I don't know what to do with my kids the problem is I'm a kid in my head I'm still childish you know sometimes you get left like right you're in charge I think I'm not I'm just the eldest that's all I am my good daughters have got me tied up man theyve got me WRA around their little fingers I can't do anything I can't do anything sometimes I have proper proper RS with them as if we're both adults or would you ever do that thing did you ever tell your kid off but you're actually pissing yourself laughing it I was helping my daughter like coloring in and I went out the lines right this is this is a standup argument right me and my daughter she's four right I'm 30 years old now nearly right I'm not coloring in I've gone out the line she's gone daddy you got out the lines I said well I bought it that was my argument said I want Mommy I said well I bought the boy [ __ ] happens someone told me a great trick a great trick um you might have done this already right but he said what you want to do just to prevent them being naughty is find ways of sort of you know making sure they feel like they're always being watched and he said you know the motion sensor in your living room where the light goes red when someone moves he said tell them that is Father Christmas watching who's used this who's done this have you of you done it it's brilliant isn't it it's brilliant and it works for a bit doesn't it it works for a bit so your kids CAU on on mine worked for about four months but my kids are clever than me I went in one afternoon they sat there with the Argos catalog showing at the toy section about two and them for Christmas what can you do count to three that makes me laugh just count to three count to three that doesn't work at all count to three doesn't work can you imagine that still works as adults imagine the police use that tactic someone stabbing someone hey stop that stop it don't you make me count to three young man one two two and a half it's nightmare is it when you stood over your kid at two and you're both looking at each other thinking I wonder what happens at three cuz you've got you've got nothing have you what have you got at three imagine kids knew we had nothing at three we've been knackered don't you make me come over there what then you just be closer you [ __ ] like imagine my kids look at me already like I don't know what I'm doing you twoo get to your room what you mean the best room in the house where all our toys are all right yeah you're good at this one you B well done what about the naughty step is that working out for on the naughty step a few of years yeah I've got a 2-year-old as well as the uh the two four yearolds she's amazing though she's amazing she's at that age where I'm not sure whether she'll be a brain surgeon or a psychopath she could go either way you know she go either way I mean I'd be equally as proud she just doesn't cry you know she doesn't that's weird isn't it for a 2-year-old she doesn't cry she like the other two pick on her sometimes you know what I mean they'll pick on her there's a bit of bullying a bit of fighting going on and try and stop it as best you can but kids just do things that adults would never do you know like the pinch and twist the pinch and twist is a horrendous they grab that chubby arm give it a pitch and then twist it as well like the sort of tactic like if two blos were fighting in a p car park and one of them did it they go yeah mate [ __ ] back that in that's how I've Ed that yeah sorry mate below the belt like sorry just stick to punching me in the face all right nice one pinch and twist nasty but one of the four-year-olds did it to the two-year-old pinch twist like that this was her reaction right she went now at first I thought oh maybe it's just cuz she's brilliant now you know maybe she's just over that sort of difficult twoe Peri period and she's just taking it and she's just realizing she's not going to kick off cuz it's water off Ducks back no no she's just just bottling that [ __ ] up that's what she's doing and she can wait two or three days for her revenge she will just remember it and just wait for them to be alone in the living room hello there you all right watching Peppa Pig just take them both out like a hit man and then she goes and sits on the noise step by herself s [ __ ] worth it it unbelievable my daughter come run in from the garden I said you're all right she said I've not done anything daddy this going be a short episode of Columbo I said what have you done here she said I'm really sorry Daddy but I've had a poo in me nickers I said what have you done that for you don't do that you're a big girl you tell Daddy I'll take you to the toilet or you just go yourself then she came up with the greatest defense any child has ever come up with she looked at me with a big Disney princess eyes and a trembling lip she went I was just having so much fun I forgot well I can't tell a kid off for having too much fun can I if anything I was jealous no I was I mean think about it I mean you seem like fun people right cash your minds back when was the last time you were having that much fun you literally [ __ ] your own pants I mean it's un ear minut it it's got to be months now H it that just doesn't happen it's not a point of reference Steve it's been a brilliant party marjorie's had a [ __ ] in on CU just happen the wiping of the bum's got to be the worst job in the house though AR it I hate D I hate that I'm man a four now there's no way they're getting their asses wipes at school I think they're doing that okay I'll save I get home get Dad to do it like I think they're doing that is the worse feeling than being in the middle of your dinner and somewhere in the house just heing I finish a saving the best bits to the end as well you get up there mine are already off the toilet bent over come on get it boing WIP there now I said to my daughter once you know when you ask a question they come back with a question that you've got nothing for I said can't you just wipe your own BM now sweethart she went daddy how can I wipe it if I can't even see it uh I don't I'll have to check with a few of the parents get back to you answer is I'm going to tell you something very quickly about wiping your own bum right this is you now half the population of this world will wiping the backside right they stay sat down on the seat reach their hand in and have a wipe the other are they stand up and hover over the bow reach their hand in and have a wipe the weirdest thing is until I just told you that then Aria didn't even know the other half existed what mind blown I know it's weird Is It Anyway something to chat about in the car on the way home that's what I thought maybe the driver could start that one all right I'll start I'm a hoverer come on anyone else every so often people come up to me and tell me stories in the street I quite enjoy it quite enjoy it you know they come up to me and they uh and they they're fun most people are funny you know and they they'll come over and tell me fun things sometimes they're not very funny they get to the end oh well maybe I just uh maybe you just have to be there maybe it's just a [ __ ] Story how about that for