remembering 9/11 experiences + quitting smoking + bpd relationship updates ~ livestream

Hello everybody welcome welcome welcome to the stream channel members I'm so glad you all could be here today uh welcome to any new members who are joining us and I keep trying to fix my nose ring and it just won't it just wants to be crooked today I don't know what to tell you let me pop out my chat here oh let me can I change the latency oh I think I have this on normal latency okay well there might be a little bit of a delay I forgot to put it on ultra low so sorry if there's a little bit of a delay between what I'm saying and what you guys are saying uh hello angel har hello Elizabeth VM Nathan Emma uh who else is here I just plant and see what [Music] happens Theo hello Theo thank you I just washed my hair this morning and I put the curl cream in it and I don't know this this um like $ Five Doll curl cream I'm using I don't think it's working for me that well um it doesn't really hold for that long hello Autumn hello amethyst hello Nikki Lisa Eva um but I got my Pros in the mail you guys I got the pros so I got a special specially formulated shampoo conditioner and curl cream and I'm going to be making a vlog about it it's probably not going to be till next week because this week is so busy um so I don't even want to try it until I try it on the Vlog hello Sarah hello Jess um today there is uh let me see Hello Co Cohen coin I don't know how to say your name hello Holly where's William you love the video yesterday I'm so glad you did on him oh my God you wouldn't you wouldn't believe the amount of drunkenness I had to cut out of that video hello mind and soul oh welcome to your first member stream I'm so glad you could join us hello Hendrick Nathan um we're going to do tarot today at the end of the stream okay because we got Nate in here to keep up with the list for us and keep the list I call you coin that's what I'm going to call you I don't even know if I'm saying that right William will be here I think he usually works during this time uh so I hope you guys are having a good week a good day I have been editing all morning trying to get the room makeover Vlog out for you guys so I actually filmed so much on Sunday that I ended up splitting it into two I think I haven't finished yet but I think I'm going to split it into two Vlogs one for the room makeover and one is going to be the members Vlog for what we do after the room makeover I think that's how it's going to go because right now I think I'm already up to like 20 minutes on that Vlog uh thank you sky and hello uh I'm so glad you guys like the travel Vlogs we had a blast on our our trip um but yeah now now it's back to mundane life we got to get our houses sorted out it's cool here today it feels really nice I think it's like in the s or it says it's 86 but it does not feel like 86 out there it's cloudy I just took the dogs out a little while ago and it was felt cool to me Chicago was so clean VM like I was really surprised I loved it Theo says the video was so fun hello Mary Theo says the video was so fun Real Love is drunk women meeting other drunk women I know man and I'm like I'm like one of those when I get real drunk I'm like one of those people that I just think everybody is so gorgeous and beautiful and I just like tell everybody I meet how pretty they are I'm like oh my God Cindy shut up makes you want to go to the French Quarter I want to go to the French Quarter hey Debbie glad you could join us uh hello Flo yes we did have a great time thank you I know I know so the next Vlog that's coming out today later on today once I finish it is uh us working on Ted's house so that's we have I actually I'm actually having fun working on his house like it's pretty fun for me but it is like work you know but it's enjoyable you've had all four seasons today Emma how safe did they those cities feel compared to Hot Springs I never felt like any kind of danger at all in any of the places that we went everywhere we went felt really safe to me like I never felt weird there was never like bunch of shady people or any shady [ __ ] going like everything felt really safe when we stayed in Chicago we pretty much just stayed in the downtown like tourist areas except for when we ubered to Medieval Times um Memphis felt really safe to me I know it's supposedly not it's supposed to there's supposed to be a lot of crime there but the people were so awesome and same thing in St Louis I never felt people were like you're in the crime ridden areas and I was like didn't seem like it to me I love it I love to go explore new places it's my favorite thing to do in the world is to go to different places that I've never been and have new experiences or even places I've been before and have new experiences that I haven't had before I want to see everything that the that the world the country has to offer your dad's a handy man so you can relate to the fun slor aspect yeah I love going on road trips I'm going on two more road trips within like the next month well not maybe next six weeks oh you sent a spiritual banhammer to guard me Nathan it worked St Louis was empty it was really strange um but like a lot of people left comments and said that they you know that it's usually dead down there when there's not like a sports game and that there I know there are other places in St Louis we were only there for one night so I know there are probably other places that are a little bit more lively we could have gone to and in fact the bartender at our hotel was telling us a place to go see live music but we just didn't have time we had to go to bed I have been to I have been through the Smokies I've driven through them when I was 17 I drove through the Smoky Mountains most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life but I would really like to go back and spend some time there I love cheesy touristy stuff I love it I want to see all the cheesy touristy I love the cheesy touristy stuff in my own town Ted's been to see an opera and he said it was really awesome so I'll probably go to one eventually should you build a Park Laundromat or a restaurant um I think laundromat sounds the most fun out of those three if I go to New Orleans you're coming to I definitely want to go to New Orleans again cuz like I said I haven't been since I was 18 oh I love the ghost towns and stuff we have one of those in Arkansas VM we have a ghost town in Arkansas like an abandoned town that looks like it did way back in the 1800s or whenever it was abandoned and I really want to visit there and uh Vlog it for you guys yeah nobody bothered us everybody that we talked to on all of our travels was so cool like we just I don't know me and Ted are both like weirdo magnets but the good kind of weirdos so everywhere we go we just end up like meeting the coolest people used to live close to Bourbon and French way back wind wow that's awesome you made eye contact with a black bear on a Mountaintop Theo wow Counting Crows playing on the car radio my first spiritual experience that sounds amazing amazing although a little scary bears are scary you're trying to fill up new Crest and you want to build some fun Community lots that does sound fun I was out yesterday I was outside smoking on my patio or on my balcony and I started feeling the I started feeling the S I was like man I want to build a new neighborhood in The Sims too I started to feel the pool again I was like I can't I have no time for simming right now my life is so busy right now but I will get back to it once I get through this like transition in my life right now um oh yeah we both yeah Ted is such a positive person like his positivity rubs off on me too and he's just like real open to anybody any we're neither of us get like upset if things go wrong or like things don't go as PL planned we just regroup and it's really awesome and I didn't used to be that way I used to be the kind of person that if something went slightly wrong or plans changed I would freak out and I just don't do that any I don't see the need to do it anymore um God I and I've realized on this trip that we went together like thinking back to previous trips I've taken with previous Partners like how much I've changed just as a person and just my outlook on life my perspective um how much more positive I am how much more I can go with the flow now I don't have to control things and it just makes life so much more enjoyable I miss Strang toown Saturdays too they'll be back eventually Friday the 13th any plans it depends I have several plans up in the air because um Ted's best friend may be coming into town to visit us on Friday but we don't know for sure yet um but if he's coming into town then we're going to go out with him we're going to show him a night