tonight is the Rose ceremony I only have two Hometown roses to give out so I have some really big decisions to make biggest thing I have to deal with tonight is Sam I like Sam I see something with him on night one we had an amazing natural chemistry I gave him my first impression Rose I left that night feeling so excited for this journey with him I had no doubt that I was going to meet Sam's family because we had such a strong connection he just made me so happy but on the radio date I thought I was going to learn some more things about how Sam felt about me and he just can't even come up with one thing he can't come up with an adjective a story like nothing and he just blurts out that he loves me like what the hell I have so many questions that I need answers to I'm confused I don't understand but maybe there was something that I'm still missing my connection with Sam has been so strong it's like we can get through one more challenge together it just seems like maybe we could get through anything I owe it to myself to have a conversation with Sam and get to the bottom of this and I'm going to do that right now before the road Cy is Sam in here do you guys know where he is uh he's in his room what my heart stopped for a second I it was like seen a go I was like is Sam in here he not do you know where he is I do not hello hey how's it going hello do you want to do you want to have a chat yeah absolutely how are you feeling um terrified how are you feeling after the conversation that we had the other night I'm sorry for the way that that date went I've been trying to walk this fine line of being vulnerable and also protecting my feelings in the same breath but the only way for me to see it was to fall in love again okay I'm confused okay I how can I don't even know I thought you were going to say like oh I didn't mean to say I love you like yeah no that's not I meant to say it like what to you what does it mean to love somebody for me love is Selfless Love is sacrifice love is understanding and listening to the person that is in front of you always validating them in whatever way that that means means making sure that this other person knows that you're the only person in the world that I see you're saying all the right things and I just it's hard for me to believe you I don't hearing Sam nothing sounds genuine to me I'm nervous that he's saying things to make me happy and I just don't believe him when he says it having to put your feelings in words this is not my strong suit I am this is like the biggest learning curve for me right now there's no words that I can say that can describe the love because any everything that comes out of my mouth I feel like I'm downplaying the way that I actually love we're right there to getting you know to hometowns where everything that I'm trying to say would just be so evident in the way that I interact with my family and my friends like I am so confused he's telling me oh you'll see the love when I see my friends and family like you'll see the way like I know you love your friends and family but that doesn't mean that he loves me right now I need to know that he sees me and he understands me and he listens to me I genuinely see something in you and I genuinely want this to work and I was so confused like how could someone that I feel like I have such a strong connection with not be be seeing me so what do you see in me I could go on about your passion for love your desire for wanting a family all these things that resonate with me but the fact of the matter is is that there's other people out there with the same characteristics of you I've had those people in front of me like you you look at me and you're like you ask me these question hey how do I know this how do I know that like I feel like you're at me waiting for this like these answers with words I feel like that's not that's not that's not that's not what I'm saying here's my story I stepped out of the limo your energy soothed my nerves that emotional connection That's Just Energy I don't think that that's emotional connection this is the story you cheers to a ferocious love I felt that that was another thing I'm not looking for a script love isn't a script you tell it's not a script it's knowing that the person that you share life with you couldn't imagine a day without them I'm getting confused again this is like just not good and like he's dismissing me and he's not listening and he's not asking and it was just like I'm not seeing the love the second time that I got to talk to was at the next row ceremony I took the biggest breath of air and I felt life again but really where everything switched for me was after the whole stripping thing you're like pouring into my emotional part what the hell is that you mean and then we get to the one-on-one what did you learn about me that night I learned that you yearn for a love that's so powerful that's endless what else did you learn about me that night first you have no idea how much I appreciate you and now I see it I love you but to love someone means to really understand them he's fighting for this love and this relationship for who I I could I I could literally be anybody right now and it wouldn't matter I a firm believer that you don't get to pick who you love I'm just I'm sorry I'm I don't you saw the best of me whenever I couldn't even see it I just need a second I think I just need a [Music] [Music] second I just I feel confused there's just words and words and words and and it's not it's not I don't know it's not answering anything for me I feel annoyed for frustrated dismissed ignored it's like he hasn't even asked me how I'm feeling he hasn't even asked me where my head is at and he just talking talking talking it's like I'm like trying to listen to him and now I'm even more confused and that's why this is making it so hard for me to see it is so I don't like it's not black and white right it's not clearcut and I don't know what to do did she come in here and talk to any of y'all she came in h in hot emotional hey question have any of y'all ever had a woman approach you with that energy and was it good no I mean that is kind of true yeah the answer is no can I say this though when they have they cared like I've been in situations where you could tell when a woman cares and she's still there's still a piece of Jen that still wants to see something or she would not be me personally I don't think she would come all the way here just tell them don't come to roast morning tonight I think that it's been a confusing week it's been a confusing Journey for us both but like since the beginning there was so much there and I really wanted to work for us and I really want it to be real between us but I feel like going into this conversation today like I wanted to be able to also explain to you how I was feeling about everything and you didn't even ask me what I need from you and I feel like we're just like at this disconnect and I don't know what it is and I just don't I feel like you've been looking you've been you you're waiting for this like answer and this response if you tell somebody you love them you should be able to say a hundred other things that you love about them or even like about them and that you see in them and want to know about them like I said this whole this whole journey for me for for you again I I can't do this I can't sit here with someone who says that they love me but doesn't even really want to get to know me and understand me and see me everything that I said to you didn't hear I heard them I just don't think there was any weight to them and I don't think that like you telling me that you love me you don't understand me you don't know me and it's like I know what I deserve and I know the love that I deserve and the way that this is reminds me so much of a relationship that I'd already put in the past I've been through this so many times teaching people what love means teaching people how to prioritize me I've closed this chapter in my life already I'm done I'm done with it [Music] yeah that's uh that's frustrating um I didn't think that today was going to be my time to go home you know it sucks but the energy that she brought was very dull it's not my fault you know and this is one thing that I stand 10 toes down on at the end of the day it it just it is what it is I will always keep the main thing the main thing and my main thing is finding that person and I love the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with so yeah it's just not my definition of love it's just not it's not right listen I don't know exactly what love is but I know that that is not what love is I really pride myself on reading people well and being intuitive and I am so mad that I got it wrong it was a relationship in which it was mainly physical he didn't really try to get to know me and had this idea of me it's not me like he doesn't know me this is another turning point I would not have been able to do this a year ago maybe even a couple months ago I understand my worth and what I deserve and understand what I want what I want is not Sam I've been there done that and I'm not doing it again I'm done this is not what love should feel like putting somebody else first that's what love is