I was so addicted to the feeling of rugby league not only you know running out and playing in front of the fans and winning games but it's the moment in the sheds that you missed the most how did you really come to accept that decision to retire I basically got rushed back to play it was me and Michael Gordon we we were both not okay but we played and um played another game the next week against par and my shoulder was gone I used to have to sleep like that cuz it must have been whatever the nerve was getting pinched in my neck it felt like someone was pouring like boiling hot water down my shoulder the third game I was back we played tigers at Shark Park and I was feeling all right and then I had a carry in the middle of the game and I got jammed and same thing it fled up again and I remember playing the game and come off the field and the doctor's like you got to go see the surgeon again this is we can't keep needling it and my wife's like if you um if you don't get the surgery I'm not going to watch ever again I did like a captain's Run for the next game and I got back from Captain's run I went to pick up my daughter she was only young and I could barely lift her yeah and um I pulled out of that next game and then retired the next week