on the town in Hot Springs if that doesn't happen then we were considering going to get um uh Friday the 13th tattoos because they have like um at the place where Ted likes to go they have $31 Friday the 13th tattoos and 13 is my lucky number I was born on Friday the 13th so I'd love to get a 13 Tattoo and we could go get them for $31 if we're one of the first 20 people there so that's a possibility and then another possibility is going to see Beetlejuice so those are our three our three possible plans for Friday and I don't know which one we're doing yet um but also on Friday before the evening time plans come uh my friend Melissa and I are going to have lunch and go thrifting again so I'm going to do another Vlog for you guys on that so I got a busy day and I got to try to get a video out so I got a busy day on Friday uh let's see you took a really long break especially from the hot mess of Sims 4 but you're finally getting back into it yeah I'm I'm on a long break too from Sims 4 from Sims 2 also yes Ted is still doing the carnivore diet he's still sticking to it like he's just he he likes it um you're going to get to so in this week's members only Vlog if it ends up being the members only Vlog and I don't add it to today's Vlog um you'll to hear his thoughts about it because I asked him to tell you guys about what how he feels about it and stuff I don't get bored easily with Sims 2 but I just take long periods of break from the game and I played that game every single day for like two years straight longer three or four probably years and just I'm I got burned out on it and now when I go back I can never stay back as long I also wanted to talk to you about something I might say on Friday's Vlog I might say well I got a couple things I'm I'm I have not told you guys yet I got a couple things but I got to wait I can't tell you yet and it's no big it's nothing big it's nothing big uh I was not in high school when 911 happened I was uh living in Mississippi at that time with my boyfriend and or my what what became my first husband and we lived with his mom in Mississippi and I remember the day it happened like I was asleep and he came and woke me up and he was like planes just hit the the towers and he was telling me about it and I thought it was a dream I thought I was I was like I I went back to sleep like I thought it was a dream I didn't even think it was real and then I woke up like an hour or two later and they were both like my ex-husband and his mom were like at the TV just like staring at the TV like freaked out and I was like oh my God it was real and I think we just stayed glued to the TV all day we just couldn't believe it but I remember it very well but I think I was uh how old was I 17 yeah Hendrick says I always take breaks from Sims games when your life is busy and you have deadlines yeah I do too my life is so busy right now I just don't have time for The Sims yeah yeah the burnout is real especially after the quarantine ended and you were playing every single day Autumn mhm spill the tea now Nathan says I don't it's not tea really it's just like a couple life things but it's not it's nothing crazy nothing big I I'm not sitting on any Giant news or anything you were four months old wow uh it was scary it was a it was really scary everybody was really afraid your mom nursed you in front of the TV thinking she accidentally switched the program to an action film wow you were in second grade when it happened mind and soul perrey was 10 in the fifth grade yeah you can I imagine you guys still remember that hey Vanessa welcome sorry I didn't see you up there hello and welcome I was just scanning up the chat um yeah I remember it very well it was very scary time and it changed like the whole world changed after that or the whole I don't know about the world I can only speak for the country but the my whole world changed like the whole country CH everything was different after that it was very surreal it was very surreal yeah you were in third grade and you were eating breakfast wow you're waiting on Hurricane Francine where's that where's that I didn't even know there was a hurricane coming oh I'm glad you could make it Vanessa Middle East changed since then for sure yeah how many states have I lived in um I've lived in three different states I've lived in Arkansas Mississippi and Colorado that's it uh you were getting ready for school and then in school you talked about it all day oh yeah New Orleans I didn't know there was a hurricane all the way I hope everything's all right down there I know you guys can get hit hard sometimes yeah man that was rough that was rough time that was a rough time in the country Renne says it's 5:15 a.m. here oh my gosh oh I'm so sorry yeah I remember you told me that yesterday that you broke up with the father of your kids man that sounds rough I hope I hope you're doing all right Flo says I'll never forget 911 I was turning 11 we live next to an Air Force Base so they were going crazy and our neighbor ran to our front door and his underwear terrifying on many levels oh man yeah I was in Mississippi when it happened and um I'll never forget it I'll never forget it and just how afraid everybody was hello m4w woman welcome yeah Scarlet says it was all over the news in Poland and we were like is the World War II starting yeah it was scary oh my gosh your mom took you out of school because the second plane was still flying and it left from San Francisco wow yep I can't believe it was so long ago oh my gosh it it doesn't feel like that long to me man time really time really flies it's been 23 years oh you had family in New York that is really terrifying PJ I didn't know anybody in the in the area that was affected but it still affected everybody I mean obviously not as much as you know those people who lost their family and stuff but it definitely had an effect on all on all of us oh I'm thinking of you Renne I really am I know it must be freaking tough Angel says I was a co-working at an all boys jail all those boys in his staff were crying oh and then they expected the school day to carry on as normal yeah I always hear stories from people who were in school when it happened and uh yeah that must been crazy yeah am I going to Vlog my quit smoking attempt in the future yes I am I'm going to make a whole freaking Vlog just dedicated to that yes I am um I've cut down but I have not quit yet um I'm gonna I think I'm going to have to just go cold turkey I think that's the only way it's going to work for me maybe with with some nicotine patches yeah you were doing Pest Control in for woman says I was doing Pest Control in a customer's house she grabbed me by the hand and said come sit down in the front of the TV we were just shocked yeah that's it we were shocked everybody was shocked yeah um I got to put real quick I like to keep so I'm going to I plan to make this live stream public so I like to keep track of what we talk about because after like an hour and a half after I end the Vlog I'm like I have no idea I don't remember everything we talked about so I like to keep track of what we talked about so I can make a title for the live stream change the subject too sad uh the I tried the nicotine gum and I it made me sick because I would forget that I had I would just start to chew it like I would forget I was like oh I have gum and I would just start to chew it and i' would be like too much too much nicotine it's too hard to like control how much nicotine you get with a gum I have some Ted had some and he was like let's try it so one day he went to work and he was like we're both going to try the nicotine gum and we're not going to smoke all day and I'm like all right I'll do it if you do it and then when he got home from work I was like did you do it he's like no did you and I'm like no he's like I got sick I'm like me too we couldn't handle it I definitely I smoked less that day but yeah your boyfriend tried but went back on the Vape I just I tried a vape I bought a vape I have one um I don't like it I don't like it at all it's not the same it just it's not as enjoyable to me so I just got to quit I just got to quit all together um the so the first time I quit smoking like 15 years ago or 16 years ago I guess or longer jeez it was longer than that cuz it was before me and Andrew got married that I quit um I think I quit in like 2010 or 11 2010 2011 somewhere around there um I used the patches and I used a vape but it was before vaping was like a big thing and they only the only thing they had were those um like they look like cigarettes they look like fake cigarettes and it was just like tobacco flavor you get like tobacco or minth that's it they didn't have all these flavors and these fancy it was just like I think they were called