What will happen? I told them politely, they didn't do it... Once again I spoke politely, they didn't do it. But when I shouted, they did it. Now when I saw that only when I shouted, they did it... Then what did my belief system become? That being loud gets work done. Now, let us also understand That the person in front of us... Specially those people who are with us Those who live with us or work with us Even they have started to know us I even asked them - "Will you all work only when I am loud?" "Only then will you all understand?" "Is it necessary for me to shout" Now... Why? Because even we have started knowing each others behavior and Sanskar We also start feeling That when someone speaks loudly, that is when it is serious. This is very important... Break that belief system. Be assertive, But not loud and angry. Repeated pattern... We expect that while we are changing Even the other person should change accordingly. True, I never thought about that. It is not going to happen isn't it?
Today morning you get up and you decide that today I will not get angry. Everybody else doesn't know Else we need to make an announcement in the morning. People are asking me - "Are you angry?" "Why are you so serious... Why are you like this today?" "Why do you seem changed"... because I used to shout. But it was happening every day, isn't it? Everyday it was happening, so that was the definition of natural that was attached to you Now suddenly, one morning When we behave differently Then the definition of Natural is getting changed So do not expect that the day we change, The other person will immediately change "The guy was so vibrant, he had so much life in him" "No idea why he has become so weak, so quiet" "He seems upset" I listen to such things We believed anger to be strength Speaking loudly, shouting, making noise We believed it to be strength. We thought of it as power... Many times people say that if you're not going get angry that means that you're weak. And even get scared about what people around me will say about me? That I don't even say anything? If somebody says something... I remain silent? What will people think about me? Then third fear... People will start taking me for granted. Then anyone will say anything and I'll not say anything... This is what they'll feel But isn't this a fact? That when people see that so much happened and this guy was silent He is a coward? Start taking for granted You can say whatever you want to him, he won't say anything In both these things Let us do a deeper check. One - If we remain silent If we stay quiet If we don't react... Then we are weak The person who makes noise, who will shout Who won't listen to anyone else And shout back at someone Will defend himself He is strong This is the belief system. Right? Now, we don't know what everybody says, we have to ask ourselves. That when a situation comes In that situation If we react Will that be easier? Or being silent is easier? Reacting Is not a big deal, anyone can do that Whenever a situation comes, react. If someone makes noise, make more noise than him When he shouted, I raised my hand. This is easy But if the other person did something... He criticized, he lied He was wrong, he behaved badly And we stay silent This will require? Strength So which is more powerful? Do we want powerful or do we need to survive in this world? Okay now... We need to survive in this world Now to survive in this world In fact, we have been watching this since past few days That what do we need to survive? We need power We need strength I believe that In order to survive, you slap the other person twice and thereafter won't bother you. No problem. One situation arises, someone in the staff doesn't work, We get angry so work gets done The work gets done. Everyone around gets scared too Everyone gets scared and the work gets done. All the work is done. Then the telephone operator called up, he hadn't done what he was told to do, We shouted at him and work got done Then we called up a plumber or a carpenter, even they hadn't worked properly So we shouted at them and job got done Even in office if someone did not work properly, we shouted at them and got the work done. Then even the kids did something wrong We shouted at them too and even that time our job got done. The kids became disciplined, everyone started obeying me. Scenario perfectly works like this Correct With this belief system we kept on reacting and our work got done Kids started listening to me and people got scared of me Our jobs were done We achieved and achieved and achieved But every time I used this way of working Every time i used this way of working... I lost my? Power How did the power reduced? It should be increasing I told him and the job was done... I told her and the job was done, I should feel more powerful isn't it? Which energy did you use to speak? If you just spoke and the job was done... It is fine No the energy of anger So anger... every time I was angry Every time I shouted Every time I picked up the phone, shouted on the other person and the job was done What kind of energy did I create? What kind of energy did I create? I the being Created so much of turbulent energy And it is proven that turbulent energy will not only disturb here Check your pulse at that moment Check your heartbeat at that moment I start sweating a lot when I'm angry Check your blood pressure at that very moment