Sometimes I want to punch
my kids. You don't mean that. No, I do, I do. The last time, they were
horrible the way they were today, they
happened to be all lined up. And I couldn't help
but think if I hit just one of them, the rest
would go down like dominoes. I know that would rob me of the pleasure of hitting each one individually, but. Oh my God, you don't talk
about your children this way. Oh, come on. You know,
Manny irritates you. No. Manny is the best
thing that ever happened to me. We have a special
bond. Yes, bonds, I know, but that's not what I'm talking about now. Claire, for a long time, it was only the two of us. I cannot say anything bad about that boy. Give me a break, Gloria. Anybody who's ever had a
kid knows that they can irritate the freaking life out of you at some point. Am I right? Oh, okay. He's persnickety. What? Manny. He's persnickety. It drives me off the wall. Okay. Persnickety. Good start. He follows me around all
the time. Sometimes I love it, but
sometimes I need my own space. This does not make you a
bad mother to admit these things. And the poetry. It's not very good.
- Huh? First time that I say that out loud. Okay. Ay. It's not very good.
- Wow. Ay, I love Manny, but, you
know, sometimes I just. Be a boy, go outside, kick
a ball, steal something. Ah, it feels so good. Maybe to you. No, Manny. I, I was talking about
another Manny that I know long time ago. Diablo. Manny! You know, more people have died
hiking than in the entire Civil War. Okay. What book did you
read that in? Book? Wake up and smell
the internet, grandma. You know, mom's just
gonna want us to apologize. Well, we did kind of ruin her Mother's Day. No, she ruined her Mother's Day. She took us to a place
she knew we wouldn't like. And then we complained for, like, a second and we're the bad guys? That's a good point. Do you ever get the feeling she does this intentionally? Why would she do that? So she can make us feel
guilty. Exactly. And the next
time we're choosing what to do, she gets her way
again. And the next time. And the next time. And
eventually, it's Mother's Day every day. Wow. Mom's really smart. Well, not smarter than me. Well. I say we don't apologize this time. Let her know we're onto
her little game. We could change the way
this whole family operates. Okay, so nobody says they're sorry.
Got it? Keep your mouth shut when she comes back. If she comes back. Jay teared up in front of me. He'd never shown me that
kind of vulnerability, and it embarrassed him. I'd shamed the proud lion. Only thing to do, hug the
proud lion. Oh, I could get bit. I could get scratched. But you know what's inside every lion?
A pussycat. I need you to get away
from me. Yep. Okay, I'm just going to say this one time so we can move on. It's okay. Gotcha. You know what it is? It's you crying. Which I didn't. You teared up. It was the onions. Okay, okay. Maybe I'm. Maybe I'm just putting myself in your place. But if I came across something from my childhood and it reminded me of my mom, I might get a little misty. Maybe even want to talk about it.
- Here. So proud. They offered me a
bouquet, Mitchell. Which you accepted. Why can't you ever take
my side? They think of me as a
woman. Cam. No. Come on. We're just a new
type of family, you know? They don't have the
right vocabulary for us yet. They need one of us to be the mom. So why does it have to be me? Do I wear a dress? Well. That's a night shirt. It's kind of satiny. What are you saying? Come on, you know.
- No. No, no, no, no, I don't know. All right? If I. If I'm thinking about
it, of the two of us, if I had to pick, I might
say that you're slightly mommer. Excuse me. Can you throw
that ball? Can I throw a ball? You don't. You don't think I can throw a ball?
- Cam. No, no, no, no.
- That's not what he said. Apparently this
gentleman doesn't think I can throw a ball. Well, that's not what he
said. You don't think I could
throw a ball? Well, let's find out. Oh. Oh, God. He looks old. Oh. I'm sorry! Cam, hands. Sorry. There you go.