ecigarettes and I used that and the patches to help me quit and I did quit successfully oh yeah both of my parents smoked until they died yeah I did grow up with a lot of smoking in the family both of my parents all my aunts and uncles U my grandparents didn't smoke though you smoked 38 years then went to the nicotine Vape two years ago I I tried it I just did not like it and I think the thing another part of it is it's the it's the habit of it like I like to go out on my balcony and have my coffee I like to go out there and look at the trees and so I was like well maybe I should do that with the Vape but you don't have to do it with the Vape cuz I don't smoke in my house so I like go outside and it gives me like a thing to do I use it as a procrastination I'm going to talk about all this in my NE I need to stop talking about it cuz I'm I'm just telling you guys exactly what's going to be in the Vlog those quit smoking counter apps always motivate you oh I should try that Theo that's a good idea yeah let you quickly switch to the phone so you can grab a cigarette at the balcony no VM no yeah Vapes have changed a lot yes Vapes can cause po popcorn lung they're not healthy by any means but they are healthier for you than cigarettes like I do believe that's true Hendrick says I'm the only living adult of my family who never smoked sever one stopped smoking completely though that's awesome uh my both of my parents smoked and my mom told me she was like I'll never quit all smoking till I die and she did so goal complete but I always try tried to get her to quit but she never would but that's not what she died of well I probably contributed it probably contributed significantly she died of a heart attack um never start smoking Hendrick nobody out there ever start smoking God it's horrible I wish I never would have started again um because it's really hard to stop really hard I'm going to you know I'm I'm going to do a lot of things though and I'm going to make a vlog about I'm going to read the Allen car book I'm going to try the app I'm going to get the patches like I'm just going to go all in and like really try to do it very soon yeah popcorn lung yes popcorn lung I got to stop before I get a smoker's cough hello Kirsten I'm going to talk more about why I started smoking again in the Vlog but it was basically I started just because I was around it and I just started doing it like occasionally just like on the weekends I would do it and then I I'll tell you guys more about the whole thing I'm doing all of that William how dare you doubt me if I want if I want to do something I will [ __ ] do it if I put my mind to something I will do it every time I had Burger King for lunch don't judge me I actually think I like the Burger King burgers better than the McDonald's ones no bun of course and they have a no bun option at Burger King too it's really easy to get no bun when you drink you feel the need to smoke I didn't used to but I do now I associate the two together too yeah you've been fed em you don't suck it's not it's not I don't judge anybody for doing it I understand um and it was I remember when I was uh when I quit the first time like 16 or however long long years ago um it took years I would have cigarette cravings for years after it took years before I no longer wanted to smoke and every time I would like smell somebody smoking I would want to smoke too it took me years to get over it but I haven't been smoking that long now so I'm hoping it's going to be a little bit easier this time you had chicken and mushroom pie yummy you had Burger King in Slovenia but they closed it a few years back hm guess it didn't do very well you're not judging but you want Burger King first overseas trip with Ted I want to go overseas so badly I don't know where we would go I want to go to Australia the most that's probably where I'd go first hey Charlene some of the people you work with make you want to take up smoking or vaping don't do it your father-in-law comes over for barbecues and if there's drinking I B you bom one off him Kirsten yeah I'm actually the one of the people in my life my stepdad quit smoking um and he smoked for his entire life and he's like 60 and he stopped smoking um after my mom passed away on his own and I'm like so proud of him because I know it was really hard for him you've loved the smell of cigarettes since you were a tiny little kid I mean I like it too um I grew up around smoking so I like the smell too yeah I'm going to quit I have to I want to I have to and I want to it was just some stupid thing I did and then I was like I'm only going to I'm just going to smoke this one pack cuz I'm really stressed cuz I'm really stressed out after um my last relationship ended I was like I'm really stressed I'm just going to buy this pack and smoke it and then I was like well I'll just get one more and I was like well I'll just smoke for the for this week and then it just kept going and going and now it's been months and I've got to stop you've been banned from where William um I've never been to California no but I want to go so badly um Ted's been to California and he said it was really beautiful he got to go see the Redwoods and everything I want to do that I want to go to I want to go to New York City I want I want to go everywhere I want to go everywhere in the US I want to go to [Music] Canada when you started smoking only your grandma knew and she always gave you money for cigarettes sometimes we smoke together my grandma both of my grandparents were like really against smoking drinking all that kind of stuff they're all real religious southern people some of them were good people some of them weren't big foot paraphernalia everywhere hell yeah that's what I want I want to go where there's Bigfoot sightings I mean there's Bigfoot sightings anywhere there's Forest really Nathan wants to go to California New York Arkansas to troll Cindy Minnesota and Florida I love Florida too you hate the smell of cigarettes but you love the smell of weed Britney I don't really I'm I mean I can take it or leave it on the smell of weed all right perrey see you in 30 good luck go to the city of weed what's the city of weed I would say Denver uh I but I want to go to Every I want to go visit every state that's a goal that's a dream of M every state weed smells like salami to you oh you got to see Florida I love Florida Florida is one of my favorite places to go on vacation um I have a lot of good memories there from when I was a kid I would visit Ohio um so Ted lived in Ohio for a while on I think he like nine months or something he stayed there for a job it was a while and he's not crazy about it but uh he did say there say there was some cool stuff there so I would probably I would probably have him like go with him and and tell him to show me the cool stuff that he knows is there uh oh the city of weed is California oh oh there's a city cold weed okay I I thought you guys were just like G giv it a nickname I get it I get it Florida does have beautiful beaches um my favorite place I ever went in Florida was sanabel Island when I was a kid my mom took us there and it has like the most seashells of anywhere and you we just gathered all these seash shells it was so much fun we stayed at like this like cabin on the beach it's one of my only happy childhood memories um Renne says how are you and Ted going like with BPD how does he handle moments you may have are you finding that you're able to stay on top of it honestly I don't I haven't had very many issues at all I think I've had one thing come up and he's just like so sweet and understanding and like communicative and also I've gotten way better at communicating my feelings so here's two things I've noticed being in this relationship with BPD and I I mean I don't really identify us as my BPD anymore like I used to it's not my identity but it's something that will always be with me and I have to always think about and like stay on top of but two things that I've noticed is one I'm able to communicate my wants and needs and feelings much more clearly so I no longer have these episodes where I just shut down don't talk give the silent treatment which is it's it's abusive to the person you're with and um I recognize that but it's something that I used to do because I just couldn't communicate how I I I didn't feel like I could say what I really wanted or needed and I expected the other person to just read my mind or whatever and I no longer do that at all that's just like if I if something comes up if some if I feel something or I need something or I want something in a relationship or some feelings come up for me I just say what they are and I think that and I think I'm able to do that because of the work I've done on myself and also because