Pen Pals Podcast - Kumail Nanjiani | Letters About Stoneman Willie & Sports Aggression

if you want to be my friend and you do you go and get a is and maybe we can keep touch like we did in the old days it wasn't so long ago ladies and gentlemen is here today [Music] your that was top that's top five get that song out of my head I've been sing we've never made a guess sing it you're the first ever seing are you [ __ ] kidding me you're the first ever it's a new thing we're trying I've only seen the clips on Instagram I was like I guess this is what they leave out that's right [ __ ] we do a lot of Jimmy Fallon style games wh cream plates head games yes head games we're think about changing the name of the show head games with Dan we were in the top 5% of people singing it with us yeah cuz nobody else has ever done it everybody's done it he was lying to you oh okay yeah oh my God I have no footing anymore Chris Sullivan saying it by himself Chris Sullivan of This Is Us and taserface and good friend to everybody yeah um nice guy nice guy speaking of credits I didn't do any research but from Chicago blurs yeah from Chicago blurts which was blogging nerds if you guys not black nerds there were no black people in it you guys but you guys might know kille you try to fight the racism and then just add to it only know you from your video game podcast that I still listen to that's the only remember you in Emily's of course I remember why you not remember that yeah yeah it was more rhetorical yeah Kumil had such a career he's like I don't even remember who I am what was the name of indoor kids indoor the indoor kids good title for a video game podcast it was a great title good title yeah that was fun times K thanks for joining thank you for having me thank um I used to I this we just talked about this the other day in a green room and so that's why I just want to bring it up but having a podcast indoor kids now Kumil is in like three video games and that has to be very bizarre to go from I'm a BigTime gamer to oh now I'm in I'm in some games yeah I'm never gonna I'm not going to do video games again yeah uh cuz I found it's very hard that type of acting cuz you're talking about overcooked yeah what we talking about in the so funny cuz he brought up overcooked when I of course he did are you guys the same the same person yeah I love overcooked favorite overcooked is great you you want to see the cracks in your marriage and relation family aart watch yeah we've been together 16 years let's not get to 17 are you are you on dishes or cutting cutting when you play uh I'm on cutting she's on dishes cuz men do the meat and women we this in the game you're like give me the knife yeah we have to stick to gender roles it's also like stay on your heart hot air balloon I don't know what catered party this is with two adjoining hot air balloons with a gap in the middle who wants to go to this I've had times where I've like based on that based on the ticket time we should not have been tipped that was way too gracious very very that's true and they are unforgiving I have never once in my life sent something back I'm like all right I guess I'll eat this which is very different than what I ordered but those people are Unforgiven if you get it wrong they're pissed yeah they they don't W it um what are the three games you're in I was in a Walking Dead game um that was very very early on then I was in a Mass Effect game and I played like the president sort of guy the president of the Federation and he's a guy who you don't know if he's good or bad so that type of performance was very hard cuz you have to be like both and also presentational so you so I'm like giving you the mission while being a person but also speaking in a way that the gamers can follow and it sounds like okay now it's like he's doing his quest Kaden so I found that very difficult and you know the the scripts for these things are massive it's branching and then I was in a Lord of the Rings video game uh which I which I really really loved I played an orc and I actually did the Conan let's play thing whatever it's called because they you know I did the whole map thing and I was like I don't sound like an orc they're like don't worry buddy we'll make you sound like an orc uh in post and then they didn't oh really and it's like all these Orcs And then I show up and I look like a [ __ ] orc that's killed a lot of things sound like picture an see an orc and and like close your eyes right now or if you're in your car just imagine we're sitting next to an orc who sounds like this just sounds exactly like this I sound exactly like Silicon Valley one guy's like and you're like you're like I think we can take this wall yeah come on ah don't fight me you don't want this and I look massive that's so great so plays like it's the only educated orc like the only one that went through an extra step of evolution and he's done like just the wrong amount of therapy where he knows what's wrong with him but hasn't fixed it very aware of his flaws question still in this Social Circle of other Orcs And no strategies on how to fix it yeah you're questioning a lot of the motives you're like the eagles could have ended this s it's that type of [ __ ] that's what I'm doing the whole time still murder still on a mission mindless Ma and the thing with that game is if you kill an orc they can come back with more like scars and like more [ __ ] up so like you cannot get rid of me in that game I am there to ruin the reality level okay I don't know if it's Canon but does that mean you are in the Marvel Universe Star Wars universe and Lord of the Rings Universe yeah I guess it does it do that is rare air yeah we i' never I love lord of the the Rings so much so I was and I love that first game and the second game is great too my character is called the agonizer cuz he always agonizes over I what to do agonizer somehow the most Jewish orc that's the best just like oh it's a little hot today they have to do a spin-off game of your orc the war is over like almost like a Red Dead who just out there trying to find his new way in life and you get to determine does he like kind of still stay bad or does he stay good and he has all this turmoil this feels like the origin story of Shrek it is a little bit I don't belong anywhere humans don't want me cuz I look like this Orcs are like you're so annoying all the time you're just not instead of donkey you have one of the trees with you did you hear Aizer is vegan now so annoying yeah but like still trying to mingle amongst the Orcs you're sort of like the you're like Will Hunting of the Orcs act two of Dances with Wolves you're kind of yeah I have uh yeah I have my orc name but I also have my human name you know that's so funny Love Is there is there gluten in that about to eat just a live deer yeah live deer no there's no gluten in it agonizer agonizer the agony of dealing with you you know I'll just take mine for later you're going to cook it aren't you yeah I'm going to toss it over the fire for a little he the socializer why don't we talk more it's been so long dude what have you been up to oh pillaging and yeah it's all mouth breathing and dog grun grunts dog grunts like you and a pub being like I I thought the eye was too much I like why the ey yeah exactly exactly oh man stupid you want to go we are going to take a me take a break and we'll be right back after these messages hey and we're back the letter I messed it up I messed it up we don't even know the show anymore dear pen pals which includes you Kum make sure you're on letter see okay dear pen pals I am writing to share with you a legendary story from my hometown Reading Pennsylvania is it ready or reading or reading do do any of us honestly know it's reading you're the most educated orc it's reading Reading Pennsylvania in the 1890s there was a convict who traveled the area from Philadelphia and was swiftly arrested after burglarizing multiple residents of a local boarding house the known criminal gave the notorious false name of agonizer what uh James Penn he was kept in jail due to repeated public drunkenness and petty theft where he died shortly after being arrested his body was sent to the Almond funeral home to be claimed by family members which never happened in order to preserve the corpse