The Do's & Don'ts of Sending Your Kid Off to College | Call Your Mom Episode 15

then I think I'm supposed to be saying this but um please like subscribe and give us a advice rating and share like subscribe and share tell all your friends that there's a podcast where two people there's people listen to anything just just do it [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] oh hi Mom hi honey I have lots of stuff happening I can't wait to talk to you about have uh first and foremost I'm trying to get a new microphone um so I sound like the people that I love on podcast that have these really great voices but now I don't know what to do with this big giant microphone well we gota we got to put your your camera up somewhere higher I think it's just my iPad camera so yeah I'm I'm I'm gonna work on the technology honey I'm gonna work on the technology but I hope it sounds amazing does it sound amazing it sounds good hopefully mine sounds I'm using this my new microphone it's a an iPhone microphone it sounds pretty good now see here I'm coming in with the high quality today and you're coming in with the clearly I'm not at my apartment and I'm just trying to record this stuff right now well you do you want to explain why all right listeners we have had some scheduling faux paw um I feel like you should start we we gotten a little tiff on Saturday well somebody was like let's do the podcast at 1 pm on Saturday and so I was like okay I canceled some stuff and then somebody at at 11 was like I just Ed I woke up at 4:00 a.m. I needed to take a nap and then proceeded to not text or call me again until 30 minutes before I had to go to work and you you a couple of things happened number one you were very angry but I felt like you communicated your anger to me in a really productive way so good about that I was frustrated I was just more like frustrated and annoyed because I was like and and for some more back story somebody I won't say who was getting on you about not showing up schedle time saying I'm procrastinating and need to be more organized despite the fact that started most of this it's like my idea but whatever okay but the full story is I appreciated how you communicated your anger to me I thought it was super productive good and here's a news flash to people who might be listening sometimes parents are wrong I was in the wrong and I made a mistake and I had to just apologize and I just had to take it and be like you're right I messed up and I'm sorry but I thought we communicated all that very well would you agree to that I think we I think we did a good job we did a good job fight fight but then so then we had a delightful it wasn't a fight I think it was just a conversation that's that's the thing I want this you're over you're making it sound like I was like we just had a disagreement because I was frustrated because you kept re rescheduling right which but then I was happy we had a good talk about it and then today again I have screwed up because we're we are trying to get a set time to record record the podcast because I have an insane schedule and yours is a little all over and I blew it again today so here's the good news we are getting this episode recorded and I have some really big topics I want to talk about so sure can we set can we say that yes we had an agree disagreement but I'm proud of how we communicated it we're back on the same page and this week's episode I really want to get into because something happened to me over the weekend that I've been dying to talk to you about okay let's hear it let's go so I am doing College foot excuse me I'm doing college football this week so excited I have Notre Dame at Texas A&M on Saturday and so I flew to Notre Dame this week to go to practice and spend two days on campus it was just incredible got to spend a lot of good quality time with Marcus Freeman their coach and everything but something happened while I was on campus it was movein day for Notre day and movein day means like all the parents are there and they're moving their kids into college and as I was leaving that night it was Friday night on campus I see like they have this tradition where they have you know a whole dorm will be in a matching t-shirt and they go out onto the football field and the entire incoming freshman class for Notre Dame takes a photograph that's like here's our incoming not you know freshman class and I think a lot of colleges do that but as these hundred women were walking for them their dorm to the football stadium to take the picture there were probably 50 sets of parents following them and I had this visceral reaction that was like come on parents drop your kids off at college and leave them alone and so I wanted to get into with you like what our drop off experience was and what you think what you think is healthy for parents because a lot of parents are going to be dropping their kids off this weekend oh yeah that's true I don't know it's different we were I was just watching some movie about like high school and I was just kind of thinking about like the high school experience and I'm like it's so much even though it's only what is that 10 think it's 11 years ago for me it's night and day like it's so it's so completely different and so like when it comes to I mean maybe these kids want their parents there maybe their parents are required to be