I'm with somebody who's so open to listening to my feelings and my wants and my needs and it doesn't shut me down or shame me for it or anything so I feel very um comfortable to do that in this relationship and uh also I I don't know I think it's a combination of things but I've noticed that yes I feel safe communicating with him and I never I don't I've never once done that done that thing that I used to do where I would just shut down not say what I really meant not say what I really felt no I just if anything comes up we just talk about it we don't ever argue or fight or anything like that we just talk about the anything that comes up for either of us we just talk about it and it's like so awesome and I feel like for the first time in my life this is like what a healthy relationship is supposed to be like and I never knew what that was like and I mean that's my own my own doing obviously for for the most part um but now I'm able to do that and then wait there's another thing too wait now it slipped my mind so the communication one crap what was the other thing there's something else and now it'll come to me yeah yeah it's a it is a trauma response Theo Theo says I used to shut down too felt like I literally couldn't speak when conflict arose and I would do that and I would do like the silent treatment thing because I just I know I knew the time I was doing it it wasn't the right thing to do but I didn't know what else to do and now I do now I completely now I know how to communicate what I want and need what I feel and just work work through things in a healthy way thank you Autumn has it come up yet where you two need to be apart for longer than usual and how have you handled that now um I I mean like I like times when I'm going to go see Lan and he doesn't come with me and stuff like that will be a part but like if he was like I need to go out of town to for work or something for a week I wouldn't even be messed up about it at all um I just don't feel that I don't know I don't feel that like uh that desperation in the relationship like I understand my own value and worth and I don't need him to give that to me so if he had to go you know be go out of town for work go visit family or something I'd be perfectly fine like I'm 100% sure of that I'm very very happy with him yeah yeah he does live and speak without pretense 100% 100% I love that about it he reminds you of your brother-in-law wow so I know there was another thing I was like I notic these two things being in this relationship one is the communication I God what was the other one I was thinking of ah it'll come to me guys yeah Autumn says I don't have BPD but I grew up in a very dysfunctional household where we were taught to never share our feelings before I started therapy I had such a hard time expressing my emotions because I was scared yeah I think a lot of it for me was fear fear of being rejected fear of being abandoned those were the reasons why I would act in those ways because I just felt like if I said what I wanted or needed the other person was going to like that wasn't going to be cool with them and they were going to leave me and so I would just shut down and that's really unfair to the other person but it all comes down to the insecurity that I had you know I felt like the other person was always is going to leave me and that's how I reacted in relationships but I just don't feel that way anymore I feel like I know I'm not in figh ORF flight mode like I know who I am I know my own value and worth I know I don't need anybody outside of me to validate me anymore so I can just be who I am I can just be who I am I can say what I feel I can say what I need I can say and I can just be confident in that and it doesn't matter if the other person decides to leave because that's who I am and if they want to stay with me they'll stay with me if they don't they won't and I'll be okay either way and I think being in that mindset has was was what made it possible for to me to meet somebody that really loves me for who I am and that because I I'm able to be myself so much with him and in previous relationship I wasn't myself I was just trying to please the other person and it just it blew up in my face and it did not work um but now just you know being with somebody that I can just say how I feel about anything and not have any fears about it it's awesome self-love is the key yeah it is hard when you when two people get into a cycle triggering each other yeah I've been in the that's pretty much all my previous relationships have ever been but this one is really different I'm glad we found each other too Elizabeth it's like he's like the best person I've ever met yeah once we're older we all have baggage that is so true ran like at 40 years old there's no way you're going to meet anybody that doesn't have some baggage we've been hurt our hearts have been broken we've been through numerous relationships there's no way you're going to meet somebody that doesn't have something going on but you just have to I think you have to find I read on somewhere I think it was on Instagram or some one of those little [ __ ] accounts but it was like uh if you you uh you got to meet somebody whose trauma like meshes well with yours it's true but you also have to be responsible for managing your own responses yeah when you're yourself you attract the right people it's so true yeah the mindset shift changed my life um when I learned how to change my mindset my perspective how to get out of a victim mentality cuz I used to be so much like everything was happening to me the world was [ __ ] on me and it was you know I I was a victim I lived as a Perpetual victim and when I changed that um and started to take real responsibility for my actions my behavior the things that happened to me uh that changed my life big time always waiting for the other shoe to drop is exhausting yeah I can't live like that anymore a I'm so glad Autumn thank you for saying that Autumn says I really appreciate you sharing your experiences it's helped me realize that I had a lot of trauma and needed to work on that um oh yeah I love that about Ted tan he's just himself he has no frills he's no there's no insincerity there's no phoniness he's just no matter where he is no matter who he's talking to he is himself and I love that about him no I I don't think I have been totally appreciated yeah I used to be a people pleaser too really bad mhm uh no I haven't really been keeping up with amberlin no I haven't I haven't been watching any Vlogs or anything can you explain the difference between favorite person and just loving who your partner partner is yeah so the favorite person phenomena is basically when you make the other person responsible for your emotional well-being this is how I understand it and how I experienced it so I can only speak from my personal experience and that is when I had a favorite person I would make them completely responsible for my emotional well-being I would monitor them monitor their emotions and if if they were unhappy I couldn't be happy it it's it's like a codependence is what it is it's a codep it's an emotional codependence is what it has been for me and uh you could you feel like you can't live without the person you will do anything to make them happy to please them um and even at to your own detriment at your own expense of your own emotions and but to me mostly it's making the person responsible for my emotions like that person has to make me happy I can't make myself happy I can't be happy unless they are doing what I need them to do making me feel happy getting they validate me they give me all of my validation all of my selfworth I get from that person and I need them because of that because I can't exist without them um or I would just die you know you just feel like you would you could die you're not a whole person without them it's a really not a good thing it's terrible for the person that you put that on to it's terrible for you and uh yeah I don't have that anymore I don't have that kind of dependency on anybody anymore and it's [ __ ] awesome um I'm able to regulate my own emotions now I'm able to U validate myself I'm able to um you know I'm responsible for my own emotions I'm respon I'm responsible for my own responses my own behavior I don't put that on anybody else anymore and it took me a long long time to break that cycle but I finally have has Ted dutched Avenue yet he try he tries he tries but he hasn't succeeded yet um okay let me put okay I think I got a title for the stream now yeah I had to do two Vlogs my life is over to find my soulmate y uh how did it go how did it go perrey it went okay lots of stuff I don't know but can learn well that's awesome EMDR has helped me so much it helped me so much it