Rings of Power Season 2, Episode 1 REVIEW - Let My Tolkien Go!

he's Moses let my people go really after watching episode one of season 2 of the Rings of power I have two specific takeaways from the show and this is outside of all the L breaking monstrosity that the show actually is the things that we already know it's doing uh but things that I found well memorable in here is that one saon is now the spaghetti monster Moses Beast Master which I I'll explain in a little bit and two gadriel is now an even more prideful monster that's driven by her desire to destroy Sauron yeah it's the same as last year but boy do they lean into that this time and she's questioning whether or not maybe she really does like how brand maybe she she's you know influenced by him and and that's a problem before I get into more details on this let's let's go over the entire plot of this show there is a d but before I get into that let's go over the entire plot of the show so you know where we're coming from because I know you didn't actually watch it I did that for you so you didn't have to you're welcome so I took it on me to only watch one show today there is no way that I'm going to be doing three at all whatsoever I have a life to live and a smile to maintain so I'm not going to I'm not going to drive myself into that Madness so this is episode one of the Rings of power season 2 starts with a flashback of Sauron real thirst trap that has a vision of power not over not of the flesh but over flesh same thing that Kell bmore said in season 1 remember that and together okay who's writing the show I mean is that a takeaway I have it's it's still the writing is still just a huge problem on the show right they said um he'll bring the people together by enslaving them one we shall use to enslave the peoples of Middle Earth worship as the saviors who finally healed it by bringing its peoples together what okay well uh instead uh instead of bringing people together he is betrayed by Adar at the the worst government meeting since Brutus met with Julius Caesar uh he's he's killed uh and when he dies just like moror was insta created with all this heat we have forward W right the the the cold land kind of above the gray mountains of Middle Earth above where the dwarves would live uh a cold Arctic Wasteland that is now magically created because Sauron dies how long ago did this happen I don't know uh how long does it take to go from that point to the point we have in season 2 episode I don't know cuz details don't matter they don't tell us this but a changes the entire land and so Adar is now freeing the Orcs And siron juices sink down into the roots of the mountain into this puddle that has a taste for Vermin and he becomes a crawling spaghetti monster this black spaghetti thing that just eats bugs and uh rats and and people and eventually he somehow reforms into hbr how I don't know doesn't matter they don't care so we're left with Hal brand looking not the other guy from slow horses the show slow horses the main character I don't know why he changes his look they don't tell us but okay we'll just accept it um and he meets people and he goes on a boat and now we find out oh now we know he's on a boat but do we know how long it took him to become Sauron from when he was killed by AAR nope no clue it's not there it doesn't tell us anything and then the Leviathan attacks the boat like we saw in episode one of season [Music] 1 and it decides not to attack Sauron because we learn he is a Beast Master now he can communicate if we if saon has a power because you know he's a Mayar he has power P Powers but his only his only Power is talking to animals that's the one thing we learn in the show and you'll you'll find that there's one more spot so he has you know he's he's a beast master so he's a spaghetti monster beastmas at this point all right so we move on into uh galadrial chasing hbr you know that happens to gadriel chasing Elon to get the rings that elon's carrying cuz he's he's got to get him to gilgalad and so they have this discussion about about gilgalad wanting uh to know who who Sauron is because or sorry who hbr is because glad wouldn't tell him then she reluctantly tells him and then and then gilgalad says he needs the Rings and elron won't give them up so he leaps off a freaking waterfall no I guess it's like Assassin's Creed right he jumps off takes the leap of faith and survives because everybody survives giant leaps what if we're going to just lean into movie tropes just do it wholeheartedly so now we head over to Mordor Mordor hbr is now taken captive uh he is brought before Adar and Adar recognizes him now as the king of the Southlands but hbr says I know I know that there's a there's a new sorcerer coming uh and if you let me go I'll help you out talk about stupid writing the whole idea that I'm just going to hold back information so you can't kill me in order to do this any real leader would be like no going to kill you I don't need to have you I don't need to be uh indebted to anyone and their information but no no Adar says okay I'll spare your life puts him in Chains uh and Hal brand says the most important thing in the entire thing he says let my people go he's Moses he has to these are his people let my people go really that's the best line you could come up with I think they think they're being smart still I mean we didn't get any rocks look down ships look up in the show but to to to lift the line