I am they came a mom two years ago and that really was a very profound restructuring I have everything one of the things I thought was oh I'm I'm worried I'm not gonna have as much time to think to write you know and I mean I definitely don't I think that's that's pretty par for the course but time moves in such a different way now it's really uncanny and that was something that I was just thinking time would proceed as it always had but I would just have this new person that I was responsible for and loved he really changes every second in a way that makes me very aware that I'm living in the present you know and sometimes if I'm with him they're not as many rooms to go to I just feel like I have to be present with him and that's a real gift because not since my own childhood have I felt so kind of riveted to my skin and in my body and in this world with him you're born again with your children and you suddenly see the world from their perspective and you see the world from the mother's perspective which I had always been a daughter and then I became a mother and you're you know that's a much less morally pure position to be a parent the moment you have a child you're guilty you've brought something into this world that you will fail to perfectly take care of and perfectly its its imperfection you know the imperfection of being a mother you know samuel beckett's that fail better and that's all you can do as a mother and that's all you can do as a writer but it kind of brings it home to you when you have children they this is gonna be messy and you're gonna do this wrong and you're gonna try and and and then you're gonna let them go I have unconditional love I've never had unconditional love ever and feeling that for your children and feeling this the relief of yourself I don't need to worry about myself because I need to worry about you your needs I'm gonna put above mine no matter what and everything that I go and do and even if I'm away from you it's because I'm you know creating something or making something so that you can have a better life or a life period or we can keep the roof over our head whatever it is it is for them and there's there's that that sounds like such a burden and such a horrible thing when you don't have children and then when you do you're like oh what a relief it's not just about me I don't have to worry I'm fine but I can give something to someone else and I don't need anything back [Music] [Applause] you [Music]