helped me to process a lot of the trauma and then also just the work that my therapist and I have done together as far as changing mindset changing my perspective finding selfworth and self-love um it's changed my whole life in the past like God I don't know has it been a year yet I don't think it's been quite a year I don't know how many months let's see I started it in like February okay no it hasn't been a year Cindy feels like a year uh 1 two 3 4 5 six seven like eight months or did I start in Janu January or February eight or nine months um my whole life has changed and I was doing therapy like a year before that but I wasn't getting as much out of it as I did until I started EMDR and I started with my new therapist Dutch oven title yeah should you make chicken parm or pizza Burgers I'm going with pizza Burgers on that Autumn that's my vote that's my vote so what time oh 246 okay we got about 15 minutes before I'm going to start doing um tarot geez I can't think of words today I got to do my nails tonight too y'all they're looking rough so I'm going to do a minut it so tonight what I want to do after the stream my plans for the day are I have got to finish this Vlog first of all and get this out and then I'm going to I think we're going to take a load of stuff to storage from Ted's house and then I've got to do my nails I got to get ready I got I got a something exciting happening tomorrow that I can't wait to Vlog for you guys you'll see it on Friday I got to get myself ready uh thank you co coin I think it's so impressive how you've handled this hard last year you decided not to be a victim and take ownership of your healing so great to see thank you I did what nail polish do I use I use exclusively I use Essie's uh I use Essie and I use the shade um oh my God what's the shade I use wicked wicked by Essie I couldn't think of it for a second uh that's exclusively the nail color that I don't even you I have some other colors I never use any of the other ones courthouse wedding no if I ever got remarried I would not do a courthouse wedding and I'm not divorced yet so it's nothing like that it's nothing like that this the thing that's happening is exclusively related to me alone okay yeah Nathan's getting the list together y'all Hendrick wants to be on the list too do I want to get married again in the future um I don't know I don't I I go back and forth on it I go back and forth on it but I got to get divorced first before that's even a possibility I would I think I would no not ears pierced but I do want to do that soon I do want to get my ears pierced soon uh and I want to get I want to get some other piercings too but I don't know what I'm going to do I've been talking about it forever Cindy's going to marry her nose ring I love it so much said I did a courthouse wedding and me and my husband are very happy plus we saved a lot of money that's awesome um I think probably what I would do is if I got married again in the future since it would be my third wedding um I would just elope and go do one of those like really cool like uh wedding thing like Vegas or like something like that beach W like where they set everything up for you and stuff but you know you'd have to ask the other person's opinion too that's just what I would suggest go get divorced get rid of that burden I plan on it as soon as we get the move done and everything settled I'm going to start uh I'm going to try and find an attorney to do because I just want an attorney to do it for me I don't want to have to like go track him down and try to contact his mom or something like I don't want to do that I just want to hire an attorney who can find out where he is send him all the documents get it done for for me and I don't have to mess with it I don't have to you know try and contact him or anything like that I don't want anything like that I just want it to be as easy as possible on everyone involved and I think the best way would be to go through an attorney you did the beach alotment Christina and it was great it sounds awesome Elvis wedding hell yeah I think I think uh Ted would love that El swe but we've never talked about marriage or anything you guys uh you got you got married in Vegas 14 years strong oh yeah Sarah if it's a simple no contest divorce you could possibly get it started online I tried to do the online thing and it said like I didn't qualify for some reason and I think it's because one of the questions was did did either of the parties have a child um during the marriage like with somebody else and I put yes and it was like no you can't do this online thing and I'm like why that has nothing to do with the divorce so I don't know maybe I answered the questions wrong but I just don't want to I just want to make it as easy as possible I just want to go into an attorney's office tell them the deal give them the information and let them do it that's how I got divorced the first time which the first time was was kind of harder because I didn't know where he was but I kind of have an idea of where Andrew is so I could at least give him something to go on to get in contact with him yeah all right y'all a few more minutes I'll get started with the readings for today is there anything else you guys want to talk about yeah yeah that's what I figured Hendrick but I guess I don't in our situation it's really not relevant the child really isn't relevant as because like it has nothing to do with like our like our assets or anything like that so I don't know I don't know um I'll just let an attorney deal with it make sure everything gets done properly the right way and we'll do that yes money is better spent on the honeymoon that is so true Nathan yeah Nathan's always on the list okay well I guess uh we can get started then okay let me get my cards out and start start getting them shuffled up at least oops all right okay I should play Sims with Ted I mean it would probably be pretty funny to play it with him all right I'm Shuffling up I'm just doing some practice shuffles here oh angel you're are you first all right I'm Shuffling down here okay these cards are still so stiff you guys I meant to get my uh so my favorite deck is in the car and I meant to get it out and I forgot okay General reading let me shuffle a couple of times here mind and soul says I've been engaged almost a year and everyone rushing us to get married I don't know why this is the modern witch Tarot deck I will show you the uh front of it here modern witch Tarot deck it's a really cool deck I really like it um but it's still not my favorite one is still the first deck I ever bought and those cards are broken in because I've used them a lot okay it is these are stiff these are really stiff not my other deck though my other deck's broken in this one's these are still sff I mean they're they're better than they used to be all right come on one more and I'll start um drawing for you so we're going to ask the universe for Angel Heart what advice do you have for Angel Heart today universe okay well you got the T of Swords so you know this card um T of Swords means something's either something's not going well in your life or I don't know this is a general reading so you know what's going on that makes you feel like you've got 10 swords in your back could be a betrayal could be that your um things are not as bad as as they seem but you are taking things more seriously than they should be Nathan says High Priestess revers be gone but let me get some more cards to clarify this while you're getting the T of Swords could be a major betrayal has happened or could be I don't know I'm not sure let's keep let's get some more C oh well you got the sun immediately after so you get the T of swords and then you get the Sun so the sun is super happy card the sun is like all of you everything's coming true the sun is shining down on you truth will be illuminated everything you want is is going to happen but when you get the 10 of Swords with it I need one more card all right to see where this is going but I feel like either you have suffered a betrayal a major betrayal in your life or this is the feeling that I got from this card for you at this time is that you you've either suffered a m major betrayal or feel like you have and uh but it looks like things are going to change like your fortune is going to change and the Sun is going to start to shine on you and the Sun the little girl on the horse is riding away from this from whatever this is she's riding away from this and towards the Sun so let's let's get one more card let's get one more card yeah happiest card in the deck yep okay wow and then you got 10 of Cups so this is another this is probably the best one of the best cards one of the best cards in the deck in my opinion so you guys so some major