the funeral director began to embalm the body a new and evolving practice at the time he ended up using an excess of chemicals effectively mummifying the man causing his body to harden a stone Stoneman Willie as he became to be known has been left on display in the funeral home ever since being visited by the public daily curious kids would dare their friends to get close or even touch Stoneman Willy's leathery skin eventually the funeral home put plexiglass in front of him to keep him protected which is how I remember seeing him as a kid my grandmother a lifelong resident of reading reading has had some weird fascination with him and used to regularly take my cousins and me to see him for fun finally after 128 years of being on display a continued ethical nightmare Stoneman Willie will be laid to rest as as a part of reading pen reading Pennsylvania's 275th anniversary they plan to have him dress in Period clothing but I prefer him in a Hugh heftner style silk jammies he's been lounging in recently picture attached everyone around here has some kind of story involving Stoneman Willie he's very much a part of the city's history are there any local stories lore or spectacles from your own H towns thanks for all the laughs Wednesdays wouldn't be the same without you guys wishing you well sincerely Emily I want to dispute one part which is everyone around here has some kind of story involving stonem men Willie I bet all the stories are very very similar we saw him as offputting senior prank we stole we stole Stoneman Willie yeah oh I was lonely last night and the local the the the uh rivalry High School stole Stoneman Willie again before they actually probably made it into the Stoneman Willie bowl and it was like them in the next town over yeah fighting for Stoneman Willie also oh wait we have the pick we'll put the if you're a Friday watch crew this is or also you know go to our get on our Instagram go it'll be up there at the pimpo Pod and check out this first first reaction First Impressions he's much better better preserved than I remember than you remembered then I remember everyone story with stone man Willie um this is begging to be a micro brew name right yes I bet it is is that how is the hair real so that's the thing hair hair stays forever right is that like the yeah well we die doesn't it stay forever no hair doesn't have you ever seen a skeleton with a full head of hair sket Hollywood doesn't get it that's cuz that's a skeleton but if you preserve everything like the skin you think the hair stays I think if you preserve the scalp wouldn't it hang on to the follicles would hang on to the hair or no I mean what a question I've never wondered about before yes but now we're in the depths of it okay I'm going to go I'm going to go that's a piece I think that's a piece I think that's his hair so according to Crime scen cleanup.com okay why was that your first gu what a horrible website but a great podcast oh my God those pictures are worse than that oh my God nails and hair completely decomposed about a month or two after death so that's a piece yeah so somebody said Stoneman Willie yeah he's a little he's a little off-putting can we can we lessen the impact a little bit one guy goes you know Greg I've realized without the wig less kids touch him yeah so now we're in a conundrum we got to make sure want do we want to go stonan willly untouched how fun is your town if that is an attraction I would think right the first time you're like wow and then by the second time you're like what else is going on in Reading I mean what that was the grandmother that would take her numerous times but also doesn't this also sound like you are either like doing of one nighters and you're in reading and the comedy club is like hey tomorrow do you want to go see Stone man it's one of those they take you to the thing that's exactly what it is and you you you bring in your set riffing about it for 5 minutes and it crushes the rest of your set cannot cannot stand follow yourself you can't the Stoneman Willie material crushes too hard you can't follow the rift yeah totally or like the local ice cream place right or other way you've got great Stoneman Willie stuff and so did every other com every other we've heard that yeah yeah it's a hairpiece it's like when you do Comedy on State I tell people I'm like there's plenty don't do cheese there's plent all the squeaky cheese but you know someone's at the standup show and they go his great-grandfather's the one that over embalmed his body yeah and then you're like great this will be a good clip for the algor he's like kind of a local celebrity he's the one who created yeah it's my great grandpa he yeah still in the game shades on inside like very very popular and my friend knows you I don't but that it is my grandpa my friend thinks you're funny yeah I'm just here I'm just here I suppose they got used to it but picture your grandpa not yours but a grandpa dies of a heart attack at 56 and you're morning at the funeral home and there's Stone man Willie right there in the is he in the funeral home oh yeah he's in the so you got to go to the funeral you're there like breathing your loss and there's a just a [ __ ] mummy staring at everybody you know it's a pretty dead town when the biggest thing to do is visit the funeral I mean yeah and the grandma who's like all right you kids get back in the car we're going to see Stoneman Willie again just imagine like people are there heartbroken for a real funeral and tourists are like we're here to see the the dead guy who was over in bomb Oh that's you go left you need to go left at the 4 and you all got your hands in your front hoodie pockets while there's people in like suits don't fit them anymore of pot yes wreaking of pot that's exactly right with a notebook so you can have your riff for the night sorry for your L people are crying and they're people are crying and the one them was like we liked your show last night that was good my friend brought me he's a fan but I liked it okay too it's we're here it's a family friend but we had so much fun and we needed that laugh it's like did your dad di earlier today yeah why why were you at a comedy I meet you at the funeral yeah what the hell that's your your crowd work later the night is the people you saw at the funeral home that day or you're there and you're like these guy you're telling the family really good ham sandwiches sorry for your lck the comics are eating their [ __ ] lunch in I mean how about the guy doing it though like did he call the assistant and be like did I overdo this I mean he's turned into concrete if anything and they kept him yeah what were you going to do I think he did a too good job if anything like isn't the point to preserve it a little bit he preserved the guy yeah but only for a showing right isn't it enough to get you through the next day for the you just need enough to get through for the visitation the open casket yeah you say your goodbyes yeah this did it forever I don't I don't not to go dark I don't I'm not into the open casket close that casket I know what they look like I don't need to see them I don't need to see them now you know see I think I'm just so what about the visitation the visitation he saying never he doesn't want open say let's end it we don't need it I think soon as someone's gone some people want closure I don't want to see this I know I know you know you know what they always say uh we'll go with a guy he looks so good he when it's an open casket they say that oh yes they did a good job they did a good job don't look good they don't right they look they they look dead but you can't when your spirit or your soul or whatever is just and you're just the carcass how can you possibly wow that sounds like a terrible product great podcast I can't believe it's not alive no it's like that was the that was the second website okay so just the carcass. comom says the hair or it's a it's a new diet Trend just the carc just the carcass you don't want you don't want meat just want the carcass no it's chewy you're going to have to get through it um here we are here at the soulless carcass. comom we like to say the hair definitely will disappear within a month were you talking about the when you look at that person and you just see it's it's just when you