-Hey, everybody,
I'm Seth Meyers. This is our live
"Closer Look" election special. We hope you're doing well. And now, if you don't mind,
we're gonna get to the news. Well, the first presidential
debate was last night, and the bar was pretty low for
former president Donald Trump. All he had to do
was not say anything too crazy. -They're eating the dogs. -Whoa! [ Laughter ] Someone want to help
me lower this bar again? [ Laughter ] That's right.
Vice President Kamala Harris faced off last night
against former president Trump in their first and possibly only
presidential debate. Yeah, I'm gonna say
Trump probably doesn't want another night like that. That would be like Sully's
passengers going right back to the airport
to get on another flight. They'd be like,
"To hell with that. We'll see Aunt Linda next year." According to a CNN poll, 63% of people who watched
last night's debate thought Vice President
Kamala Harris won. The other 37% spent today guarding their pets
with their life. [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] The White House pushed
back yesterday on false claims spread
by congressional Republicans that Haitian immigrants
in Ohio are eating family pets and said that they are,
"Based on an element of racism." An element of racism?
[ Laughter ] That's the biggest
understatement since Tostitos, "A hint of lime." [ Laughter ] Former President Trump
said today that ABC should have their
broadcast license taken away because of last night's debate. Hey, if they didn't lose it
after "Wife Swap," they ain't ever losing it.
[ Laughter ] They ain't ever losing it. On "Fox and Friends" yesterday,
host Steve Doocy asked Vice President
Kamala Harris's aide to invite her on the show
and said, "If she can't talk to us,
God forbid how she deals with Putin."
Two problems. First, that's not how you use
the expression, "God forbid," and, second,
everybody knows Putin's show
doesn't have guests. [ Laughter ] Former president Trump gave
the final closing statement at last night's debate.
Or so he thought. [ Cheers and applause ] He thought he had
the last word. It turns out maybe that... [ Cheers and applause
continues ] And, finally, after Taylor Swift
officially endorsed Vice President Kamala Harris, the Harris campaign sent
an e-mail today that asked voters to
"Join Taylor Swift and donate $25."
Said Swifties, "We don't have any more money." [ Laughter ] And that was a monologue,
everybody!