want to hear it because of you I may have to eat Beetle tonight I I understand it tastes like uh a chicken honey would would you stop worrying you you'll have a great time all you have to do is is is believe in yourself and and if you believe in yourself you can you you can climb any mountain uh forward any stream follow any what the hell are you talking about oh that's that's from my speech were were you inspired yeah to get a gun salutation dick and date are you ready for a scrumptious dinner of God knows what ready as I'll ever be been coating my stomach since this morning now listen up Michael I want Joanna home at a decent hour and I don't want her walking in here with her blouse misbuttoned don't worry sir I'll have your spouse and her blouse in the house by 11 good good luck glad well I'm off to Enlighten the Future Leaders of America Joanna aren't aren't you going to wish me luck are you going to be eating bugs for dinner tonight night honey don't you have a home I I'm here escort Joanna to Larry Daryl and daryls for an evening of fine dining and highbrow conversation you ready we better get there before our dinner slithers off or Waddles off good night Stephanie watch out for him he likes to touch your thigh when he's shifting I'll sit in the back hi Stephanie what are you doing having a much better time that Michael and Joanna could possibly have in a million years oh sorry I interrupted oh George wait it's just that this is the first Saturday night since I was 13 that I haven't had a date oh you don't need a date to have fun on a Saturday night I hardly ever ever go out and I have lots of fun really what do you do well first I make a big bowl of popcorn sometimes with Mrs Dash and sometimes with Molly mcbutter then I plant myself in front of the TV and eat until I'm so full I see dots then I wash it down with a gallon of scotch [Music] [Applause] [Music] darl how many times must I tell you the Chipmunk Fork goes to the right the salad our guests have arrived darl put that Joy buzzer away there'll be no novelty items tonight and that includes wax lips sorry hi I'm Lawrence this is my good brother Daryl and this is my other good brother Daryl hey guys uh nice digs not half as weird as I thought it'd be thank you we appreciate the backhanded compliment Miss Joanna you're being in real estate you'd be qualified to help us Daryl's been batting around the idea of putting our home on the market what do you think our little Nest would fetch well the land alone is worth at least 30,000 and the combination of land and house 17 tops before dinner we thought we'd start with cocktails oh sounds great I'll uh I'll have a Margarita Bloody Mary listen to that Daryl Miss Joanna and Michael name their cocktails what an interesting albeit eccentric [Applause] custom thank you [Music] are we supposed to eat these I don't know let me try a little improv here to the swamp to the swamp to the [Laughter] swamp well if we're all done with our cocktails I'll go get the finger sandwiches Larry yes Miss Joanna you know what I like doing after cocktails holding our hands up to make sure all our fingers are [Laughter] there okay Larry bring on the finger sandwiches wonder what she'll do when we serve the rump roast [Music] you know uh Mr larden this year's graduates have achieved a higher degree of academic Excellence than ever before it's our hope that your speech will inspire them to even greater Heights well you you know this is my first commencement address so I I won't be as polished as say leio cooker Bill Bill Buckley oh well just do your best that's all we ask of our students so that's all we can ask of you sort of a an a for effort we'll see now if you'll just take your seat did you even try to get aoka or Buckley they wanted money well I just hate scraping bottom like [Laughter] this well he's he's tough oh he's tough but good and because of him 90% of our students end up as heads of major corporations before they're 27 wow how how did I get this job did somebody lose a bet sure rub it in ladies and gentlemen good evening and welcome to Brookville Academy I am Dean dakman and it's a great honor for me to introduce to you the graduating class of 1989 [Music] [Music] hit [Music] me gee for a wine you said tasted like swill you're sure sucking it back well I was too quick to judge this wine has a personality that's not immediately evident that's what my mother used to say about me oh look here's a picture of Michael and me on that picnic in the forest we had to fire our Mater D because he placed our blanket on an [Music] incline hey you want to make a volcano out of baking soda and vinegar here we are at the amusement park they kicked us out because we stayed too long in the house of MIRS oh and here we are in the rowboat on Lake Winnipeg it it started to pour and Michael had to row the boat ashore hallelujah [Music] you know I'm usually not one to give my opinion unless I'm asked but you're not acting like the Stephanie I know you mean I'm usually not a drunken sat no you're usually not so pathetic wouldn't you feel sorry for yourself if Michael broke up with you I'd be heartbroken I suppose like piai I'd hide my deep sorrow behind the mask of the Happy Handyman but then I'd be plenty peed I mean the nerve of that Michael dumping a sweet guy like me you're right Michael broke up with me I should be furious with him who do you think you are you out of work cloth horse I don't need you in that damn Robo oh you ripped his head [Music] off I'm just getting warmed up Miss Joanna how did you enjoy your entree what was it again it was a little recipe passed down from my great uncle Daryl and my other great uncle Daryl something old something new something borrowed something dead well I'm glad to see you included something from each of the four major food groups you going to eat those quills enjoy thanks I'll I'll just take these home for a late night suck well I guess it's time to begin our intellectual discussion yeah there they go again anytime they hear the word intellectual they throw themselves into their teeth [Music] now are there any issues or topics you're particularly fond of etymology theosophy physics well as long as I don't have to turn my head and cough I'll start the ball rolling by throwing out a question what's your opinion on The Big Bang Theory well uh there are so many schools of thought personally I think they're fine if you have a high forehead excuse me do you feel as dumb as I do yeah it seems I overestimated the caliber of Miss Joanna and Michael's intelligence I know now that I shouldn't have looked Elsewhere for intellectual stimulation when all along it was right here in my own backyard our problem now is what to do about our guests good thinking Daryl you go get ready I guess you two are Frain tired from our mental workout why don't we take a break a break is good my brothers will now entertain you with a musical interlude you'll be a fine asset to Mara Lynch and now I would like to introduce our guest speaker novelist and talk show host Mr Richard Lowden well thank you thank you Dean Dean dakman actually I'm I'm not a novelist I I write I write how how two books but I I have created some memorable novel like uh characters like um oh and Mr SPAC the the knowledgeable uh hardware store owner or or Mrs Mrs sedoy the the the well-meaning but Daffy plumers assistant get on with it you're losing them gra graduates of Brookville Academy as you as you go forth into into college uh kindergarten you'll you'll look back on these years uh year with with a great sense of nostalgia that that means you'll like remember all the fun stuff see I I thought I thought you kids would be older so a lot of a lot of my speech doesn't uh all right who who shot the spitball look you you may think that's funny but you know you can a person can lose an eye of course you know it'd have to be spit real hard you know kids there are there are two paths that you can take in life the the One path like the one taken by the anonymous spit baller can lead to a a life of of crime and uh possible imprisonment the uh the other path I'll I'll call the the path of of of goodness can can lead to a a life a life of Happiness so it's it's up to you to decide which which path you'd like to take uh uh thank you and that that concludes my speech Mr Len that was a wonderfully brief speech not bad for howto writer huh well you get what you pay for now um since we were all so inspired by Mr Lowden I think it only appropriate that he now lead us in the singing of our school song Dean Dean dakman I I don't I don't know your school [Music] songing his name o b i n g o [Music] oing farmer aing his name I [Music] ningo his name [Music] h [Music] [Music] I don't know Harry I can't make up my mind everything looks so good oh miss what what do you suggest well I'd use less hairspray and that lip gloss has to go mornings mad masses hi Michael step why do you keep coming back here you made it perfectly clear to me that it's over just because arore is no more doesn't mean you have cust of the Compadres meaning Michael is saying that he he's our friend too is isn't that what you're saying I think so then why are you always saying nasty things about Dick behind his back why are you here Michael I thought maybe