are there like every like something is gone like your eyes have now sunken in you're just not you're obviously like already deteriorating Ma at a massive rate to where you know if you died and they were like oh yeah and then five days later there's a visitation you're like five days is such a massive amount of time for your body to start decompos the the machine is turned off it's immediate decomposition it also shows how hard your body is working alive to just not decompos all the time that's what it's doing the entire time working is hard and that's why like you know my hair is going gray I'm like Oh my body's like we got to that that's not we we're in we we can't deal with that there's bigger issues right now it's like you have one kid we you don't have kids right no yeah I've met kids right but it's like people who say by their third or fourth kid that kid's raising themselves it's your body's like that too by like the third or fourth decade they're like we can't worry about this anymore about when you're like 70 and you get a cut and it just hasn't healed yet it's cuz your body's like I'm not doing it anymore exactly I'm not doing months I'm not sending any white blood cells down there I don't care yeah it's like whatever part of the body was responsible for your knees not clicking in the morning they're they're they retired we turned it off yeah we turned off the non clicker you're going to have to deal with the yeah the guy who cleans the knees every night that guy's we send him home yeah he's actually helping us in the heart retirement had retirement for him he had to come back out cu your hearings going yeah exactly we put him in hearing it used to just take one guy to run hearing Now it's 12 K you are literally pitching a Pixar movie and you don't every part of the body that's like it no no you're picturing inside out it's just outside that office they worked in the rest of the rest and they are very stressed out these people are having conversations and bantering the people outside are not oh yeah up there in memory they're having all these philosoph IAL convers we're trying to keep the heart pumping yeah that's great yeah we're we're keeping the body from decomposing in like main brain is like having like review meetings with ankle and be like ankle you what the [ __ ] man you haven't done your job in weeks yeah yeah it becomes very office and he's like do you know what it's like down there you know what it's like down every day exactly I'm I'm fighting the Earth every day yeah and he's like uh it's like a Snowpiercer he's like up at the front with brain and he's you guys are up here just along for the ride so it says here Funny Bone but I think we both know that's not true right performance review and the guy's dressed so silly he's like yeah yeah yeah yeah dressed like a Jester you're not you know you're not funny no I was man just the old material doesn't work anymore you I just don't have new stuff I'm not a writer really right oh that's so funny but yeah the guy who's ever on bruises by the time you're 60 70 he's like he isn't even getting up in the morning he stay I don't give a [ __ ] um also whoever is responsible for hair popping up in new places ears put him on something else why ears I know you know growing up I'd look at my dad's ears and I'd be like oh thank God I don't got that guess what I got that it's crazy I'm getting hair up here that I never had really yeah said do women get hair in their ears or is that just a man thing I have never seen it the way it happens to men I've never seen anything why is that happening why is the body deciding like that's a really good question it makes sense evolutionarily it makes no sense that that start according to hair everywhere.com there hair in your nose and your ears is meant to protect stuff from getting why why later in life is it like at When We're Young we have like the reflexes to like get stuff out if it's going in our ears and as you get older like super dumb explan our noses and our ears never stop growing so maybe the hair is like oh okay that's a big by it's real I think it's gravity that's pulling them down no our noses and ears continue to grow throughout no no look at that picture of snowman Willie even in this short amount of he's got like pictures changing a Back to the Future in roio [ __ ] Dumbo was it Rock I mean he does look like Pinocchio by the way where did he go he does look like pinio WebMD says that uh increased testosterone as you get older makes that happen dude but I thought we lived in a time where there's less testosterone a low so that's why you're getting hair growing in new places uh or more of it or it's coarser or longer Cra Crazy DB explanation do you think testosterone uh your testosterone towards your libido decreases as you get older but it has to go somewhere maybe so it goes it's like we're not making all the way down there just stay the ear I can't get theck can't get to the dick anymore the meeting with testosterone the meeting with testosterone like dude you're barely going below the nose I don't want to I don't want to make those trips it's like a truck driver I'm calling it I'm stopping at the ears I go brain to ear this is our longest bit ever is true it's right here it's so short nose ear yeah it's like this is where I stop I would go to the mouth if that made sense right you don't want to he you want mouth all right do it this is more specific and opposite of what I just said but it says because testosterone levels decrease that's why people will lose hair on top of their heads and grow other place but then the hormone binding globulins which is disappointing to read globulin you played a globulin and yeah I was in glul the aggressive GL globul the agitator uh groups of protein that's what groups of proteins in the blood those increase and then it Alters signals to the hair so that it redirects it from up here to notes yeah that's terrible yeah yeah yeah not a good system and you do then you start to you you you if you notice or care or in our world are on camera you're like well I guess I'm grooming that now yeah well then you got to go by the little machine you get ears and I know and it's embarrassing cuz I broke my previous one and I don't want like Emily listen it did a good job can you say don't want to go dark before you start this I just don't want Emily to see that I've ordered it because it is still embarrassing no you're owning it no I don't want to own it I I I would play it as a like babe you see how much I still care I'm buying [ __ ] tools I never thought hope shows up and she's like C what's this yeah oh I don't know oh oh I wanted to get a face shaver but it came in a small round ship I'll keep it yeah yeah yeah let me keep it I don't need it I I'll I'll return it I'll take it back I'll take it back thank you so much do you have two aaa's just just out of nowhere for the the TV remote TV remote why did you install locks on your drawers in your bathroom what I didn't what no I think that came like that you're never in there or it's listen with me just be duct tape it works man that well Emily I don't know what to tell you about stonan Willie I can't believe your grandmother was like guys I mean did you get to your grandmother's house like so remember tomorrow pancakes and then Stoneman Willie do she had nowhere to take like there wasn't even a playground or a park no I want to know how many people what's the um what's the population of Reading according to reading population.com yeah how many let let's guess what kind of town do you think is a size where Stone man Wily's Grandma's number one attraction well it's it's Pennsylvania so it's either it's a miltown it's probably a miltown y y um and I bet the population bigger or larg bigger or larger than Rell Illinois that's my this will be this will be as of 2021 by the way that's fine I don't think two years much has shaken loose well if I get it wrong then that's I'm going to back actually a lot of people from Reading have moved to Austin now that's that's where they're going or vice versa you know we could live in Reading how big is your town Ro Rosal Illinois is 9,000 people okay I'm going to guess more my guess is 70,000 whoa wow yeah you're drunk you're drunk you're actually drunk right now what's Greenville 18 million