Good Tidings citizens of brain topless welcome to the 9s I'm taking you back to 1994's Jurassic Park a movie that feels like the first time every time you watch it so you know it's going to be a trip for me subscribe to the channel like the video do that now while the intro song plays quickly while supplies last and let's reload Jurassic Park we start out on an island and I don't know how but they convinced this black guy and his Latino co-workers to do scary stuff in the jungle at night it's definitely Dollar Store Safari action figures fault his name is malun and he's bringing in a monster crate the scariest way possible gatee keeper this is Joffrey Jurassic Park's Master gatekeeper raise the gate we find out that Joffrey nah this was never going to work out [Music] shootter shoot her now we're in Montana where we find out that digging for dinosaurs is not as exciting as it sounds more like a 6ot turkey this cat gets the idea we meet paleontologist Allan Grant he doesn't appreciate this kid's precociousness when is hey settle down man it does look like a turkey a little that's his girlfriend or something her name is we'll Circle back around to that a helicopter drops in and they don't like that but I don't know why because it look looks like it saved them about 8 dig days they walk into their trailer and this guy is in here apparently trying to get effed up hey we were saving now you about to get knocked out you know how hard it is to get champagne out here in the desert John Hammond turns out he's a super rich guy named John Hammond and he needs them to come to his new park and endorse it biological preserve he's not here to answer any poor people questions though no doubt our attractions will drive what kind of attractions you got what are those don't worry about it yeah but what kind of Park is it he's not telling them a damn thing it's right up your alley and they run out of questions as soon as he offers money and now they're going to let this suspicious billionaire with boundary issues whisk them away to a secret Island right now before they have a chance to tell their loved ones where they're going meanwhile this dude NRI is getting getting a sack full of money to steal research from Hammond's company this is important because he's about to make this situation a whole lot more exciting you so that's great we meet Dr I Malcolm he's a weirdly sexy half man half fly he's also a mathematician who's an expert in chaos theory chaotician chaotician that basically means he goes around saying that's not going to work out the concept of Attraction what I'm saying is I might be an expert in Chaos Theory so they land in the jungle and finally find out what they're doing here yo they got real life dinosaurs here and they are incredible we have a T-Rex yeah for real welcome to Jurassic [Music] Park Hammond takes them to the visitor center where they learn how they brought back d dinosaurs using rotten Dino blood and mixing in a few other things it's it's real scientifical they bust into the lab Ellie her name is Ellie Sadler I know these things they bust into the lab where this egg is hatching is this thing cute I don't know it's little they tell us that they've made all the dinosaurs female so they can't reproduce on their own but Ian is like that's not going to work out life uh finds a way we swing over to the Raptor pen where this bull is having the time of his [Music] life it was probably pretty quick I only heard one moose Grant is the wrong kind of excited about this uh Safari guy tells them Yo Raptors are effing wild and they're astonishing jumpers hey stop talking to him about Raptors he's going to make a mess and now Hammond's grandkids are here Grandpa Grant still wishes he could be a raptor and he just keeps asking himself how long it would take to open this kid's guts hey hey weird little kid you should be somewhere else this sure don't look like BR to me Sam Jackson is here guys hold on to your butts the tour starts and music swells and it's about to be on hell yeah but hell no because it's not on there's no dinosaurs in the first pen allowing the and now there's no T-Rex hey did you trick us into a Botanical Garden they put this sexy ass goat here for T-Rex but he's resisting the Temptation want to be fatty wants to hunt anyway this whole park is whack now eventually you do plan to have dinosaurs on your for real Malcolm this cat tries to explain Chaos Theory but Ellie just doesn't get it he like if I put a drop of water on here and it goes this way and I put another drop of water in the same spot what's it going to do same no girl it's not going to work out you really don't get Chaos Theory it doesn't actually matter though because he was just looking for an excuse to touch her hand they hate Hammond's stupid tree tour so they jump out of the car how many times we needed locking mechanisms on the vehicle doors apparently they've been arguing about whether or not they need locks on the car doors are you serious this Triceratops is sick and immediately they're like let's touch it come on it's okay you're going to catch small poox it's interesting all right that's a pretty cool moment Ellie really wants that prehistoric polio so she's like I want to see the doooo dino dropping dropping she goes shoulder deep in that Dookie too Malcolm doesn't know which way the drops would go now but he's on point with his hand washing advice you will remember to wash your hands before you eat anything doctors if you please I have to insist that we get moving you're not getting in the car with us you clearly just crapped your pants go with Ellie it's time for NRI to put his mission impossible plan into action first come up with a cover story from where you're going P sweets and I think I'm going to get something salt I thought maybe some that's good that's good snacks they're going to believe that one next we need an explanation for the phones and security system going down piling for just play for a while but there nothing to worry about just simple thing perfect now creep upstairs like a stealthy Panther so far so Mission Impossible the fences are beginning to shut down and they definitely bought that story about NRI being hungry fine NRI check the vending machines meanwhile NRI is racing [Music] away the Jeeps are shut down and it's super scary here I didn't say I was scary I didn't say it was scared I know hey it's too scary out here for these types of games sit down or I'm going to put you with the [Music] goat and here we get one of the coolest monster introductions of all time oh crap Jesus damn DED lawyer wow yeah sweet get its attention oh my goodness Grant draws the T-Rex's attention with a flare and it's starting to work out but Malcolm hates it when other people get attention oh that was a lucky break I know we all say it a lot but thank goodness for lawyers [Music] wait how did T-Rex scale this back at the compound Hammond finally decides that it might be time to get the kids out of it and bring back my R yeah I guess I can't get Jurassic Park back online without Dennis NRI NRI is trying