there I will say I I researched it later because I was so annoyed by it I shouldn't say annoyed I was concerned that these parents were too clingy I did research it later Notre Dame does a bunch of activities for parents and so I think on the one hand maybe the university is encouraging the parents to stay and do activities and some of that could be selfish like the colleges are like we want these parents to get in emotionally invested in Notre Dame and then we're gonna have them donate money down the road or whatever you know I don't yeah I'm assuming it's like they probably I mean it's can't all just be students that are just like first time like I feel like a lot of people go to a college that your parent went to or like I feel like there's a mix of that kind of stuff going on too so I mean I wouldn't be annoyed with them maybe they're parents are weird kids are weird everybody's gotten Weird But but so let's go back to our our story because I remember being very upset when I drove home from dropping you off to college but I love to talk about it because I think it was as I look back on it I think it was the healthiest option we two very different mental head spaces about my drop off I was in the well I was just like you were making it a big deal and kind of being a little what felt like overbearing but to me I was like we spend so much time separate already so like this isn't like some big new Step this is just like an evolution of what we kind of already do because you you leave for every week or whatever so I was kind of like why is she being so like I it just it didn't seem like it was that big of a deal to me and to me I'm a single mom and you're my only child and this is the signal that you're leaving home and I felt like someone had reached into my chest I'm gonna cry right now talking about it I felt like someone had reached into my chest and pulled my soul and heart out that's what it felt like to your mother see that's interesting I mean you yeah yeah I I was just looking at it as like purely logistical I was like you're gone all the time anyways like this doesn't it doesn't change much yeah so I remember dropping you off like we I gave you a car we loaded up your car and then I followed you up there with um my sister Aunt Robin's very close to you and I guess in my mind I thought we were gonna like help you move in and help you put your dorm room together because I had done that with her daughter Rachel when she went to college and we got to your dorm we pull up and you could literally not get us out of there fast enough you're like I'm good and we're like can we help you carry some stuff in and you're like no no I'm good and we literally must have been yes it is oh my God no it's not you guys we went you guys dropped me off we took stuff in and then we also went to Walmart and got more stuff you didn't it wasn't let's this hyperbolizing of this is ridiculous okay get your get your crap together that's what it felt like to me is that I dropped you off at college and instead of like helping you set up your room and making making it I I guess some of it's nesting for a mom is making it feel like you have a new safe space and I've made sure that you're safe and you're organized for this next chapter of your life so some of it is very symbolic and psychological for me but it sounds like you didn't need any of that you didn't want any of that so what should parents be doing when they drop their we did some of that that's what's that's what's Anno I knew that was being a dick during it I was not exactly the nicest but like this new this new fangled story that you've decided to tell the people of America this re this refurbished retelling okay but can we process do you remember what you were feeling at the time like why were you being a dick because you were being I I have put it down to separation like you know we're separating and this is the quickest easiest way to just cut it was no I was getting annoyed because it like we at that point in our relationship had spent a decent like a decent amount of time apart like it wasn't in my mind it wasn't like this huge step because like I during especially in high school I was very very independent and you were working a ton right because you you started getting on a bunch of different gigs and stuff and like you living at my house we're living together we still see each other daily when we're together no yeah we would see each other maybe once or twice a week no yeah no yeah anyway so that's why it didn't feel like it was a huge a huge step in that sense because I was like well we because during football season and during school we were pretty separate so like I didn't seem like that big of a deal and so I was getting annoyed by and then you know we're putting all the we're putting my stuff in the room and you're like well maybe you should do this maybe you should do this maybe you should do this and it was just a little bit on like you this lie that you've constructed of that you dropped me off and left we we walked in you told me where you we should put everything you had ideas about how we should put everything in and then we decided we needed to go get a bunch of stuff from Walmart because we didn't have enough stuff so we did a Walmart run and you were telling me what kind of stuff you wanted to buy from Walmart for me and so this this