no I don't know I have no idea it's a lot I would guess Greenville is about 300 would you say I bet it's 250 what is Greenville Greenville South Carolina is 72,000 oo as of 2021 so so now we know my guess is going to be way off 70 is not a good guess right how much is it I'm going to go did what did you say we haven't guessed read I I'm going to say that it is bigger than Rochelle okay yeah but not by much I'm going to go 10 okay I'm going to go I'm going to guess are you sticking with 70 yeah I'm sticking with 70 wild that is so wrong you're so wrong crazy I'm going to go I'm going to go with 16,000 people watch it be 80 watch it be 80 I've been in a town of 9,000 for I went to college in a town of 9,000 so I know what that feels like and to me but you got a college we have four stop lights yeah yeah where he grew like him them having a stonem man Willie makes so much sense hey right I would I mean yeah maybe 70 is too big let's see let's see what having a stone man Willie is now like a really big inso yeah he probably went to college with Stan Willie didn't you you son of a b no no don't K don't so okay I do want to say it is Reading Pennsylvania what we've been saying the whole time you've said that here let's do it in and then you can edit it in Reading So reading reading reading but in reading reading very clean those were all clean um so she's so sick of she's met me 20 minutes ago cannot wait for she's like all right get to the second letter let's just go well when you came in and you were like I hope this goes good and she said we'll fix it in post I didn't know wait but she she set herself up for this he's trying to help her fix it po make me sound like an orc through this whole thing get it somewhere um Kum was closest by a long shot wait what is it 94,5 that is very close 70 is very close I had a feeling I felt like if it was really small stonan Willie would be like way more important to them than this letter feels and and it would probably be Stoneman Pennsylvania yeah like 128 years ago they would have been like let's just this is our thing no one here is reading reading well and and which is evidence that they think it's pronounced reading but yet spelled reading because no one's reading I was writing a book um man that I can't believe K was right about that I can't either wait do you have anything in your town I said e By the way you know uh just to go through shoess Joe Jackson's from Greenville South Carolina that's pretty big deal for real from Fielder dreams that's right but isn't that Iowa well Field of Dreams is in Iowa but so the guy is from another so just so you know Field of Dreams none of those players are from none that had anything to do with I okay I want to say I now now to me that's too big a buy like I will buy no one has ever ranted about Field of Dreams that ghost let him go let him I went to college in Iowa Field of Dreams loomed large yes it's all we had is this Heaven no it's Iowa right we our school sold t-shirts that said that I buy that ghost show up but ghost show up and commute to another state yes I don't buy that cuz do you know who they were they were ghosts of baseball players legend of the eight man out of of the Chicago the guys who like through the World Series I think 1928 if I'm had to guess yeah um so they're from Chicago yes but it was about it was about the ray leota's relationship to Kevin coster's was it his grandpa or his dad I don't know but they he had some relationship to that entity and then he just started hearing that voice and he built it and then they came they came to where the baseball was well don't can I can I ask a question and this is may be very easily answered but and obviously it's a spoiler if you build it they'll come from anywhere so I don't to me that's the bite I I I see them traveling through time but not space when the kid is like having a medical emergency yeah yeah yeah and the player once you leave the field you step through time and you can't go back and the doctor decides to do that and gives it up to to help spoiler alert I it was there a chance they could have taken that child onto the field so that s that sacrifice would not have had to have been made you two are currently the craziest Studio execs could you imagine if you guys were the studio execs for this movie eliminate all dramatic moments you would have never gotten made you're over here going can we just cut out this third act and you're going I actually don't buy any of it no I buy some of it I buy ghost time travel I don't believe how did the ghost they come into our world that's okay and now they got to get on a ghost bus why is it a g get to Iowa oh they can get on a regular bus they just walk through the corn they're chill they're ghost of the Corn that's that's your other Studio exact now what if we go with Ghost of the Corn it's Children of the Corn but it's ghost and they play baseball I I will say we are a lied cuz when you said why couldn't they take the kid in and I do not know this movie I've seen it when I was a little kid as soon as you said it I was like yeah that is a good note take the kid in there so you're the exec that doesn't even finish the script but you're like I do like what he's saying yeah yeah totally well I two execs The Writer's just like I can't do this I haven't read the movie but I think my colleague is right bring the kid into yeah eliminate the sacrificial moment where the character has to make a decision yeah and you're both and you're both of your's favorite movie is Dirty Dancing and you keep trying to like bring back maybe it's like a resort yeah can there be like a abortion B plot in this what a lot of people don't know is kumel and I were Ghost Riders oning to Havana Nights Havana Nights which you know was a movie about something completely different and the studio took it and made it for yes of course we know we're the writers who wrote it yeah yeah it's our project shul Joe Jackson and then we'll get out of here Joan Allen my hometown the best oh the Joan Allen I'll never be who's Joan Allen oh yes you know Joan Allen you know and so that we'll leave it at that you know Joan Allen she's in the born movies she oh the actress she was in uh Pleasantville Pleasantville the M oh she's great she got nominated alongside Anthony Hopkins for an Oscar and Nixon I believe she's great two Tony I thought it was another I thought you were talking about another baseball player called Joe Nan yeah I'm not joking what he's not telling you though is that Joe Nan is Joe Nan Joe nelan is incredibly embalmed and preserved in Ro she looks great what do you have what's a c what's your Stoneman Willie oh uh I don't I don't know what my stonean will local Legend anything from town we're a very new city we're only became like real so where what city we talking about Karachi Pakistan 1947 wait maybe you're it I'm the Joon nen you're you're you're joen the shoeless Joan Allen I'll say this people are time about you there yeah I'll say this someone you know people are like are you the the first you like you know the the Pakistani person cuz you know oh God I have to I was nominated for an Oscar six years ago and people were like are you the only Pakistani nominated for an Oscar I was like there's someone from my class who's won two Oscars really from my school same year she's won two Oscars okay her name is shermin bed please tell me the school is like folks folks what you the cross produce Oscar Oscar nominator be further from like an Arts High School it's just what just happened that way random she you've been nominated once yeah and she's one too for documentary short subject what's the age difference here is it close is she Young no we're the same age oh she okay yeah yeah got it yeah Oh I thought I just friends from the same school I same and she's directing The Next Star Wars movie so let's did you guys are you for real do you guys know each other prior to success I knew I knew her a little bit I was like not cool and she in the cool kids but she was nice and all the other cool kids were mean but she was nice and then we've we've had you know we've hung out a few times since since then recently we've W that's cool yeah she's great yeah I love it so you need to you got to win too yeah um it's really hard to no we're going to get feel great about