[Music] this is another edition of culture conversations with Crystal and today's conversation is another one about relationships we are excited about the return of Love and Marriage Detroit you guys know we have been uh watching and chatting and and and commenting on Love and Marriage Huntsville but now it's time for our Detroit family to come back Carlos King has done it again the love and marriage Detroit cast is back for a second season and there are uh two new couples but of course our first conversation has to be with our tried andrue we talked to Brandon and Christina last year and we have them back before the premiere of the second season of Love and Marriage Detroit so please help me welcome Brandon and Christina hi guys hey how are you how's it going we are great thank you guys both for joining us like I said we are excited about the second season you all um the first season of Love and Marriage Detroit what I loved about the show was it is so different you know we kind of had an idea of what we thought we could expect because of Love and Marriage Huntsville but because Detroit is such a different culture and different environment than Huntsville the show was totally different the the couples were um the Dynamics were very different some of the issues of course relationships um could be consistent but such a different vibe um a little bit younger a just just just a little different because like I said Detroit I'm actually from Toledo so Detroit is a lot more familiar to me than Huntsville um but I want to ask you guys both because I'm sure you know you guys are a young couple most of the couples on love and uh marriage Detroit were you know a little bit younger after the season um there was a lot that happened last season it was a it was definitely a um amazing first season but and you guys had a lot of issues that happened um for you both what were what were your thoughts kind of processing you know once you got a chance to get off television the season ended and you had a chance to kind of exhale what were you know what were your thoughts about the experience and how did that experience maybe change you change your perspective I'm gonna start with you Christina um I feel like once the show aired and we had the finale in the reunion I I was really able to breathe and um really look at myself okay and our marriage and Brandon um and just like our Dynamic and really seeing like who I am and and how I show up and I realize that maybe sometimes it's a little different than how I've perceived myself before so it really gave me the opportunity to really self-reflect um and honestly from that point forward I went on a journey to just really ReDiscover who I am and compare it to who I feel like God has called me to be okay um as a wife as a mother as a friend and just as a person and you know I've been a mom for nine years now a wife for 13 and I'm like I've never really had the opportunity to sit back and just kind of like you know ReDiscover myself who I am and as this new woman and so the show really opened up my eyes and I was able to have a front seat of my own life and really see like Christina this is who you are this is what your marriage looks like and so yeah I was able to self-reflect do some healing I went to counseling and you know I I feel like the show has for me to become a better person okay that's that's a great thing I mean that's that is that is like um reality TV can it's kind of it sounds like it was a little bit therapeutic for you um and then also you know allowed you to see some things I'm wondering like for in for specifics because we saw there were issues with you and the other ladies um and then also of course issues with you and and Brandon were you all being married for so long and and seeing the marriage for the first time kind of like in an edited version on television were there things what can you give us some examples of things that you were surprised to see that you weren't aware of prior to like seeing it laid all out you know um in production on own you that um the only the only thing that surprised me is just the stuff that they cut out that I was banking on really because I mean we we lived the whole thing so it was no surprises um and they edited it like pretty pretty much on point like how it kind of played out so there were really no surprises in editing it's just that I had a company I was planning on launching based on a SC two scenes that I did both of those parts were cut out and I was just and like I actually was uh really disappointed in that um but other than that there were no big editing surprises on on our end well I I'm gonna stay with you Brandon and ask you this uh next question because I I would assume that being on camera like living your life every day you know we make we make decisions but making some of those decisions on camera has to be a little bit more at least add a little bit of of um probably have to think it through a couple more times so I'm wondering when you watched back um some of the things that you saw specifically like your interaction with the artist that you had did you think about that prior to you know the fact that this is going to be on camera the fact that Christina is going to see this or did did you just kind of commit to being authentic and deciding to just live Your Truth regardless of what that was oh no once we signed on a data line you know I just was like I'm I'm g go with the reality of the situation so I never I never thought about what what this is going to look like on the other end I just went with you know with my regular life I've been working with artists my whole career you know 13 years 19 years 19 years and so that that was no different it's just the fact that um you know uh I knew she was G I had plan on telling her about the artist anyway it's just you know she and she didn't find out on TV she found out while we was filming so it just it was real very real yeah did you have um Christina talked a little bit about how she felt after you know watching it back and and kind of you know realizing maybe she didn't show up the way she intends to or the way she wants you know she wants to in the future what were your thoughts or what were your like feedback on yourself after watching you on that first season and especially like the issues really with just the two of you guys were probably the the biggest things what did you see anything that you wanted to change or that you were that you thought well man I could have done that differently uh it was more so like after filming um as as opposed to after watching after