you could feed me you going to finish that strip of bacon yes Stephanie why don't you make Michael some breakfast I'd rather roast in hell she's taking this break up pretty well don't you think so how's the job hunting going I've papered this town with resume mucho any any nibbles I did get one offer but I don't think I can do that in front of a camera oh M Mr Gorski what a what a pleasant surprise honey this is the new station owner Mr Jack Gorski oh hello nice to meet you hi Mr Gorski remember me of course I fired you after you called my daughter a good memory well I I got to run I got this thing at this thing concerning a very promising thing well we'll keep our things crossed dick I'll come right to the point I'm starting a new late night talk show next week and I'd like you to that that's that's very kind of you but Vermont today takes up so much of my time I I don't know if I could uh handle hosting two shows I'm not asking you to I'm not thrilled with you hosting one show I've signed Don Prince to host Vermont tonight who's that well remember the erasable delicatess and owner on it's always MOA no he was the whole show then he did a a horrible reunion special a very MOA Christmas and uh they made him leave California I found I'm doing radio in Jersey morning everybody hi George Mr Gorski this is our handyman George Utley George morning George do you remember Don Prince from It's Always MOA what a show now I'll have that darn theme song running through my head all day long who's the guy who cuts pamy it's always moist lives with Mommy it's always MO [Music] anyway I'd like you to be the first guest on Don show me I wanted a Sure Fire celebrity to grab some audience really but you're all I could come up with don't let it go to your head well I'm sure I can spare a night to help help the guy out thanks if you turned me down I was going to ask her who's the guy who sells Theiss it's always moisture who's the guy who smells like fishes everybody it's always [Applause] [Music] moist you Mr Prince 15 seconds to air I put your favorite coffee mug on the desk in the same spot as as usual dick what same spot this show has never been on before Bud then whose mug did I give you in three two live from Studio 2 it's Vermont tonight staring the prince of late night Don Prince [Music] [Applause] can you spare it Vermont I had to get booked in Vermont I'll make you people feel at home would you like some syrup on your pancakes guess the N will kicked in maybe you could calm down long enough to say hello to the vont tonight band Ted are you bowing or did you eat some bad mayonnaise what a band huh what a band I make better music when I sit on balloons put syrup on your pancakes I spoke to the mortuary and they say you died last Tuesday and they want you to return the shoes my first guest tonight is a local talk show host dick Lowden [Music] would you would you walk a little faster the show's only 90 minutes nice nice to meet you D what happened they run out of I run out of paper in the men's [Laughter] [Music] room Don on on behalf of wpiv I'd like to welcome you to Vermont gee I I get chills look what they sent the janitor to welcome me to Vermont no I'm not I'm not the janitor I'm I'm I'm dick Lowden I I host Vermont today well who the hell watches that show some old lonely Lumberjacks and maybe one guy that works the ski lift no that's a nice suit dick you wear that in eight years it'll come back in style actually Vermont today was the first show to to interview Congressman Joseph skandor after he it's an old suit isn't it after after he was indicted for La laundering cash I hate the part with the buck don't you I I I spend I spend bucks on what Muscatel wo I don't I I don't I don't drink look at that dick you're starting to blush huh it's starting to you better or he's thinking about me being naked what's about a think you got jacket how much how much how much time do we do we have left 84 minutes oh oh my God dick you're sweating like a pig what do you got malaria what's in that mug let me see uh uh water what are those olives doing in there there there are no olives what the hell are they hot smoke shot out of my pants Oh's the guy who's sweet and caring it's always MOA who's the guy who reeks from hearing it's always Mo morning George morning Joanna listen to this review last night during the premiere of Vermont night I witnessed a miracle my Uncle Ed who has been unable to walk for 35 years leapt out of bed rushed across the room and changed the channel all in all Vermont tonight is like a wheel of aged cheese it stinks not bad huh oh I'll have waffles too Stephanie sorry the kitchen closed 2 minutes ago Henry open it I just got up dick was on TV last night and I didn't get to bed till after 1 I thought the older you get the less sleep you need no the older you get the more waffles you need now get them I think somebody in this room needs a nap okay but I'm going to finish my waffles [Music] first oh dick I talked to the morch Ary you died last Tuesday and they want the shoes back okay now that you both have had your fun you want to knock it off okay were you really thinking about Don Prince naked yes George I could tell here you off us they're what well I had to wash the coffee grounds off I'll have eggs so will I oh get off this Power Trip [Music] Joanna oh hi Joanna good morning dick my boy quite a show last night huh how'd you sleep like this great I slept like a baby too the station switchboard lit up like a Christmas tree three call S I think we've got a solid hit yeah I'll try to catch the show again sometime uh dick when I came aboard I had you sign that overall contract with me so well so I can use you in any show I want and I want you on Vermont tonight five nights a week here's your production schedule what a lucky break you get to be Don Prince's permanent stooge look Joanna smoke just shot out of his [Music] pants thank you ladies that was the sunshine seniors doing their dance tribute to metam muel come on Dick snap out wake up wake up step out of it huh wake up huh what is it with you huh don't you like girls what well how about if we hire a Vienna Boy Choir then maybe we can watch dicks sit up straight sorry sorry Don I've been having trouble sleeping these last last couple weeks yeah well if those bags under your eyes get any lower you're going to start to look like your wife and by the way I don't know what all those Merchant Marines see in her anyway oh no that's right dick it's that time again everybody's favorite part of the show time to pick on dick pick on [Applause] dick I really hate this part of the show that's why we do it a Paul unleash him pick on dick pick on dick pick on dick right here hi Don I'm manette Gordon and I love your show thank you darling what do you want to say to dick I have a question for him dick is that your face or is that a road map with pants on that was very good darling what do we have for a Paul a pick on Dick t-shirt and dinner for two at the uh drumming musket on Route 14 pick on dick pick on dick oh right here right here here we let's let's book The Vienna Boys Choir and watch dick sit up straight bu butd were your a parents brother and sister now you're a good sport uh Paul give him a t-shirt there you go we have time for one more pick on dick pick on dick pick on dick pick on hi my name's uh bill I I've got one uh priest a rabbi and Dick go into a bar Dick's got a Parrot on his shoulder wait wait a minute I I know that voice George is that you my dick he he's my handyman handyman I bet he [Music] is I'll get it Stratford Dan yes we're right off Route 22 well I I don't know how many are in your Fleet hold on and I'll check we don't rent rooms by the hour do we are those more merchant marines and his voice is shaky either he's really nervous or ew go lift weights well I guess you want me to go shopping after traumatic phone call like that I wouldn't have it any other way that was easy I'll go [Applause] change is the coast clear George dick is livid about last night how could you make fun of him like that oh I guess I didn't think I just wanted one of those neat t-shirts so bad well you can't hide in that basement forever I'll make it up to him I'll take him to a complimentary dinner for two at the Drumm and musket steal him out for me Joanna I'll be sitting behind the hot water heater how now dick frown oh hi Michael we haven't seen much of you around here lately I've been doing some temp work at a traveling Carnival they're camped out in the Sears parking lot I clean up after bip the monkey boy well that'll look good on a resume where's George you just missed him I'm going to find him and hurt him what do you want whoa somebody got up on the far side of the futon I just came by to blanket you with a bunch of belated bravissimos for what your sudden surge of celebrity degrading you mercilessly on the air five nights a week was an obvious programming brainstorm I could kick myself for not kicking you sooner maybe you have some Integrity no I don't think so Michael we're hoping this show is just a flash in the pan are you kidding it's a bonanza Little Joe honey why don't you just quit I can't quit I have a contract do what I did call gorsky's daughter a [Music] Tran three two live from Studio 2 it's Vermont