You can get these three parameters checked at that very moment A lot of times our hands start shaking when we are angry Yes. Our tongue starts faltering All our words change Situation passed, job got done... So turbulent See the effect of mind on body We have seen that every thought has an effect on the body But this effect can be seen at that very moment That turbulent thought is so powerfully turbulent... That it's effect got manifested on the body instantly Now, after 10 minutes the issue got over And by then another issue came up and I continued using this method Because now it has become my belief system And you know now, this has become a sense of power for me. Outer power... that I speak and the job is done And then the job got easier too right? Yes absolutely The work is done in a snap Now The more the inner power gets reduced, This is very important The more the inner power gets reduced, For me to feel powerful... I will need to always be sure That other people are in my control. For me to? Let's listen to it again because it is very deep and it has to be checked Yes I want to listen to it again Yes Why do we want people to be in our control? Why do we want people to listen to me The way I want, Everything should be that way. Because when that happens I am powerful... Be it a father A husband An owner or a friend - anyone That's sign of power That is a sign of control I am... Controlling I am the powerful one Even ladies do it. Yes it's not about men, it's about the soul, it's everybody. Why this and this will increase This will keep increasing because the more from inside... I don't have control over myself I don't have control over myself I don't have control over my mind, my words and even my hands Since I have so less control over myself So I start becoming powerless, right? Anything which is out of control... I really liked this point You said that when I'm controlling other people I do not have control over myself? No It is not necessary that when you are controlling people only then you are out of control But checking of the methods of getting work done and the way we control them If my anger keeps coming out... So that means That I am weak and I do not have control over myself? It is like falling ill every time...every ten minutes? If my body falls ill after every 10-15 minutes I will say it is a weak body, isn't it? This is sad news. If there is a slight weather change... We fell ill. We drink water from a different place... fell ill. Something changed in the air... fell ill. So I'll say weak body The immunity system is not good If we look around, the weather changed for everyone right? How come they are alright? Doctor will say weak body Make yourself stronger... Similarly some issue comes up, we fall ill Then another issue, we fall ill again Then sometimes even if nothing comes up, still we are ill We say this person gets angry for no reason. Because now my illness Has increased so much. It came, remained for 10 minutes, then disappeared for next 10 minutes and again came for 10 minutes... Gradually, that 10-minute illness increased to 15 minutes Then over a period of time, anger started becoming my way of living. My nature Being Being anger Now I understand Being anger Then the people around me will say that they get angry without a reason Which means that they don't even need a reason to get angry. Because I have got into a pattern. What happened earlier? There was a big situation or challenge. We used anger And saw that anger got results. Our work got done... I said this is nice. My job gets done, everybody starts obeying me. I started using it more often. Gradually I started using this method (anger) even for small things. So it became my Sanskar Then it comes in our normal talks too. Then we start getting irritated without a reason. Now every time we did that, we created a turbulent energy. It affected our mind and our body And it obviously affected our relationships too. But my very own power Every time I'm shifting from health to disease Every time. If in a year... I used to fall ill five times, Now I fall ill twenty times It is a sign of the body becoming weak... Similarly, if in a day I used to be angry once and now i get angry five times It is a sign of the mind becoming weak And which means power is getting reduced Now how does it convert into a deep cycle, into a deep addiction? The lesser the power within me, My need to have power over other people, Will increase. Please say that again. The lesser the power inside me, The more will be the need to have power over the other people Will increase to feel powerful My God. Suppose I'm in control of myself right now. If I'm in control of myself I know I'm powerful Powerful in the sense, That I can guarantee about myself, That even if situations are not going to be favorable, I'll be fine. This is power. Power not over situation, Power not over people, Power over myself. This guarantee. This guarantee about myself... It means I can guarantee that my health will be fine. Even if the climate Is not good I am fine. When we will be this powerful Then controlling other people Won't be power for me because I know I'm powerful But when the power inside me Decreases The power over people This addiction will start increasing. Now, the more it increases, And in order to control them, we start reacting all the more... More the power that within us... Will get decreased.
