okay guys this next guy coming up he's super [ __ ] up and whatever you expected it's going to be significantly worse everyone let's welcome [Applause] Trevor so how the [ __ ] are you guys man good right on uh I have three Ru py and my genitals work woo and you know it's kind of weird even at 30 years old when people tell me to get up here and break a leg cuz I have CP so technically one of my legs is already broken and I also have epilepsy so I definitely need a chaperon to play video games and I got a bunch of chronic pain because of that and I remember the very first time I tried to have sex I had a huge flare up and my girlfriend was like well dreev at least you were firing the [Laughter] bedroom and you know if it's not that kind of [ __ ] it it's weird because people just walk out to me and they'll be like hey man you know you kind of look like Jim Morrison to me and I'll be like well I mean I would look like Jim Morrison if he had a stroke you guys okay it's G to get worse all right so that reminds me of when I was in school and most of my bullies were girls and they would be walking up to me like hey Trev you know we want to say something to you like yeah they'd be like well is your [ __ ] paralyzed be like no would you like to try it sometime they'd be like actually we only date guys that know how to tie their shoes and I was so glad that there was more positive attention after that because I actually got in a huge accident playing basketball broke a couple ribs entire body just [ __ ] crashed because of surgeries and everything she knows what I'm talking about and basically like I was going around you know hospital hospital hospital they're like yeah we uh we actually can't help you we're just going to sit here and it's it's nothing it's it's really fun I'm like really can't you just give me like morphine or something isn't that going to work well they didn't they gave me fentel patches and I sucked and I remember when those specific doctors did that um I was in the hospital for 20 days lost 20 lbs a lot better of a diet than a seizure diet just in case and they were like look uh we totally [ __ ] up please don't sue us in fact because you're so you know we want you to take a psych test so that you don't sue us and it was 300 questions of would you kill yourself and if so how would you do it I was like well I wouldn't kill myself CU I'm technically in a vegetative state but if I was going to I would marry a viking woman and we'd have slave and slave owner role play sex until I had a heart time and then it got to the point where like you know my doctor was like look Trev um you're incredibly messed up and I was like yeah like I Know What's your deal she's like what I'm going to do is I'm going to give you a home ketamine treatment I'm like what the hell is that okay it's like morphine except if you overdose you're not going to die you're just going to pass out sweet so the next three years of my life I was just like this just completely a awesome because my pain level was basically like this if I moved my hand even like that I would just scream like everything was awful couldn't do a goddamn thing and I remember the very first prescription that my mom picked up the pharmacist was like yeah I uh actually flavored this camine for your son because it tasted awful so he's going to thank me later and you guys want to know what flavor it was strawberry and then a thousand days passes you know I turn 18 my dad leaves yay and and then my doctor's like yeah um I'm going to take you off ketamine cuz I think it's keeping you sick I was like yeah [ __ ] right no you're not going to oh I'm absolutely going to so what I want you to do is do stand up I'm like what the [ __ ] are you talking about and she's like well I noticed when you were out of pain the only times you were out of pain you were watching stand up specials so just do that and I want you to move to Austin from La I'm like okay we do this I mean I grew up a longhorn fan right so why not and it was my very first week of stand up I ran into this guy who couldn't take a joke because we're guys and we don't have a sense of humor and he comes up to me and he's like Trev I [ __ ] hated you because my brother's disabled I'm like all right next thing he says he goes why didn't you do any Holocaust jokes I was like I'm a leprechaun my dad is actually the guy on the Lucky Charms box and he's like no that's not what I'm talking about people like you were actually the inspiration for the gas Chambers wow a T4 comment right in the gate this is great okay let's just say that I wish that time travel were actually real so I could go back in time not have to hear that [ __ ] [ __ ] and then next thing I know this chick comes up to me you know she was blonde and drunk as [ __ ] and she starts grabbing my dick you know to see if it works and I mean I got an erection so I guess so yeah I just thought you guys needed to know that and then next uh next week the I don't want to call it a heckling situation cuz I don't really think it was she was just really involved cuz standup is one of those things where like everybody thinks they can participate you know and uh This Woman's like like I said like super [ __ ] blasted and she's in the front row and she goes Trev if you were a woman you'd look like Merida thank you she's