this construct of me being I was being rude because I felt a little bit like confused and it was overbearing and I'm also starting a new thing you know you know that you don't want your mom involved with yeah I think it's interesting no not that that's another not what my mom involved with I it's my own thing you're not yeah I'm already it's my college experience well I will just say this um you know it's like he said she said because you're experiencing it one way I'm experiencing another way and we're both caught up in our own emotions and our own head but I do remember driving back home with Robin and I was just crying the whole time now some of that is because I'm kind of devastated that you know like it's just been us we're Team row it's just been us and so I think it that was a harder transition for me than I was processing because there were parts of your childhood I'd be like I can't wait till he goes to college I'm gonna have freedom and I do think some parents think that even as much as we love our children it's more like the freedom but the reality for me was when you did go away to college I went into a deep depression for a long time and felt like my my heart and soul had been ripped out gaping void in my chest not to be too dramatic oh I was very busy during college I was in student government so I didn't have that problem and you did a great job you hit the ground running you had lots of activities you had several scholarships I was proud of your how you did College I thought you did a great job being involved with a lot of stuff yeah the funny the funny ending to this I'll just and then I'll move on is um you came home like two weeks later because it was Labor Day or I I always forget which one's in September Labor Day I think it's Labor Day yeah yeah so you came home not even two weeks later and we sat down we went to brunch at eggs in the city in Salt Lake I I remember this vividly and you were like man mom I I need to really thank you because a lot of my roommates and people I live with have never left Utah and I'm realizing that I've had this really cool unique incredible experience as a kid and I'm really grateful for it and I just wanted to say thank you do you remember that yeah yeah that's great you do not remember that that was your face was like I don't know what she's talking about I yeah that's I feel like this is another madeup memory I do appreciate that though I do I did I went to a school with a lot of kids who were like from small towns and stuff um because it was kind of like a weird little area where that school was so I definitely like was a little bit more well traveled than some kids I would say uh for just because you know various reasons and it was essentially a community college so like it's not you're it's it's not really like a lot of money is going into it so it's like kids people are trying to save money or whatever kind of reason and so that it was just interesting to see like what that kind of does to some of the people that I was meeting their first experience away from home or meeting people who are not exactly like them what would you tell to our listeners like I did want your feedback on this because I personally feel like parents have become not everybody but I do see a lot of this they have been so involved in their kids' lives that they are living vicariously through their kids and it's hard for them to let go what do you think is a healthy way to go drop your child off of college what what would you now now say looking back um I don't know just make sure like to talk down like make make sure everybody's on the right page about how everybody's feeling about stuff maybe record it so it can't be used against you on a podcast years later um just have you know just Paranormal Activity just put a camera in the back of the car just so you can keep an eye now but um it just depends on like what the relationship is because I feel like there's some kids that are going out to college and like they are chronically online and so like it might be a little bit of a scary experience for them or there's some kids that're like they they've got 10 million followers on Instagram and they can do whatever the hell they want they're they're crushing like or there's you know athletes or there's there's all these different Avenues so I think it's just it's not about you is the biggest thing parents I know that you're going through something but it's they're the ones experiencing stuff for the first time you already did it so just be so let your kids go and do it right yeah yeah I think if I could give advice um things I've done wrong or just things that I think would work better I guess my advice would be communicate your expectations so like if I would have communicated like hey this is hard for me for you to leave and you know I know it's not about me but I'd love to come help you set up your room is that okay and you could say I love that you love that but it's okay I've got it Mom i' would be okay if you just come and drop me off and Say Goodbye like it's okay we don't need to make a big thing is like just kind of set the expectation up front yeah and then I do think it would be important to empower kids for you to set boundaries for your parents sometimes like I think parents are way too up in their kids lives and I think it's healthy for them to set a boundary