Now this is a down-slide. And this is a very fast down-slide. We are not even going to realize, it is going to go so fast. The battery will get discharged like this. And the more the battery gets discharged The 'want' to control people This addiction will increase. You have been using the word Addiction since so long. It is an Addiction isn't it? It is a very big addiction, that people should be in my control. I need to check this whether I have this addiction. People should listen to me. People should be according to me. Whatever I say, however I want, things should be that way. This is a very deep addiction. We just look at the outer addictions. It shook me. It is a very deep addiction. Is it an addiction? Yes it is, because then you want it every time, isn't it? You want it with everyone? Then you are not able to let people be the way they want to be. A person cannot live without it then? It'll be uneasy for you right? No matter whom you are with. You will want them to be the way you want them to be. Be it anyone, now it will be with everyone. Because now it's my addiction. If I find someone having the same kind of addiction then? That will create a problem. This we have to check because it's a very big addiction. Situation and people, and most of us have this addiction today. Reactions will be different But this addiction is there with the majority of the people That situations and people should be according to me. Why? Because when situations and people are according to me, then I'm happy. What do I want in my life? Happiness. And what will I need for happiness? People and situations to be according to me. So my entire life What has been my focus? To make situations and people... Be... According to me. And control them all the time. We are controlling the whole day, and right from controlling a little child, To controlling everyone around me. Now, spirituality shifts this focus. First with the understanding That you simply cannot control people. Yes, maybe because we are shouting and screaming or maybe because we are in a position. Suppose you are the boss, you have your staff and hence you hold a position. You are a father and you have your kids, you hold a position. Right? You are older in age. And others are younger, you hold a position. There's respect. It's a position, it is your position. Position of age, position of relationship Position professionally. Because of this position, All those who are around us Because of fear Because of helplessness Out of respect? Not out of respect... Out of fear. Out of fear. There's an old belief isn't it, that when elders say something, we need to accept? But that's not respect. If elders say something and I'm silent But I did not feel good within Then I did not respect them at that time. If someone younger than me talks back I will say that he's disrespecting me. Yes, because you didn't like it. If you said something If someone younger than me tells me that I didn't like what you said Then is he right from his side? Yes he is right Absolutely right. Should I not consider it disrespect? No, but you find it disrespectful because... Let's say you said something. But don't we see people telling children, especially in joint families... "You should not speak like this to your dad." "He is elder to you." "Now keep quiet, when elders say something you must listen." If my son directly tells me "What have you said, you should not have said so, even I am a grown up now." Then I find it disrespectful that someone younger to me is telling me all this. Perfect. Because what was the definition of respect for us? Let us check the definition of respect. You are the father and he's your child. Or you are a boss and he is your staff. You said something and he agreed. That is respect. He either listens or he stays quiet. You said something and he agreed with you. He agreed and he obeyed. You said something and he did it. This was respect. He respected me. So respect. Now you look at it this way, you said something. And I did it. Why did I do it? Out of fear... Helplessness Or because my definition also, is That if you argue or refuse to do something Then this is disrespect. Ok. Now it is our definition. So we started doing what people told us. But while doing it We are not happy while doing it. Yes, we do it out of helplessness. Now if you do it out of helplessness, you won't be happy. I don't feel like doing it. It is not correct too. I know its result will not be good. But since he has said it, I need to do it. He always enforces instructions and I have to do it. All these thoughts - What's the energy they create? Heavy? I think of it continuously. I will work... I will even listen to you. But from within, turbulent energy is getting created. You are very happy. That you said something and I listened. Gives you a sense of Power. Control. But Suppose for that duration - the duration can be 10 minutes. 10 days... 10 years. Or a lifetime. For that duration, what quality of thoughts did I create for you? "Because of him I need to do all this." "He said so I did it." "He always wants me to obey him." "We can't even talk back." "We do not even have a choice, what should we do?
I don't have a choice, it is my helplessness." "I need to do it." This is not respect. Respect means pure and powerful energy. Clean and beautiful thoughts for the other person. If all these thoughts Are not good and If I am not happy "I am unhappy and you are the reason of my unhappiness." This is the highest form of negative energy. When I hold somebody else responsible. For me being in pain.
Pain means I am not happy, with whatever I have done. That person Is getting negative energy from me. This is not respect. But we never analyzed respect at that level. For us what was the respect? I said And it got done. I entered the room and they stoop up. Whatever I asked for, they kept doing it. Means they respect me, they fear me. Fear and respect cannot exist together. Fear and love cannot exist together. Both are opposite energies. People who are afraid of us They do not respect us. Because the moment we enter, even by thinking of us, their energy gets disturbed. Energy of fear. Is one of the highest negative energies. Energy of fear,
I am afraid of him. This is not respect. If you want respect from others It means what do other people think about me? So these definitions we have made Now why is it risky for you? First of all you will keep getting this energy from me. If it was a very big decision, then continuously you get this energy from me. When we get negative energy from people What does it do to our battery? It depletes it. They did listen to me. I thought I am powerful. But internally, my power is getting Depleted. One - because my sense of power has become dependent on other people. And second - the other person is continuously sending me negative thoughts. And it won't be visible. No one will see how it is happening. But the vibrations from people suck out the energy from me. When people are afraid of me... That fear will affect them lesser As compared to how much it affects me. Because everyone's fear will suck out my energy. But when they grow up. Yes? Then that suppression inside them. It will come as a backlash. Yes it will. Yes it will. It comes back because it was always there at the level of thoughts. It is filled inside them, and as soon as the kid grows up And he becomes independent, he gets married and grows even older. Then his attitude will change and then he will Unknowingly and unintentionally He will start enforcing things on his father or on anyone who had earlier suppressed him. Because he is slowly coming out of the fear of position. Earlier the position was there right?