my favorite Disney princess I don't know where to go with that but let's just do it I guess I was depressed I was in a lot of pain and so one day I mean I just couldn't do it like my legs were like figuratively nailed to the floor I couldn't move but I was able to get to my phone and I ended up calling a hooker [Music] over so let me explain this I [Laughter] thought okay so it was a college complex right it was like middle of August and [ __ ] you know hottest month in Texas 120 something degrees probably nobody was there I needed some help so I figured why not and she comes over and she's she's gorgeous she's got you know blonde hair and she's in like you know those Easter sundresses that women wear to hopefully get laid because Jesus something I don't know and she looks at me and you know I'm like oh moaning and everything like really like orgasm me but it's it's chronic pain and she and she looks at me and she's like why am I here and I go I need help taking my shoes off and she's like why and I'm like well that's because the pizza guy wouldn't do [Laughter] it and it was just awkward from there on out she's like is there anything else you want me to do like I can't really think of anything so I'm in my bed and she's like right there and I'm in my bed staring she's like right there sitting and we're just staring at each other next thing I know she gets up she hugs me I'm like whoa do not [ __ ] no no absolutely not chronic pain everywhere don't do this and uh she's like are you sure you don't want to blow job or anything like that I was like well actually um when I get my ball sucked it feels like a steak knife goes through them so no thank you yeah and I think this was something that I really needed to uh understand and know because I like I said you know it was on a whim I didn't think I was going to do it I grew up in a very you know Dallas kind of uh environment very religious and stuff before I moved back to LA and I I didn't know this but apparently um if you pay a hooker money to undress you she's going to steal your favorite hat guys because people in Austin are the self-medicating hype you know and I would go to parties and they' be like well why don't she just like do stand up for us because then know the ER is really [ __ ] expensive so like okay and I would go to these basement parties they were awesome it was it was everybody you know those those hipster guys Mexicans black people [ __ ] everybody it was amazing they were like here Tre here's a joint for your payment and I was like yeah Texas weed gives me flare [Laughter] up and the reason I especially like love Mexicans is because I lived with a couple of guys from San Antonio and they were like Trev seriously if you need anything cocaine weed doesn't matter you can smoke all of our weed like are you sure about that and they're like yeah definitely so I would do that and they would get upset I'm like well you did say I could do that and I moved back to California and uh you know had the whole whole Comedy Store run and all that kind of [ __ ] and and uh doctor's appointments are like oh you should be on this new Med for everything like like no no but then you get out of the appointment right and you see one of those super authentic acidic Jews and it goes so well you're like hey why don't I just thank the guy and guys let me tell you right now no appointment is complete without aamy on Ry I'm just GNA go ahead and say that and then I think it was a few years had pass where I met this Booker and um he put me on three shows in four days it was a mini circuit and he was great because cuz he was like Trev uh I just want to let you know that this first venue it has a step so don't [Laughter] trip and then the pandemic hit and I had my very first seizure in a decade and I called my doctor he was like what the [ __ ] like you were doing so so well I was like well Kobe died and uh you know pretty soon the seizures were Clockwork and I remember one where my mom was like hey um I actually bought some chabata bread like you want a sandwich I'm like [ __ ] yeah so I had a sandwich and after the last very last bite I swallowed it boom seizure I guess I was too excited and then you know like I said clock workor seizures I was in the ER every two weeks and I finally got a pretty good attention face from the ER doctor he comes in to the one of the things you know pulls the curtain back he goes yeah dude we can't help you you can rest here like but we can't help you what you fact what you need to do in fact is uh just get over your seizures like Julia Caesar did yeah I I don't think I can because back then they used to like have people eat fried animal brains for epilepsy cures but thank you for the recommendation and then I remember another one where nor mdn died you I was watching soccer because what happened was I thought hey what I'm going to do to uh calm my brain down I'm going to watch soccer golf whatever I can it's really slow didn't work read that he dies you know I'm just like you know and I just can't [ __ ] stop shaking I'm just like you know rescue meds aren't working nothing's working and so the ambulance comes in my room and uh I'm talking to the EMT lady and she goes from the time that your seizure started to the time that I put the meds in your leg that was 75 minutes and I'm thinking like