betrayal or hurt or something has happened in your life like something where you just feel like you've been stabbed in the back by 10 swords knocked you down and but then the Sun comes out and is shining on you and you're moving towards the 10 of cups where you're GNA have this is happiness this is family love all of your everything that you want it's concluding with tense you got two tens as well so this is kind of interesting that you got the 10 of swords and then the sun in the middle I can't I can't separate them properly you got the T of swords and then the Sun comes out in the middle and brings you all the way to the 10 of Cups so whatever's happened to you in the past this this really painful thing that's knocked you down um the sun's coming out and you are get going to get 10 of Cups like 10 happiness is coming the rainbow the family the love the Friendship whatever it is that you're seeking it's coming things are looking up things are looking up for you Angel heart I hope that helps that's a very good reading very good reading okay so I am going to to shuffle three times one two you're welcome angel I hope things are looking up for you well according to the cards things are looking up for you so I know things are looking up for you all right and three okay so who's next Who's Next Nathan let me know Nathan's next I want to ask the universe about University got to be honest I think I know my decision about it but want to get input from the Universe I hate it so much system is too broken and learn nothing okay all right Universe Nathan needs to know he needs your input he needs your guidance okay give Nan some guidance Universe what does he need to know about his decision what does naan need to know you will not believe what you just freaking God Nathan I don't know what to say about this I feel like this is definitely Supernatural at this point you just got the high priestess reversed I mean the universe has been trying to tell you something for a while just can't believe this just you just saw this you know you know what to do you you I cannot believe this I cannot believe this Nathan you know what you need to do I can't believe it's crazy Nathan a witch let's get some more cards for you naan let's see what else let's see what else I can't believe we just got that card for you that is insane that is insane and then you got nine of Wands so so of course this is to me this is a card of boundaries uh putting down your boundaries standing up for yourself standing up for your decisions which you know you need to follow your intuition you need to put down those boundaries I feel like you've had this card before you need to put down those boundaries put your stick draw your Line in the Sand with your stick okay stand up for yourself put down down your boundaries hold on let me give you let me give you one more card Nan let's see if the universe has anything different for you today you haven't had the nine well it felt very right for you it felt very right for you to me what that what that's saying to me is that you need to you need to stand up stick to your guns put your boundaries down and then you got the fool a new beginning this is a card of new beginnings you're about to step off this ledge and you may not know what's going to come in the future you can't right now you're not sure what the future is going to hold but you know that you want to do this whatever your decision is you need to follow your intuition you've been feeling unsure of yourself the universe is telling you I dropped your card on the ground the universe is telling you to draw your line in the St in the sand stand strong with your choices set boundaries it may be difficult but this is a this is a chance for a new beginning you're you're stepping off the ledge and you're taking a chance with the fool card it's like taking a chance you don't you can't see what's coming but you know it's what you want to do leap of faith leap of faith yes take the leap of faith Nathan I don't the universe is clear on your readings every time take the leap of faith follow your intuition set your boundaries take take the leap of faith good luck to you Nathan you are the fool yeah I don't know William's not with us today he must have had a long work call okay I am going to shuffle three more times William everybody misses your alternative readings two I still can't believe we just got that card for Nathan you guys oh my God I think it's time Nathan well that's what the universe says but you always have the choice to make your own decisions you're too big for this channel oh great William now you're too good for us is that it you win international okay uh I just plant see what happens do you want a a general or do you have a specific question or topic just let me know Nathan's International tell him his reading he yes perrey manifested William back in all right I'm waiting on I plant and see what happens see see what kind of reading she wants here you just want a general reading okay we'll just do a general for you all right I just PL and see what happens what advice does the universe have for you I like when I when I do the readings for you guys I look at your profile picture so I can like have some kind of connection I got to feel your energy and once again disclaimer I feel like I have to say this on every video especially if I'm going to make it public I am not a professional tarot reader I am just this is just practice for me that I do for my members and we just do it for fun I'm not professional or anything sometimes I have to look up the meetings of the cards so always you know don't use tarot to make huge life decisions or anything okay it's just for entertainment purposes only all right I just plant and see what happens um we got the three of pent Les reversed so I got to cover this one up cuz it's got It's got a little little naughty bits on it oops I didn't cover them didn't cover them okay so the three of Pentacles if you can see it to me is a card of collaboration and working with others especially when it comes to work or career or some kind of project that you're working on all these people are collaborating and working together so when it's reversed I would say this means you possibly need to to reconsider working with other people on something in your life or seeking outside help but let's let me look up just the Reversed meaning just to make sure hold on I'm trying to look it up on my phone reversed three of Pentacles oh I was trying you know what screw it if YouTube wants to demonetize this over a cartoon drawing [ __ ] them um the revers three of Pentacles often signifies a lack of teamwork disharmony and collaborative efforts or miscommunication in a group setting so only you know what's going on in your life but this could be um you may be feeling unappreciated or that you're con contributions are not being acknowledged in some kind of group thing um leading to frustration or a droing motivation this feels to me like career related in a personal or career context that suggests challenges and working with others or not seeing eye to eye with Partners or colleagues there may be a need to reassess the approach to teamwork or recognize where improvements and skills or communication are necessary okay um past yes I drank and sober now well I think uh I don't know it's there's there's something here that has to do with like working with other people yeah five months sober wow that's awesome let's get some more cards and maybe we can clarify this we should admire all beauties not hiding them exactly Nan okay so I got the king of Wands the king of Wands to me is a card uh the king in incorporates like passion um creativity those kind of those kind of things with the three of Pentacles maybe there's something that you're passionate about in your life that you're not seeing eye to eye on with other people on or you're having difficulty in work there's some kind of thing that has to do with working with other people and when we get the king of Wands his energy is all just passion fire creativity Charisma this kind of thing or perhaps it is that you need to incorporate these um these qualities into yourself in order to move past whatever this challenge is let's get another card just to see if we can get some more clarification you would argue a lot well that makes sense with the king of Wands but also the king of Wands is in in control of his emotions even though he is fiery and he is uh passionate he's in control so perhaps those are some of the qualities the universe is telling you that you need to uh work on or that you have been working on okay and your last card you you get is the empress so the empress a lot of times the empress is pregnant in the in the cards she's like something new is coming some this is a