tonight starring the prince of late night the man you love to have humiliate me the man who said my idea of a good time is sitting on the porch watching my face break out Don [Applause] [Music] Prince great intro dick huh next time try not to spit all over the mic say hello to Dick Cloud oh look at that Dicky did a little trick that was cute Dicky here good boy good dog roll over roll over bark bark Stay Stay what a good dog what a good dog ladies and gentlemen I've known my first guest for over 20 years he's the king of commercials he's done so many it's hard to look at his face and not run to the toilet ladies and gentlemen Frank tunel [Music] oh how I this is a real star get the hell out of that chair get the hell out of the chair come on move move sit here Frank boy Frank tutle on my show oh what's a big fat star like you doing in Vermont well I tell you I'm uh I'm shooting a movie down the street ah who cares you really annoy me Frank every time I turn on TV I find your face staring at me I want you out of my living room you hear me Frank out of my living room H say hello to Dick hello dick hello hello Frank oh very good boys now get undressed and wrestle each other that's funny how do you how do you stand working with this guy every night they make me isn't that cute Dicky made a joke I guess he passed that stone look look at us he's getting red is that a blood clot a I'm sorry Dicky's going to cry is it time for Dicky to change his Huggies you're balling and [Music] [Applause] fat what you're you're fat you're fat and in involed what' you say that for I I think I've been in this business most of my life there were times when I was flush and times when I needed a handout I've worked hard for every little thing I've achieved and for you to just put me down like that I don't understand it ladies and gentlemen I I can't do this anymore I really can't I'm sorry all all I what what what did I say you sadistic motherless creep [Applause] can I can I come in listen about about what happened out there are you are you all right and say something fat and bald I mean dick you could have come up with some better material than that like uh is that your gut or you smuggling a bag of fertilizer yeah that is that is better what what's going on dick you gave me a great gift out there you emotionally destroyed me I'm a basket case if that don't get me out of the gski contract nothing will hold on you were you were waiting for me to to blow up a juice so you could get out of your contract it's took you long enough to crack I thought 2 weeks ago you'd go for my throat but you're so damn nice why why did why didn't I pick up on this because you're an idiot how do I know listen j keep this under wrapped huh but there's some new interest over at CBS about bringing back it's always Mara and the old Deli man could use a real good stooge oh it's uh it's it's very tempting but I I think I'll I'll stay here and spend the rest of my life as a a town joke whatever you say dick I'm sorry I destroyed your life but hey that's my ACT oh there's you know no no harm done well you take care of yourself you hear me G listen um if you don't mind I'm you know I'm not a a very physical person oh I understand guys oh one more thing yeah [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] look dick my business cards finally came you you ordered the business cards George 10,000 of them I wanted you and Joanna to have the first two George Utley no address no phone number no occupation what's the point everybody in town knows where I live and what I do well then then why do you need a business card George it impresses the babes there hello old man how have you been pretty pretty good young young man who who who are you why I'm scooter Drake who oh scooter Drake uh Stephanie and I met him at a a snobby party in in New York not not not the not did you were that snobby really I thought I was perfectly snobby sorry about that hi I'm Joanna Lowden and that's George Utley my card George Utley well if I ever need one you can be found here yep lovely Stephie about uh Stephie Scooter's here why do I feel like I'm in an Archy comic scooter Drake hi I thought I smelled old money try as I may I can't rid myself of that blasted smell I do hope it doesn't offend well it was pretty bad when you walked in but I I can can hardly notice it now so where's your darling little girlfriend Libby oh that's right it's spring liposuction [Music] time I'm afraid Libby's left me for another another what another man George that's not what the gossip mongers are saying oh well what brings you to Vermont well since Libby left me I've been feeling a bit under so I thought I'd motor on up here and do some shopping that often cheers me scooter Vermont is hardly the place to shop unless you're interested in Maple candy I suggest you try Paris actually I I've had this urge to buy a quaint New England Inn then then don't go to Paris what kind of in are you in the market for oh dear is that something I should have thought about well it it took us a year to find the Strat we did research talked to people drove all over I'd like to have mine by Nightfall you can help scooter find an in I mean aren't you like in real estate or something so you do pay attention when I talk about my life sometimes I can't shut it out if if you're really interested I'd love to help we could go look at my listings right now Splendid come on Stephanie well if there's two I like you could flip the coin or you can buy both hi you are a Hell Boy imagine buying an in to get over being depressed when I'm blue I rent it's a mad mad mad mad world and that and that cheers you up George yeah for a while then I think think about all the actors in the movie who are dead and I get blue again hi oh hi Michael I'm on the lamb from my ex Lamb Chop it's it's okay Michael she's in the dining room oh all right you you can say my name I don't think I need to anymore how's the uh job hunting going cck I've decided to keep my nose out of other people's businesses and start one of my own one that requires minimal capital and yet will enable me to afford food again Watch you're going to pull Taffy uh Michael are are you saying you're going to be a mime you know what they say everybody loves a mime no everybody loves a clown people try to run over m well nobody's going to name this mime Michael are you sure this town is ready for a mime I I don't think they've ever they've ever seen one before that's right they might mistake you for the village idiot he used to pull on invisible Taffy too [Music] you know scooter we might have better luck if we see some of these ins in person well I agree I I always like to caress the things I buy well good I'll go call some of the ins and tell them we're coming maybe you can fondle the Henderson Place you know just the thought of buying someplace is lifting my spirits well the way I see it there are four stages to breaking up first denial then shopping then hating the other person's guts so much would like to see them fry in the Flames of eternal hell then more shopping I'm at the third stage with Michael would you like some more coffee I mean as grotesque as it all is I am the maid you shouldn't feel grotesque my great-grandfather used to say there's no shame in any job as long as you do it well it inspired the workers in his sweat shops to keep plugging away until they were old enough to go to school sounds like he was a great man he was a monster actually but an absolute delight at parties listen I've got an idea after I buy my Inn why don't we go out and celebrate our freedom from Libby and Michael what's the best restaurant in town uh meon but I could never go back there again that's where I had my last horrible date with Michael before he dumped me did I I mention that I'd like to see him fry in H I believe you did but you know the old saw when you fall off your polo pony remount and use the [Music] whip you know what's interesting about dust it it could be so many things no matter how much you clean the stuff keeps coming back has it occurred to you that it's supposed to be here and we're tampering with God's plan who who signs your your paychecks him or me oh how was Inn shopping scooter didn't like anything he saw the ins we looked at were also um red well couldn't you show him something in a different color haven't either of you ever heard of paint that would be like buying a sweater in the wrong color and then dying it one certainly wouldn't do that Joanna [Music] might I wish you could find me something like this well the Stratford is pretty run-of-the-mill compared to some of the places I've shown you I wouldn't call it run-of-the-mill Dusty maybe but I mean that's God's doing everything here is so perfect though the the the fixtures the fireplace even Stephanie posing over there looks absolutely perfect you should see this place when the morning sun reflects off my hair people say it's breathtaking I'll tell you what I'll give you a million dollars for it you want you want to buy the Strat for for a million dollars ooh you've got the art of haggling down to a science all right a million three take it or raise it what I left myself open for that one all right a million five well I I know it's a lot of money but I'm I I'm not sure I can