start off by thanking everyone for the outpouring of support love prayers and all the memories shared it has truly not gone unnoticed it brings tears to my eyes to see how much everyone loved and cherished my husband and brother-in-law as much as their families do this last week has felt like I've been trapped in a nightmare I can't wake up from I feel numb angry sad blessed all at once some days the thought of new reality is debilitating but mostly I just miss Matt most people know Maddie as a hockey player a hockey coach a friend a mentor and while he was all of those things he was so much more I met Maddie in Omaha Nebraska while we were both playing in high school while he was playing in high school he was playing for the Lancers my best friend actually introduced us to each other and he couldn't have weighed more than 90 lbs and had a Joe Dirt haircut it was his personality that made me instantly attached to him his free spirit his laugh his wittiness his love for country music friends and family was irresistible we instantly became best friends and I knew I was going to spend the rest of my life with him I remember one day he stopped into my work one night after his practice and he was telling me how him and a few guys from his team went tanning because they were doing a free week of tanning and he showed me where his tan lines were he thought you kept your socks short and sure on wild tanning I never did tell him he was wrong we did long distance for four years while he was attending Boston College Maddie was so excited to play alongside his brother something he never took for granted the bond that Matt and John shared is something that unless you knew them personally even the most perfect words pictures or videos can not adequately describe it they were attached at the hip they slept in the same room up until college and neither of them ever wanted that to change I remember in our early years of dating our friend group would go to country concerts when we got back to the house we were staying at Maddie and I would go to bed and we would always wake up wake up with John right in the middle somehow John took care of Maddie and Maddie would take care of John to know both of them was to truly love them it was impossible not to fall in love with them Meredith said at best you do not hear one name without the other they were so extremely proud of each other and it brings me comfort knowing they are still together forever as they always were Matthew loved his sisters Katie and Kristen and his parents Jane and G Maddie was a family man through and through you honestly can't pick more of a close-knit family than the good dros and I'm so honored to be a part of it Maddie was an adored Uncle his nieces cam Logan Noah and nephew Johnny were loved by him like they were his own I can't even tell you how many times he got peed on pooped on thrown up on but you never once heard him complain the kids were his life and I promise I will be there for them for the rest of their life and make sure they know their Uncle Maddie who their Uncle Maddie is and how much he loved them I was blessed to see more of a personal and private side of Matthew no one else got to see him as a husband Matthew is and will always be the best part of me he loved me so deeply and would always show it and I pray to God he knew how much I loved him I truly can't believe how lucky I was to be loved by him he was hardworking patient kind gentle attentive funny he was my safe place my quiet my home my best friend I will miss our late night Taco Bell runs our slow mornings on the weekends our snuggles in bed while we were watching whatever it was we were watching at the time even picking up your messes doing your laundry watching you mow all of the little things the 14 years we spent together will never be enough but I will cherish those and carry them close to me especially on the extremely hard days for the rest of my life you changed me in my life for the better the moment you entered it I was also blessed to see the dad side of Matthew for those of you do who don't know we have a golden doodle named Stella who is our first baby Maddie and Stella were attached to each other Stella would always want her dad they enjoyed the outdoors together playing ball and laying in the grass Maddie would always get upset when people told Stella she was adopted he would always whisper in her ear don't worry honey no you weren't you came from Mommy and Daddy for anyone that knows Maddie knows he was born to be a dad the moment we found out about our son trip it consumed his every day he was downloading apps ordering books finding the best diaper brand making sure I had the best vitamins and asking for tips from John I will never forget the tears he had in his eyes when we first heard Trip's heartbeat he never miss an appointment I am so grateful I forced him to start the nurs Matthew worked so hard on that room and I can feel him in there every time I go in it Matthew was so excited to welcome trip into this world and although the plan now looks a little different I know Matt will surround His Son for the rest of his life I'm so thankful God gave us a child a little Maddie to run around for life to carry on his legacy trip will know how much his father loved him and I promised to do all the things with him we talked about I can't wait to see Johnny and trip grow up together and have the same Bond as their dads had Meredith we are in lots of trouble to Meredith I am so sorry that we will forever share this Bond the boys could not have picked stronger women as wives mothers of their children there is one person in this world that knows the exact feeling I am feeling and that is you and for that I am sorry the loss of a husband a father our comfort I promise that I will always be there for you and the kids and we will honor the lives of our husbands together hand inand alongside their family and friends I urge everyone to never drink and drive call a ride please do not put another family through this torture the loss of Maddie and John will leave a hole in the family with his close friends the community for eternity however their legacy will live on through the lives of everyone they touched their kids their wives their parents their siblings God really did draft the best two boys line mates forever I love you so much Matthew Ryan