this how I feel I mean is does this thing get is this uh we can fix it in post where you did win an Oscar yes in fact you know what we'll just hold this till then yeah hold this till I win yeah this is never coming out but you've got to really hustle yeah maybe the Shoeless Joe Jackson riff could get nominated is that yes that could be right also wait till Kevin sees your take on Field of Dreams he's going to want to work there there's going to be a sequel Havana Nights Field of Dreams Havana Nights that's what we do we just Havana Nights an idea for an Avengers movie Havana Nights mhm dance contest someone's like what about scar face to havan nights we're like n that just doesn't link it doesn't there's no connective tissue there you two are wild uh Emily thanks so much for this we love it uh goodbye to stonan Willie and hopefully you'll follow up and tell us how it all went when you guys said goodbye to him we wish you well sincerely your pen pals Daniel vankirk Rory Scoville Cal Nani and we back ladies and gentlemen you are now in plugs and hugs with Daniel and Rory and our guest cumil uh today um we were invited to a wedding recently it was September 9th we didn't we we we we aren't going to be there we aren't dude flat circle one this was so now there's a version where we went assuming Interstellar maybe we are at the wedding right now I don't know we're in the we're in the bookcase screening can I see who's wedding it once it was Kate and Seth wait wait they these are your listeners that invited you to their wedding we've been invited to a four supposed to go to one and we were we weren't officiating were we were we giving a speech April April 2020 we had it all line up Friday night you really going to go Friday night was going to be a standup in a podcast Saturday we were going to Jen and borts wedding and we had some sort of role in it we were really speaking I think we're going to speak at it Jen and Bor yeah and it never happened well obviously I mean they end up getting married did they did they get married they get married and can you believe that without us they us did they still did it during the pandemic that's [ __ ] up right dude okay so I'll I'll tell this story U there was a movie a few years ago that I did with Issa Reay who I love she's amazing it was a movie about it's called the love birds it's about a married couple came out 2020 right yeah it was supposed to come out in theaters it ended up coming out on Netflix and it was the first time we were doing like those sort of Zoom press tours you know where nobody's leaving their house so they set up this thing where they were like we're going to get a couple that was supposed to get married then they couldn't get married and we're going to um send them a link to the movie and be like it's just a movie and then have you guys suddenly pop up afterwards cuz they're huge fans of yours have you guys pop up afterwards and say like Hey whenever it's back we're paying for your wedding and flying you to Hawaii for the all this stuff so Isa and I are there they watch the whole movie by the way I'm my hands are like getting already I want you to do this before they want this is already another movie dude I want a free movie I don't want post it's so funny so they so they're watching the movie as soon as it's done they're like all right come in and I was like Isa how about this how about we like roll into frame and we're separate you know I'm like all right you roll into frame I'll like do this they come on Issa rolls into flame frame I come on and they have no idea who we are and it's the vibe is they've just gotten into a relationship ending fight and it's the most awkward they didn't watch the movie they had watched the movie it was so awkward they were like I actually got I I was like I need you knew right away oh my God especially as a standup you you can read a room so fast but they're like like it's not hard to read it's this I know that but oh my God who is this hi hi yeah good yeah I can't wait to get married and I it was so funny and so long and and and I got a video of it yeah and I have a video the unedited video of our conversation come and have you talked about this on stage I have not talked about it on stage it is I laughed so much afterwards for days it was and so wa you roll in and you're like hey yeah I'm like we're like hey and she's like hey and they're like hey and it was I'll show you a screen grab of it cuz I don't want to you know they were lovely people they obviously had had a fight because they said that they had some trouble getting the link to work so clearly they I told you not to [ __ ] Compu every time I told you also how deep into quarantine are we here couple a few months it's it's like June it was early wasn't it yeah this I would say we were like two three months in qu when they're realizing they're realizing this is a huge mistake and this was going to be like the big thing that we're going to Pro promote the movie with oh it's so [ __ ] funny yeah I could not it took me everything to not just just like burst out laughing yeah um I have a I'll show you let me find the screen grab of it I'll show it to you guys they're lovely people I hope you know they're they got I don't I haven't even followed up yeah but Isa was so she was like trying to play it off yeah but then afterward she was like that was so embarrassing I'm like it was it was the most embarrassing thing that ever happened go did you feel pressure to like steer it no I soon as I saw what was happening I was like this is perfect no notes let's just let's drive into this the only thing I'd add here is Havana Nights this is good to package I was like this exactly it should be exactly like this oh my God please so kth we're going to assume that this is not you don't have this story uh hopefully but uh we would like to all say congratulations on your new life together sorry we missed out sorry we missed it but uh will congrat going to travel Lo into your registry there's something somebody didn't buy we'll get you something it will get you something real good and if we don't it's it's because it didn't have will you guys really get them something no okay plugs and hugs go to Rory sco.com those are all my tour dates go to Daniel vanel canel no you say yeah go to Daniel vk.com shooting my special on 1111 in Chicago at the Lincoln Lodge Lincoln Lodge is where Emily and I met my wife [ __ ] it's a different location different location but the Lincoln Lodge is where wait you're telling me that movie wasn't 100% accurate I mean it was accurate for back you know then then they've moved it since then you linol l in the movie you don't say linol l in the mie no we don't say linol l Abraham's house it's like weird for a little while we actually wanted to get like the lincol lodge logo for it I love you both but there it that movie is worth watching also for just Kurt Kurt's so good at oh my godt is so so many Comics it's so good it's so good you know while we were sorry while we were shooting it Kurt was like going up and doing his material and I kind of had to be like hey man I'm sorry to say this you can't do your material cuz it's too too good and you're too good people be like why is this guy still at this like show in Chicago and bombing he's supposed to be bombing so he like then wrote material for it that was still too funny but it was like perfect he doesn't know how to bomb you yeah you almost be like go up with nothing that's why I need you to be zero then he crushes too you just have to yeah he's he just has the performance factor I love him anything you want to plug anything coming oh sorry the night before uh Chicago I'll be in my hometown of rochell Illinois 1110 yes sir and then all of the dates and everything is at Daniel van kirk.com before you say your plugs you're a pen pal now so you get one of these oh it's pal strong these are all our pen pals Rory's got his on right now I've got mine on I got mine on oh sweet so put it on and wear it forever you can't put it on yeah I'll put it on later guys yeah yeah yeah yeah oh so cool thank you so much you see fits yeah I can tell it fits I can tell it fits this is so great drains powers from put it on yeah hair grows my head hair gos um I when does this come out uh end of October perfect oh end of October