why would you tell somebody that I got into epilepsy monitoring and you guys know what that is okay basically they have this Wing in hospitals where they put a bunch of seizure patients in you know they hook them up eegs and everything and it's basically pin drop quiet like they asked me they're like we're going to take you to an MRI um you got a programmable shunt I'm like the hell is that I'm like oh it's it's got metal [ __ ] in it I'm like no mine's plastic I'm actually totally fine and if it leaks of you're actually GNA have enough water if you're thirsty and so they're transporting me from my room to the MRI unit and like they're really really supportive in everything they're like don't worry about it you're a trooper like blah blah blah you know I'm like I'm 29 years old I understand like I got this everything's fine and then I realized wait a minute they're being too positive what's going on oh that's right with epilepsy literally anything can trigger a seizure really weird like getting text and monitoring because I didn't really get a lot of those um wor thinking about UT Tex it was more like hey Trev after seizures got a weird question for you um do you watch [Laughter] Tremors um no I I watch static shock thing I know like I get a text he's like Trev I got this amazing Japanese water cure like okay what is it and my buddy goes yeah you just boil water and then you pour it on yourself and like that's going to end all of your epilepsy okay so that reminds me of of really weird women that used to be bullies in elementary school cuz when I was in elementary school school I got really weird calls and AJ knows this I would get calls where they would tell me uh Hey Trev just to let you know you're only okay not to hang out with us but to hang out with the other [ __ ] girls like okay I mean I know that now that we're in the same group of brain damage but I didn't know that that then and there's those kinds of women right you know and then they grow up and then they go hey you know what I think I have a a solution to your epilepsy thing what I'm going to do is I'm going to [ __ ] you so hard that it's going to have an eternal Grand M seizure and that's going to be it like you're going everything's going to be great yeah it doesn't work that way in monitoring after I was back from the MRI um some nurses came in and they were like hey you know we actually know that talking is a seizure trigger for you like yeah some people are actually pretty exatic about that so what we're going to do is we're going to come in here like we're going to check your vitals and everything and then we're going to have a conversation with you and see if that triggers anything I'm like okay so first guy comes in right and he's like really working the Jesus stuff you know he comes in he's like hey I want to check my check your vitals oh and by the way without God we wouldn't be here and I was like dude this is an epilepsy monitoring unit like everybody is screaming like [ __ ] read the [Laughter] room and uh next woman comes in basically the same thing and she goes hey you know I had a patient just like you except he never [ __ ] any of his crushes because he was too afraid that a seizure would be triggered and was like well that's why I play video games with mine and so I stay next tonight you know got picked up and everything and uh my mom looks at my arms and she's like you look like you just got a a needle full of smack and I was like well I do love morphine and then you know stuff kept getting uh it just it wouldn't stop man it it wouldn't [ __ ] stop the doctors were like okay look what we're going to do is we're going to up your meds and that's where I'm at now and for the last year it's just been like oh my God like I can't this is not like this is it I'm going to fall asleep I mean there's a whole bunch of Mountain Dew where I'm staying and this is like I I can't do it it's just it's not a thing and uh I I don't know is it okay if I say that I just hate the US medical system and people I was actually cleared like last November to perform again and it was my birthday week and I remember the very very first show it was November 2nd I'm rushing out of there to because I got to go home and this guy comes up to me he's like no before you leave like I got to tell you that I really enjoyed your comedy and I was like wait a minute something's something's up here so I looked down sure enough hit it on any legs prags I was like that's it man it's the whole freak Show thing I love it it's kind of like dude what's your name man Eric okay so AJ toally all about you guys like ahead of time he was like Eric's the Jinger like [ __ ] yeah and it's not hard to find us man you just go to hell and come back and um yeah I mean it's it's really it's really cool cuz say I got a uh my last one was 5 months ago but I mean do you think you can cause your own seizures cuz I don't but I don't know and and I think I [ __ ] up on this one because I got an email from some guys and they were like hey you know we represent people that like like make one of your meds and we wondering if you come in they do do a testimony blah I was like okay sure and it ended up being like a whole week weekend thing we actually came to Denver and it was all everybody sharing their stories and everything like basically if you