perhaps the most known statement of Moses right let my people go is what he says to Pharaoh when uh he is called by God in order to to free the the Jews from slavery in Egypt and so Sauron is now Moses so now he is officially Spaghetti Monster Moses Beast Master oh man okay so we move on sorry okay now we get back to our favorite people the not Gandalf and the dirty little sociopaths right they remember they're they're heading to Rune because it's smells better there so why are they going good because they got to go maybe the stars are over there I don't know but it smells better that's what we learned at the end of season one so we learned that uh also that gal is having bad dreams but because this is a poorly written TV show he won't reveal those dreams to Nori the only person Nori is that her name am I remembering that right I think so Nori the only person who's with him who's helping him who says I'll be there with you but will he reveal what's troubling him oh no no we've got to keep that Under Wraps because this is a poorly written TV show so they learn they're just going in circles because they're stupid trees we're going in circles there must be some uh they can't find their way around you know the the the sun would go one way perhaps if you just kept your son to your your left or to your right or whichever way you want to go you'd fall in the right direction and you wouldn't be going in circles or maybe just look at the stars right you you are supposed to be following some Stars so maybe when you at night go that over there where the stars are nope they're just going in circles during the day and there's no power there's nothing that says that they're like they're being manipulated into going in circles they're just stupid that that's what we learn from this part of the show they are just dumb I mean I okay not that we learn learn that now we knew that before right uh uh nobody goes off Trail and nobody walks alone we knew we knew that that they just kill the people who who are injured when they're on their their travels so we already know that they have no ability to actually keep a community together because they just let the poor ones die the poor injured ones die So eventually they're left without food and so not Gandalf explodes a tree and there are bugs that come out and they eat that instead uh and then we learned they're being followed by something somewhere someone okay good fine uh Hal brand is now uh back on the scene he's in Chains he's tortured at beaten by the old man from the Southlands who uh was apparently he's the guy who went and turned the turned the the the McGuffin the sword at the end of episode one anyway he's got some sort of position now of power um uh and then we learn here he's also the war Whisperer so after he's beaten the war is in there there he's in Chains and and saon feeds him a bone and and the war listens and he looks at him and has has soft cuddly eyes and this is what sauron's power is he can control the animals he's he's Aquaman Middle Earth big shift now over to the gray Havens because that's where elron is hiding he survived big shock he survived and he meets Kyan Kyan knows he's there because Kon is Clairvoyant and and says to him Elon is carrying something louder than the sea I perceive you carrying something in your charge something louder than the sea so gilgalad then sends a message to kir to Kell bmore to start the fires back up we've got to make more rings and this is this tortured scene where gig at has to be momentarily aligned with her even though he knows she's the problem he knows she would pridefully not reveal who Sauron really is he knows that they made these rings in secret with cellb rimbor that that have that were influenced by Saron but but he will align with her even though she's the dumbest most self-centered and ridiculously prideful person of the elves like she she's div she's inviting division between the elves and yet he continues to Ally herself with him this is like Adar going with the king of the Southlands uh and letting him have power over him by not revealing the information instead of just killing him off and and dealing with it otherwise so they they create this tenuous Alliance and then G gadriel swears to him that she won't stop until hbr sa and halbro is destroyed but then she realizes because gilgalad has no capability he is simply there as sort of a Pros sounding box to do nothing to drive no plot forward at all she knows she knows somehow that Elon has gone to Kieran how does she know this I don't know someone who could turn the tides his way because it seems like a good idea there's no there's no there's no cue there's no information there's there's nothing that leads up to this crazy idea that she has oh he must be at Kyan that's the only place he could go so we're back to the gry Havens now and Kyan and Elon are talking and then and Kyan apparently all of a sudden realizes that the elves uh the Rings are the only Savior for Middle Earth the only thing that will save Middle Earth are these rings but he hasn't been involved with these rings at all but he's he's now the one making that selfsame argument that gilgalad and and gadriel are making why I don't know it just happens there's no explanation so what's his solution to destroy the Rings to drop them into the ocean and so he sails off into the bay into a Dollar General dinghy uh the the worst possible sailboat that the greatest ship in Middle