Overcoming Domestic Violence: My Story of Survival

[Music] this what happen when I think about you I get in my feelings I start [Music] reminising hey guys it's C girl beauty here and I am back with a different video today I guess you can call it a story time I wanted to wait until the month of October to share this with you all but it's been pressing on my heart so I'm going to go ahead and do that now I pray that I can get through it without tearing up because I don't want to mess my makeup uh because I am at work while I shoot this video this is the most quiet time of the day for me so I figured maybe I could get it out really quick for you guys this is a story time of how I survive domestic violence and when you think of domestic violence we normally think of physical domestic violence but there is also mental there's emotional there's Financial um there is sexual so domestic violence incorporates a lot of Arenas and I know this because I did so many studies in college on domestic violence not that I was fascinated with the subject it's because I grew up with it and here is my story of domestic violence my mother was the mother of eight children um by two separate men my sister and I the one that's right underneath me um we share the same father and then my last six siblings share the same father whom my mother was married to he was a very controlling and a abusive man and stick around because I want you to stick around to the end of this video because I'm going to share something that's to me that's totally amazing and I think you'll find it maybe not amazing but shocking as well but anyway my mother was was with this man and um she suffered so much abuse at the hand of this guy my she suffered a lot of abuse at the hands of my stepfather my mother worked full-time job um she did not learn how to drive until she was 25 and I believe that was so he could keep her home and always knew where she was but at the age of 25 she learned how to drive he bought her a car my mother worked at vasic pickle plant um so now I'm sure you guys have all heard bassics my mother worked full time there for a lot of years um he was very very controlling my mom had to always walk on eggshells which meant that we had to always walk on eggshells the least of the thing would literally set him off like my mom couldn't go anywhere she could go to work but she couldn't go anywhere she you know he always wanted her to be home uh when she did go places now we're talking about somebody that's 25 plus years old well until her 30s um well until her 40s you know this was still going on this went on over the course of at least 20 years okay um well I'm going to say about I'm going to say about 15 years okay um so we're talking about a grown woman who really couldn't go anywhere couldn't have any friends um she would have to sneak and go places um like if she wanted to go play cards with her friends or she wanted to go to her cousin's house and hang out um she would literally have to sneak or she would have to go let me backtrack my stepdad was he lived he lived Part Town parttime in a in another town that was about an hour away from us because that's where he he worked okay and I'm going to tell you about his job a little bit later on but that's where he worked so on the days that he was off he would come to where we are where we lived and that would be held every day that he was there honestly he he dranked a lot his his his drink of choice was Jen No Chaser just straight Jen always kept a bottle of Jen in his back pocket he would have us children outside in the cold doing things um it didn't matter how cold it was it didn't matter how hot it was what matter was was we had to do what he said do because if if we didn't then we would get in trouble as well or he would get mad at my mom and take it out on her and we didn't want that so I'm the days that he was not there on the days that he was in his hometown my mom would go places she would go play cards with her friends or go to bingo you know things like that if he called the house we had a back in this time we didn't have cell phones we had the phone the rotary phones you if any of you over 50 you know what I'm talking about the rotary phones he would call the house and if my mom was not there we as children would have to lie and say oh she ran to the store or you know she was somewhere excuse me safe you know we didn't want him to think that she was somewhere playing cards or hanging out or anything like that because we didn't want her to get in trouble now here we are young children I'm the oldest and here we are teenagers pre-teen elementary school kids lying for our mother taking up for our mother so she wouldn't get in trouble as it were so uh we would do that so she would be able to um go out and have fun so there there were times where he would pull up and we didn't know that he was pulling up and so our front door had a a peephole on it so every time we would hear a car we would look out the peephole and see if it was him if it was him and my mom was not home we would call my mother real quick now mind you we were not really allowed to use the phone we couldn't call anybody nobody call us he was very controlling we couldn't even watch TV and I'll get to that but we would have to call my mom real quick and say hey he's here and my mom will rush home and because my mom was not there when he got there that turned into an argman now um now we lived in the shotgun house and if any of you from down south you know what that means so uh there weren't a lot of rooms the walls were not very isolated so we heard everything so once my mom would got would get home we knew to go in the back of the house and all you would hear is furniture moving you would hear lick sounding off you would hear my mother's scream you would hear my mother cry and it just went on until you know he got tired my mom never fought back not from what I could see um and as children you know to sit there and to just hear your mom being beaten on and there's nothing that you can do because I mean you're a child what are you supposed to do you know and um it was it was it was horrific it was hard and so we just had to literally sit there until he felt like he was done so this went on for many many years um my mother was probably 36 years old 37 something like that when she finally she finally got the strength to leave I remember um I had joined the military and because I I I had to get away um I had to get away I couldn't I graduated high school at 17 and I was not ready to go to college at that time and I did not want to stay home so my only option was the military because I had to get out that house because not only was he abusive to my mother he was abusive to to us especially me and my sister that share a different father okay so it's like he