filming you know I got straight into therapy um because I just realized that all these conversations that I was forced to have just let me know that I have things that I need to work out you know and between just as a man and as a husband and as a father things that I just need to work out um and it was you know same thing with uh with season two it's like more it's it's kind of like we kind of both AR on the same thing like season one is more like okay how can I be a better husband how can I be a better father a better friend season two was like yo how can I love me better you know okay it's like how can I get into like like loving on me so this whole experience has been very very eye opening and then you know when you open it up to the world you you know it's one thing being talked about in your city but then you know everybody around the country having opinions I'm probably not reading comments on season well I think that's I think that is probably a good um A good rule of thumb for any season specifically when it's your real life that's you know on television um I would definitely as a former publicist I would definitely suggest people not to read the comments because it usually is just not you know people are responding from their own personal you know their advantage point and probably dealing with things that they've gone through so um and they're watching it as entertainment more so than realizing these are real people you know what I mean and that that are have real lives um brand let me ask you because you you know there were several scenes last season with you and your and your mom and that was um some I think a lot of people could you know found empathize with that and felt like okay well these These are issues that he hasn't worked through or may not even have realized needed to be work through where was that relationship where was the relationship with your mother and how did you feel watching that back on television was that difficult or was that actually therapeutic for you as well um I would say it was therapeutic just because um it let me know that my mom is human as well and that you know there's things that she probably has never worked through also and so it's like I can't blame her for being who she is and how she was raised and all that so um yeah it was it was therapeutic because uh you know I I originally wanted to go into therapy with my mother after filming but I realized that you know I had to put on my mask first and take care of me first and so me and my mother still haven't like finished the therapy but um I'm you know I'm still in it and I'm still working on me Christina were you how was that for you to watch because that may be like I know you know obviously you guys have been married a long time so we're we're introduced to you for the you know in the for for one season but you guys have have been together um working through you know your issues for a while were you surprised to see you know that Rel the the issues that Brandon was having with his mom at that you know I guess in that him being that vulnerable um in those scenes or were you aware of you know that the issues with that relationship no I wasn't surprised at all um I feel like early on in our marriage I started to really kind of dissect like where some of the issues that were coming from him may have stemmed from and it always kind of like went back to Childhood and maybe the way you know he was raised we were raised completely different um so I would I was always back then trying to tell him like well I think it's because you know you may have experience this and that's why you you know processed this way and you may have have some you know have some trauma wounds and maybe that's why you respond this way and I don't think he could see it back then I think he think he thought I was just coming for him but um so just watching it play out it was actually it actually meant a lot to me because I know that they both love each other and that they both desire to have a better relationship with with one another so just to see them come together and at least like acknowledge that there's some issues here that need to be worked on it touched my heart because that's what I've always wanted from them and for them from day one yeah yeah I love I love that I think that's marriage I it sounds like um both of you realized after watching last season that you needed to work on yourself um and I'm wondering do you think that you can do that while being married like can you put can you say okay I need to give this a break and focus on me because I know Christina you are focused more at this point on your career and maybe you know some things that you let go because of the marriage and and focusing on being a a a mom and and wife and and it sounds like you Brandon need to work needed to kind of work on yourself and like you just said loving you and I'm sure the role of a husband is you know you know you're not focused on yourself most of the time you're focused on family so how are you all managing to like take a break to take care of yourself while still you know remaining a unit I I'll start with you Christina um I'm just doing it like I feel like because Brandon is in counseling and working on himself there's a level understanding that he has okay for me trying to find I don't want to say find myself but put some of the pieces back together for myself and and grow um I think that if both uh people in the relationship kind of understand and are on the same page he's trying to find himself and discovers ReDiscover things about himself and love on him on himself as well so I think that it makes it easier because we kind of both are in the same boat and we are showing Grace to one another and understanding there um but I'm just doing it like I'm just to the point where nothing can stop me nothing can hold me back I just have to go for it and let the chips fall where they may and that's that's how important it is for me now at this point setting healthy boundaries taking care of myself learning how to as a mom and and as a wife you you you teach yourself to put everybody before you and then you put your mask on last yeah but in order to make sure everybody is taken care of and taking care of well you have to take care of yourself first so that's just where I am I'm doing it like my kids are good sometimes I have to tell them no sometimes I have to not see them for a couple days and I had to learn to be okay with that sometimes Brandon and I may go a whole day without really interacting because I'm taking care of myself and that's okay I'm