are we really in combat are we not in combat who's actually the enemy I think we were in Baghdad for a few days and then we were in a firefight outside the Abu hanifa mosque and it was just totally bizarre just gunfire everywhere I was just thinking what the am I doing here and that question never went away I don't know how to explain the war to myself there was no difference made maybe for the worse the whole time you're wondering like what are we really doing are we really in combat are we not in combat who's actually the enemy we hit houses with the wrong address we just kicked your door in or we just blew your door in or we just damaged your house at 3:00 in the morning in the psychological side of it now I still carry I still think about that guy I still remember punching him in the face punch him in his face and there's his glasses right there if you look and you put yourself in their place how would you feel if you had someone kicking in your door and you as the man want to protect your family and me coming through the door with bad intentions I'm always going to carry that