so I was going to promote a live show but so U I can't promote stuff I can't promote the strikes but i' I'm doing standup all around uh okay don't have a website hey don't you don't are you going to be starting a tour soon are you doing some like Road dates or you just doing it in LA I'm sort of just doing it in LA now but you know if there are Road dates go to my Twitter they'll be up by now okay uh you mean ex go to your ex go to my ex sorry she does not want to hear from people go hit up my ex honestly uh and just ask her what yeah so what yeah what's Cal playing I don't care well she does I don't care but look he's going to be in De Moine yeah is opening for me at my special year we can get you time are you really is he really that's what he when he guessed here he's like I'll be there there and I was like you going to go up he's like no I'm just going to watch um okay well people should follow you yeah now that they know who you are follow me follow me now they got it yeah should we do it yeah let's do it let letter we have right here I'll put it on you don't have to it's your choice it's it feels great do you feel that energy between if between now and the time you forget to take it off if a pen pal sees you with it you got to give it to him okay even though you want to keep it happy to give it to them even though you want to keep sorry I before you give that away though just know that's a $5 value no I like it I like good it's a good color I actually like an eight-year-old reference yeah thank you jewelry oh I'm not going to lie I I honestly didn't know if he if anyone does get the reference that actually makes me really happy right have you seen feel the dreams yeah a guy who has since been thoroughly cancelled yeah yeah yeah yeah and we are picking up the merch that we left on table we're taking it back dear pin Pals at the beginning of Spring this year I joined a wck league softball team I didn't know anyone on the team except the friend that invited me which I was fine with because I really enjoy playing my friend warned me before I joined that the team captain can be intense I love this our team began the year playing very well and we won most of our games everyone on the team was happy and the games were fun I bet however the last few weeks the team has been on a losing streak everyone on the team hasn't been playing well and people were beginning to get frustrated this culminated in our most recent game when we were in the middle of losing another game the team we were playing began to play with an infield shift what is an infield shift Daniel infield shift is when they take the player primarily it'll be the short stop and they'll move them over in between first and second base players so it predominantly most people are going to hit towards uh the right unless you know a player hits to the left you could shift that way and they'll just stack a player over there so that's just a more aggressive so they'll move Third Base player to kind of more towards second so someone is kind of in that region they'll take short stop and put them between first and second sort of shift everything over yes and it it statistically you will get more outs because statistically that batter hits to that side of the high risk High reward yes now that and I just gotta I mean I can get to it now um but we are talking slow pitch softball so as as a natural athlete he's played several Sports if that infield shift is occurring and you can't take that ball [ __ ] dead left you don't deserve to have a winning streak also I'll say can I say my thing now too if you're bringing a cooler of beer to the game let's not worry about a shift yeah keep going roor yeah we're definitely not worried about the morning shift we all have to get to hey ladies and gentlemen we're joined by K you're in time toing show however last we where was I the team playing began with an infield shift the captain began yelling at the Umpire that a shift was against the rule rules it turns out that the captain was right but at the time the Umpire wasn't familiar with the rule and initially tried to keep the game moving on as we all probably would my team captain refused to let the game continue until the Umpire made the other team discontinue breaking this minor rule he was so angry and obnoxious about it that the other team stopped so we could just keep playing the game the other players on my team then began taunting the opposing team and making rude comments when they made small mistakes or errors this began a back and forth with those players and it got very close to fist being thrown it was an extremely uncomfortable environment and made me embarrassed to be associated with these people the captain seems very cool-headed and a decent guy outside of this environment and I don't have any other teams that I can play for at this time is this a situation that deserves an f2f that's face to face with the captain that I met uh just a few months ago or should I leave the team and let them play how they want to play thanks Pals Nick ding ding it's we were last time I saw you which wasn't that long ago like a week ago you were talking about you're in a basketball league you play basketball I had a game that night you had a game and I just want to say I [ __ ] lit it up hell yeah what' you do I lit I was like draining shots layups I was Magic Johnson you're like the and one tour it was very and one tour for me the professor also it help the other team was not good at all yeah they were kids Skip to My lot you know who that is Skip to My L the Prof hot sauce we were up honestly in the final minutes we were up like 15 points and I mean like minutes where we could could just ended you wer coming back went in and that's when I finally got some time and their guy came over and was like like trying to like verbally throw me off and I literally I was dribbling like and he couldn't get the ball he'd like half to foul me but my brain was like just hand him the ball like I don't care I've seen I've seen you I saw Jay Williams do that remember Jay will who was uh had a motorcycle accident and couldn't play after that I remember I think when he was still at Duke he was doing that it was exactly the same thing and the other team and he was just like just take just just have it I I think I have that I don't need this I mean the best though is the other the inbound with Kobe yeah and the guy's like and Kobe's just and he didn't even like didn't even and that's also that is encapsulates he was psychic yeah about game obviously and then that guy ended up becoming his teammate yes who was the guy it wasn't Rick Rick Rick Rick Fox no no Rick Fox's Bernard Bernard this is our best bet did I say it I might said in those combinations of letters you might cut out when you said it yeah that's what I thought um ready so does it get cuz this situation you can feel it you can feel it it also happens with board games like we have a lot of friends who are into board games and you settling Kat over there you can feel tension uh not not that one but other ones but but I I know that one I'm not a big board game person we just have friends who are into games and I'm always like for me it's two things one I like the Hang but I can I have to keep the demon in check cuz sometimes I can get a little too I remember we playing flip CL cup and I was like trash talking and having a great time and I like someone like missed some and was like upset and I was like care too much I started like chanting care too much and it and then of course they came to bite me in the ass cuz I careed too much you got to find that balance and I didn't know Emily started the chant against me she was right I do that with other parents and their kids I'm like care too much care too much it's got to be a balance cuz you got to take it seriously enough but not so serious how's the balance in your basketball league I think it's pretty decent I mean I am I have finally released myself of the very Alpha competitive and I like it I like that version of myself in sports that's the only time that like came out and it was like oh this is a this is the space to get to be that person who lets this out of your your your ego or your whatevers great it it does but it's still like so close to it's so close and so I you know if if if guys