I can bring myself to to sell this place if we did we'd be set for life and do you have any idea how much my commission would be Joanna the the seller pays the commission you'd be paying yourself who cares the important thing is it'll put me in the million dooll Club at the office I'll get a pin oh well let's dump this place if it if it means you're getting a pin hi everybody oh hi George listen we need your advice on something um scooter has offered to buy the in and we're trying trying to decide whether or not to to sell sell the Stratford you can't the Stratford is like a home to us George it it is a Home Choice well my advice is don't sell he's offered us a million five then my advice is sell see dick George thinks we should sell George isn't everybody I like to think I am of course it is ironic I live here my whole life and the day I get my business cards we [Applause] move Jo Joanna why why are you so quick to unload this place I I thought you you loved it as much as I do I do we have seven years of wonderful memories here but if somebody is crazy enough to offer us that kind of money we ought to be crazy enough to consider it [Applause] hi I'm Larry this is my brother Daryl and this is my other brother Daryl hi fellas we heard there was a scooter Drake here we grew up with a scooter Drake and we was wondering if it was one and the same my guess would be no does this scooter Drake have a pineapple birth mark on his right buttock pineapple um pineapple no listen fellas dick has a question for you uh oh Daryl Pop Quiz it's a it's like this uh we've been offered a million five for the in Dan might one of us uh feels that uh we should take and one of us isn't so sure Daryl wants to know who the jerk is who isn't so sure I I don't think any purpose would be served by by naming names it's [Music] dick you see dick the fellas think we should sell even they know a million five is a lot of money a million five we thought you said a million flies good evening Uber Melle vanderen I did not think I would be seeing you again is this another loser dour here you go old French chap that that loser Remar Melle and I we make with the peti follow me me for you the Finish T in the house oh table did you miss me as much as I missed you they say sometime late at night she cries out for you UB bring us a bottle of D please but of course this is the way it used to be with Michael people scurrying at our commands how I miss the Simple Pleasures of life my apologies fory delay oh 7 Seconds isn't really long and now that you've established a time you'll have something to beat [Laughter] would you like to see easy menus now later [Laughter] Henry a toast to Libby and Michael may they forever be part of our past good riddens what is that I think it's a mine screaming in the rain let's applaud perhaps he'll go away [Applause] it worked well what have we here so you couldn't wait could you I thought mes were supposed to be fairly quiet run along now you wet white-faced street performer I know what's going on here cers I'm a m not The Village Idiot m in black and white this is Michael he's not at all as I'd pictured how do you do young mime scooter Drake so I see you found yourself a new boyfriend and he's so cute well thank you so sweet of you to notice we're only having dinner scooter and I are just friends oh sure Stephie and scooter sitting in a tree k i s s i n g oh oh I do not like memes you people are the reason I left fors I have as much right to be here as anyone else just because I have no money in my hat there's no reason I should be treated like garbage and you you two were out there watching me for 20 minutes and you didn't give me a damn nickel what because I'm a MIM you thought I wouldn't say anything you thought you were The Village Idiot well could The Village Idiot do this Michael stop it I can't hear you Stephie can't you see I'm in a box Michael you're dripping makeup on my purse oh sorry if my career is a little messy not all of us have a job where we get to work oh my God is that a $2,000 suit well not counting the trips to Italy for the fittings I want that suit Michael I want that suit I deserve it I worked hard I did everything right and now I'll never get to have a suit like that never give it to me give it to me you can have my leotard just let me have the the Melle Melle dispose of this meme You Haven't Seen the Last of M Laris I'll be back if not as a m but as a human mannequin or as a dogac [Applause] [Music] boy how did everyone enjoy the show [Applause] [Applause] well i' I've called about just about everyone I know and and they think I should sell well I'm I'm not I'm not sure I want to a million five I I I have what for brains well if if if that's how you feel love love to Dad bye [Applause] bye what did your mom say uh she's uh she's uh she's on on the fence oh how was dinner at meu Bear did did she have the clams actually we we had a rather unpleasant experience with her estranged bow he's an extraordinary M visually don't get me wrong but he well he tends to undercut his performance by crying and screaming incessantly that's that's the worst kind of mine so any decision about selling me in uh my my answer is is yes and and no one not not even not even my mother has has influenced me in this decision whatso well Mar well old man I'll have my people call your people I I don't I don't have any people why I thought everybody had people oh well with the money you make you can buy some people scooter it's for you Libby hardcourt how did that conniving she devil track me down you know Joanna it just hit me we're we're going to have money I know if we wanted we could afford a Volvo station wagon and and I won't have to buy that that Civil War chest set one piece at a time oh what the heck with a with a million and half dollars I can I can buy every peer thing the Franklin men ever made well mustach Libby wants me back to wrap around her little finger again ah The Simple Pleasures of Life having a fair haired Maiden by one side and 310 million to roll around in don't don't you mean 38.5 you are still buying the Inn I should think not the witch is back so the Inn is out hi I'm Larry this is my brother Daryl scooter Dr Larry Daryl Daryl dick dick dick you should have looked closer at Scooter's right butter what are you doing here I thought you'd be in Palm Beach for the polo season normally I would but I had this urge to buy New England in uh-oh darl he's been shopping that could only mean that you and Libby have split up yet again youve reconciled dear Larry I don't know what I'm going to do with you two listen why don't the three of you motor down with me to the city the crowd would love to see you again you know we haven't been to New York since the opening of phantom come on Daryl let's go choose to see who gets to ride in the trunk thanks thank you well must scoot hence the name do give Steph a byy how wait how about how about a million three I I'll even I'll even throw in the handyman he he comes with his own business [Applause] card we just lost a million and a half dollars yeah but you know look at it this way you know it's it's a simple pleasures of life a fair-haired maiden by your side and uh million million flies to roll around them [Music] a [Music] oh [Music] honey H how does this sound for for my next howto book turning that old newspaper rack into a new magazine rack sounds more like a howto sentence I I don't know what's wrong I guess I'm how-to out well maybe you should take a few months off honey I I'm a writer I was born with a need to express my thoughts I mean literature is is the legacy of of my very Soul how about writing a novel too thick then start small write a thin book how about a howto book for kids you know that's that's not a bad idea I listen to this turning dad's old newspaper rout into a neat comic book rack well maybe with some work hello Stratford in Michael where have you been all week we we've been worried about you very worried on a scale of 1 to 10 uh a a seven no a seven is good Michael where where are you who who are you visiting at Ridge Valley San anaria you're you're visiting you are you sure you don't want some cake oh George it may be cake to you but to me it's a bulge looking for a thigh to land on okay Mike we'll we'll see you later this afternoon of of course we missed you an eight see see you later where is Michael not that I give a flying FUD at the r Valley sanatorium Ridge Valley oh that's the you know what farm see I've pushed men to the edge before but I've never chucked one over I didn't know I had the power to turn a man into a raving lunatic oh I'm sure he's not a raving lunatic is he dick on a scale of 1 to 10 it's perfect for a fly in honeymoon they say come fly with me he come on fly with me come on fly fly fly back up let's fly away Michael are you okay you'd be hard pressed to find any fiddles fitter than I why why do you ask no reason just kind of a wacky thing to ask somebody in a sanitarium last we heard you were doing Street MIM well JoJo there was this small disturbance in a restaurant apparently some people get a tiny bit nervous around mimes who scream like banshees gool figure anyway I guess it hit me all at once I lost my job my credit and a repost Squad took everything from a to Turbo