Earth could possibly [Music] build and the ship it's bumped by who maybe UMO right but why I don't know it just happens things just happen with that like there's no reason why all of a sudden so the bumping right he's about to drop in the water and the bumping oh he drops it and then oh the ring makes a tinkly winkly sound and then he looks at it longingly they have this weird idea that these rings are bad and let's not forget that these Rings were made without sinon's influence by by tolken right saon was not there at all when the three rings were made and they were made last after all the rings of men after all the uh Dwarven Rings they were made last so there was no influence by sour at all but somehow they have this call to them so even to Kiran the oldest the literally the oldest and most wise elf who lived in Middle Earth at this time he cannot Escape their tinkly winkly clutches and then we go back to Rune because Gandalf and Lori are literally setting up a trip wire to catch the person who's following them a small little trip wire between two rocks set up to catch whatever is following them because we've seen an evil sort of um uh like a plague mask looking character that on a ridge at some point oh look it's Poppy another freaking dirty little sociopath exactly what we wanted because they can't do anything except have their own Samm and froto of course you are and I'm coming with you and what we learn is now you know Gandalf is stupid Nori is stupid but poppy she's got the answer she brought the map and they know that in order to find their way so they don't go around in circles cuz they don't know how to follow the path of the sun or look at the stars or anything like that they know they need to sing the song sing the song from last from last yearing far away a walking song I think it's some kind of directions where it has all the clues in the song of where to go o why does this song have this I don't know what what is this path that they're taking I don't know why did they give us any hints about this never did but somehow the song magically now is is the path the they must take it gives them all the clues to the places they must go and then they get to Rune in that really awkward Rune right on the screen welcome so we go from here to hbr Back In Chains Adar tells tells tells Hal brandthe King of the Southlands uh the story of his life how he was selected by morth as one of 13 to have power but he was changed into hunger and thirst and then saon came and gave him some red wine and it brought him back from the brink and so he loves this saon and saon when how br's sitting there he has a little tear running down his cheek they're trying to make hbr into this into this character that we can identify with that that we have compassion for that we find uh some reason for what he's doing right he cannot be a bad guy he somehow has to be has to have a good side right because everything is gray now no more black and white let's just throw gray into the mix and throw a big old sludge of gray goo onto this story that tolken told and nothing has any moral perspective anymore he now vows to serve Adar for to the end of his days and the rest of adar's days o wink wink nudge nudge you know how that goes you know only until you survive Adar so maybe he's going to die so after we we find Hal Brown and chains we get the worst possible lip syncing since Millie vanil with gilgalad singing the song of we're peace outing to valanor we're done we're gone Middle Earth isn't for us anymore it's fading goodbye when again let's read what tolken said in the silmarilion in of the Rings of power in the third age these three Elven Rings s desired to possess them most for those who wore them for those who had them in their keeping could ward off the decays of time and postpone the weariness of the world what the elves felt was not the the decay of Middle Earth it was the weariness of the world right and they were the outcasts of valinor and because they were Outcast they were wearing of Middle Earth the the weariness of being alive in this land would would bear down on them heavy and the Rings the three rings would ward off that decay that feeling but here it literally Wards off a physical nothing that is killing their trees and so he sings the worst possible lip sying since Milly vanil and uh uh uh Kyan comes in oh he's wearing the ring now yay uh which means that then um the tinkly winkly Rings uh drop down the steps land at galadriel's feet she puts it on uh gilad puts it on uh the tree starts glowing like the Trees of Valor like laurelin right it's glowing gold now all of a sudden because they're wearing because remember what what's in the Rings remember it's mithil mithril is the magic metal that's making it happen mithil is what's bringing it all back so why do they need rings I don't know why can't they just like like get some mithil and like you know sprinkle it around the base of the tree the the Rings it they don't explain any of the power the Rings actually have in fact the Rings don't do anything until this scene there is nothing that shows the Rings have any power at all because in this right in this story The Rings are there to hold back the physical decay of Middle Earth not warding off the decays of time and postponing the weariness of the world but literally the physical destruction of Middle Earth that's what this these mythal magic rings are doing but we don't see any of that happening