to get to the dock to complete his genius plan but I was actually tricking you about his genius plan he's dumb as hell and now his Jeep is stuck he's not far from the dock so he athletically rolls into [Music] action this demonic looking nightmare shows up and nri's not too concerned Play Pets listen I know it's making a tiny sound but you're kind of shrugging off a prehistoric Komodo dragon yeah see these things are sneaky too it blinds him and then hides in his car as a prank got him so they're down here now and Timmy's up there stuck in a tree but Grant can't fight his nature and he's like that looks dangerous I'm going to go up there and it is tense oh holy crap leave him go go go go Tim go I still think you should have left me well we're back in the car again sometime later Ellie and moldun show up at the Jeep they find Dr Malcolm and hey that shirt was not unbuttoned when you fell here don't even try to blame that on the dinosaurs I guess it's been a while because Ellie even drops down to where the Jeep fell and they're nowhere in sight oh we're doing this again Drive Away leave them listen don't get stuck in Jurassic Park with me I would abandon you immediately I'm not a good friend come on come on we got to get out of here got to get out of LLY they're not really into the whole searching thing so they're back within minutes they book it out of there and barely make it out Grant and the kids decide to climb a tree yo what are you doing don't the monsters come over here not monsters next are just animals and these are herb for yeah so are rhinos and hippos sit down Maniac Hammond's eating ice cream and after possibly losing his grandkids he's having some real regrets about Jurassic Park this was a mistake not the park the park is dope you're right you're absolutely right Haring NY was a mistake that's obvious we're over dependent on I can see that now now the next you have other grandkids next time it'll be flaw right we have to try again that's what's important here it's all an illusion but I made she tries to explain how she sees it but that makes precisely zero sense to him that matters Ellie Ellie stop it everything about this was a great idea eat some ice cream Grant finds dinosaur eggs and he loses his damned mind dinosaur egg hey what are you thinking of doing to those eggs man my grandpa said I was on for girl it turns out the dinosaurs are super Progressive here and they're like Love Is Love man and love found a way life found a way you're right grant life found a way they're probably not very loving about it speaking of Love why is this cat smoldering so hard here this is too hot but also why is his belly button so big it looks like it has a bottom lip Hammond is working out a risky plan and Sam Jackson immediately knows they're going to volunteer him for it somebody else because I won't do it people people are dying Sam Jackson that's what's important here risk your life for us hold on to your butts he resets the system and now he's just got to go out and flip a couple of breaks see it's not as bad as you thought Sam jaon 3 minutes I can have power back on the entire park Grant and the kids are crossing a field when these goofy dinosaurs decide they're going to do a Lion King on them a T-Rex shows up and I think this girl is not safe with these two Psychopaths but you never look at Birds the same way again little weirdo we bring sexy back in a bunker where Ellie and the others are waiting for Sam Jackson to turn on the power it's been a while so it's possible he just ran away Ellie and the crocodile hunter are going to have to turn the power on themselves they go outside with just the one slow ass weapon and they find out the Raptors have escaped but they don't go back into the bunker for more guns and when he sees one of the Raptors he doesn't shoot it in the face the bushes straight instead he's like run out there Ellie run and she doesn't even ask for a stick she just [Music] goes Grant and the kids make it to another fence it's supposed to be electrified but it looks like the power's still off what the hell is your problem that's not funny you know what never mind the T-Rex is coming start climbing meanwhile Ellie makes it to the breaker box thing awesome because this is not the worst possible time for the power to come back on she does all the stuff to turn it on and it looks like Grant's finally going to be rid of this kid I'm not going to jump don't jump then but you're going to die Grant is fighting his biology like I've got to touch that fence too but before he can go up there Timmy is struck by lightning and all his movie knowledge is gone whoa there's a raptor and I did not remember there was a raptor and it was scary as hell Sam Jackson shows up just in time Mr Arnold oh no he shot Nick [Music] Fury mun is tracking one of the Raptors and he finally gets it into his sights okay now is a great time to start getting this gun ready get her Safari guy clever girl goodbye Safari Guy back to Timmy Grant accidentally revives him and now he cares about children he loves kids he believes the children are the future so they get to the visitors center where Grant promptly abandons the children I'll be back soon he finds Ellie outside and she's like there's dangerous Monsters and he's like I want to see they find a bunch of food they're so happy but there's a raptor here so don't be happy anymore they hide in the kitchen and holy crap the Raptors are terrifying this kid scene is tense this Raptor's just about to grab a piece of Timmy when his sister risks her life to distracted and that was a pretty slick fake out this whole scene is awesome you're lucky as hell kid they meet up with Grant denelli and run to the control room one of the Raptors shows up up and tries to come with I'm not buying that these two full-grown adults can't hold this one Raptor back these things are supposed to weigh like 60 lb I'm bite-sized and I could hold that back what I'm saying is I'm pretty sure I could beat up a raptor they hacked this state-of-the-art Minecraft and the doors locked but the Raptors bust in and they have to John mlan it they followed the air ducts all the way into the very next room 20 ft away but somehow that's not quite far enough they're about to be eaten when the T-Rex busts in and Saves the Day damn he manhandles these Raptors I could beat up a raptor so they get on a helicopter and they're all sad now especially Dr Malcolm who did his whole greasy chest thing and it didn't work he feels like such a failure and there's birds outside because the dinosaurs look like big turkeys I guess or because you'll never look at Birds the same again probably the turkeys the end Jurassic Park this movie is super dope from the effects that hold up perfectly three decades later to the memorable characters this movie is incredible do you think you might also be a raptor sexual now not me I want Dr Malcolm to gently teach me chaos theory on my hand let me know in the comments which sexy beast did it for you and let me know which 9s m I need in the brain Banks next till next time break of