Z so when I hit chapter 11 I went Section 8 how long do you have to stay here well the authorities gave me a choice 14 days either in the lockup or under psychiatric observation since I'm not wild about having a boyfriend named Turk for 2 weeks I uh checked in to cidate crackers Michael you should have come to us thanks for the TLC JL but to be honest I dig these digs I get three squares a day I'm responsibility free and every once in a while that guy over there who thinks he's Sinatra gets this blonde nurse to put these go- go boots on and sing something stupid with him is is she working today Michael you know Stephanie thinks that she's responsible your new digs she's wrong the scars are healing for my stomy but enough about me let me show you around Ridge Valley isn't much but I call it the home got a smoke sorry sorry I don't di Cloud Corin Denby I gave up cigarettes you know you just you just asked me for for a smoke it was a [Laughter] joke and and a good one what are you doing here I'm V visiting my my friend M Michael the mine so how how are how are you I'm in a sanitarium dck I'm peachy ke so what what are you what are you going to do just kind of take it take it easy for a while after I Illustrated that howto book of yours I gave up technical art I wanted to create with My Soul instead of a ruler show the world my sensitive side time for your pill oh back off cookie can't you see I got company but you know then the re ction started and I took it bad eventually it just all got to me and I I went psycho so I checked into here how how long have you been here a year and a half so what are you up to uh I'm going to write a going to write a howto book for kids you got a illustrator well I because if you don't that you could sponsor me to do you know a couple of pictures you maybe some of those furry things that kids like the kind that go thunk when you hit them with your car I I'm not I'm not sure that's a she just tell the the white coat see that I'm I'm working with you on a special project it would be like therapy for me well you know maybe you know when the time comes oh thanks dick you have really boosted my spirits well take take take care yeah thanks oh I think you already missed half the tour tell him who we missed Joanna Mark Twain he's rehearsing his one-man tribute to Hal h guess guess who I ran into kin Denby that's who that was okay dick listen slap your John Hancock on this baby and we're Gone With the [Music] Wind honey I had a thought in instead of writing a whole new book for kids I'll adap one that I've already written remember installation and care of your low maintenance lawn sprinkler that'll be a big request at Story Hour dick why did you have to bring Cory in here the woman has problems what what are you talking about oh I don't know maybe that loud anguished wailing that came from a room all night Joanna just just because we don't whail doesn't mean we we should condemn someone who who who whales be beside it it kind of blotted out the sound of the fist banging against the wall dick that was the sound of forehead meeting plaster George does does having Kine around bother you not at all except for the Wailing and the pounding I wouldn't even know she was here L it's still a little rough around the edges but give me your honest opinion oh oh wow that that that is that is some sprinkler head and it it it looks uh great uh right right next to that um uh giant Daisy no that's not a daisy dick that's Wesley weasel do you have any do you have anything else let up dick I'll do more just as soon as I get rid of this damn headache did that picture was horrible you're you're right I I mean I I can't let her ruin a potentially great great book I'll just have to gently tell her that I I I can't use her had e lens hello officer shifflet official business just passing by got a yen to check your building for fire code violations why word on the street is your housing one Corin Denby your classic textbook Firebug Firebug it seems the sulur scratcher in question was released into your custody at approximately 1100 hours yesterday morning well she she may be a a little high strong but I she's not a firebug for the record it seems Miss Zippo got a few rejection slips and took a flying leap off the deep end torched her own Studio oh my gosh I I'm I'm sure she's you know she she's fine now she's she's been in the the sanitarium for a year and a half sing me another one my brother's been in for years and he still thinks he's [Applause] Sinatra can we get her to check out of here I think Barbara butane checked out a long time ago we're all adults here let's use big people talk rubbing this chick the wrong way is like putting Nitro in a baby's rattle [Music] Kaboom what do you think of my latest well there there's there's Wesley uh well I I don't mean to be picky but we seem to be missing Wesley's head all the animals supposed to have heads excuse me I know you Ridge Valley people range from a a little off to King of banana land but I was just wondering if you were anywhere near the same degree of craziness as my ex-boyfriend that would be the mime H you see dick and Joanna won't tell me the truth how is he does he cry out the name Stephanie in his sleep no cupcake no cuppers Lamb Chop uh Wonder wanch dreamsicle Mommy uh Stephanie why don't we leave dick and Coran alone so they can talk uh Karim can I can I be can I be honest with than you well of course dick you're my friend I I trust you more than anybody else in the world after all you you gave me hope well you know I know I know you I know you've had you've had a couple uh couple rejections 41 huh 41 of those stinking little sheets of paper I'm sorry dick I interrup any eights Go Fish you know Terry I was noticing all the uh all the Queens have little holes where their eyes should be yeah so well isn't that a little Oddball is it Oddball that all Four Queens kept staring at me like they were better than me they needed to be taught a lesson Michael you bet any sixes this this is my first sanitarium cake how about you same here I was just your average Joe until she came along you're in here because of a woman carbon copesville she was so beautiful we fell in love went out for a while broke up didto on that data I didn't take it very well I'm here buddy locked her in the trunk of her car drove to the pier got off on a technicality ah but you've heard the story a million times yeah if I had a nickel hello Michael Stephanie Michael is that the girl you broke up with so basically she's up for grabs keep her busy I'll be back in a minute oh Michael what have I done to you I did this to myself X [Music] cupcake is it because you saw me having dinner with another man well that that was just part of it I I guess I just I needed a a good rest did you have to rest here most of the people I know rest in Barbados Steph I'm happy here happy you're wearing paper slippers I'm through crying all the tears have been sucked from my ducts well aren't you a pretty little thing Stephanie is it you know when my life began Stephanie the moment we met I looked at you and felt myself come alive everything about you the way you look at me staring at me like you're better than [Music] me like you need to be taught a lesson 4:00 H visiting hours are over oh my queen the plans I've made for us the Thrills in store I don't even know you so that's how it is I see tell me darling what kind of car do you drive what got a lot of trunk space she she doesn't have a car she she rides a bicycle everywhere does it have a basket she has to go now you know know my Dove I could escort you home if you just sign a little paper for me I don't think so no it was worth a try last week some bonehead sprung a [Music] firebug Bye Michael I'll come back and visit you again oh I wish you wouldn't it's too difficult for me and him it was a pleasure Stephanie I'm sure we'll meet again H I doubt it and my name isn't really Stephanie it's Joanna Joanna Lowden and I'm taller than this you have lovely hair Joanna my last girlfriend had hair just like that see [Music] [Music] standing guard George I want to make sure this fire stays in the fireplace if you know what I mean cranked out another badge Nick oh boy say hello to Wanita weasel I uh I I don't I don't remember Wes Wesley having a having a girlfriend that's for our next book what what what next book I got enough ideas floating around up here for 20 books you and I are going to make one hell of a team so what do you think it's uh it's it's it's it's nice do you really like it actually no what I I I don't mean this in in in a bad way but there there was there was better stuff hanging in the trauma section at Ridge [Music] Valley I I thought I thought you didn't smoke I don't this is my God don't let me snap now [Music] pack what do you think sweater girl I I uh I I I like it what well it has a a few problems I [Music] see what do you think of my work tool jockey I'm scared [Music] dick steady George steady well I can't talk well you don't have to hit me over the head I mean I've been on the side of rejection before Hail Mary full of grace the Lord is with [Music] you oh so what I can deal with it if it wasn't for all that sunshine that you blew up my hospital gown I would have gone back to technical drawing