okay with that now yeah so Brandon what about you uh well I don't know if you saw the the trailer to season two but um once you get to a a phase where y'all are basically separated it becomes mandatory yeah um like all you really can do is work on you and figure out you know how you can really just be happy because you know we're all just really chasing happiness you know and we're trying to you know find that in other things and other people a lot of times and it's really just it just comes from within and um you know so just taking the inventory on all your path traumas and maybe the voids in in your current uh life you just try to figure out like yo how can I really just show up and and genuinely just choose happiness every day um because we done tried we done tried all the other stuff yeah we tried that so um all we can do is just really I can focus Brandon gota focus on Brandon Christina gotta focus on Christina and uh I feel like that'll make the union stronger in the end well it's great it's great to at least see because I'm not gonna lie I was not sure if you guys were gonna be sitting next to each other after last season I was like I don't know if uh these two are going to make it but I want to ask you this because I remember talking to you all last season and just thinking you know this uh segment is culture conversations and I think you know there's always a lot of conversation about marriage and what expectations are and I wonder if you can look at 13 years is a long time that is actually you know extremely admirable it shows two people that obviously have had differences but have always been you know committed to their family you know and in spite of whatever you know issues have happened but I wonder if you can look now you know from your advantage point today and think if you were talking to yourself 13 years ago before getting married what are the differences between what you thought marriage was and what the reality of marriage is because I think so many people look at marriage from the outside in and it looks like I mean you guys are both attractive you've got these beautiful children you look you know you're on television it looks like it's it's a it should be a easy perfect thing right relationship goals couple goals but when you actually get in a marriage and you're actually doing the work it's usually a lot different than what we expected or what we you know thought it was before we walk down the aisle so I'll start with you Brandon what did you did you have any expectations for marriage and if so how have how has your definition of marriage and being a husband changed from the time you first asked Christen to Christina to marry you to where you are today yeah oh man um so you know I pretty much had given up on like finding the girl of my dreams in my early 20s and I just devoted all of my energy and focus to my career and I really had never thought about marriage sense I didn't think about what kind of husband I was going to be I didn't think about what I wanted in a wife I literally had not one thought about that in over 10 years and then I met her on Twitter and the next thing you know we talking about marriage that profile that profile pick was everything now yeah yeah um and I just wasn't ready at all like you know it's like I I have to get mentally prepared to even do everything including this interview I wasn't I was not mentally prepared for nothing that marriage had to bring at all I was not mentally emotionally none of that stuff and so my I didn't even have a preconceived notion of marriage because I didn't even spend energy thinking about it so now I would just tell myself like yo know what you want stand on what you believe in um uh make sure make sure you are are working on healing uh you know I mean I thought I was the man I really I mean I literally thought I was just like that guy yeah you know like he did he really and then when you get married you know you just really are looking at the reflection of yourself I I I think more the the man than the woman um but yeah it's just totally different I would have told myself a lot a lot I think for me I feel like I had a pretty realistic expectation of marriage from all angles uh my parents are still married both my grandparents were married all my aunts and uncles married um I think and I think that our marriage has taken ups and downs just like I expected but I think the difference or what I would tell myself now is the preparedness for marriage in really vetting your partner really I didn't ask all the questions I didn't know to nobody taught me to we didn't do like premarital counseling okay or anything like that I would definitely tell myself like hey we have to do premarital counseling Christina um and ask all the important questions ask questions about you know family health history mental health history um you know the expectations of how you want to lead your family just all the things like we ran off of love like we were like oh we're so we love each other we're so infatuated with one another yes I'll marry you you know what I'm saying without really getting down to the important things and What's Love Got to Do With It as say it's not that love is not important but you know when you're when you're building what you you want to build with a partner you know what I'm saying in a partner you guys have to have common interest Common Ground there has to be a plan and we didn't do any of that okay okay so that's what I would tell myself now telling myself back is have a plan know exactly who you're marrying you know what their expectations are what are your expectations yeah I I want to stay there for a second because I think that's that's good for people that are watching that you know are are contemplating or you know want to be married and don't realize that you know there's a lot of heavy lifting you know involved in marriage is not just about looking at an amazing picture and thinking oh you guys look great together yes but what else is there so Brandon I want to ask you like what are three things um that you think that young men or just men that that want to be a husband need to understand comes along with that title like what are three core things for you that you have learned over this you know time period of being married and kind of um bapt get getting baptized by fire in the situation um that you think are really important for men to know before they pop the question when they see a beautiful woman um well I think the biggest thing for me was like I was I was I thought I was coming into like a literal team like