card of like fertility new beginnings new life something new coming towards you let's see with these cards together let me see what I just get the feeling like there's something that you're not seeing eye to eye with someone on or you're having difficulty working with someone else on or other people you're not having kid yeah and you and the universe is telling you to incorporate the qualities of the king of Wands to take command of your passion take command of your emotions take command of those kind of qualities and then there's something something new something new this is like fertility but it doesn't have to mean fertility in the sense of having a child it could be fertility in the sense of abundance like something coming into your life that's going to give you make you feel like you're fulfilled New Beginnings yeah I would say like something happened where you're having you're having contention with other people but once you have taken control of those fiery emotions within you then there's room for a new beginning new abundance and fertility in a different in a different way a different place in your life so I hope that makes sense and I hope that helps you makes sense your social media oh oh oh oh okay so I am going to I just saw the death card who's getting death I'm going to shuffle three times yeah from bad to Total Control yes Angel heart I like that interpretation good read yeah okay who's next oh perrey okay you just want General you're welcome you just want a general read perrey or you have like a certain area you want to focus on I think I've shuffled three times now career okay I think that's a good one all right Pur Jeffrey Universe tell us what we need to know or what she needs to know about her career what does chrey need to oh there what a card shooting out that is the Three of Wands so of course to me the Three of Wands is waiting you're waiting for something to happen you're waiting for something to come in so you've been waiting for a change in career waiting for a new position you're waiting you're looking out you're waiting you're hoping waiting for this waiting for this thing to come in with your career okay so we know that Universe give give us some more oh okay king of Pentacles so I think this looks like it's going to go very well for you because obviously the king of Pentacles is all about um abundance financial success uh home home and family but mostly to me this is a card of you know money Pentacles career finance and he's got it all together he's got it all figured out he is a master of uh his his money his Pentacles world and I feel like you're you're so she's looking out she's looking away from him actually she's looking in One Direction maybe this king of Pentacles energy is going to be coming from somewhere you don't expect I could I I get that feeling kind of but you got king of Pentacles energy and that's a good thing in a career read okay let me let's get one more card William comes back oh my God William oh oh you got death I this is so weird cuz I just saw that I knew the death card was coming out I could feel it I saw it in the deck and I was like somebody's getting death and it was you so we got uh waiting waiting for something to come in looking perhaps in the wrong direction so I I don't know why I get this feeling from these from these cards but I feel like you're might be looking in the wrong direction for your financial success but it is here and it is coming for you like the king of Pentacles energy is here and death death is also moving away from the king of Pentacles so I feel like and also away from the Three of Wands so I feel like this is a transformation this is something brand new that perhaps you're not expecting uh something completely something unexpected is happen happening here for you pfre I feel like maybe it's not what you're currently looking at what you're currently looking at and waiting for may not be actually what is going to come in and give you this this king of Pentacles security security is the word I'm looking for security is coming something completely new completely transformative That You Don't See coming unexpected new job is what I would say but I think it's not what you currently have your eyes on so keep a lookout because something's changing yep something's changing all right let me Shuffle and it looks good by the way that's a good reading it's a good reading all right let me see here second Shuffle hi love Williams uh interpretation of the last reading people are out to get you you need to take passionate Revenge impregnate their wives and girlfriends big changes for sephy yeah and I think it might be something you don't see coming but it's going to lead to security and financial stability okay who's next Theo Theo would you like a General reading or just uh do you have a specific area sounds good in this case I welcome death yes I usually always welcome death in my readings General you're depressed in a numb yet slightly unhinged way okay we can work with that we can work with that Theo I'm sorry to hear you going through that but maybe this reading can make you feel a little better all right Universe let's get some advice for Theo what does Theo need to know right now okay you got five of Pentacles reversed so to me five of Pentacles is a card of obviously being left out in the cold feeling like you're being left behind you're being excluded you're being left out in some way um as you can see these figures are standing outside of the building full of Pentacles and they're all freezing cold outside so when it's reversed though I would say perhaps this is something that's going to be changing in your life so let me see let me look up I'm not great with reversals so I have to look them up sometimes five of Pentacles reversed all right so the the revers five of Pentacles suggests recovery from fin Financial or emotional hardship I would say in your case this is emotional it symbolizes a turning point where difficulties such as feelings of isolation begin to improve you may be finding solutions to problems that seemed overwhelming and support from others could be on the horizon so in relationships this card can indicate reconciliation healing or an end to feelings of neglect it's a card of Hope renewal and emerging from a challenging period so to me I feel like for you this is uh recovery from emotional hardship is coming like you're going to be moving out of this depression and even on the card there both of these people are moving away they're moving out of this this like you're going to I think you're going to be moving out of this let's get some more cards to get some more clarification okay come on Universe what else does Theo need to know there is a turning point coming for you is what the cards are saying as always we can always make our own decisions this is not like set in stone or anything nine of Pentacles so the nine of Pentacles to me is a card of Independence it's a card of you're out there growing your own garden growing your own Pentacles harvesting your own [ __ ] and you don't need anybody else you can stand on your own it's a card to so I feel that there is a turning point coming for you where you're going to feel less isolated because you're going to feel so strong in yourself and I think this is perhaps advice that the universe is giving you is that feel okay being alone being on your own standing on your own taking care of yourself and you're not going to feel so isolated and and and and excluded you need to find your inner strength and Independence let's get one more card okay let's get one more card just to clarify that that's how I'm feeling about the reading so far will okay and last card we get is one of the best cards in the deck Theo 10 of Pentacles so this card to me is a card of like complete happiness you have your financial security you have your family or your love or your relationship or whatever it is that you're seeking that will fulfill you with relationships with other people you've got it all so I think what the universe is trying to tell you and this was something this is like the same Journey that I had to go through you're out there feeling like you're cold and all alone but a turning point is coming where you're going to leave this emotional hardship behind but in order to do it you have to be completely strong and independent on your own you have to be able to just stand up and be like I'm on my own and that's okay I'm cool with it I'm going to be strong independent take care of myself and then once you do that all of your everything that you've been wanting is coming for you the Happ the relationship happiness if that's what you want the Financial Security everything you're gonna all of your dreams are coming true but the universe is telling you that