showed preferential treatment toward his kids and he did to us my father was not allowed to see us my father was not allowed to visit with us U my father moved away to California when I was four our me and my sister Our Father moved away to California we were four sorry sorry about the lighting and so when my father would come home to visit because my my father's family still lived in the same Hometown we were not allowed to see my dad even my graduation high school graduation my dad was not allowed to come to my graduation and my mother did so many things that I know she didn't want to do but she wanted to keep the peace I mean because who wants to get well done all the time and and and we understood I understood um so I graduated high school I left and I and I went on to the Army I got pregnant when I was 19 that same year I got pregnant my mother got pregnant with my brother now mind you my mother has eight children she had seven girls and then she finally had a boy so my mom and I were pregnant at the same time so I happened to be home on leave um when my son was probably about 9 months old which made my brother about 10 months old because my brother was born in July of ' 89 and my son was born in October of ' 89 so they were only a few months apart so I happened to be home on leave uh and um I was at my mother-in-law's house because I had married um at that time I was married to my children's father so I happen to be at my mother-in-law's house and I get no let me back up I was home on leave and then I got a call yeah I got a call from my mom and um let me back up guys cuz I'm all over the place so when I I I left home at 17 to go to the military uh which left my sister right up under me that shares the same father as I do she was about 16 when I left home I was almost 18 I turned 18 in basic training so I had left home and my sister was still there now mind you I said that he treated us differently than he treated his children so while I was gone again he was my mother was still there with him and they had gotten into it and so my sister decided she was leaving and so my sister left and she ended up moving to California where my biological father lives and she still lives there to this day um in La so while I was home on leave I got another call from my mom and my my mom said to come and get me because mind you she had a car but he would he would break the car he would do things to the car to keep her from from leaving to keep her from you know from going anywhere now my mother my mother was raised by her godmother which we call our grandma and while my grandmother was alive he was the perfect perfect gentleman perfect man but as soon as my grandmother passed it's like he knew my mom had nobody else she had God sisters and she had cousins but she really had nobody no immediate family and he knew that so he and he isolated her from the family and friends that she did have you know cuz he controlled everything surrounding her and us we couldn't have friends we couldn't use the phone we couldn't talk on we we couldn't watch TV if we watched TV uh and he showed up he would go feel the back of the TV to see if the TV was warm and if it had been watched on the rare occasions we did get to watch TV we can only watch PBS which if you're my age a little bit older or below you know what PBS is just the educational Channel that's all we were allowed to watch so I was home on leave my mom called me and said hey come pick me up when I got there her face was all bloody um her eyes were all blacked she had my little brother who was a baby in her arm and she was sitting outside in the driveway and all the rest of my sisters that were all younger than me were standing out there with her um she said to comp me up so like I said when I got there this is what I saw when I got there and she had the baby in her hands and she he was still there now mind you uh when I went I took my then husband with me because I knew excuse me I knew what type of person that he was and so I wasn't going to go by myself so I left my baby with my mother-in-law my then mother-in-law and me and my my ex-husband went to go pick my mom up and when I got there like I said she was sitting outside in the driveway beaten with my sisters and stuff standing around her so my mom said I'm leaving and then he told her that if you leave then I'm going to pick you guys off one by one this is what he said to her if you leave I'm going to pick you off one by one my mother who finally found her voice after all these years said well you better start picking so yeah so he told my mom if you leave I'm going to pick you all off one by one now mind you these were his children as well and my mother said well you better start picking so I picked my mother up we took her to my auntie's house ironically enough my dad's sister we took her to my auntie's house and she stayed with that Aunt on my father's side my Aunt Karen I love her to death God Rest her soul she stayed with her until she was able to get on her feet my mother got her a house she continued to work and to her credit unlike so many others she never went back and believe me he tried but my mother knew that he had not changed and if she go if she were to go back um how it would be my mother had tasted Freedom okay and I know she did not want to go back into bondage now let me tell you when I say I survived my survival I saw so much at the hands of my stepfather I experienced so much at the hands of my stepfather till it made me say you know what I'm not going to deal with that I'm not going to put up with that from anybody you know I'm not going to let a man put his hands on me I'm not um and I never did I'm I'm not this strong woman I'm very demure I'm very docile I'm very humble but God did bless me with the discernment of spirit and so I have been fortunate enough not to have experienced any type of physical abuse now there are other types of abuse out there uh mental emotional and I will talk about that at a later time but I did not I did I'm going to throw this a caveat in there I did experience some sexual abuse um at the hands of my stepfather my sister and I but I'm not going to talk about that um maybe in a subsequent video but I did not let that Define me I came out of that as well I am almost 55 let me tell you guys how horrific my child who was I am almost 55 years old and I still have nightmares about this man my stepfather my mother passed away at 51 51 years old he had put so much stress on my mom like she had gone through so much dealing with this man that at 51 she stroked out like and I'm not saying that that was the only cause but it it it didn't sorry cuz I'm not supposed to cry I have another video I wanted to later today and I don't want to mess my makeup up but my mother left this world at 51 she was still young she