everything was going to be about teamwork and less about me being a leader I didn't I wasn't expecting to I wasn't exped or ready to be a leader wow um I just was not think something I ever knew that needed to happen um and then and like really just your relationship with love it's like um love is and marriage is more about the commitment than anything it's uh it's not about you know does it feel good you know um because it's it's like it's if it was about love I would have probably married five other girls you know because I had already you know I had I already had girlfriends pre so it's really just it's just about like once you say those words I do and you say those vows it's like you are literally doing what you're saying like through thick and thin through Better or Worse um and it's just me seeing you know my parents get divorced as a you know when I was like nine that just always seemed like a viable option to me yeah you know when the things got tough yo this ain't working out we just can you know yeah so I was more I was like a runner for like the majority of this marriage yeah um and then other that it's just like you know your relationship with God just make sure that um you know even in the Bible it says that when you get married it's go it's going pull your attention away from God and you gota you got to fight to really stay connected to you know to your to your source and and and to God and um let him really lead you and and and all things I like that so you said basically realize that they're that you're going to be expected to be a leader I think that's huge and and I think that the I like saying that is one thing but I think when a man really understands what that like what does that mean like I am going to be the leader of this um of this family that's big and then realizing that it's more about the commitment than the love or the feeling the commitment of it and then realizing that it it can be a distraction from to take you away from God so that's important to know very good so Chris uh Christina what about you what are three things that you would want to share with um women that you know want to be a wife there's so many women on I want to he needs to put a ring on it he needs to get married what are things that you think that people don't realize about actually being a wife um that are important for them to know before they you know say yes I think it's important to come into the marriage healed um because marriage can be tough um like Brandon said it's a it's a mirror like a miror a marriage really holds a mirror right in front of your face and you know what I'm saying if you're not healed it will start triggering places of trauma inside of you that could cause like a downfall in your marriage at some point if not taken care of so come the marriage healed and knowing exactly who you are exactly who God called you to be as a wife um and knowing what you want from your marriage and from your spouse and be clear with that um I would say number two trying to think of my most important ones number two I don't know I definitely be healed number two just I'm sorry I'm trying not it's a it's a deep question but I think we're in a space right now so there's still some emotion here yeah see the trailer yeah I saw the trailer I saw the trailer and and the first episode so we are you know um I think you guys are extremely Brave to share you know I seriously like really real real real talk extremely Brave to share this and and Brandon is uh especially I wouldn't just say because I know for men to share parts yourself that may not be what you know while you're still working through them and to open yourself up for criticism which we know you know will come with that uh specifically because this is a a show on OWN which is you know female um the fan base for the show is very female so we know that you're opening yourself up I think that's extremely brave but I also think it's just very real and I think people relate to shows that show them authenticity right and so I think that's one of the biggest things about this show that Carlos is always able to get couples that are actually that we want to watch that we want to root for but are actually going through real life and so um I think that is like that's an incredibly Brave to share and we definitely are are hoping to see you guys you know come through everything in a great place not just as a couple but also individually I think to Brandon's Point like we don't always allow men to love themselves it was great hearing a man say I need to you know spend time loving myself because that's not what we usually we don't really encourage men as often to give them you know to make sure that they are you know making sure they're doing self-care and self-love and so I think that's extremely important so it is very deep but it also is is very healing I think for other people that are going through this silently you know and may not have a therapist to to talk to and be able to see you guys and see okay so at the end of the day I'm not going to be good for a marriage if I'm not great for myself so right so kudos to both of you for doing that and I do I know Brandon is not gonna read the comments this season and I think he should not but um we definitely look forward to checking in with you guys um at the end of this season and and seeing where you both are and hoping that it is you know you have enriched yourself even more than than now so I want to thank you guys for sharing for this interview just being honest and being real about it and um let people know where they can tune in to watch Love and Marriage Detroit this season so we can all check it out with you guys uh you can catch Love and Marriage Detroit on Saturdays uh well the first Saturday is September 7th at 900 pm and then every other Saturday after that it's going to be at 8:00 pm Eastern Standard Time okay okay all right and we will check back in Christina we will check back in for uh your points as you go throughout the season a little bit more um but like but like I said I really do um we we understand that life is real and I think that um understanding that and the fact that you all are sharing that with us is uh is huge for so many people out there I promis that needed so kudos to you both I pray that you get the healing um that you both both need in the marriage and individually and for your beautiful children so thank you so much for hanging out with us today and we're rooting for you thank you thank you so much for having us absolutely all right we'll see you guys later on this season bye bye [Music]