until the elves put them on because somehow the elves have a magical ability that then also Wards off the Decades of time anyway I I I my mind drives itself into madness when I try to think about how they're trying to establish what these Rings actually do because they don't show us at all that these rings have any power until this point and then we get the possibly the the most awkwardly posed shot in the history of Television Cinema when they stick they stick their hands together with the Rings the three of them like up in the air and they're kind of shaking a little bit what what why who would decided this was a good look this is this is like a bad pose for a Vanity Fair cover it it it doesn't look good you can tell that they're just posing here and why would you stand there together with two other people and just hold your hands together like oo by the power of three let it be I don't know like it's some sort of stupid uh you know by three there is balance is what gadriel said but why is there balance by three CU I don't know when you have three it's really hard to balance things unless you have a cool fidget spinner with three sides I don't get it uh I don't think they get it but they threw it out there because that's all that they've got okay so now we're almost done I am so sorry for going so long we are now at the new Forge that Kell rimbor is doing with his uh uh Apprentice don't know her name yet but she's Al obviously going to be awesome forgive me my Lord so how brand then he he he escaped uh in Chains right he escaped the uh the the Southlands and on his horse he goes all the way the hundreds of miles back into Aion how long does it take I don't know is is he wearing the same sure he is he's wearing the same clothes does he have anything on the horse to show that it's been long no no he's just he just showed up it's like that point in season 1 when Kell rimbor and elron walked in their afternoon Sunday Garb over to the doors of Moria to walk in when really that was I think we what we say like 100 something miles 80 miles I can't remember exactly it's a long distance but the details don't matter and time frames don't aren't they don't care about the time that that things actually take so that's why in the very beginning we don't know how long it's been since Adar killed Sauron and Sauron became a spaghetti monster black spaghetti monster and then we don't know here at the end how long it took how brand to make it from Mordor over to Orion because the details don't matter in this show they never have the writing I mean it matters to them they're just really bad at it so the the this the show ends how brand shows up at the doors to the single door here I guess to regon to wherever Kell bribor is with his uh with his Forge and uh he wants entry and Kell bmbo has this little smile like yes you helped me by coaxing the metal by by creating this magical thing I've never heard of before as a metalsmith called an alloy you did it how brand so there you have it that's episode one better than SE episode one of season 1 probably but I think that's primarily because there were no no horrible lines like uh rocks look down and ships look up they weren't trying to be smart and coming off incredibly stupid but we still have the same problems things just randomly happen in the show why does Sauron have a relationship with the animals I don't know why does gadriel know that elron went to Kieran ah we don't have to show that she just knows how does Kieran know that Elon is carrying something louder than the sea I don't know he's just a smart Clairvoyant kind of guy how does Kieran also know that destroying the Rings would be abandoning Middle Earth to its fate I don't know didn't show that he just kind of knows I guess how does poppy know to bring the map to Gandalf and Nori the other you know dirty little sociopaths trying to find their way who are stupid and got lost in the bright sunlight of every day how does she know to bring that I don't know she just did so everything happens without setup it's all prosaic nonsense with very little action you know I I harp on this all the time with bad TV it's like it's like a a bad book right you show you don't hell and this show suffers in and out all the time from telling us everything instead of showing us anything so is it is it is it better than season one I have to say the the writing isn't as stupid um the acting is is just as bad but I just don't have any I don't care about any of these characters um they're just they're they're going down the path of uh farther a field from what tolken wrote and as a purist tolken fan I always want to see what he wrote on the screen and I know a lot of people they're like they pursue tolken into any direction right they will take him with them and say like we are here on the edges of some random place and we will take tolken with us and we'll just stick his names onto here and uh we'll call it tolken but I I don't buy that right to be tolking it has to follow what he wrote we're also going to have a an in-depth review Michael and I from our podcast exploring tolken we'll be looking at this in depth uh that should release tomorrow if you're looking at it the day that this releases but uh that that will be more in depth and we'll talk more and more detail about what tolken have I just want to kind of give you a quick overview of episode one so you don't have to watch it because I did the pain for you you're welcome