I had heard of postpartum depression but i' had never heard of postpartum anxiety I had same I had heard about postpartum depression and I was prepared for it but postpartum anxiety something I'd never heard about and it hit me like like the entire ocean was on top of me it was the weight of it it was unbelievably difficult it was um was a month after a month after I had the baby and um all of a sudden at 400 a.m. my eyes just pop open and I start going and then my chest is tight and it stays tight all day long yeah and then for a whole year every day at 4:00 a.m. my eyes would pop open and I would be gasping for air and then it would my chest would stay tight all day long and it was it was just this constant anxiety and there were no no real thoughts but it was just constant just like a panic it it it if you're holding your breath underwater and you can't come up for air imagine what that feels like that's what I felt like every single day um you know I think I only learned about this later but um you know I had really low milk supply and apparently when you stop breastfeeding and you stop producing milk your hormones drop and I didn't know that and that could have been a contributing factor to my postpartum anxiety yeah but the women who deal with postpartum anxiety and especially the women who have thoughts of self harm and um negative thoughts towards their baby I I my heart just completely breaks for them because if I knew about it I would have prepared for it a a little bit differently and um but once I kind of got out of I was like postpartum for a long time then I kind of get out of that and like just a few months after I'm out of that I find out that I have breast cancer so like I was like just when I felt like I can use use my platform to talk about something that I think a lot of women go through you just now are getting air yeah I just thought I was I I and then also you know your whole body changing and finally getting back to where I felt more comfortable in my body and then you you get hit with that you get hit with that [Music] thank you guys so much