Where I Belong well I'm I'm glad you're finally being honest with yourself as long as I'm being honest I think your book bites [Music] it but what's what's wrong with my book Wesley's eyes grew wide at the low voltage shock he received from not properly grounding the akv electronic Timing System boy tick there's a problem with that George you you you liked it didn't you don't ask me I've got problems of my own I promis God that if I weren't burned alive I'd become a [Music] priest George I'm sure he'll understand if you renig you're you're both crazy the the the kids will eat this up gee you sure don't take rejection very well dick this is really good stuff few Wendell we just installed the entire Aqua wizard p246 automatic sprinkling system with the akv thermal regulator and it meets all state and local safety specifications ah [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] heads up last of the sweaters what's going on here Stephanie is throwing out every Stitch of clothing she owns ask a stupid question I'm getting rid of everything that reminds me of Michael if he can make a fresh start so can I Stephanie Michael's in a sanitarium he's not making a fresh start he's he's making ashtrays out of clay you're throwing this out it's a geanina bruy I was wearing it the first night Michael told me he loved me it must be destroyed I'm supposed to take all these goes to the town dump and watch them burn and what else George oh right I have to dance naked around the fire maybe I'll wait till after dark and bring a date make a night of it you guys want a double gee we we just uh danced naked last night next time give us some notice hey that's my sweater I know and it's got to go Michael and I used to laugh at you every time you wore it he always said it made you look like a human tootsy roll you went into my closet of course not it was lying on your bed you really should learn to hang your clothes up did only to keep them from being torched I don't care what she says George you're not burning anything these are good clothes just take them all to Goodwill but what if Stephanie finds out so Joanna you forget she knows where I live Nick and I will see that no harm comes to you right honey this is a great sweater they they don't make buttons out of shells anymore okay Joanna let's shop daddy wired me a boatload of money it's Sunday everything's closed not pe's department store Mr peek was in Rome having a private thing with the Pope and daddy made him fly back to open the store for me Mr PE gave up an audience with the Pope just so you could shop well the pope will forgive him that's his job or something wasn't that sweater tagged for burning I'm keeping it this is the great sweater fine so what if it reminds me of Michael keep it sleep with it marry it see if I care but be forewarned I know where you live dump it honey it does sort of make you look like a Tootsie Roll dick what's going to happen when we start reminding her of Michael beards George we grow beards Michael you're pretty chipper today I have you to thank for it Dr Kaiser two weeks ago I was a babbling blano with a birth in the bug house and now I'm at pieace with myself these are my people they really like me I found a home here hey Mikey big ping pong game tomorrow you want to be my partner sure who we playing Jo and Martina who's Martina it's Joey's other personality he's got a wicked backand well he sounds like a tough team but remember we've got that two- body Advantage Michael you're being released tomorrow your twoe evaluation is over oh sorry Charlie I guess we'll have to stri that match all right but you tell Martina those steroids make her mean Dr Kaiser I can't leave I I had a mental meltdown my my synapses crackled and pumped Michael you had an extreme anxiety attack but over the past few weeks I've watched you grow stronger every day you're becoming the kind of man I like and respect I think it's time to face life out there well can't I face life out there from in here besides I can't go I still have two ashtrays in the kill Michael this is not Junior Achievement there are people who really need to be in here like Joey and Martina to name one well I suppose I could give it a try see you're sounding more confident already I mean what's the worst thing that could happen I if I scatter my marbles again I can make a be line back here right H game's off Joey and Martina [Music] eloped I used to have a silk blouse just like that of course mine didn't gape for what you paid for it the buttons really shouldn't strain like that well I know it's a little nug but it was cheap I bought this at Goodwill for $15 American doll but it's 100% silk mine cost a fortune I guess some of us just know how to shop what's Goodwill something you have toward men no not that Goodwill the store she bought that silk blouse there for peanuts well Goodwill is this wonderful charitable organization that sells secondhand clothes you mean someone would actually pay to wear other people's filthy clothes e well I'm sure they they worh them be before they sell them I mean don't don't they I don't think so ew by the way dick I'll be needing some more C cash I just gave you a month's Advance okay give me a raise you don't deserve a raise it's not the point dick the point is I need more money to shop Stephanie I think you bought enough clothes for a while oh Joanna sometimes I wish I could be more like you it doesn't bother you at all to wear the same clothes over and over and over again until they almost fall off your back I don't care how much you give her just get her out of here all right just one more Advance thanks I I don't need food very fast it will do me good yeah I was going to mention that weight game but I didn't think it was my place it isn't don't ever wear that blouse in this town again [Music] wow another Ash train thanks Charlie looking for a reason to start smoking a toast to Michael and his life on the outside Michael Michael beat beat thank you thank you folks you know filming oceans was a swinging party for me I want to thank Sammy youo I think I think they want me to speak Frank damn you know when I first arrived here at Ridge Valley two weeks ago I was a broken shell of a man but each one of you welcomed me in your own special way I haven't been close to many people in my life but you've all shown me such warmth and affection that I'll always cherish everybody haraldo on hello Michael Dr Kaiser well as you can see the gang threw a bit of a bye-bye bash for me can I get you something uh some punch a placebo some ashtray maybe later I stop by to have a little talk with you Michael before you're discharged no don't need to drop more quarters in my confidence meter dror K with your guidance this guy's geared to get up and get out Michael uh tomorrow I want you to give Dr Lions a call he's a wonderful therapist a good friend of mine but what do I need him for you're my doctor I'm afraid I have to withdraw from your case Oh what now that I'm a looney on the loose you're throwing me to the Lions it's not like that at all Michael you see i' I've been having these feelings for you feelings that a doctor should not be having for her patient you mean you don't like me quite the opposite you mean I don't like you Michael I'm attracted to you huh isn't it ridiculous I know it sounds crazy I usually fall for professional men men with careers and Futures but there's something I don't know erotic about you did you say erotic or neurotic oh what difference does it make I can't see you anymore it's just not right good luck Michael I'm sure you'll be just fine out there thank [Music] [Applause] [Music] W Nick Joanna notice anything different about me you uh switched heads with a guy in a peach jumpsuit no Stephanie bought this for me she said it screamed George it's screaming something else to me he wouldn't get rid of the stupid hat oh I needed something Macho to offset the shoulder pads good choice you're buying things for George now I found out that shopping is just as much fun for other people as for myself it gives me the same Rush George you you look like a like an astronaut that's exactly what the salesman said only he didn't say Tron not excuse me aren't you Chuck Jagger chuck chuck doesn't wear Peach you know it's a Pity so few men are secure enough in their masculinity that they can wear pastels my ex-husband used to dress like him where did you get that sweater Goodwill again Goodwill okay how much $8 no way you lie it's true they even threw in these Italian boots how can they afford to do that well they said some older gentleman dropped off box after box you know I may not be Chuck Jagger but there was a time when I bucked the speed limit you want to hear about it over lunch sure want to see what I got oh I don't remember buying this but I'm glad I did it matches the one I got yesterday well you know what they say you can't have too many um what what the hell is that a mink muff you wear it ice skating this is April Stephanie there's no no ice then I'll wear it roller skating you know Stephanie we're starting to get a little worried I mean you have always been quite a shopper but lately it's like you're on a shopping Rampage every time we see you you're coming in loaded down with shopping bags well thanks for