was still a young woman she had so much life to leave to live and guess what guess who's still living that Old Devil he's in his early 70s now my mother passed away in 2003 I have not seen him since my mother's funeral and I and I don't say that I hate people because God that's not godly it's not Christlike but I hate the person that he is and if I never see him again I'm okay with that even a lot of my siblings that are his biological children don't mess with him come to find out now this man has six kids by my mother come to find out he's claiming about 20 some more kids which means that he had lots of other kids outside of the marriage uh with my mom you know outside the marriage with my mom so he's got outside kids he says it's got about 30 I believe him I have not seen this man since 2003 my mother's funeral and if I never see him again I'm okay with that the day I get the call that he's left this world I may go to the funeral and when I go it's going to be just look over The Cask and say so he's dead huh and then I'm going to go to his house and I'm going to take all the stuff that he took from my mother my grandmother left my stuff so left my mom so many antiques so many different things that he took from her that he would not allow her to have B and I want those things bad and I'm going to get them back and before I end this video um I want to say that although before I end this video I want to say if you are watching oh sorry I said I was going to share something shocking with you about my stepfather do you want to know what my stepfather did for a living while he was being this horrible horrible person while he was coming home nearly every day beating his wife molesting his stepchildren uh doing all these horrible things trying to flirt with my friends teenage friends do you know what he did for a living he was a chief of police yep you heard me right he was a chief of police so who who was my mom going to tell H who is she going to call was she going to call the police she never called the police and you can understand why why would she he's a chief he's a chief a police so she endured until she had had enough and then she left so as I closed because I don't want to I better stop before I before I mess up my makeup as I close if any of you be it male or female are experiencing any type of domestic abuse at the hands of your husband or even at the hands of your spouse because even in gay and lesbian relationships abuse does occur it does so if you are experiencing any type of abuse please please I implore you if not for your sake then for your children's sake if not for your sake then for the sake of your children please leave please get out abuse call causes so much not just to you as the batter spouse but it causes your children nightmares it causes them anxiety it messes them up in a relationship and you mothers you don't want your sons growing up to think it's okay to treat his woman like this you don't want your daughters growing up to think it's okay to allow a man or a woman to treat her like this you don't want them seeing that because that's what you're doing by staying and I know it's easier said than done for some people I know that a lot of time abusers cut us off from our family members they cut us off financially especially if you're not working if you are working you may have to give them your check so I know you have to plan your your escape and some instances you have to plan your Escape but do that and even if you can't plan it ahead of time they have batter women shelters okay it may not be what you want but it may be what you need at that time to save your life and the life of your children please please get away I am so glad my mother never went back I am so happy that when she left she stayed gone she not she did not go back one time and I think they were they never officially got divor divorced so legally they were still married when my mother passed away but she left when my brother was less than a year old and she passed away when my brother was 14 so when she left she stayed gone 14 years until the Lord called her home was it a struggle for her to raise those children on her own yes but guess what by this time I was in the military and I would send my mom money home to help her my sister that Liv in La she would send my M my mother money home to help her she would buy my mother's prescription she would send my mother whatever she needed my mother had tasted free and she did not want to go back so if you are watching this video and you are in an abusive relationship marriage whatever please I beg of you to get out to get help if not for your sake then for the sake of your children believe me it affects them more than you realize it mother s you don't want your daughters to think it's okay for a man or a woman to put them to put their hands on them you don't want your sons to think it's okay to put their hands on their spouse on their girlfriends whomever domestic violence occurs in heterosexual and gay relationships it is not okay let's teach our sons and our daughters that it is not okay by removing ourselves from these situations it affects your children more than you think more than you believe believe believe me when I tell you this I still have scars from that and I am 55 years old if you don't do it for yourself do it for your children there is help out there A lot of times our abusers Cuts all from financial and and our family and friends where we feel like we have no help but there are shelters out there for battered women and although that may not be where you want to be that may be where you need to be if it means saving yourself and saving your children then please go until you can get on your feet there is help for you there is I promise you and once you leave don't go back because it doesn't get any better I'm so proud that my mother left and I'm so proud that she never went back I'm so thankful for that that she found her strength and like she found hers with eight kids you can find yours too please whatever you do leave and don't look back thank you so much for watching this video video please like comment and subscribe and share please share this may be of use to someone else okay and just remember mothers fathers because men are abused too think of your children if not for you then for them they don't need to see this I heard every lick I heard every cry and it's such a helpless feeling it is such a helpless feeling so please don't do this to your children and don't do it to yourself yourself okay get out get help if you are a victim of domestic violence my email is in my um it's attached to my bio on here if you need to reach out if you just need someone to listen to I am available please shoot me an email okay anyway until next time have a blessed day and I'll talk to you soon bye-bye