that's like hey I've got this I'll check in with you and then oh one other thing this was going to be one of my chaos theories but can can we talk about it tips for keeping in touch I one thing that I had I had a roommate in college that did this and I I kind of would try to make us do it we never quite executed it right but once a week they had a once a week check-in um my friend once a week on a Wednesday night or on Sunday night would have a 30 minute call with her parents and that was their check-in so I thought it was super healthy because then the parents weren't trying to get a hold of the kids all week and they were kind of giving them their space to acclimate their their new area but the parents who might be home kind of craving to hear from their kids and hear what's going on then the parents knew that they had that call coming up so it would lessen some of their anxiety what do you think about that yeah I think that makes sense just set up like a like on Sunday nights we have a call yeah I think that's smart I think that's a good idea okay um okay then can I did you have any other topics for today because I have one more very important topic I wanted to hit you on see I've got my poits written do you have your Post-its written uh I did but I don't love any of them um okay I love this one can we go with this one I really want to get yeah read it why is why would Harry Potter be cancelled is Harry Potter cancelled so our friend Brianna Stewart she sent us she's doing a new collaboration with Puma these new Harry Potter shoes and they're so cool she loves Harry Potter she's got a wand tattooed on her do they make those do those make those in a men's size I'm just asking for we need to see but anyway so I posted it on social media and I I kind of vaguely knew that JK Rowling the author of Harry Potter's been in the news but kind of for years or something yeah yeah I feel like she's been in the news for years on various controver topics but I've never paid it much attention because I don't really care about her I I just like the books Harry Potter so can you support this book and can we still be Harry Potter fans if the author is espousing things that we don't believe in I say it doesn't matter like there's nothing in her rhetoric in the books that is anti anybody so I think I think that can be fine like right it's not like her belief Bel that she's espousing as a right yeah it's interesting so do you remember when you were little we um we had some hard conversations when you were little about Chris Brown remember when Chris Brown and Rihanna got into an alleged fight and you and I had a long conversation about um abuse against women and how you treat women and we decided in our home to ban Chris Brown for a while yeah and then it was really hard to keep Banning him because I love him so much his music is good he's very he's very sexy um I think honestly I think it when it comes to nobody's nobody's all good and nobody's all bad I think this idea of like canceling people or like you don't listen to Somebody's work because of ab andc some people who you think are all great are like could be just terrible you know what I mean not to say that they are but like that doesn't mean I agree like to your point nobody's all good nobody's all bad and so I feel like if you will only accept perfect people you'll have a very short list of friends and Associates and if we if we don't like things that have a bet like that are we we liked it when it was created but the creators were bad people we can't like America most food we can't really enjoy because whoever came up with like getting milk from a cow that's a weirdo like there's all kinds of stuff that it's like the art and the artist is always going to be tough because it is kind of an expression um of their thoughts but I mean if it's not I think it's just childish to be so like oh but is it good is it bad like she she made a book and she's a billionaire now I don't care what she has to say I mean I feel bad for the that boxer um because her and that she kind of bullied and I didn't see her tweet so I really don't even know what she said but I I just will say this we are very protrans in our family we have a a trans member of our family and we have seen the ink and difficulties that our beloved family member has gone through so we um want all of the rights and protections for Trans people because it is a very hard life and we want to be loving and kind and supportive and so people who can't understand that um maybe you've never met somebody who's trans and I would just say meet meet somebody and have some conversations with them about their lives because this is like this push button topic and issue right now and everybody that seems to speak out on it I just really want to say do know anyone trans have you ever talked to them about how challenging their life can be um and maybe we should all just have a little love and compassion in our hearts she's been outside of the real world for she made those those those books made billions of dollars right so she's not a real per like I feel like once you become a billionaire you're kind of not a real person so your opinion about stuff do you're isolated from like Society in some respect yeah because you're you're not like I don't think you really need to be commenting you can't really thoughtfully com I mean I