your concern but I've already recognized the problem and I've decided to do something about it oh good for you from now on I'm having everything delivered well now that major problem taken care of we can concentrate on this little this little shopping addiction I think you're both overreacting Stephanie Vander Kellen yes okay this is a place Humphrey what do you wants your aquarium I bought an aquarium yep and 20 pair of Siamese fighting fish [Music] [Applause] come in Dr Kaiser thanks for squeezing me in I really need your help well you you sounded so distraught on the phone that I canceled my group with a severely depressed what's the problem I shop too much most people have the nerve to complain just because they have no reason to live Dr Kaiser I'm so scared one minute I was in a taxi on my way to P's department store and the next thing I knew I was in that tacky Factory Outlet between the green stamp Redemption Center and that bail bond place you blacked out but that's not the scary part when I came to I was fighting off two chubos for a pair of polyester capri pants oh there there there now just relax now tell me when did you first become aware of this problem well I used to be just a social Shopper two three outfits a week then my boyfriend dumped me well suddenly two or three outfits weren't enough to satisfy me I needed it more and more it the urge to purchase was overpowering it began to control me it became more important than my work well actually anything is more important than my work you know it's funny when you buy one blouse nobody really pays any attention you're invisible but when you walk up to a sales clerk and say I'll take 25 blouses let me tell you they look at you in wonderment like you are somebody and at that very moment you are on top of the world there is no higher High I mean you feel like you are Robin given and then next morning reality slaps you in the face you wake up alone surrounded by crumpled tissue paper and straight pins and God you wonder if you can make it through the day and then you see those empty shopping bags and you know you won't be complete until you see them filled again and there you are back on the street again headed for the mall well it it seems to me that all this mindless accumulation is simply a substitute for the love you're missing what is this a cordless power drill it's mine put it back sorry look I I know you feel powerless even though you own a drill but you have to learn to overcome this Obsession you have to try to control this dependency I used to have a sweater just like that oh uh it's a ganina bruy I just picked it up for $4 at Goodwill four stinking dollars of course it's been on someone else's disgusting body wearing mine the night he told me he loved me I I think we have to end this session I don't think I'm cured yet look I've got problems of my own okay see you see I've been treating Michael at Ridge Valley for the past two weeks oh he's the reason I can't be your therapist you're choosing Michael as a patient over me why because he's more neurotic no because he's more erotic did you say erotic erratic erotic I kissed him okay you what I kissed him I kissed him I kissed him there I I feel better for saying it and I hope you're not too upset why should I be upset Dr [Music] he didn't give me a chance to be a tra what is that supposed to mean well to put it in his words I don't Peter his ool well I'm not surprised he never was attracted to thick ankles it had nothing to do with my ankles obviously he's just not used to a woman with a mind you can't talk to me like that I most certainly can I'm not charging you for the session well good because I don't need your help I could lick this shopping thing on my own here what is that it's my PEX charge card go and buy yourself some new clothes maybe you can give that sweater back to the poor slob who was stupid enough to throw it away in the first place Joanna [Music] Lowden where's your jumpsuit George oh I put it away it was too radical for this town what do you mean oh there's just so many times you can hear hey Peaches where's your cream hey Peaches nice cobbler and hey George how's it going that last one didn't bother me as much as the others well I guess you know they feel less less threatened by by you and your overalls dick am I too hipped for this Berg yes George thought so maybe I'll hang on to my jumpsuits who knows one day I may get to Mont pear good good idea it's a it's a peach [Music] Town Stephanie whatever those are return them there's no more room at the end all right Joanna these are from Goodwill from now on I'll be doing all my shopping there really and look at this great dress I got for only $10 it's just like my old one and it it won't remind you of Michael Michael who boy I wish I hadn't burned all my clothes how long can we keep this from her oh by the way dick I had the sweater there exactly like yours write down to the dry cleaning tag with your name on it I I think we can tell her now [Music] [Applause] [Music] a [Music] [Music] honey uh do do I look all right well I married you did know I no no I I mean I mean the suit if you spent the last 35 years in a Soviet uh labor camp uh would you feel comfortable being interviewed by a guy dressed like this yeah I don't think I'd wear a tie that red good good point um maybe I'll I'll wear the the blue one with the the little ducks yeah live in color and booted from the boners bin for a second stab at sanity it's Michael not so nuts so Harris when were you released from Rich Valley a couple of days ago or maybe a week I've been so busy relishing life on the outside I've lost all track of time Michael you were you were only inside for 2 weeks astounding isn't it I mean when you see how much I've changed it's almost scary you see I learned that even though I lost my jobs my confidence my girl and for a short period of time my ability to distinguish between my mother and Esther r I still have me myself and I Nothing Else Matters what what about making a living dixer things take care of themselves the point is it's spring the crocuses are blooming the bees are buzzing come on you two walk with me talk with me it's sunny let's share Michael hi Steph I heard you were out how are you never better in my whole life then why are you you staring is it some kind of brain thing or is it is it these pants with this sweater neither I just never realized how beautiful you were you didn't well I'm talking about inner beauty the kind you find in a wise old woman's wrinkles or in a baby bird sucking up a worm oh poor Michael they did experiments on you it's it's so nice to see what's left of [Applause] you hi I'm Larry this is my brother Daryl and this is my other brother Daryl hi fellas what can we do for you we just dropped by to wish dick luck on his live via satellite interview with prisoner of conscience Andre zalmanov no thanks thanks guys we've often wondered how Daryl would hold up under torture which is why we practice hanging him from the rafter by his thumbs while making him watch Daryl's interpretive dance to Stravinsky's right of spring hey uh lar and Daryl ditto I was about to take a walk and nose the Posies care to make it a foren we'll pass we don't stick our noses up anything that won't sniff back at us come on [Music] there what do you mean there's no picture ah so it's a catastrophe at least we're not the one on camera dying in front of thousands of viers oh hi Dick have a nice show is is there a problem the feed's not working it's either the satellite or the dish you're kidding yeah it's a big fat joke dick that's why I got sweat stains the size of Pies under my armpits uh-oh I wonder if my homing pigeons chewed through the transmitter wires again what you you keep pigeons on the roof yeah I tried keeping them in the men's room but they kept flying into the mirror don't just stand there round up some cats I don't know if that's such a good idea they might scare my birds that's the idea bud right I'll take care of it Paulie I'll take care of it do does this mean we won't get the the sellon off feed from Vienna on on the monitor guess not look dick a birdie Michael throw it in in the men's room I'm I'm going on the air in in 2 minutes in front of thousands of people and all I have to show them is a is a duck tie see birdie duckies Michael didn't they just let you out of an insane asylum well actually it was a sanitarium but it was a humiliating experience right well not really except for when it was my turn to play hi the capsule well dick everything's going to be fine we got Michael for for what for the show see I don't know it was embarrassing enough doing it in front of a nurse no no not that you were incarcerated just like zalmanov sanitarium Gulag What's the diff look forget it I'm not going to interview Michel repeat repeat one of my shows dick we'd have to tape him to repeat him you don't tape my shows in five four dick we won't let you down give me this thing there's a story here dick dig for it and now it's Vermont today starring dick [Music] Lowden I uh I I know you were all expecting Andre zalmanov in his first interview after 35 years in a a Soviet prison but due to uh technical problems that are really too intricate to discuss dick I'll put the little fellas in your