first you have to be okay standing alone so I hope that's helpful um that's so that's like exactly those three cards could have represented everything that I went through honestly all right yes abundance abundance is a good word for that yeah all right let me me let me uh let me know if that was helpful to you Theo okay good good all right so I am shuffling here for the next read and I just dropped a bunch of cards hold on okay uh VM work okay not really happy with the new position thinking of quitting I feel like I'm the guy in the middle between workers and higher bosses dead inside don't feel the passion anymore okay we're going to do career for you all right awesome Theo I'm glad good luck to you I feel like good things are coming to you just look inside yourself as hard as that [ __ ] is and I know it is all right VM oh so two cards just fell out right away um you also got the five of Pentacles reversed which is definitely applicable in your situation VM so I was just reading about um it symbolizes a turning point where difficulty such as Financial struggles begin to improve so uh financially it could point to New Found stability or help arriving just when you need it most it's a card of Hope renewal and emerging from a challenging period so you are obviously going through a challenging period in your career but this card symbolizes a turning point for your financial it's not really you're not I'm not saying you're having Financial struggles but career career struggles right you're having some kind of career hardship um that seems overwhelming to you but support is on the horizon for you so then you also got King of Swords so King of Swords is encapsulates all the energy of um this is very very creative very very but also very cut through the [ __ ] cut through the [ __ ] is what I hear what I see when I see King of Swords right so let me see let's do king of swords in career and see and maybe you're just feeling like you're dealing with a lot of [ __ ] in your in your career okay in the career context the King of Swords represents professionalism strong leadership and clear communication all things that it doesn't sound like you were actually feeling right now um this card indicates that you are or need to be strategic logical and fair in your decision- making it may suggest that you are in a position of Authority or leadership requiring you to use intellect and reason rather than emotion if you are seeking advancement the King of Swords advises you to focus on clear goals develop a plan and communicate effectively yes communication um it can also indicate seeking advice from someone experienced and wise in your field or that you embody these traits and are respected for your expertise and fairness so to me I would say something there is a turning point coming in your career the King of Swords is saying that you need to make a plan and communicate your your needs and your feelings effectively you need to get in there and cut through the [ __ ] and maybe you are if you feel like you're guy you're you feel like you're the guy in the middle between the workers and hire bosses and all that maybe you need to say so maybe you need to go in there with your sword and cut through the [ __ ] and and tell them let's get another card and see okay it's you're trying but it looks like nobody's listening to you all right let's get some more guidance for you then it may be time for you to take your sword and just cut it off completely I'm not telling you to quit your job please God don't anybody take it like that you make your decision I'm just telling you what the C cards say I'm just telling you what the cards say but it looks like there needs to be some kind of communica there's some issue with communication here okay let me get one more card one more card for [Music] VM one more card for VM don't want to give one up for you oh Queen of Wands okay so you got you also get the Queen of Wands which is again fire passion Charisma that kind of thing but she's also very let's do let me get Queen of Wands in career because I'm not exactly sure good that's a good idea to not quit until you find something else lined up yes in a career context the Queen of Wands signifies confidence determination and Leadership so you're getting two like leadership cards here this card suggests you are ambitious energetic and capable of inspiring others you may be in or moving toward a position where you can use your creativity Charisma and passion to achieve your goals and lead by example so perhaps the ad R is you need to start to start leading by Example The Queen of Wands encourages you to take charge trust your instincts and pursue your career goals with enthusiasm just as the King of Swords uh advises you to focus on clear goals develop a plan and communicate effectively so D dang it I'm trying to pick these cards up so there is a turning point coming for you like you are going to be moving away from these struggles but you you really need to incorporate the energy of the King of Swords and the Queen of Wands which is strong communication um developing a a [Music] plan let's see what else have confidence determination and stand strong in your position really it's it's advising you to um use your creativity Charisma and passion to achieve your goals and lead by example yeah so and maybe this is a way that maybe you will find something else maybe you will find maybe you are going to find something better and that's what the turning point is you're going to be moving away from the current job that you're unhappy with and into a job this could be it and into a job where you are able to use these qualities where where you're able to be appreciated for these qualities that you know you have so I would say don't give up on the hunt keep looking for something better because it looks like there is going to be something out there for you where you can use your creativity you can use your leadership you can use your um I don't know your communication skills your Authority whatever it is maybe you're not being appreciated for that now but you're going to be moving away from that possibly into something better either in your current position or a different one yeah March forward and stick to it until it gets better but also work on communicating work on using those skills because uh that's what the universe is saying you should do pursue your career goals with enthusiasm if you're P facing career challenges remain optimistic and proactive keep marching keep working towards it yeah okay oh let me let me shuffle all right guys uh that I think I think that's all I'm going to have time for today who's still on the list what's the current list Nathan good I hope so VI Nikki's been added talk and hope to be her I think you will be hurt just be be confident be the King of Swords all right I'm waiting on Nan to tell me who's on the who's still on the list okay list for next week is Autumn mind and soul Hendrick Eva Vanessa Nikki and then Angel and Nathan again okay oh Felicia I'm so sorry you missed the Stream you want to be added to the list for next time Nathan add Felicia on there and add coin too buy a sword no VM don't buy a sword I'm not telling you to do that don't go into your office literally with a [Laughter] sword I have never read Ted's cards before no but he's asked me to to do it and I don't know why we've just never done it I want to maybe I'll do it in a vlog or something a members Vlog okay guys if you didn't get on the list uh this week Nathan will add you next week all right anybody who wants to be on that's not on right now Nathan will add you next week okay because I got to wrap up here y'all I got to go finish this Vlog for you guys and then I got a bunch of other stuff I got to get done today um but thank you so much okay thank you Nathan everybody thank Nathan for keeping up with our tarot list he knows he knows what he's doing man I appreciate it Nathan I appreciate you so much I can't even do it without you a spooky haunted video skit yeah we've been thinking about doing another skit I don't know what we'll do maybe we'll do a Halloween special all right anyway guys I got to wrap it up here thank thank you so much for hanging out with me I really appreciate all of you your support means so much to me and I love hanging out with you guys every week I will see you next week and if you're watching this live stream back on YouTube and you want to become a channel member and come join our little Community for our weekly live streams you can click the join button down below you'll also have access to all my members only Vlogs which is's going to be another one of those put out in the next couple days all right everybody love you guys have a great rest of your week I will see you soon all right bye for