on other teams are being [ __ ] [ __ ] it drives me crazy and I will like talk a little [ __ ] but it's never I my talking [ __ ] is never and I've prided myself on this my entire athletic career it is never about the sport I love the [ __ ] head games I lit I used to guard people in soccer and I would just talk about being like I think I'm going to transfer I just don't even get this and they would be like what I just like I just I don't know what is are you guys close is your team close and he was like I don't know we're a good team I wouldn't do that I wouldn't do that but I was like trying to get information but also give them a false impression of who I am or what my too hot for a game today right like too hot today like you're like to abstract conversation what are these colors like what is that red you guys red like are we just looking for friendships is that what I maybe Was Alone um but like I I prefer that where in this adult league when guys are going too hard I'm now just at the point where I'm like guys it's like at the end of this we all get a t-shirt that doesn't fit like who [ __ ] cares have to remind I have to remind myself of that even in board games stuff and things like that I'll be like I have to be like this doesn't matter right have fun it doesn't matter you have to I'm more competitive about overcooked than I am a basketball game where you actually could say oh yeah that that maybe comes out in this Arena now I'm fully calm and I don't care and also if guys are playing too rough I like no one ever does this but I'm always like let's just leave I go if we all just go get out grab our car keys and just go ah we're not going to do it anymore that sends a message yeah we won't remember any of this I was I I have not been you know a big like um like sports person did you play anything growing up I played cricket and I loved cricket and I was okay at it um you're probably our only guest that will ever ever say that I don't know anyone else that's like I play cricket there's Cricket going on right now I know three people and they're all from South Africa and they love Cricket yeah you know three people well I played college soccer and they all played soccer okay the the CEO of Microsoft is building a cricket pitch like out in Redmond Washington and everyone redond Washington and everyone is G like really excited about it the American League they're trying to like really get it going and it's all like you know a lot of it are like retired International like players yeah um but it's fun I you know I I got like it's an app called Willow that shows Cricket all and I and I watch it but ESPN 2 will also show show stuff but after college in Chicago I became part of a kickball league yes this softball and kick in Chicago is huge it's huge now are beers allowed wacka everything's allowed got it Chicago CL but we had a team it was all kids from our College would mov to Chicago from Iowa and within the team there was like half people took it really seriously and half the people didn't and then it's kickball it's kickball World adult kickball Association wacka first graders are also playing game if you have to specify adult in the name of your league don't take it seriously also it's wild especially in Chicago about which bar you're going to that's what I mean social after that's what it was like if you said what's the point of this league you're like to give people thing to do but honestly to introduce a lot of men and women to each other that I dated someone from another team couple my teammates dated from people literally outside of meeting their significant in Chicago the number one like way to play 16inch soft softball and regular softball and volleyball and kickball is it's called Chicago social club and it's been there since the early 2000s and it's just all these leagues all over I mean 16-inch softball if you're caring you don't even wear gloves wait were you caring to too much no I wasn't caring too much I had a good time but there was a split and our team we were all which was read the people who there for fun scrubs there was one person on our team the name who could kick um yes we can okay uh can we kick it yes we can we call the S we K C pu okay CU honestly had you now said actually we couldn't have beer there I go this is gross everything about this is gross I our team going to be like 2005 Barack stole it from us yeah so Brock took it I mean we start it from him yes um he was in the league that's how he met Michelle we will let you finish this story our team was the scrubs the ones who didn't have athletic ability and we realized that if we just bunted it was very hard to get us out cuz they'd have to run throwing the ball so we started just Bunting and and they the other teams hated us so much but the team that was you know the offshoot of our team hated us the most and the captain of that was they would call us yes we can bunt um and it was so for me it was just fun cuz I didn't care and watching the other teams get so upset about it was worth it for me bunting is just bunt run bunting is the constant low kick version of playing Street Fighter just low kick low kick low kick low kick you're trying to like relate to me right now yeah no I'm saying saying you would know I I do I do think he is trying relate to you I do think that was hisort CU I wanted to say it was a very stepdad move right there hey hey hey don't touch me real dad you're don't touch me Gary call me uh I I respect you nice to my mom but how about you call me a pop or old man no papa come on Papa Bear yeah you go too hard too quick so you're Gary Gary this K call me papa bear day one mom's been on two dates with you man call me dad two dates matter she hasn't even put out we have a very close relationship call me Daddy call me dad I would you call me daddy um I do call my dad daddy by the way and then I changed it growing up I called him daddy and then at some point we had to have like all right it's going to be dead now yeah yeah cuz the the the the the connotation around that world word change quick real quick yeah yeah yeah yeah right now it doesn't even mean related it it shifted yeah yeah yeah yeah um I it's so funny like and what would you and I I don't want this to be come off as insensitive but you're not saying the word daddy you're saying the Pakistani like so what is the word no it was Daddy it is Daddy yeah no matter what I called her ma which is the the word for Mom it's sort of like actually weird because that feels like that's not enough like Daddy's too much and then Ma's like go go one step further The Other M in there you're out on the frontier yeah but Ma with a silent n at the end it's not ma it's Ma gotcha there's a there's a letter we have that is an a that's just the nasal a sound so ma is uh formal actually it's the equivalent of saying mother like calling someone mother which is very off-putting I was the only one that called my mom ma yeah and uh daddy it was Ma and literally daddy L it's so bizarre because one is like oh and then the other one's like too much yeah too far yeah not enough too much what what would your siblings call your mom uh mom and and Dad oh they did the formal as well yeah but we didn't you my mom wasn't formal it's just what we had decided on and this wasn't your dad didn't pull you aside and go let's not do that no dude cuz it happened recently this is in the last few years that what what way too late in the game noo I'm saying what are you saying three years ago your he your dad was like no no you're saying the connotation of daddyy the connotation of daddy changed but I stopped calling him daddy maybe still still like maybe 15 years ago like still you know that's better than you saying last week do the math on that he's in his 20s yeah no the math is still bad daddy stuck around for too long I mean that's how you know the guy and then changing well I don't but yeah yeah I never knew my dad so it's Dad and and Mom still right yeah um but yeah called him daddy for a very very long time anyway I think they should do both have a con if you're just going to quit where's the fun that you got to talk to the captain say I don't like it and if it doesn't go well quit cuz there's nothing to lose by talking to the captain you want that confrontation I think oh do you like are