know everybody should be able to comment on whatever they want to but like you can't really thoughtfully comment on like what's going on with people like it's the it's the gallon of milk thing that they make billionaires they're like that joke they have where it's like can you actually name how much a gallon of milk is or you just that out of touch with reality if you're out of touch with the aity you shouldn't have a bunch of hard thoughts on trans people you don't you when's the last time you cooked yourself like a full meal from groceries that you do you actually know how much a gallon of milk is right now I don't because I'm lactose intolerant that's interesting problem so you don't buy you don't buy a gallon of milk I was GNA say like I don't know how much a gallon of milk is either I do know how much a gallon of almond milk is I think it's about $4.49 okay that's pretty good I know the I know how much a a thing a Spam cost because I bought that the other day spam it's like 629 it's expens yeah spam's good H you know as a Spam eater that's interesting spaming spaming rice yeah it's delicious it's delicious we there's a lot of people from um like the Pacific Islands in in Utah and I spent I've spent a lot of time with people from the Pacific Islands uh I've been people say I look like one it's great um poian I like poian but um that was that was a big thing that U my buddy Yeti shout out to Yeti he's the man he taught me that was one of like the meals that we would always have um in college funny know all right honey anything else you wanted to hit any other topics um we' we've told you how you should drop your kids off at College how to communicate Harry Potter anything else we got anything else um you know take care of yourselves uh shout out to I've been working out I've been doing have you been working out have you been doing friends yes I've been working out I I'm trying to get in shape for college football season because like any given college football game I I do about six miles around the sideline and so I always am like trying to walk I've been doing a lot of Hill walking trying to make sure I'm got my good endurance for college football season good good yeah so just what have you been doing your buddy fr's been helping you right yeah and I mean he's he sent you we might need to get a new one but um yeah my buddy just follow uh Frank kolinsky for anybody who's interested he's the guy that kind of getting me into shape he getting you into shape so we're yeah we're just getting we're uh family physicality Journal what am I saying yeah yeah I'm I'm trying to get down like 30 pounds I think me too yeah we have a should we have a family um weight loss challenge I mean if you're trying to lose oh come on yeah can lose 30 pounds first I I can actually schedule and show up to podcast tapings I don't don't well okay let's start small let's start small let's see if we can show up at our regular schedule time next week and then we'll go from there baby steps let's well no we'll do a weight loss challenge we'll just we'll just we'll come up with it this is what we'll do on next Tuesday we'll we'll we'll reveal our weight loss challenge oh I like that I like that well we'll come up with what we're gonna do okay me write that down all right honey well I love you um I'm glad you're not scarred from your college drop off experience I do think it's funny that we both remember it so differently yeah um yeah I just remember being gutted and crying all the way home but hey I was I was busy because I had to do I had to run all the stuff for the welcoming and I think the thing you said that struck me the most is parents need to remember that experience is not about you and that's hard to remember you might be sad but like you you've had 18 years and I bet you Little Fly I'm I'm sending you out of the nest fly and you wanted to go to college you remember those feelings so just just you know get get off your high horse and be just listen to them just be like JK kids be in charge just shut up and let let them let them do their thing and maybe drop them off and and go home yeah go home go get go open a glass of wine watch the show you know yeah or if you don't drink it's easier said and the done because you're probably sitting at home crying like I was but but yes that's what the glass of Wine's for good luck everybody we don't have all the answers but good luck dropping your kids off I know this is kind of a gut-wrenching time of year I know we're having some fun with it but um if anybody needs to you know call in and and talk to us and tweet at us yeah TW do we have Twitter does any can people tweet at us I can't remember Twitter we didn't do a Twitter but we have we have Instagram right yeah we have an Instagram at call yourmom podcast call your mom podcast all right tell us how your drop off experience went or if you have some ideas um oh yeah chaos theories we need more chaos theories I'm I'm I'm behind they have chaos theories that's also a good idea and then I think I'm supposed to be saying this but um please like subscribe and give us ADV advice our rating and share like subscribe and share tell all your friends that there's a podcast where two people there's people listen to anything just just do it all right honey I love you have a wonderful week all right I love you Mom beautiful very nice [Music]