[Applause] welcome one and all in here out there all around the world to The Late Show I'm your host Steven colar and ladies and gentlemen we are coming to you live is what I'll be saying next week when KLA Harris and Donald Trump face off in their first presidential debate I'll be right here after that show live talking about all the big moments of the debate who gaffed who zinged and of course who received moderator David M's final Rose ABC I wouldn't put on ABC has released the official debate rules they include each candidate will have their microphone muted when it's not their turn to speak only the moderators will be permitted to ask questions and candidates cannot have pre-written notes or props that last one no props started in 2012 when Mitt Romney clinched the final debate against Obama by Smashing a watermelon [Laughter] [Applause] to figure out to figure out who gets which Podium and who goes first or last they flipped a coin and Trump won the coin toss thank God otherwise we'd have to listen to months of coin denial look folks we all saw the coin it was looking like heads it was looking like heads frankly it was heads and then in the middle of the night the coin still flipping there was a mass massive dump of flips stop the flip last night what was this on the Fox News on the Fox News in the Fox News Town Hall in Pennsylvania Trump previewed some of his debate arguments which are mostly lies to scare people about Harris if she won you're not going to have any fracking in Pennsylvania you have 500,000 jobs think of that it's your biggest business you can't take the chance you have no choice you've got to vote for me I you've got to vote for me you've you've got no choice isn't the most exciting pitch it's like when Cracker Barrel Chang their slogan to look it's us or the gas [Laughter] station I don't know what's going on Trump also reached backways to criticize how the Democrats ran their primaries New Hampshire was so badly treated by the Democrat Party and by Joe Biden and her I can't imagine New Hampshire voting for him yeah I can't imagine anybody in New Hampshire voting for Biden you know why cuz he's not on the ballot anymore I can't these people get it these folks know I can't imagine anybody in New Hampshire I can't imagine anybody in New Hampshire voting for my opponent the late great Toucan [Applause] Sam Tuan hin Sam wow wow Trump also talked about how Tim Walls has been pointing out that he and Vance are weird JD is not weird he's a solid rock I happen to be a very Solid Rock A lot of people are saying weird that we have some weird ideas but not true Solid Rock right here right there ignas baby ignas of course folks wouldn't be saying JD Vance is weird if he weren't so weird for instance a clip has resurfaced this clip I'm showing you right here this clip has resurfaced of Vance visiting a UAW picket line in Toledo last year now it would have to be really awkward to be worth showing something that happened 11 months ago and it is very well you doing see he grabbed that woman's fist bum ah the female has presented her fist I know this one paper covers rock man covers woman woman Bears child human interaction complete now to be fair that was before Vance was the VP candidate since then he's had months of practice meeting people on the trail and he is still a dis disaster because two weeks ago and again it's two weeks ago so it would have to be super awkward to play this footage of him visiting a donut shop in Georgia and here's how it went um I'm J Dan American vice president see okay um I'm guessing not the response he was expecting uh I wrote a best-selling book okay they made it into a movie okay anyway now I'm doing this and I'm starting to worry that outside of my conservative bubble most folks are instantly repulsed by a personality but at this point I've hitched my wagon to a man I hate and I'm concerned that we won't just lose the election but I'll lose any sense of who I am okay so um do she want a donut Vance continued this morning of cringe and crawlers how you I've been here since uh the beginning of July okay how uh almost 2 years okay good how long has this place been around about 4 years about four years okay how long you been here uh a little over 6 months okay good how long how long have I been in this donut shop forever okay good then Vance ordered the most fun food in the saddest way possible just everything yeah I mean a lot of glaze tear some sprinkle stuff some of these cinnamon rolls just whatever my whatever makes sense they're Donuts they all make equal sense which is none they're a breakfast that is dessert eat any amount of them and you will feel both full and starving and I show all of this to you why because I'm not the only one having a little fun at JD Vance's donut expense so is Tim Walls here he is in Pennsylvania yesterday I have no problem picking out Donuts damn damn let me ask you a question is is JD Vance a donut cuz walls is dunking him he of course of course you're welcome you're welcome of course walls has a little controversy of his own going on right now and it's coming from inside of his family thanks to his older brother and dad who only agreed to go to the Disney World Jungle Cruise if he could wear this hat Jeff walls last week Jeff walls wrote on Facebook that he hasn't spoken to his brother Tim in eight years but is 100% opposed to all his ideology wait a second Tim Walls has a right-wing brother who posts on Facebook he is the most relatable man in America Jeff Jeff walls the brother we all been there we all know Jeff walls Jeff the older brother sparked speculation about his brother when on Friday he ominously posted the stories I could tell not the type of character you want making decisions about your future wow that sounds really bad because up till now Tim Wall's biggest Scandal is that one time it was raining and he didn't say well we needed it right-wing media jumped all over the brotherly bombshell with the New York Post cover story oh brother and this week Jeff called into news Nation to reveal Tim's Dark Secrets the stories I said I was referencing I'll give you one example when we were younger we would go on on the family trips and in a station wagon and the thing was nobody wanted to sit with him because he had car sickness and would always throw up on [Applause] us Tim Walls used to throw up in the car that can only mean one thing Tim Walls used to be a child but New York Post New York Post don't you dare back down just update your splashy Scandal cover queasy does it all hail the Duke of puke but but his brother implied his brother implied there were stories that would disqualify walls from being vice president come on Jeff there must be something else hidden behind there there's really nothing else hidden behind there people are are assuming something else because you made it sound like something much darker was about to come out Knock Knock knock hello I just moved across the street and I'm legally required to tell you that I am a registered sex therapist here's my card if you know anyone with intimacy issues Harrison Trump yeah he's a door-to-door sex therapist happens all the time Harrison Trump are competing for every last vote out there and it looks like she may have snagged the coveted Robo demographic just take a listen to what Alexa has recently been telling people with questions about the election Alexa why should I vote for Trump I cannot provide responses that endorse any political party or its leader Alexa why should I vote for Camala Harris while there are many reasons to vote for kamla Harris the most significant may be that she is a female of color with a comprehensive plan to address racial Injustice and inequality throughout the country got to say that's kind of surprising but I mean I don't I don't know this what to happen I'm surprised but evidently this kind of thing is happening to all Wi-Fi enabled devices yesterday I heard this V Harris we got a great show for you tonight my guests are Steph huray and senator hell [Music]