put a room of CP people in you're just going to hear patients and and uh parents being like yeah we went to all this physical therapy and kids set us names but seizures are weird because everything's daily for some people and some people they go months and it's like okay now we're through the whole thing about like the job loss is one thing and then you have the dating that's really fun because I remember this one time uh I was gonna go out with this woman and then I what I did was I sent her a seizure first aid thing he's like yeah I can't I can't do this but my other friend can so he can here's the thing though it's really weird because after seizures I'm horny as [ __ ] I I will [ __ ] as long as they understand that they cannot blow me because they have chronic pain shots in my shaft and that is an extremely odd conversation to have like doesn't matter if it's a man or a woman like what are we going to do here uh we'll do Cam Sex Over zoom and it's just it's cool man because you know like every comedian's comedy is different and you meet all these guys I remember one time I uh I met this one guy we were in Hawthorne California I grew up like 15 minutes from there that's where the Beast Boys grew up right but then the great white flight happened and uh and now it's like all but all black you know and I'm on my way to this bar with my friend who doesn't do standup anymore he's like Trev I got a confession to make I'm actually afraid to go to this gig with you like why cuz it's Hawthorne I was like but you're a New Yorker he go yeah I got a confession My Confession is I'm actually from Connecticut there you go there you go because I'm going to get in here I'm going to get in the bar right and I'm going to say hey I'll buy you guys Tennessee look at what I'm wearing it's all green everything's going to be fine crack up we're going to have a good time that's just what's going to happen Mexicans are even better Jews are fantastic I I love people man but then you sees in front of them and they don't record it and it pisses me off because it's great footage AJ was telling me that I might have a shot with other people in other countries I'm like dude I I I would love to move to Ireland but um they actually eat way too many potatoes to actually respond to inquiries so that's not going to happen and then like go fine go to Australia well they drank way way too much kind of like when I was on my college trip trip when I started walking again and I met this chick on the tour and she was like you know what if you like partying we got that if you like drinking we got that too I was like well actually I have seizures the size of Texas so no thank you but go Tigers like and it was weird because like I was at Alabama like the next day and I shouldn't have done that cuz what I did was it was a public tour and I was like this is a great canas [ __ ] massive problem is though I have CP and they have buses cuz like from edge to edge of the campus it's like a 15minute walk I'm like no I can't do this I'm out the rest of these guys are like chicken fried steak fat like I can't I can't look at this sh and then the tour was this is going to be kind of hard to explain but the tour was over and I just wanted something to eat right and I was wearing a Dez Bryant Jersey and I think that's important here cuz it's a Cowboys one so I'm I'm trying to make context of it but I walk in to the the cafe and the hostess is like yeah we can't serve you what are you talking about but I don't have like look at me I'm not the people you discriminating she goes yeah but you look California you got a Lakers hat on too oh yeah well the thing is is they don't have Mexican food so I was out but that didn't work because then they like spammed me with birthday messages and Christmas ones I was like no I am not going to roll Tide that's not going to happen because I don't know if you guys know this but I got a GED surprised I couldn't move right and fun fact a California GED is actually worth more than a southern college [Laughter] degree yeah you get it you understand this is Colorado man y'all got y'all got Deion sers as you Colorado Buffalo coach he would that's that kind of confidence that's what I like to like to drill from it's been great man because like I I'm going to head to El Paso next I think and I'm staying just off base and and it's going to be going to be cool because like AJ was really really thorough like I he was like what do you need and all this [ __ ] I'm like well I just need somebody to film my seizures and help me with rescue RS same people next week it be like you know what do you need this and that don't worry or seizure train and I was like oh that's why my brother got a certification when he was in the Marines he didn't [ __ ] tell me that but it happened and now apparent apparently something's weird where like he's a veteran now and he's got this like big ass [ __ ] pitbull but he's afraid to get approached by crackheads and I don't know if you guys know anything about local comedy shows but that's about all that's there then you got your guys with no legs then you got your guys they obvious cads heroin whatever you can find it's there um and it's it's been great man just being here for like a day and I think that's all I have but you guys have been awesome thank you [Applause]