dressing room in instead we we have another guest in his his first interview after 14 grueling days and nights in a sanitarium former wpiv producer Michael Harris thank you thank you dick I'm uh I'm grateful to be here well who who wouldn't be after after that nightmare actually it wasn't a night nightmare although I did uh grow to be quite the sofa Spud but after losing your job your your money your self-respect it must have been impossible to go on oh why dwell on the past I let things get to me but I'm back on my rocker now and and why because I I live in the moment well I'm tickled to hear that what did you say I I was looking at my foot dick have you ever really looked at your foot not you know a avidly well then join me dick come on dig those dogs why uh why don't we why don't we go to the the phones in in case any of you still out there has has something to to say to Michael Harris hello you're on the air with Michael Harris Michael you're such a sensitive soul I just know it was a woman who drove you over the edge was it that Stephanie vanderkellen the whole town thinks she's a cold fish darling bad things happen but why hold on to them why not let it go forget about it you see what I'm saying try smile [Music] I'll do that and by the way your feet are lovely thank you now isn't that better than listening to some rooki complain for half an hour you're on the air with Michael Harris uh Michael those were wonderful words to live by but what words were those you know Let it Go forget about it try smiling all right well I'm uh I'm I'm just glad they worked for you uh by the way do you like my feet oh oh yeah yeah I love them God bless hi you're on the air with me before you say anything about the show don't fine anyway I can't talk and laugh at the same [Laughter] time I guess you misunderstood my verbal threat hi Dick gee I really like today's guest shut up George I never realize Michael was so deep but I guess that's because he suffered so don't verbal threats mean anything anymore hi George JoJo hi Michael think you you took off before all the excitement even after the show was over the phones kept ringing everybody wanted my advice strange I never realized I could have such an effect on people maybe they liked your feet Michael could I ask you a question shoot Gman I know you said to forget about it let it go and try smiling but I have this problem I tried to forget about it but I just can't uh can I let it go first that might make the forgetting easier GE I don't see why not H uh is it better to uh smile while I'm letting it go or after well whatever you find works for you what a philosophy if you taught this to the world there'd be peace [Applause] he's lost his mind good detective work mayor the male caucasian in question is on the premises all I said was Michael was probably at Dicks hello Officer and a Gentleman you know we often watch Dick's show but this week we liked [Music] it Michael your message not to mention the particular manner in which said message was conveyed you mean there's a manner in my message I'm not one given to Flamboyant gesturing but if I may reconstruct Let It Go no officer it was more to the heavens like so let it go the point is I've been through raling and Transcendental Meditation and I've been through dianic and this is the first thing that may actually help they need people like you in the department to talk jumpers off Ledges especially now with that three-story building going up it's going to be a magnet for losers gee thanks for those thumbs up no Michael thank you can you believe what's happening I think I finally found my true calling your true calling inspiring mankind well it's certainly not an overcrowded [Music] profession bye everybody George aren't you going to fix the hot water heater ah it's such a nice day I decided to forget about it cow a Bunga I'm inspiring everybody this is the stupidest town that ever lived [Music] are you Stephanie vanderkellen well yes then you're the unfeeling shrew who broke that poor Michael's heart for your information he dumped me and oops I dumped the oatmeal what about her fingers oh forget about it but I just threw hot oatmeal in your lap let it go dear try smiling let it go try smiling if George would do what I pay him to do I wouldn't have to take cold [Music] showers he works for me he's supposed to fix a hot hot water heater morning dick Joanna George you know where still waiting for you to fix the heater Let It Go Joanna we don't want to let it go we want it fixed today Jo forget about it try smiling I can't my lips haven't thought out yet I think I'll drink my coffee on the porch there's a baby caterpillar inching up a twig and I want to be there o a baby one that that's that's it th this has gone too far because of Michael's idiot philosophy nothing is getting done around here hello friends and flock can I put this up in the lobby there's still a few tickets left Michael Harris in his only Vermont appearance what does this mean you live in Vermont well it it's a summoning to my seminar I'm going to inspire the masses with my message what message they're just simple asinine buzzwords well dick maybe you haven't noticed my pel of Apostles but you can't deny I have a certain effect on people I want both of you to come tonight I I think I can Enlighten you forget about it you see you're already a third of the way [Music] there I can't tell you how Michael's philosophy has changed my life same here right now I'm supposed to be Manning the 911 line but I decided to forget about it and yesterday the fire department threatened to strike so I just let them go I'm surprised you wanted to come tonight Stephanie knowing how the town feels about you well I just wanted to show these people that I'm not a heartless shrew that I'm a warm caring compassionate human being there she is there's that snotty Viper Stephanie Vander Kellen oh drop dead George sit well basking at you Anna if we could somehow harness the stupidity in this room we could change the world I can't believe all these people are paying $10 ahead to see Michael we paid 50 I had to go to a scalper you what [Music] tonight we're in the presence of greatness perhaps we should kneel [Music] he almost spoke oh please darl stop there it's not polite to stare at someone's aura Let It Go forget about it pry smiling this is moronic Let It Go forget about try [Music] smiling yes my child I have a question that weighs heavily on me Michael speak to me last month I was elected president of the local pastry club and with that position came a lot of responsibility and the inevitable weight gain but I decided to forget about it wonderful and did you let it go yes but I put on 12 lb and now all my clothing chafes did you try smiling well that's easy for you you're probably one of those Visionaries that can eat anything and not put on a [Music] pound next yes my son my anniversary was last night thank you 32 years well usually I do forget about it but this time I knew it was okay to forget about it yet my wife threw me out of the house so now I'm sleeping in the Turell and it's hard to try smiling with the stick chift jabbing you in the kidneys what should I do I don't think Michael has the answer no kidding let's review the problem you said you let it go that's right and you forgot about it uhhuh and you actually did try smiling till my cheeks achd how about that next Michael help me isn't there any more to your philosophy well let me see no that's about it tipal some smooth talking Dandy sells you the meaning of life and it turns out he's just taking you for a ride in the hoax mobile that down once again Daryl first we read that Roseanne ain't handling success very well and now this wait I I thought this was what you wanted to hear yesterday you were gobbling this stuff up yesterday we were stupid yesterday it works for me I don't know why it doesn't work for you some seminar there weren't even any Refreshments tell me more about this pastry club we meet all day Tuesday usually at a local bakery wait if this town had a Bunko Squad they'd be sticking to you like sweaty thighs to a vinyl car seat I've never felt so used Stone him Steph don't walk out I have to Michael George is my ride I've been deflocked [Music] do you want to talk to him [Music] no but it is sort of what I do and this is sort of when I leave Michael are you all right dick what happened well you know all you inspirational leaders are are bound to bomb every once in a while I'm sure even even Tommy Lort has his off days yeah but it happened so quickly I mean other great thinkers Inspire mankind for Generations I inspired people for a day and a half well some some thinkers are are different than you they're um multi-dimensional so you're saying I'm a simple man with few layers one meaning there's really very little to me right but I mean you you can always read and and learn and and you know become more layered yeah but then I'd run the risk of becoming complex and dull like [Music] you well that's you know that's one of the pitfalls of depth bummer um Michael you aren't you aren't going to fall apart again are you no I'm just going to let it go you know forget about it you know you could always try smiling h [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] pap