you a confrontational person no I want other people to have confrontations I that's how I am I like being in the audience for that my the question is how important is it to you to be on the team if it's almost zero then just stop playing I think they like the social aspect of it they said that there are other there aren't other teams they can play on I feel like they want to do definitely like it they don't know anyone on the team except the friend that invited them but now they have relationship now they've they've been involved too long here's the here's the thing if you decide hey we need a chat that behavior is kind of crazy I think what you have to keep in mind is that even a chat isn't going to necessarily be make people like Pull It in I've played Sports not going to be able to change this person I've played sports with people who in an email and this is just guys getting together this isn't even a league an email where people to go hey and just remember the referee is just one of us who happen to just decide okay I won't play and all I'll give my time to officiate a game as a non actual referee I'm just here to like call the basic stuff and then people are like remember when you yell at the referee you look like a [ __ ] ass it's like literally someone who's your teammate next week and the fact that that has to happen every so often it's because in these in these situations and it's Alpha personalities it's not always men it's men and women in these situations this part of their personality this is the safest space honestly for this to come out and and you just unacceptable we all oh it's wildly unacceptable it can be love it's fine I think a little you CH here's what I mean to say I don't I think that it's to change people's behavior in this Arena is this needs therapy yeah saying the conversation isn't going to do it no but maybe the conversation gets them to go to therapy and they realize a good point do you think it's your exit interview that you're like hey man I just wanted you know I'm not going to be on the team anymore uh it's just what happened last week and like the intensity level I'm just here to have a good time so like you're saying you are leaving but you're letting them know you're you're giving them maybe a seed or planting a little bit of I certainly having the conversation if I want to stay I go go to them and I say hey this is not going well uh you're freaking you you're doing this you're freaking out so do you think if I want to I want to stay but if it's going to if this is how the M you want to be in then I'm going to go yeah right you got to be careful with the wording you can't say things like it's embarrassing because they're going to go oh we embarrass you like it's a it's there's a chest there's a game of chess it has to be a therapist type conversation but in this scenario this person who from the jump can be intense is going to go I was right and they like yeah I know but nobody cared that much like yeah but I was right so what the f like well then you leave the team then you're there's no way getting in but I think you got to make the attempt you either just I I think it's it is worth making the attempt if it means that much to you but also if you're like if if you're in the field of going I don't know I can let it go that isn't every game sure here's here when you're winning it's not at all here's what we talk about we would say this in sports a lot but it's it's it's great it's a great thing to be said because it's not just in sports in great adversity is when you will see people's true character so when when our team was losing and you saw people whine or like start fights or talk [ __ ] to other team or yell at the ref all the time is because in this adverse moment you can't maintain and try to complete the [ __ ] mission instead you're resorting to these other things because wait sadly are you talking about the game or the the people the marriage people from both okay because sadly in a in a in an adver moment what comes out is that and the when you go oh what should I work on it's that in an adverse moment you still have to like maintain this optimistic Viewpoint that you can win the game for instance when an entire team illegally does an infield shift you should get to illegally no they could do it it turns out they could I was reading it sorry and then I think you you go hey look the umpire's not changing it that's just the deal we're all here to drink and have fun anyways but you know what let's actually beat the [ __ ] out of this [ __ ] this is how I be I go let's beat the [ __ ] out of these guys anybody talks [ __ ] you don't say anything on our soccer team if you got tackled and it was clearly a foul our coach said you ask the person who fouled you if they're okay no matter what you go you all right you good and it gets in their [ __ ] hat and he goes you're not there to talk [ __ ] you're not there to say you hurt me you're not to say what the [ __ ] you're not there to yell at the ref look at them and go you all right because now they will get so [ __ ] angry more than likely another foul they might be a red card they might be out of the game and you're like there you go you couldn't you couldn't handle it that's the thing that's the thing you can't meet like with like like you know if you're on the road La has road rage whenever someone like Road rages at me I laugh at them and I do a lot of waving they hate it so much yeah yeah yeah it destroys them yeah I do a lot of waving yeah I think that's great it's okay are they ever like are they ever like so [ __ ] mad and then they pull up next to you and you're laughing and they're like it's the guy who started Chi and dals is that agitator is that oh my God agitator of course he's doing this to yeah agitator would agitator would be the guy who was like you know that guy's you know what he said about you he starts it yeah he starts the battle he's the like smarmy behind the curtain yeah exactly exactly The Wizard of Oz He says the bone through your head looks lame I think it looks cool yeah he said have either before we go have either of you umped or refed anything I yes I used to referee little kid soccer when my kids were like 5 years old those parents were passionate and I literally had to say to some parents like and I was in high school I looked at some parents like they're five they're going to use their hands it's going to go out on Long like honestly who no one cares dude I was in high school they were 12 and 13 and I was only 17 and I'm umping this softball game in Rose Shell and they're yelling at me right like the calls and everything I'm the only up like I'm behind the pitcher umping to also be able to Ump the plays and call the and I eventually was like guys there's no rec there's no record of any of this like it does like nobody's going to college based on I'm doing my I'm doing my tell them and like three of them chilled out and one left and I was like I don't I guys relax the one probably left out of embarrassment like oh that kid was right I'm a grown adult and I couldn't see the logic yeah I'll be in the car yeah H you read this I read it let me get over here folks folks wait what was our advice finally I think they should talk to them and see how that conversation goes and then leave or or give them another shot based on that that's how I feel here's what I think Nick step away from the team go to all the games start to recruit the best players start to say that you'll pay them and start to have high quality beer in the cooler and let them be like [ __ ] and fresh jerseys and be like I'm willing to spend a ton of team just to become a champion of this league just do that for no reason you're diabolical and then when you play your old team do an infield shift and as soon as and just do it and stare at him like oh we can't do it okay okay but keep forgetting that every forget that you're not supposed to do it yeah take the warning yeah um I just ask I I like what Camille said ask yourself how much you want to be on the team and if so just be like hey can we just remember yeah none of this matters yeah Nick we wish you well sincerely your PIN Pals Roy Scoville Daniel vankirk kamalan [Music] jany I wish [Applause] you [Music] you want to read it or me yeah I'll that's not even a thing ready