Age. Or any other position, relationship, he's coming out of that position. Because of some reason he kept listening to you or anyone or anybody. Even here, what is the risk factor? Look at the risk here. As long as people are obeying us They are according to us We thought everything was in my control Now because...
You said something And I agreed
Again you said something and I agreed This started making you feel?
Powerful. When we will feel the need of using power outside on someone else. One thought will always be there...
Of insecurity. Whether they will always remain in my control
This is very subtle. Because when there is addiction of power. Of some control, this insecurity will always be there. Whether they will always be in my control "What if they don't listen to me tomorrow?" The other person won't always obey us. The day his helplessness ends. When age won't be a factor anymore. When their dependency on us for something or the other reduces Or when something happens which they are not at all ready to listen. This also happens often. That you tell them something and they just will not agree to it. Sister, I know someone. She was in a lot of problem. Her husband used to constantly suppress her. After 20 years of marriage. She was waiting for the daughter to get married. And the moment her daughter got married. On the very next day she left her house and divorced her husband. She was putting up since such a long time. She was helpless. Yes, but like you said Broken No what was the reason? Her daughter's marriage. Yes so that thing broke, there was no helplessness anymore. The moment that line is crossed. Be it dependency or social pressure. There can be so many reasons. The moment it is broken. You left it, but it happened after 20 years isn't it? That's okay if it happened after 20 years. How did those 20 years pass, that is important. It is okay if after 20 years you do not listen to me and take such an extreme step. How did those 20 years pass? This we need to check. For 20 years, she listened to her husband. She listened to him its fine. But those 20 years, now I need to ask myself. How did those 20 years pass? The wife was in pain. Unhappy And for the husband it was addiction. Even addiction is okay but Depletion. Okay.
This is very important. We are not looking at that aspect.
We look at the wife. Poor woman Helpless. Pity. Victim. Because according to us, the person who is controlling Is powerful. And the person who is getting controlled Is the victim. Actually a very big victim is the person Who is controlling. No. Victim.
Victim of his powerlessness. His energy is getting depleted so much every day. Even in this position in what you're saying. Then according to you we should be compassionate? Absolutely. Compassion, but if we are in that position. Then we need to change today. If our definition of power. Our definition of discipline. Definition of control. And very important like you said, definition of respect. Even definition of love. If you love me, do this for me. But can you please explain why is he the victim? This is the husband and this is the wife. Husband kept on saying. And the wife kept doing it. Whatever he said, she did. But she wasn't happy while doing it. She was helpless. So the person who was helpless, that too for 20 years. Not for a short while. For 20 years, she was upset. But she listened to him. She was listening and she was sad.
What quality of energy was she radiating? Unhappiness. This is the story of the wife. And everybody will have mercy for the wife. Poor She is the victim. She is the one who is abused. It is exploitation isn't it? What is the husband's position? Husband outwardly, feels "I am very strong, she follows whatever I say." But actually, the Being. The Being's whole power is dependent only on this That she will listen to me. When power became dependent on someone else, like you mentioned earlier. The more you are dependent on someone else for power The more your own power will?
Reduce. Even that is okay, that your own power will get reduced. What about all the thoughts of pain that she created for him for those 20 years? Even if a single person creates negative thoughts for us Won't they reach us? They do reach us, and the vibrations that reach us -
What do they do to our battery? Discharge, because they are sucking energy. If I get negative energy from you continuously. It will dis-empower me. 20 years. Husband got from his wife Pain. Sadness. Such vibrations. These vibrations were reducing the husband's power internally. Since, the inner power was reducing, his addiction for outer power kept increasing. This became a vicious cycle. So what happened to the husband then? He became weak? The husband in this case is a huge victim of his own weakness. Master means who is in control of Himself. And victim means there is no control over the self. Sister, this is a fantastic point. I wish to discuss this further immediately in the next episode. About who the master is and who the victim is. Thank you so much. Om Shanti. Om Shanti. Thank you so much.